Give the man a hand; he looks like he can use it. So can I, actually, and if you want to know why you can read a (brief, point-form, garbled, and incomplete) explanation at raincoaster.com, where I explain why I’m saying good-bye to the balmiest climate in Canada (don’t laugh) and heading up to Yellowknife to become an Ice Road Blogger. And while I was at it, I nabbed Icecoaster.wordpress.com too, just because.
But enough about me! All I’m saying is, I sure could use that kind of backup when it comes to packing. And what am I packing?
Gossip links, darlings! What else? And here they all are, carefully cushioned with newspapers and blankets and towels and tucked, jigsaw-like, into some foul-smelling brute’s eighteen wheeler and there isn’t enough Dead Frog beer in all the Okanagan to make him remind me of Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China but where was I? I got distracted.
Side note: his reflexes look really good in jeans.
Where was I? Gossip Linking, bitchez! Click over the jump to get the goods (or bads, as the case may be).
Wine A-Z; the ultimate Go Cup! A jogging bra/wine skin combo? Why the hell not, my camelbak imbues my Sauv Blanc with aromas of Gatorade as it is. (Manolofood)
Van Gogh and Orcas Unicorn Chaser. Make your hump day a little smoother with soothing pictures of swirling stars and wild whales in Downtown Vangroover. Yes, orcas belong in a gossip roundup. I’m Canadian, dammit. (raincoaster)
Top That! Princess Beatrice’s amazing Hat of Hideousness (+10) is for sale on eBay to benefit children, if not onlookers (Ayyyy)
George Clooney chickens out. The television remake of Men Who Stare At Goats was disappointingly downscaled. (Lolebrity)
Life, Death, Violence, Barbie, and extremely mixed messages. I’m not exactly sure where the war crimes tribunal comes into it, but apparently it does, somewhere. Also: Ken is a draft dodger? (Crasstalk)
Dear God, Johnny Depp is a kinky beast. Taking a page from Chuck Berry, he made Penelope Cruz dress up as a … no, I can’t even say it. Seriously, nobody would put Salma Hayek through that. (AgentBedhead)
Is House getting evicted? Hugh Laurie has a great big, leaky mouth. There, take THAT image into your Bertie/Jeeves slash-thinking mind. (BusyBeeBlogger)
Yet another Jagger kid poses nekkid. Surely I thought we’d run out of these potato-faced wonders by now, but apparently not. Is “Club Kid” really a career choice? (CelebDirtyLaundry)
This is perhaps the most terrifying headline of all time, until you smack yourself in the head and say “IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU PERVERT” and move on. But still. (CelebritySmack)
Oh, Will Smith. It’s not the size: it’s how you use it! And using it to annoy an entire neighborhood is just Letting the Thetans Win. (CelebVIPLounge)
Bristol Palin, now surgically enhanced! But not improved: it wasn’t brain surgery, after all. (DailyStab)
Taylor Swift will out a bitch! This girl doesn’t exist off the record, and if you’re dating her, neither do you (EarSucker)
Lady Gaga is Asian? Golly, she MUST have had some serious work done; she doesn’t look it. (FitFabCeleb)
Owen Freaking Wilson and yeah, like, a bunch of other celebs in Cannes, but who gives a rat’s ass about them? Eh? OWEN WILSON! (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Jennifer Aniston’s steamy banana handling. Look ma, no hands! No desperation, either…that is so NOT the sound of faint weeping I hear. Nosiree Bob. (HaveUHeard)
L’innocent sentenced to live in mansion next door to coke connection. Poor thing. That’ll teach HER! (HollywoodHiccups)
Who’s the $100 million man? The one going around spreading herpes? Yeah, “That one who dated Paris Hilton” doesn’t really narrow it down any. (INeedMyFix)
Joan Rivers better watch her back: Kermit the Frog is after her job. The Red Carpet just got a little greener and a LOT cuter (PopBytes)
Adorable Prince Harry and adorable puppy being adorable. Adorbz! What are you still doing here? CLICKY CLICK CLICK! (Swoonworthy)
Caption the Gouvernator and his ex. I’m thinking something Harry Potter related. She reminds me of Emma Thompson’s character, the Divinology professor. (RightCelebrity)
Selah.
