If you haven’t already, you should read the entries. They’re all great (though some of you still went over the maximum word count)! Some were funny, some quite clever, some moving. Thanks to everyone who participated, you guys are all the best. Now let’s get down to it. Which entry did I decide was the winner? I know you’re on pins and needles. Continue reading →
Earlier this week I had the pleasure of going with a friend to see Chinese-American author Lisa See give a lecture at a nearby library. (Woot-woot for library public lectures! Check out to see who your own public library is bringing in. I’ve seen people from Nobel physicists to Ray Bradbury.)
See is the author of several novels (most recently Shanghai Girls and Dreams of Joy) and a sort of biography of her family’s immigration-to-America experience, On Gold Mountain. She’s also the author of some fairly successful mystery novels (Dragon Bones, and others. You know where powells.com is, go look.) Continue reading →
This post is a way for people to exchange story ideas. Feel free to post ideas you have, and if you are a writer, feel free to use any of these ideas for your own articles. If you have used an idea please strike through the text, but don’t erase it. Example. Try to keep the list orderly so The Grand Inquisitor doesn’t have to keep cleaning it up. Don’t forget to hit update if you add or take away a post idea. This post is solely for listing article suggestions. Please don’t use it for other issues. Don’t forget to book mark this page, and I will drop the link into the writer’s guide as well. Happy posting! Suggestions:
I’m not poring over all 24,000 Sarah Palin emails. That’s just lunacy. Especially since the political wonder team of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore think it’s a repulsive thing to do, because if you can’t use Kutcher and Moore as a barometer then you’re just doomed. But one thing that caught my eye is what’s been reported about her writing ability. You would think that the same person who wrote speaking notes on her palm and who has a habit of saying the equivalent of monkey-speech after being hit in the head with a log, could barely pick up a pen without becoming confused – But you would be wrong, so very wrong.
Well hello there Crasstalk. Welcome to the Writer’s Workshop. Tonight let’s try to brain storm some new ideas and discuss some of the stuff that can help us write quality articles. Winning the Internet is difficult work, but we are a team like no other. Let’s get to it! Continue reading →
I’ve just applied to the Warner Bros. Television Writers’ Workshop. This famous fellowship for TV writers insists that all applicants submit “a short composition, no longer than a page, double spaced, telling us why you want to be a television writer and how your background will add a unique perspective to television.” Here’s mine:Continue reading →
When I started blogging seven years ago, I had no idea who would read me or how long I would continue down this path. I love writing and have been told I’m pretty good at it. I’ve been fortunate to make a few shekels at it, but this is not something I do full-time. Because of that, I’m always happy to type off a few hundred words that will appear across the Internet to express my opinion, give advice, or evangelize on behalf of my favorite bands.
That said, there is very vocal camp who side against doing much of anything for free if there will not be a financial payoff down the road. For example, take former Huffington Post writer Jonathan Tasini, who is suing the site, and its new owner, AOL, to the tune of $105M on behalf of contributors (and himself, of course) who submitted content to the site for which they were unpaid. As you may already know, the Huffington Post was recently acquired by AOL for a whopping $315M.
It’s important to note they willingly and knowingly submitted free content to the site. That said, there is a precedent of unpaid workers, former AOL workers no less, receiving payment as part of a lawsuit settlement. It only took them about a decade to see that money.
So, if you’re not the litigious type–and frankly, that’s not really a great route to take–here are some ways to benefit from writing for free.
First and foremost, promote yourself.
While it’s great to hype other writers, get your own work out in front of as many eyes as possible. As the Huffington Post grew in popularity across the Web, those unpaid contributors likely saw their names rise through the ranks of search engines, especially if they wrote on a specific topic consistently. Whether you share news of your latest article on various social media sites or cross-post it on other blogs, make sure your name (or nom de plume) is out there next to the title of your piece.
Make a commitment to yourself.
Set a goal of only writing as much as you can, when you can. If you can only commit to writing for a total of three hours a month, be OK with that. You can’t get fired!
Do not stress over original content.
Sure, you may set out with a goal to submit original content to a site each and every time, but one of the great things about writing for free is being able to tailor existing content to a different audience. Perhaps you wrote a piece a few years ago, but want to revisit the topic. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Update your content, or not, and use the opportunity to get it in front of new people. This is a great tip to use when you have other things going on in your life that may prevent you from writing. Similarly, if there’s a topic that you’d love to write about, but want to receive payment for, don’t submit it for free. Instead, submit it to a publication — online or print — that will pay you for your words.
Know when to say “No.” (Aka be “The Gambler.”)
As the song says, “you’ve got to know when to fold ‘em.” If work, or life in general, takes over, know when to walk away. Never feel guilty about making time for yourself. More than likely, you’re writing for free because it’s a hobby and not something you’d pursue professionally. When it stops being fun, stop.
Do not expect/anticipate a payday later.
Unless there is a formal agreement in place at the outset of your agreeing to write for a site that if/when the site turns a profit, you will be paid, assume you will never see a single cent. Instead, leverage your writing into other opportunities. Building a portfolio of content you actually like writing about could lead to a new job or fun freelance gig.
Herewith, p_mouse, raconteur extraordinaire, presents his candidate for “The Most Literate Joke in the World.”
His entry is fully prepared to take on all comers, of which he hopes there will be many.
One bibulous evening in the ’20s, not long before they were all sent down for one transgression or another, four young Oxonians were strolling through Christ Church Meadow lost in idle discussion of collective nouns: a pod of whales, a murder of crows, an exaltation of larks, et cetera et cetera and so forth.
As they left that bucolic Arcadia behind and reentered the streets of Oxford Town, they were approached and propositioned by a quartet of ladies of the night. Being of another persuasion altogether, the lads politely declined the offer and went on their way.
“A propos collectives,” said the first, Sebastian, a charming youth for whom the world was his oyster, “I think I should describe those wenches as ‘a bed of trollops’.”
“Bravo,” said the second, by birth Aloysius but known to all and sundry as Pooh-Bear, “Yet dare I say my whimsical taste runs more to ‘a jam of tarts.'”
“Of course,” said the third, blanching at the very idea of heterosex but determined to outdo his peers, “the correct terminology must needs be ‘a flourish of strumpets.'”
“Oh bugger it, Anthony,” said Charles, the last, a quietly observant sort of chap who had never in life come less than Double-First, “what else could they possibly be but An Anthology of English Pros??
When I received the late Sunday night phone call, my heart pounded as I raced to answer it. Customarily, this was my day of rest, after a typically relentless week of fielding numerous pseudo-emergencies, both personally and professionally. Instinctively, I knew that this urgency was very real.
Disbelief and panic echoed in the voice of my caller, the husband of a dear friend of mine, informing me that she had just been in a tragic accident. As the details filtered in, our male egos dissolved, through the catalyst of his grief and my shock: in a coma… critical care… near-drowning… possible brain damage. My inward response to hearing this was a bold proclamation of dissociative denial: ‘No fucking way!’
I learned that my friend Amara had been walking on the beach near her tropical home when she encountered a young boy flailing in the surf, trying to rescue his small dog. Being the patron saint of both animals and children, Amara didn’t hesitate before jumping in to try to save the pair. Perhaps because she knew this stretch of ocean so well, Amara was able to pull the boy and his dog from the water separately and escort them to safety. However, she had nearly drowned in the process of doing so. If not for the boy’s quick thinking (calling emergency from her cell phone, which he’d retrieved from the purse she had flung onto the sand before delving into the water), she never would have even made it off the beach alive.
After I hung up the phone, my eyes darted to an aesthetic greeting card next to the phone on my desk. I had been saving the card specifically for Amara. Impractically yet instinctively, I filled thee blank card with a written invocation: ‘You will wake up. You’ve come too far to let go of the promise of your purpose.’
I had no doubt that if Amara died now, she would do so fully at peace with the life she had thus far lived. I supposed that her richly cultivated spirit might even manifest in another blazing reincarnation. But I wanted her here and now: in this body; in this life. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to continue living without her; it was more that I simply couldn’t imagine the world without her in it.
Amara had saved my life emotionally – at one point, we were lovers for a brief time – and I knew that this was my chance to return the favor, albeit psychically. Deliberately and forcefully, I retracted my energy deep within me. Projecting my consciousness several thousand miles away, I envisioned myself entering the Intensive Care Unit of the hospital where Amara was being monitored. Just as my awareness entered Amara’s physical space, the alarm bells on the vital statistics monitor beside her bed went ballistic. In a flash amidst the cacophony, I witnessed her unmistakably diminishing signs of life and the chaos of the medical rescue team as they converged upon her hospital room.
Amara herself was completely detached from all the earthly commotion. Immediately, I sensed that she was preparing to leave this corporeal plane. Instantaneously, I reached out for her mind and spirit in a gentle yet profound psychic choke-hold. Reiterating the same command that I had written only minutes earlier, I said aloud “You will wake up. You’ve come too far to let go of the promise of your purpose.”
As I reached for and held Amara’s essence, I felt her rise to meet me, letting go of her blissful free-fall into the Void. I felt her serene smile subsume me in a nodding acknowledgment of my passionate command, and I knew in that moment that our sacred filial covenant for this lifetime had been restored. Every fiber of her being responded to my implied reminder, echoed in the clear recognition of her one-word answer:
Earlier this week I had the pleasure of going with a friend to see Chinese-American author Lisa See give a lecture at a nearby library. (Woot-woot for library public lectures! Check out to see who your own public library is bringing in. I’ve seen people from Nobel physicists to Ray Bradbury.)
I have been told I’m too literal minded. Continue reading 
I’ve just applied to the Warner Bros. Television Writers’ Workshop. This famous fellowship for TV writers insists that all applicants submit “a short composition, no longer than a page, double spaced, telling us why you want to be a television writer and how your background will add a unique perspective to television.” Here’s mine: Continue reading 