Reviews are the stuff of life nowadays. Very rarely do we encounter anything anymore where someone hasn’t written an opinion about it. Of course there are reviews for every place or event you can think of, but what about the places or things that you’d never consider? Who the hell would go to their computer or phone, load up Yelp and start typing out a tome to the DMV? Well, ok, everyone knows why someone would do that but still?
Out of curiosity, I’ve done some completely random, non-comprehensive, non-scientific research to find out who these people are and some of the places they felt the need to share their view of the world for:
1. New York City Marriage Bureau
Twenty-six people felt the need to share their experiences of getting married (or not) here. Overall it has gotten pretty good reviews. My feeling is that the experience (like most things) rests on whether or not you’re into coming here or are latently bitter about not getting your $25K wedding, like Richard:
I’ve been here a couple times already, and I have to say, if you really have to come here to get it done, then you done it wrong. This place is pretty miserable for a very special event in someones life. Any other way of getting married has got to be a more pleasant way than this. You could be getting married on the bottom of the east river with no scuba gear and sharks swimming around and slashed wrists and it would still be a better way to get married. Thats kind of what my experience felt like when i was recently here, except far worse…
2. The 405 Freeway
As Jennifer A. says, “Gotta drive on it, don’t we?” Seriously, W.T.F.? 138 people felt the need to come here and vent. But I suppose I would too if it took me 2 hours to get someplace that normally only takes about 20 minutes. Ted H. eloquently says, “It’s a love hate relationship I have with this freeway. Some days, I’m like FUCK YEAH, FREEWAY! Then other days, I’m like, WHO DESIGNED THIS PIECE OF SHIT. But really though, what kind of person reviews a freeway???” I couldn’t have said it better myself, Ted H.
3. McDonald’s, 2400 Nicollet Avenue, Minneapolis, MN
Yes. McDonald’s. Various McDonald’s have more and less reviews but this one inspired 8 people to come here and write something about a place that is pretty predictable in every part of the world. That’s why you go there when you are in Beijing (OK, IT WAS PIZZA HUT, ALRIGHT?). But nevertheless, reader John C. had a particularly interesting point of view. Here is an excerpt of his lengthy (!) entry:
I couldn’t say anything more about the food that everyone doesn’t know. What’s interesting about this McDonald’s is its location on “Eat Street,” known for its bevy of spicy “ethnic” restaurants of many nationalities. For many in the neighborhood it is a thorn in the side, not just because of it blighting the marketing of Eat Street, but because of it’s [sic] non-working wages, output of smells, and car-centricity (drive-throughs create local traffic, global warming, and evil curb cuts).
3. The Miami-Dade County Courthouse
Renee C. is another user that has no idea why she has turned on a computer and typed out a review. We don’t either, Renee. I have a feeling Yelp would be the same place if you hadn’t bothered expending the energy typing this. But, apparently other people care because 4 people found it useful, 3 people found it funny and 3 people found it cool. You be the judge (HA!):
Don’t bother waiting for an elevator. The building, yes it’s lovely, but the folks you encounter there are really just not happy to be there. It’s a freaking court house. I had to go for a traffic violation, thank god I came with an attorney, or I just might have been sitting there all day waiting for my case to be presented to the judge. I don’t even know why I’m reviewing this – I mean really – how often can you say to the Clerk of Courts – “you know, I reviewed this place on Yelp, and I’m not really happy about having my case be tried here – do you think you can get me into another place?”
And last but not least because even I am getting bored looking for the review gems in this vanilla cesspool of opinion,
5. The Ambassador Bridge, Detroit, MI
I’ve included this because it’s near and dear to my heart. Also because the segment that The Daily Show did on this is still fresh in my head. It was a toss-up between this, A&P in Saddlebrook, NJ or the Blue Line on the Boston MBTA (which apparently has Yelp competition between the Green, Silver and whatever other lines I didn’t feel like investigating. Watch your back, Blue Line!).
Now this is a bridge that inspires IRE. Rather than being mundanely owned by a public transit authority, this crossing is owned by a billionaire named Manuel “Matty” Maroun (who is, I believe, in jail for not making repairs to the bridge as court-ordered) and needs a makeover. There is a big controversy that you can read about here over the fact that there is a proposal to build a newer bridge which would be publicly owned. Heather J. has vented her rage against him in a lengthy review but here is an excerpt:
I have two ways to look at this bridge: as an iconic border crossing between Detroit and its sister city, Windsor; or as the private fiefdom of a jailed billionaire plutocrat who thinks he can do whatever he damned well likes with his little business and damn the rest.
Matty Maroun is a person whose ego is a punch in the face to anyone who walks by, and whose “Me Me Me” attitude sets my blood boiling. The scandals over the Ambassador Bridge and Maroun’s refusal to make good on the numerous deals he is legally and contractually obligated to provide leave a sour taste in my mouth. I don’t care if this thing was plated in gold, stationed with the Lost Legion, and gave out free iPads to everyone who crossed. I avoid it at all costs. I’ve seen the destitution inflicted on a neighbourhood already struggling with poverty, blight, and declining property values. A perfectly decent, good area declined because Maroun cheated plenty of property owners out of a decent payment for their house, and then screwed over the rest by funneling heavy truck traffic through the main streets.
It appears Yelp can be educational as well, can’t it? In fact, Glenn C. discovered this too. He “didn’t realize this bridge had history until reading the yelp reviews.” But, for this New Yorker (from Detroit), I have to kind of giggle appreciatively at people like Kent M. who thinks that “this must be the most expensive way to do a land crossing between Canada and the U.S. I can’t think of another land crossing anywhere in the Great Lakes region that costs as much as the Ambassador Bridge!” It costs $4.75 which I think is rather a bargain compared to here but if you are going across it every day, it would add up.
Well, who knew that our little tour of mundane Yelp comments would land us squarely into political controversy? Not me when I started this post out, that’s for sure. So maybe we can learn more from Yelp than we think? I’d like to think so but I am certain that the next time I am there, I am quite sure I will completely and utterly regret it.
Images: Yelp
