Clear your calendars because The People vs. OJ Simpson miniseries will be premiering on FXNOW tomorrow, Tuesday, February 2nd. Episodes will be available online beginning on February 3rd in case you don’t prioritize appropriately. The network is going for a crime version of American Horror Story. They will cover a real-life crime over ten episodes. This time, we get OJ.
I would never suggest that you subject yourself to this miniseries, especially if you are old enough to remember this crime saga. If you don’t remember, it was interminable. It dominated the news far more than Hillary Clinton’s emails or Donald Trump’s journey to insanity. Reporters argued, comedians made jokes, people talked about it constantly and everyone seemed to forget that there were actual victims and grieving families involved. The only positive was that Nancy Grace did not have a television show at that time.
The most obviously guilty man on the planet was acquitted due to prosecutorial incompetence and a defense team that sold its collective soul to Satan. The trial featured a cast of characters that were nearly unbelievable, especially since reality television didn’t exist at the time. Worst of all, the ground was laid for the Kardashian clan by defense team member Robert Kardashian. Did you know that OJ Simpson tried to commit suicide in Kim Kardashian’s bedroom? She managed to work herself into something that happened over 20 years ago. I suppose there will be magazine covers about how scarred she is from the experience.
The cast of this monstrosity is what caught my attention. This is the crime equivalent of a Hallmark movie. You’d expect actors like Melissa Gilbert, LeAnn Rimes, Dean Cain or Billy Baldwin. Nope. Look at this cast list. Did the producers have dirt on some of these people? What on earth are they doing in this series? It’s certainly not for artistic reasons.
- Cuba Gooding Jr. plays OJ Simpson. What happened to the guy with the Oscar? He told Entertainment Weekly that “you will come the realization of ‘Yeah, I understand why it was a not-guilty verdict.” Was it more than incompetent prosecution and the best, unconscionable defense that money could buy?
- David Schwimmer plays Rob Kardashian. He makes very worried faces and his hair is a glorious, moussed creation. That’s about all I can say because every clip involving him makes me cringe. I’d forgotten how whiny his voice is.
- John Travolta is Robert Shapiro. I am convinced that Xenu made him do this. He possesses another example of amazingly shellacked hair. They appear to have glued dead black caterpillars on his to enhance his eyebrows.
- Sarah Paulson plays Marcia Clark, the prosecutor with the appalling hair who had an affair with one of the other prosecutors. Does her agent hate her? Sarah, you deserve better than this.
- Nathan Lane, what in the name of self-respect are you doing in this movie? He plays F. Lee Bailey, the lawyer who went after the racist cop, Mark Fuhrman. By the way, did you know that Mark Fuhrman, convicted felon, has been a Fox commentator? Color me shocked.
- Courtney B. Vance is starring as Johnnie Cochran. I have to admit I’m disappointed that they couldn’t get Phil Morris, the actor who portrayed the attorney Jackie Chiles on Seinfeld. I would have watched that.
- Cheryl Ladd!
The previews are pretty magical as bad trailers go. They include:
- Robert Clark dramatically sweeping papers off his desk.
- Marcia Clark weeping on an elevator floor.
- Robert Kardashian sobbing in his car because it is just too much.
- A dramatic exchange between Faye Resnick and Kim Kardashian at Nicole Brown’s funeral.
- Kris Kardashian dramatically accusing Robert Kardashian of turning his back on Nicole, Kris is portrayed as the moral compass of the family because it’s important to break up a drama with a little comedy.
- Robert Kardashian saying “This situation is very worrisome” without any inflection in his voice whatsoever. None.
The conversations by the prosecution refer to the crime as a race issue. This drives me bonkers now as much as it did then. I firmly believe that many, many black people are victims of an unfair and racist system. I don’t believe OJ Simpson is one of those people. He was considered first because spouses and ex-spouses are the first people that police investigate. He also had a history of abusing Nicole Brown Simpson and it was well-documented. Yes, there was an idiot, racist cop involved who should have been fired ages ago, but there were serious issues with OJ Simpson long before the murders took place.
My opinion is clear, which is usually the case. I’ve read that the families of both victims are not pleased about the film and no one consulted them about it. It’s a shame because it must be very difficult to lose a loved one in such a violent manner.
I have one final point to make. Spell-check recognizes Kardashian. This is clearly one of the horseman of the apocalypse.
