Daily Archives: December 15, 2011

13 posts

GOP Debate Live Blog: Isn’t This Over Yet?

Great Raptor Jesus, there is still one more debate tonight before the fucking Iowa Caucus. The debate will take place in lovely Sioux City, Iowa. The sponsors are the Iowa Republican Party (a fine group, I am sure) and the shrill and always pointless Fox News. Try to to cry America.

Tonight’s big sparks are probably going to fly between Mitt (The Twit) Romney and his freakish, terror-inducing opponent Newt Gingrich. However, as Cleter has pointed out, there is an ancient and blood-thirsty spirit poised to play the spoiler in Iowa. Ron Paul is rising from the crypt to bring some libertarian vengance on those fancy, blow-dried college boys. With Paul coming in neck and fat-neck with Gingrich, Dr. Paul may have the confidence to raise a little hell.

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Coming Attractions: Explaining the Unexplainable with The Expendables 2

Oh, good heavens. Why fight it? This thing looks insane, but nonetheless, Sylvester Stallone’s Social Security program just keeps happening. It’s literally like playing a game of This is Your Life as it pertains to movies. You’re really just wondering when they’ll roll out Rick Moranis or JoBeth Williams from Poltergeist. Evidently until that happens, Stallone will just keep force feeding us 80’s action stars dressed in combat gear and with whatever is keeping Dolph Lundgren’s face alive. Continue reading →

Golden Globe Nominations: Proving to the SAGs That They’re Not Prudes!

We’re really rolling now! Award nominations are flooding in. Yesterday it was the SAGs, today the Golden Globes. Things are shaping up rather nicely for a few movies that you just know are going to be on the big Oscar list, and there may be a couple of noms doled out by the Golden Globes that the SAGs obviously missed (Ryan Gosling), so take that Actors! The Globes are in your face!
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Terrifying Man-Mummy Humanity’s Only Hope Against Newtpocalypse, or, Hey, What’s the Deal With Ron Paul?

Bronze Age Congressman Ron Paul reclines in his sarcophagus, awaiting America's call.
Loathsome space-slug Leroy Newton Gingrich stands astride the GOP political landscape like a moist, unpleasant colossus. The other candidates are struggling to escape being crushed by his terrible bulk, with limited success. Willard “10K” Romney has erected a fortress made of $100 bills, where he uses a solid gold megaphone that once belonged to the Shah of Iran to shout increasingly contradictory messages to confused Iowa peasants. This appears to be no more effective than his previous media effort, which consisted largely of loading a trebuchet with Susan B. Anthony dollars and firing it into crowds. Willard has devolved into the ineffectual love-child of Richie Rich and C-3PO. Michelle Bachmann has begun praying in an effort to alter Earth’s gravity. Rick Perry, in an attempt to harness the awesome power of nonsense, has vowed to fight a chicken with his own hands if that’s what it takes to stop Gingrich. Ricky Santorum is running around in tiny circles, and  presumably criticizing Gingrich as well, but only small excitable dogs can hear his high-pitched squeals. Some of the Republican party’s senior grifters are beginning to panic at the prospect of a vile space-gangster with an insatiable appetite for Earth-women as the party standard-bearer. Continue reading →

The Best TV of 2011: Drama

Like yesterday’s post, only more brooding and homicidal.

Breaking Bad: It’s pretty simple at this point. If you’re not watching Breaking Bad you’re an idiot and better be contributing great things to society. Because missing out on TV’s finest hour-long drama is inexcusable. Showrunner Vince Gilligan has steadily taken more risks with the plot and in the fourth season the writers went all out. One five-minute sequence in the season premeire involving a box cutter set the tone, which this season was along the lines of “Holy shit.” A lull in the middle led some fans to question whether the creative minds were on the right track but the last third of the season blew audiences away. Another season, another otherworldly performance by Aaron Paul and Bryan Cranston. But season 4 belonged to Giancarlo Esposito as drug kingpin Gus Fring. Special shout-out to composer David Porter and music supervisor Thomas Golubi for his fantastic song choices. Continue reading →

I’m Talking About a Revolution

Consider if you will a small country mired in conflict, with the barbarians (the International Monetary Fund) storming the gate. Tempers are high, the old guard leadership model fails, leaving its citizenry to forge for themselves buffeted by the winds of international pressures. Join us as we explore the lives of that citizenry who now find themselves living in a New World Order of their own design.
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QOTD: Let’s All Go to the Movies 2011

Confession: I almost never go to movies. My husband and I just don’t have the money to spend twenty-five bucks on someone flashing their glaringly bright cell phone screen at us while some baby who’s way too young to be viewing Die Hard 17: Effing Die Already cries from the back row. This year, however, I made it to the theater quite a few times, for which I was very proud of myself.

Now, did I see anything remotely resembling a cinematic masterpiece? No, I saw things like Monte Carlo starring The Wizardess of Bieber Place, Blair Waldorf, and a woman who should’ve sealed herself in a box after Melrose Place got canceled so she could successfully preserve the one time in her life she didn’t suck at her craft. But still! There were probably some good movies out there this year, right? So tell us, in response to the Question of the Day: What Was Your Favorite Movie of 2011? Continue reading →