It’s on now, slores. Rebecca Dolores Vivian HeHitMe Victim Umbridge Masson has finally been eliminated, and the battle of Mad v Gay is about to escalate to a level of rage and bitchery the likes of which we haven’t seen. Aren’t you glad we’ll never have to look at Rebecca’s pink cast or martyr tears ever again? Join me after the jump for a peek at what’s in store for us tonight.
Daily Archives: October 5, 2011
19 posts
Chances are, you own something he helped bring to market.
Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple has died.
Like so many bastards sons of the sixties, I was raised without a persistent male role model. While I was blissfully unaware of the devastating effect this would have on my psyche (I own five colors of nail polish, and still carry liquid eyeliner around in my murse like it’s a survival tool), it’s clear to me now that in my own way I’ve been filling the Man Gap with fictional characters since the earliest age I can remember. Continue reading
World War II with a death metal soundtrack.
Since today is Man Day it seems to be time to talk about the top ten manliest movies of all time. This is a hetero listicle. These movies are all just for real bros who want to hang out and watch other dudes be men while paying homage to hetero-manly-awesomeness. The broads just don’t understand why REAL MEN love these movies so much, so it’s time to explain. Continue reading
I wouldn’t consider myself a chauvinist but I admit that I was a tad disappointed when I first learned my wife and I were going to have a girl. Honestly, the prospect frightened me a little. I imagined a room decorated in pink, swathed in rainbows and flowers. Everything would be soft and perhaps frilly with bits of lace.
Even more worrying to my male brain was the prospect that I wouldn’t be able to do the things I’d hoped to do with a son. Games of catch would be replaced with tea parties, Hot Wheels with baby dolls and she’d rather watch My Little Pony over Transformers. Continue reading
What’s up, bro? HA! No seriously, I would never say that. He’d kill me. That’s the hair of death. Grim Reaper brought to you by He-Man. Okay, yes, there are important things to discuss. In honor of today’s day of manly-man things, let’s talk about something that may be overlooked on a day full of power tools and sporting events. Hair etiquette for men. I think this is a thing that exists, or at the very least should exist. Why, you may ask? Well, because there are just some things that shouldn’t ever be done. Ever. Continue reading
This is like Yahweh handing out the Commandments to Moses, Krishna reciting the Gita to Arjuna on the battlefield. I, Martin Chaddington Funkhouser decree these are the only acceptable instances in which a man can shed tears. Note that “man” indicates anyone over the age of twenty with a Y chromosome. Continue reading
It was magical the first time I saw you. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I still don’t know if perfection in such a form can exist. Sure, you were older than me, but who wasn’t when I was 14? That didn’t matter. I was excited. You were always ready to take me somewhere new. You were the epitome of beauty and sex. I will always remember my time with you fondly, with a twinge of remorse, and a longing for simpler times. Continue reading
When he was 18, his father dropped dead of a heart attack. On Olney Avenue in Philadelphia, the world no longer included school in South Bend. And in spite of a tight-knit Irish Catholic family, he took it on his slender shoulders.
My dad was a tinkerer. When we renovated the house down the shore, he told me about his grandfather’s hardware store, and pointed to the tools that had skipped a generation to him. It might have been around that time that he mentioned why his grandparents bought it. That house was, and remains, linked to his own dad. They bought it that summer for the family. Maybe as a celebration.
Tinkering and his logical mind brought him to engineering. He traded Notre Dame for the Main Line, and ended up with a Ph. D in physics. He also met the woman he’d fall for around that time. Continue reading