Tech

477 posts

This Is Why You’re Poor: You Come From a Long Line of Riff-Raff

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Do you ever sit on your sweat-soaked futon, wearing only your mustard-stained tighty whities, scratching your dandruff and wondering “Why my poor?” If you’re like most poor people, you probably have built up a long list of reasons for finding yourself now subsisting on Hardee’s and driving an uninsured 91 Chevy. Perhaps you blame your deadbeat father, or the unsupportive seventh grade teacher who saw your piss-poor math equations and promptly recommended you learn how to dig nice, straight ditches.

Well, Cletus, researchers have recently been studying the question of inter-generational economic mobility and found that the blame actually lies with your ancestors. As it turns out, if your great-great-great-great-grandfather had maybe gotten his shit together for five goddamn minutes instead of sexing sheep and drinking pig liquor all day, you might actually not have to steal your neighbor’s wi-fi in 2013. Continue reading →

EA Makes a Blatant Microtransaction Money Grab in Dead Space Three

I’m a big fan of the Dead Space series from EA. I loved the first two installments, so when I heard there was a third coming out, I was super pumped. As the game got closer to release, disturbing news about the game hit the internet: EA, Dead Space 3‘s publisher, had included microtransactions, allowing players to buy weapons, skins, and resources for the in-game crafting system. Developer Visceral Games assured players that they could still find everything they needed in game, and with some careful resource management would have more than enough resources to play and beat the game.

Having not played and beaten the game, Visceral wasn’t far off the mark; there were times where I was strapped for resources, but eventually was able to get most of what I wanted.

However, the inclusion of micro-transactions in a full-priced game is still disturbing, as it shows how a publisher like EA views it’s gamer customers: walking piggybanks. Continue reading →

Microsoft Nails It With a Nostalgic Trip Down Memory Lane

Microsoft posted a new advertisement promoting Internet Explorer, and for any twenty-something growing up in the nineties, it’s an almost-sniffle-inducing trip down memory lane. Slap bracelets, ying yangs, pogs (what WERE those?), Hungry Hungry Hippos, Air Jordans, light up sneakers, Tamogotchis (why did you run away, little friend, every time?) and my personal favorite – the bowl hair cut. My brother rocked a bowl hair cut from about 5th to 10th grade. I’ll never forget the day when he changed to the “new” stylish haircut of the boy band inspired spikey gel look of the 2000’s. Continue reading →

Yelp Users Will Review Pretty Much Anything

Reviews are the stuff of life nowadays. Very rarely do we encounter anything anymore where someone hasn’t written an opinion about it. Of course there are reviews for every place or event you can think of, but what about the places or things that you’d never consider? Who the hell would go to their computer or phone, load up Yelp and start typing out a tome to the DMV? Well, ok, everyone knows why someone would do that but still?

Out of curiosity, I’ve done some completely random, non-comprehensive, non-scientific research to find out who these people are and some of the places they felt the need to share their view of the world for: Continue reading →

Hey Kids! Stop Cutting Yourselves Over Justin Bieber!

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We’re gonna talk about this little bit of insanity for a second, ok, kids? Ok. In the vein of the old mantra, “If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?” the weirdo troll monsters, 4Chan /b/ (whatever), spent the better part of yesterday calling for Operation Cut For Bieber. This appeared to be some sort of bullshit movement hoping to get young people to self-mutilate as part of an asscrappingly horrendous demonstration in protest of Bieber’s alleged habit of smoking “the good Lord’s ganja” — and it has all the markers of being one of the more heinous things we’ve witnessed with regard to social media and peer pressure. Continue reading →

We Live in a World Where Your Teens May Plot to Drug You

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Oh, thought you were so clever there parents, didn’t you? Yup. You sure did. You thought that you’d find a way to utilize your teens’ penchant for all their technological devices and still get them to do those mundane things like walk the dog, take out the trash, empty the dishwasher and such, eh? You fools! Teens these days have just upped the ante. They’ve decided to just out and out drug you to gain even more access to the things that matter most in their lives — using the internet. We’re doomed. Continue reading →

10 Great Christmas Gifts for the Handy Man (or Woman) in Your Life

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It’s a well known fact that manliness is currently in inexorable decline. I blame the fact that no one works with their hands anymore (other than manipulating a video game controller). And when something breaks? We hire someone to fix it for us, or more likely, just throw it out and go buy a new one at Target.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Tools are awesome, and once you own them you’ll start looking for reasons to use them. That’s why I put together a gift guide featuring 10 great gifts for the handy man (or woman) in your life.  Continue reading →