Drama

A new series detailing the struggles and triumphs of being an actor in NYC.

How can I meet an actor?

1.) Go to a restaurant. The end.

Ok! I met one, now what?

Here are some quick guidelines about what not to do when talking to actors:

1.) Don’t suggest they act on Broadway- This will show your ignorance immediately. Acting in NY is extremely competitive, and it’s very near impossible to make a living wage by acting alone.  The people who do nothing but act are generally on Broadway or in commercials. (We’re talking about the myriad of anonymous actors here, not John Hamm) Asking your waiter an actor why they don’t just try for a Broadway play is akin to asking the mail clerk why they don’t they just try to be CEO? There is a long, painful process to getting on Broadway (unless you are in a famous theater family. See: Zoe Kazan)

2.) If a woman says she’s an actor, don’t correct her and say “Isn’t it actress?”* Look, I understand that the -ess ending signifies gender (lioness,hostess) but a female actor is an actor.  A female writer is not a writress, a female doctor is not a doctress, and I see no reason why there should be a signifier that I am, in fact, a woman.  My boobs do that for me.  Plus it’s just rude in general to correct someone when they’re speaking. *This may only be true when dealing with me.

3.) Just because someone acts, does not mean they will preform for you this instant. Also known as “no, I’m not necessarily amazing at Charades.” Most of the actors I know take their craft very seriously.  They have probably gone to school for it, and have read multiple theories on how to approach a role, and have spent countless hours trying to perfect their craft.  Acting can be incredibly personal, and to ask “well act something for me” can sound like “tell me your deepest darkest secret, and then I’m going to judge you mercilessly”.” We are not monkeys, we don’t (and often can’t) perform on demand.  Also, doing Shakespeare is in no way the same as trying to get someone to guess “As Wichita Falls, So Falls Wichita Falls” and to assume so makes you look stupid.

It should be noted here that I am, in fact, excellent at Charades and will challenge anyone here to a game and win. But I do not represent all actors.

4.) Don’t ask about that audition. According to Them (the internet or someone) actors face more rejection in 1 year than most people face in their lifetime. If you are friends with an actor, chances are they’ve told you about a big audition they have coming up.  If you haven’t gotten a call from them saying “I got the part! I’m playing a zombie in Scary Movie 7!” they probably didn’t get it.  Most of the time, actors will know within a few days whether they got the part.  If it’s been 2 weeks and you just remembered they had that audition and you haven’t heard how it went, do. not. ask.  They didn’t get it, and now you’re only forcing them to say, yet again, “No, I didn’t get it. I’m still stuck serving tuna tar tar to assholes. I hate my life.” This rule also applies to the internet.  NEVER NEVER ask about auditions on Facebook. The theater community is small, and it’s probable that they may be friends with casting directors,writers, and directors and writing on their wall “I heard about your audition! I bet you get the part!” can be awkward.  I’m looking at you grandma, cut it out.

5.) Don’t ask what “type” of acting they do. Actors act.  We may have a specialized skill, such as musical theater, or Shakespeare, or Reconstruction Era comedies, but we all perform.  And while acting on television or in film is in fact a completely different approach than stage, it’s not as if an actor who studied Shakespeare is going to turn down being on How I Met Your Mother.  Do you know why?  Because that’s where the money is.  All of the money.  And while there may be the rogue actor out there who would never sacrifice their art in exchange for grocery money, they are rare and should be shunned.

6.) Don’t ask “how did you learn all of those lines?” This one is really easy.  Would you ask a physicist how they learned about math?  No, because then you would be a doofus and no one here is a doofus.  Learning lines is the most basic function of acting.   There is so much more to acting than learning lines. I could write an entire book on it, and in fact many have.  On Amazon (use the crasstalk link!) there are 1,477 paperback books discussing the techniques of acting.  None of them will reference learning lines as the be all end all to perfecting your craft.

Okay Negative Norma, now I’m afraid to say anything at all.  What can I talk about?

A list of what actors love to talk about:

• Themselves
• Recent shows they’ve seen
• Where they went to school
• The art of acting (i.e. how do you prepare for a role?, what sort of characters do you like to play?)
• Mad Men
• The Sopranos

And most importantly:  Anything not involving acting.   We are creatures passionate about many things, like basketball, or chocolate.  Actors like to talk about acting only up to a certain point, and then it’s time to remember that hey, actors are people too (sort of) and have interests outside of their job.

So go forth!  Tip your waiter 20%, and always remember it’s “break a leg!” not “good luck!”