Liveblogging tonight’s episode of the Jeopardy? Bad idea or WORST idea?
We shall see! Stay tuned and joined in on the fun as we show these computers that we’re more than just walking penises and vaginas. We’re also well-oiled intellectual non-machines.
Well, shit. I just looked at my cable guide and it says they’re airing the Teen Jeopardy championship or something tonight. DANG IT!
Machines 1
Stupid Humans 0
Image courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/charliecurve/
Adrianne Palicki of Friday Night Lights fame has been cast as Wonder Woman after a long search for an even longer project that has finally found a home with NBC and David E. Kelley as producer.
It would seem that most every raven-haired actress from Angelina Jolie to Beyonce’ Knowles were either considered or expressed interest in reprising the role. Most recently rumors swirled when Mad Men star, Christina Hendricks remarked how excited she would be to take on the part. A far cry from the sentiments of Megan Fox, best known for mounting motorcycles in the Transformers movies, when she scorned the possibility of tackling the role and stated that she found Wonder Woman to be “lame,” sparking fury and contempt among the purists, and even garnering some disdain from Lynda Carter the iconic actress who played the role in the 1970’s version of the show.
Purists now believe that Palicki is a good fit, and Carter has given her blessing for her newly named successor to slap on the wristlets and tighten up her lasso. At 5”11, she certainly has the height and stature to play the Amazonian princess. And due to her appeal on Friday Night Lights as Tyra Collette, many find that she has the gravitas to handle the role, much unlike her costar Minka Kelly who may have enjoyed rumors that she too should be considered as the femme crime fighter. It’s certainly possible that if she were in the running, the most recent showing of her latest cinematic efforts in the movie The Roommate found those rumors effectively squashed. The Roommate earned a shameful 6% on the Tomatometer according to the Rotten Tomatoes review website. Not the highest endorsement.
Given the appeal of Palicki the only concerns that remain surrounds the plot and writing. Joss Whedon of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly fame was tapped to write a theatrical adaptation, but that version has been shelved indefinitely. Stepping in his place for the small screen version is acclaimed writer-producer David E. Kelley of Ally McBeal fame who already has a completed pilot. The early response to Kelley’s inaugural effort has not been good. Jace Lacob of the Daily Beast has called it “laughably bizarre.” and says, “Wonder Woman is presented as a weepy career woman-slash-superheroine with three identities.” Wowsa! What just what? He goes on to say that she’s “cloying” and “tragically un-hip.” Definitely not what you want to hear going into a new television series. And NBC, currently in fourth place according to recent ratings, can’t afford another failure.
Which makes one wonder given the current trajectory of The Cape and other failed series on the once prolific network, is NBC the best place for an iconic series of this ilk? Will the network responsible for reboots of The Bionic Woman and Knight Rider, both succumbing to quick cancellation, be able to pull this one off?
My instincts tell me to be quite wary.
Other than some talk of the upcoming plot and pilot there’s been no word as of late as to the costumery of the new Wonder Woman, which I assume could start much debate, especially since in the comic version she recently appeared in pants to the chagrin of many fans. I happen to like the symbolic bustier and short shorts, even if outdated, it’s still nostalgic. Should it be verboten since we’re apparently a much more sensitive viewing public?
For me, I like the whole package. A woman who could kick ass, command an invisible plane, and still look sexy as all get out while doing it. Who’s to say that’s not still feminist?
What do you think? How does the new Wonder Woman pilot sound? (Palicki aside….sounds like crap to me!) And should Wonder Woman get a 2011 makeover?
by Daisy Sage and KatScratchFever
Daisy: KatScratchFever and I decided to write this article, to both complain about and explore the reasons why it seems like we can’t find cute clothes of decent quality to purchase on a working persons budget for several years now.
Neither Kat nor I are extremely overweight or oddly put together in any way. We are both quite fab, as a matter of fact. Kat is tall, well built, and striking. My body type could be described as a short (5’4”) version of Christina Hendricks, with more or less her same differences in measurements, if you shave a couple of inches all over (I found this out when they were auctioning off some of her Mad Men dresses online and printed all the dress measurements.)
However we are both grown up women whose figures are not flattered by the thin tubes of crappy fabric run up by some poor 12 year old in a sweatshop somewhere, desperately trying to not to lose consciousness until the next rice and water break, for the purposes of filling the burgeoning racks at the likes of Forever 21 or even H&M.
What follows is a dialogue between Kat and I, to explore the reasons for this dilemma, and find possible solutions.
Daisy: When did you first start noticing that it was so difficult to find nice clothes that were affordable?
Kat: It probably started years ago, but I wasn’t fully conscious of it until I was out of college, had a full-time job and began budgeting and being critical of the things I was spending my money on. I very much want to subscribe to the idea that “I’m too poor to buy cheap”, but in the case of clothing, it seems almost impossible. Housewares and furniture have the kind of longevity that makes it rewarding to have a “buy less, buy better quality” ethos, but clothes are not as durable. You spill things on them. The cat swipes at you as you walk by and rips a hole in them. You slip on the four inches of ice crust the Snowpocalypse left in its wake and tear them. They wear out in the horrible industrial washing machines you use because you don’t have the luxury of laundering things in your apartment. You can’t afford to have your entire wardrobe dry-cleaned once a week.
Daisy: Indeed. In the last few years, I have lost several clothing items I liked through “attrition”; i.e. tossed out worn things, or given them away in a fit of feng shui, only to wait in vain for proper replacements to magically appear. I still pine for a perfect pair of royal blue velvet jeans that I wore threadbare in places to the point that they tore across the ass, which you can’t really repair. (Maybe the velvet jeans and I could have made it work out, somehow.) I currently have in particular a “jeans deficit”.
Consider the dichotomy of two pairs of Gap jeans I own. One of them is one size larger than the size I have normally worn for years, that I bought when I had gained a little weight. Since, then, I’ve lost some of that weight, and these jeans are now so large on me that I can only wear them in public for very short jaunts down the street, covered by a very long sweater (because they WILL inevitably fall all the way down on my ass if I don’t catch them in time).
Conversely, another Gap pair of jeans I own, which the label says is the size I have traditionally worn, (just one number size below the ass hanging ones) are so still so tight on me that I can only get them on by lying on the bed and doing a type of yoga breathing exercise in which I expel and exhale all the oxygen from my body on a cellular level.
A third pair, also in my regular size fits just fine, but the fronts of the legs have worn so thin, and have rips from constant wear, that they are only suitable to wear on a hot summer day to a HORDE concert, and I’m not sure they have those anymore.
I’ve been told by those who know clothing manufacturing that in the last few years, the Gap is so loosey goosey about pattern cutting in their factories, that you could try on 10 different pairs of their jeans, all ostensibly the same size, and not one of them would be the same size or shape.
Kat: Most certainly, in the last four or five years I’ve noticed a decline in quality, or a huge jump in price, from the places that used to be my stalwarts for reasonably priced, well-made women’s clothing (the Gap and J Crew come to mind), and by far my overall satisfaction with the stores where I used to achieve moderate success on this front (H&M, for example) has gone way, way down.
Daisy: I concur. H&M is a sad shell of its former self, selling various sad shells of clothing. I find it useful to stop in for a random pair of sunglasses or socks when I pass by, but that’s it. Although, I must admit, I bought a sundress there last summer on sale for $10 that I didn’t even try on, and it ended up looking great on me. Go figure. Anyway, Kat, what is your opinion about why this decay in our clothing options has happened?
Kat: My opinion is that this is a result of a giant mess of apathy on all fronts. The general public no longer cares how they look, or at the very least takes minimal pride in putting themselves together well. Clothing retailers are apathetic about the quality and construction of their product and care mostly about their net profitability. Everyone cares more about being “Fashionable” and “Hip” than dressing appropriately for your body. We live in a throwaway society, which has little respect for high production standards. I think that much in the way that some people say there is “no middle class” anymore (or it will be that way in the very near future), there is no real “middle class” for clothing, only expensive boutique garments, and things that I will end up using as cleaning rags in six months or less.
Daisy: I think what you say makes a lot of sense. It seems like even moderately priced clothing of decades ago was constructed so much better than today. And the dye colors of the fabrics were more rich and vivid. I once had an A-line winter skirt my mom had worn when she was young, bright blue mohair, lined, with a fuchsia and dark purple thin plaid pattern over it. Below the knee, side zip, kick in the back. I kept that thing together for years re-sewing ripped or loose seams, fixing belt loops, until I gave up on holding it together. I know I won’t find anything like that again, outside of a high-end boutique.
Kat, what is one of your worst shopping for clothes experiences in the last few years? Which retailers do you detest the most and why?
Kat: Oh, there are many, but this one still stings. I was in H&M (on a budget, as usual) in the dressing room with about seven dresses to try on for a wedding I was to attend. Most of them wouldn’t zip or were too weirdly shaped or too revealing and I was growing frustrated and running out of time. The fifth frock had a side zip, but to put it on I had to slide my arms into the sleeves and pull it over my head. Overall it fit so damn well, except that the short sleeves were obviously tailored for a size 10 woman with size 0 waif arms and my barrel chest was stuffed so tightly in that it was difficult to breathe (a typical clothing woe of mine). Defeated, I tried to take it off by first pulling my arms out of the sleeves, but they were so crammed in there they wouldn’t budge. I tried to pull it up at the waist over my ribs to give the arms a little slack, but still, no dice. I finally resorted to a technique I’m sure many women have used before in this situation: hike dress up over hips, bend in half at waist, cross arms around body and try to slowly inch the dress off inside-out, peeling your sausage arms out last. This time though, it didn’t work, and now I thought I’d have to call the dressing room attendant for help. Some sort of dressing room rage took over at this point, and I just started flexing my arms and yanking at the thing, which finally ripped, giving me enough extra room to extract myself and fling the dress on the floor, ready to HULK SMASH!!! I put it back on the hanger, hid it between the other dresses, gave everything back to the attendant and went to the closest bar to quell my rage with a bottle of wine.
Daisy: Oh I’m feeling your pain there. I have experienced the existential angst of being trapped in a cheap dress in a try on room, on more than one occasion. Either I couldn’t get it up over my chest or down over my hips. As I pulled on it, I wondered how I got into it in the first place. It’s completely exhausting. You CAN’T be trapped in a dress, except yes, you are. I would not fault you one bit for ripping the freaking thing. What else were you supposed to do? I’m sure H&M survived the potential loss of the $1.67 the dress was actually worth (as opposed to the $29.99 it probably retailed.)
Kat: As for hated retailers, Forever 21 is just the worst. Other cheapo stores like Rainbow and Strawberry get lumped in there as well. Most of them don’t even have dressing rooms and the ones that do are so small I barely have room to try anything on. I’m convinced this is because they know if you can’t try stuff on you will likely buy it anyway because it’s cheap, and the likelihood of you coming back the within the time frame of their return policy (usually 7 days if you want your cash back, not store credit) is slim. It’s a racket, I tell ya.
Daisy: I didn’t even know Rainbow was still around. The last time I was in one was years ago. I was working part time for a small business out near the east end of Long Island. There was practically nothing around in the way of civilization, so many times on my lunch break, I would get some kind of fast food, and then go wander around the Rainbow in the local strip mall. It gave me something to do, and I figured I might find a clothing item in my price range. Never found anything there except a customer base of old before their time “Sixteen and Pregnant” candidates pushing double strollers and their irate moms. The merchandise was not only depressing; some of it was literally dusty. I felt as though it was the retail store that time forgot.
Kat: Why do you think it is that it is still so hard for “normal” shaped/sized women to find well fitting clothes? Is it because retailers are still trying to mimic the high-fashion world where everyone is a size 2, despite the actual size of their clientele?
Daisy: I think it is a convergence of a couple of things. Yes, I do think retailers are trying to mimic the high fashion, size 2 model, because it is what is promoted in the magazines, and there is a burgeoning demographic of young girls who either naturally fit into that stuff, or are willing to starve themselves to do so. Also, I think that as food manufacturers have over the last few years managed to keep the prices of packaged foods relatively stable by sneakily reducing the size of the packages and/or the portions of food inside them, that clothing manufacturers are able to sell cheap clothing by using less fabric, and lower quality fabric to make the bulk of their clothing.
Kat: I like equating the cheap wardrobe I have that is filling my closet and dresser but leaving my soul empty to fast food and portion sizes. Your analogy is very apropos.
Daisy: Thank you. So Kat, what do you think is the way forward for stylish ladies such as us to dress ourselves well? Vintage? Ebay? Vigilant Goodwill shopping? Sewing?
Kat: I think Muumuus are the wave of the future. In twenty years everybody will be bulbous piles of jelly zipping around on scooters ala Wall-E and I won’t ever have to wear another pair of pants again. (Fingers crossed!) Here’s where I’m hoping our fellow Crasstalkers have some opinions and advice to soothe our wardrobe-weary souls. I have always been interested in learning to sew, but continuously fail at finding the time or finishing beginner projects. Since my sewing skills are only advanced enough to make tote bags, unless I cobble all fifty of them I have into a utilitarian, carryall ToteMuumuu, I won’t be wearing any homemade garments any time soon. I scour thrift stores regularly, but everything worth buying has long been picked over in NYC by all the fly-by-night Ebay vintage store mavens and Brooklyn Flea Market clothing hoarders. My girlfriends are all in the same situation as I, and though we sometimes do clothing swaps, none of us have a go-to store for new items that stand the test of time. Your ideas?
Daisy: I actually can sew, although I haven’t touched the machine in years. It is a whole lot of work, as you say.
As to the clothing swap thing, it’s the kind of idea that sounds fun, but for me is not that practical because my female friends are all different heights and sizes. And even if we fit into each others clothes perfectly, it seems like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.
Personally, I’m very excited about your ToteMuumuu™ concept. Let’s speak privately about trademarks and lining up investors. If we hurry, we can hire an Indonesian manufacturer, and roll that sucker out to the floors of the women’s departments of Sears and JC Penneys within a month. (Of course you will have the final say on whether the samples live up to your aesthetic vision.) After we cash in, we can buy ourselves wardrobes from high-end boutiques and have all our clothing tailored.
So, Charlie Sheen does the Crack. Um, okay. I totally get it, booze, girls, and a television show that gives you a veritable monetary windfall — to, uh afford your booze, girls, and now crack cocaine. Sounds almost exactly what we expect from Charlie Sheen, minus the part where he tells kids to “Stay off the crack unless you know how to manage it.” Ho, Boy! Yeah. That Sheen — doing so much for America’s youth.
Anyway, this does nothing to explain how America is still keeping Two and a Half Men at the top of the Nielsen Charts. I’d really like to meet a Two and a Half Men fan one day. Mostly to see if they have tails and live beneath the basement stairs in various old age homes scattered throughout Middle America, but that’s for another day.
Here now is what’s going on in your new weekly ratings report!
CBS, this behemoth network full of single men and/or nerds sharing a home, military head slapping, and a guy who tells his kids about all the women he has sex with that aren’t their mother, was the leader of the pack last week pulling in 3.4 adults in the 18-49 group, edging out Fox which finished a tenth of a point behind with a 3.3 rating. ABC came in third with 2.1, and NBC, home of The Cape, trailed in fourth place with a 1.6 rating! (Is it because of the The Cape, because I think it’s because of The Cape.)
The number one program, and undoubtedly the biggest draw for the CBS network last week, was Sunday night’s Grammys Award Show which apparently many of you sycophants thought was awesome. I did not. We’ll agree to disagree on that point.
The much troubled Charlie Sheen and Co. came in at a more than respectable #6 according to Nielsen, but was beaten out by American Idol on both Wednesday and Thursday nights, followed by Modern Family, and Glee. However, the crack afficionado and cast still managed to win in ratings over House, NCIS (Head Slappers!), The Big Bang Theory, and Grey’s Anatomy, which rounded out the top ten. [TV By the Numbers]
Unfortunately, or fortunately, who knows! The network’s rebooted James Belushi and Jerry O’Connell legal drama, The Defenders, is looking at the chopping block. And, guys, it’s looking back and saying yum. Not the first show on the network staring down the barrel of cancellation, Medium had that honor. Reportedly, there’s a bit of scuttlebutt about how the network cancelled Medium just to put The Defenders, a seemingly worse show, in its place. That’s mostly all bunk since Medium had abysmal ratings and was slated for cancellation anyway. Case and point, I personally haven’t watched that show since the early 00’s right before the big, “I see dead people who haunt me and help me solve crimes” boom, which eventually became, “I have psychic/stellar deductive reasoning skills to help me solve crimes and wiggle my eyebrows at pretty girls” boom, all mostly serving to clog up television like a preternatural arterial blockage of unoriginality. But whatever, Psych! It rules! The Mentalist…not so much. Luckily, we’re only down to about two of those now, but no, it’s certainly not The Defenders fault. It was just time for Medium to end.
Things also aren’t going so well for T.J. Hooker’s new grumpy old man series, $#*! My Dad Says. Um, can I just say that the Zapf Dingbats My Dad Says Shit-show didn’t really look like a good idea to begin with? I don’t know, but something about James T. Kirk walking around in a khaki vest haranguing his son, even without a purse on his arm, just seems so very 1986. Estelle Getty is probably somewhere in the ether shaking an angry fist at the blasphemous portrayal of her shtick.
So, that’s it folks. CBS reigns supreme. This makes me sad, mostly. I blame everyone else. I take responsibility for The Big Bang Theory, but that’s all. We should gift wrap V in an alien egg incubator and give it to CBS. That would help. No, really, this is awesome for CBS, I think.
I’ve watched bad TV my whole life; normally, it was always along the lines of Jersey Shore, Real Housewives, and (very, very ashamedly) American Idol. But recently it’s gotten worse. Much worse. In the past year, I’ve watched (in no particular order):
Pretty Little Liars
I have no idea what got me and Roommate hooked on what we fondly refer to as PLL. I think we missed Gossip Girl actually being good? I don’t know. This show is certainly not good, to say the least. So why do I keep watching it? I think it has something to do with the (SPOILER ALERT! LOLJK I know nobody except me watches this crap) fake blind girl, terribly inappropriate ABC Family channel relationship between a 16-year-old student and her English teacher, “unsolvable” murder, and whatever other ridiculous, Agatha Christie-aneurism-for-high-schoolers plotline they come up with. It may be of note that this is the only scripted terrible TV show I watch. (Is it of note? I don’t know. There are so many things about this show that I can answer with “I don’t know.”)
Say Yes to the Dress
I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHOW. I’d love to say I have no idea why I love this show, but that would be a huge lie and this is not a post in which I lie to you, dear friends. This is a post in which I come clean over my addictions. I love this show because Hot. Damn. I love watching uppity bitches acting like the terrible people we all know they are. And Randy. And OMG SO MANY PRETTY DRESSES!!11!!!
World’s Strictest Parents
No joke, I’ve cried watching this. Cried. Go ahead; tear me apart in the comments over my feelings. But for real, this show takes either redneck shithead kids or spoiled untamed rich kids and sticks them with super Christian families who make the kids, like, you know, work and the bad kids FREAK THE FUCK OUT. And then they redeem themselves and learn about feelings. And then they go to college and they meet people at parties who are like, “Hey, didn’t I see you on World’s Strictest Parents?” Like teens through the reality TV cycle, so are the days of our lives.
(I couldn’t find any videos with embedding code from the US version of this show so you’ll just have to trust me. Or go here.)
Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami
When I saw the previews for this steaming pile of Armenian over-sharing, I thought there was no way on Kgod’s Kgreen Kearth it could be worth watching. But oh! How wrong I was! Much like the other programs listed, this show is worth watching because it’s really fun to judge people who willingly put their lives on television in order to feel better about yourself. (Isn’t that kind of the point of reality TV?) Let me tell you a-something about this family: Kourtney and Khloe used to like to get really shitfaced and hook up with random dudes and it was amazing. Unfortunately for all of us, the show was pretty much over once Kourtney popped out the spawn of Patrick Bateman, Khloe married some tall guy who loves lakes, and a terrible spin-off set in New York (it violates the acclaimed scientific theorem that only two Kardashians (neither of which being Kim) at a time are bearable) came to be on the air.
I have more terrible TV shows I love but I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough for one day. Make me feel less alone and tell me what awful TV you can’t get enough of in the comments.
Oh ladies, it has just been been one of those weeks for me, you know? And it’s only Wednesday! I need pop music. And not just any pop music–no, I need the best of the best. Or the worst. I can’t tell which, and frankly, I don’t care.
These songs have a certain magic to them, a timeless uplift that transcends ironic appreciation and nostalgic memory. Paradoxically, one is both reluctant to public admit enjoying these songs and compelled to sing along with them whenever they play on the bar jukebox, emphatic shouts betraying an ingrained love for these decidedly unhip bursts of melody and enthusiasm, pop cultural gift cards charged straight at the soul whose sonic brethren we claim to loathe as they come on the pharmaceutical Muzak radio stations played at CVS and the dentist’s waiting room–yet we inevitably remind ourselves to let curiosity get the best of ourselves and listen to these tunes on YouTube when we get home later, just for old time’s sake. But these rusted old culture-junkie antiques? These are even better than that. You can’t judge me, for as guilty pleasures are concerned, we are all one.
Phil Collins – “You’ll Be In My Heart” (1999)
Starting off your playlist with a Phil Collins song says many things: “I am sufficiently emotionally fragile so as to allow a hackneyed series of chord changes to noticeably lighten my mood,” “I spend a lot of time wearing sweatpants,” and most of all, “I really don’t care what you have to say about my playlist, because I’m too busy being vocally spooned by the lead vocalist of Genesis.”
Just admit it, this is beautiful. “Don’t listen to them, ’cause what do they know,” he assures us during a particularly soaring bridge. “Don’t let soulless detractors diminish your fervent enjoyment of the best male-pop-star-christened Disney song of the 90s.” They’ll see in time. Alone, they’ll be comparing wine cooler prices at Duane Reade one day in the sad future when–just as the hourly announcement touting the benefits of opening a FlexRewards account today are wrapping up–this song starts to play and it soars through the air like Tarzan himself.
Stars on 54 – “If You Could Read My Mind” (Gordon Lightfood cover; 1998)
Here are some of the wonderful couplets this song’s lyrics bequeath to you: With chains upon my feet / You know that ghost is me; What a tale my thoughts would tell / Just like a paperback novel, the kind that drugstores sell; What a tale my thoughts would tell / Just like an old time movie ’bout a ghost from a wishing well,” the latter two establishing a wishing-well motif that sticks with the viewer sticks with a child stuck to the gooey shame of being trapped down said wishing well. And why was that kid even playing by a well in first place? Where are we, fucking Narnia? No, bitches, listen up. This is Jocelyn, Amber, and Ultra Naté’s world–we’re just getting our nails done with our moms in it.
Michael Jackson – “You Rock My World” (2001)
No, it’s not the next “Thriller.” There will never be another “Thriller,” something I think even Michael figured out by the late nineties. So despite the overblown music video that all but throws a veil over Jackson’s supposedly spooky visage and his most nonsensical lyrics since “Your butt is mine,” it’s a testament to how solid the song is, the grooving bass line mingling with mid-90s R&B piano in the smoky bar of Jackson’s psyche, that I’m so readily willing to accept it as MJ canon. But since it came out during the awkward dozen years between Michael’s molestation trials, any potential coolness the song might have offered present-day listeners was forever lost in the black hole of public resentment that only recently–and, unfortunately, posthumously–fell out of favor. And that’s a shame, because Michael’s smoothness here is on par with Frank Sinatra’s. Now, if only the video showed us his face at all so that we could actually watch him sensually lip-sync.
Lonestar – “Amazed” (1999)
The rare song that succeeds not because it attempts to break any new ground but because it does precisely the opposite; it never breaches the perimeters set by the most well-known genre signifiers, but it looks mighty good staying in one place. All of the elements in this song–from the lyrics and the structure to the Chinese-restaurant piano cascades and the piercing high-pitched organ during the grand finale–have been done many, many times before, but Lonestar do all of them really well here. The quickly disappearing mainstream-country market never looked quite as sweet or lucrative as it did back in the late 90s, and “Amazed” lacks the self-conscious ironic detachment it would surely be required to possess in order to achieve mainstream success today. This is also the rare prom ballad that could, once upon a time, be played at any high school gymnasium in the country and receive an equally warm reaction by the couples in attendance.
Céline Dion – “That’s The Way It Is” (1999)
Céline was only a young thirty-something when she released this self-empowered victory lap of a track to accompany her greatest hits release All the Way…A Decade of Song, but boy does she sound wise as she belts out musical epigrams about love and accepting fate and punctuates every other line with a warbling “yeah.” Another song relegated to the pits of the bargain bin because of its singer’s decidedly uncool (at least to young people) status, this is one of the few songs I can play while I work out that distracts me from wondering why the fuck I decided to give these treadmills another try because I just know that I’m gonna get leg cramps tomorrow and you watch, the subway will be running late too, because when it rains it pours, right? Right, and Céline is raining down buckets of gooey, feel-good sentimentality with such flair, such gloire, as though God Almighty were spilling pancake syrup all over my very soul.
So these songs are amazing, but five is never enough. Sare your favorites with the rest of the class, and remember that you get no bonus points for feigned shame.
Lovey Howell spoke these words on Gilligan’s Island, when it seemed that a ship might pass their uncharted desert isle. Ginger immediately leapt to her feet and took Lovey by the arm – “Oh, I’ll help you.” The next scene shows Lovey in a nautical ensemble, complete with a jaunty hat.
I remember this because it’s precisely the question I would ask. I don’t always know what I’m doing, but I know how to find out. Remember, I’m the guy who brought brie, french bread and shrimp cocktail to a cop-and-marine-filled paintball match, was scoffed at, and proceeded to shoot the crap out of everyone. I will never forget looking John – a Nassau County Corrections Officer with a psychotic gun collection – in the eye, aiming at my friend Chris, and hissing “I’m gonna off that motherfucker.” He looked at me like he was scared, and he’s 6’6″ and diesel as hell. I held up some corrugated plastic as a shield, crawled through the scrub brush, and blew my beloved Chris away with a paintball at point-blank range.
The paint was purple. Not a coincidence.
So work sucks, and it’s time to go. My colleagues are nice except for the CFO, who is an undermining asshole. I didn’t know that the SEC was in to do an examination until the day after I agreed to take the job. The CFO makes a mint while I and my assistant are at the very bottom end of the pay scale. It’s a 3-person job and there are two of us. My bonus was inappropriate. Everyone’s was, including the CFO’s, but his was in the wrong direction.
And ultimately, I blame the CEO – a man I like and respect who has given his trust to the CFO, whom I don’t. No one does. If the man Googled himself, he would be appalled.
An international bank wants to see me on Friday – they have a huge real estate trust and a private wealth management division where Compliance work is needed. I must haircut, manicure, buy new shoes, buy a new belt, pick up my fancy suit pants from the cleaners, and find a way to turn Casual Friday into Froufrou Fund Friday.
I’m a bit unprepared – I can’t find the people I’m meeting anywhere online. But I will.
I am very sorry that I will be incommunicado tomorrow, but personal business calls me out of state and I can’t be back here before late tomorrow night. Peace, all.
I might know what to wear to this rescue. But the fact is… I want to write for a living. There’s half a novel in the can. Well, the Ralph Lauren shirt box.
Yes folks, some of us have decided to bring back one of the most consistently entertaining aspects of The Place Which Shall not Be Named – Live Blogs!
Our first victim? Syfy’s own Face-Off.
It airs Tuesdays at 10 PM. If you’re not familiar, Face-Off is a reality competition show for special-effects make-up artists. It has the same format as every other cable channel TV show I’ve ever seen, as in there’s a mini-challenge at the beginning of the episode, then the contestants have a themed challenge that they have x-number of hours to complete, rinse, repeat.
The thing is, the challenges are pretty damn cool and the judges actually have a clue. We get to hear the words of wisdom from industry pros such as Ve Neill, of Pirates of the Carribbean and Edward Scissorhands fame, and winner of three of those Academy Award thingies, which is cool, I guess. Also, Glenn Hetrick of Heroes, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the FREAKING X-FILES people, and Patrick Tatopoulos, who had a hand in Underworld, Independence Day, and Resident Evil: Extinction.
Those Independence Day aliens were wicked cool, y’all. Especially the one that got punched in the face by Will Smith. Ok, so the face punching was the cool part, but still.
Tonight’s challenge apparently involves “Friday the 13th” director Sean Cunningham and the creation of horror movie villains. Sounds interesting. And gory. Mmmmm…. gore….
So, Syfy (Still hate that name) at 10 PM. Hope to see you there!
As they did with In Rainbows, prog-pop paranoiacs Radiohead just announced a new album with no lead-up, countdown or fanfare. The King of Limbs is their eighth album. The details of the release are listed below. I’m curious to see how their sound will have changed (if at all) after the Ink Spots-inspired, heavily orchestrated In Rainbows, and needless to say I pre-ordered the vinyl edition, because of course I would.
The cryptic “perhaps” aside might mean nothing, or maybe it means we’ll get something before Saturday. Either way, this is pretty exciting news!
Radiohead’s new record, The King Of Limbs, is presented here as the world’s first* Newspaper Album, comprising:
- Two clear 10″ vinyl records in a purpose-built record sleeve.
- A compact disc.
- Many large sheets of artwork, 625 tiny pieces of artwork and a full-colour piece of oxo-degradeable plastic to hold it all together.
- The Newspaper Album comes with a digital download that is compatible with all good digital media players.
- The Newspaper Album will be shipped on Monday 9th May 2011 you can, however, enjoy the download on Saturday 19th February 2011.
- Shipping is included in the prices shown.
- One lucky owner of the digital version of The King Of Limbs, purchased from this website, will receive a signed 2 track 12″ vinyl.
*perhaps
Newspaper Album + MP3 PRICE $48.00
Newspaper Album + WAV PRICE $53.00
Radiohead’s new record, The King Of Limbs, is presented here with a choice of two digital formats:
- MP3 version is a 320K constant bit rate file.
- WAV version is a full CD quality uncompressed digital audio file.
- One lucky owner of the digital version of The King Of Limbs, purchased from this website, will receive a signed 2 track 12″ vinyl.
The King of Limbs can be pre-ordered now and downloaded on Saturday 19th February 2011.
MP3 PRICE $9.00
WAV PRICE $14.00
Maybe this is being considered in other threads by other people, but is there any thought of holding an organizational meeting for all the crasstalk stakeholders? Like now, before it gets too big and too out of control? Let’s just maybe meet each other and really do some work on what each of is willing to bring to the table, which of us is good at x, y or z. Oh, and just as importantly, who among us knows the people who can get the word out and get a bright light shined on this little space? And then of course, there’s money and owenership and copyright and first use and and all of that legalsese mumbo jumbo that would be much better discussed now and have agreements in place and responsibilities delineated and compensation spelled out. What????
Yeah, well ya never know, this funky joint could be a real comer one day I’m just saying it seems like it is going great and has had a wonderful first week. But we are all potential right now. We are not where we could be if we don’t mess this up. And to me that requires a few givens: a number of great writers to pump out the content. Space and love and respect for thCommenteriat Community that uses the posts as the bricks and mortars of the permanant site community. So–quality writers and quality commenters.
Maybe this is being considered in other threads, but is there any thought of holding an organizational meeting for all the crasstalk stakeholders? Like now, before it gets too big and too out of control? Let’s just maybe meet each other and really do some work on what each of is willing to bring to the table, which of us is good at x, y or z. Oh, and just as importantly, who among us knows the people who can get the word out and get a bright light shined on this little space? And then of course, there’s money and owenership and copyright and first use and and all of that legalsese mumbo jumbo that would be much better discussed now and have agreements in place and responsibilities delineated and compensation spelled out. What???? Money? We’d get paid for writing this? Yeah, well ya never know. This funky little joint this way-way-way off-Broadway bash could be real big time one day. I’m just saying it seems like it is going great and has had a wonderful first week. But we are all potential right now. We are not where we could be if we don’t mess this up. And to me that requires a few givens: a number of great writers to pump out the content. Space and love and respect for the
Commenteriat Community that uses the posts as the bricks and mortars of the permanant site community. So–quality writers and quality commenters.
Beyond that, we need a couple marketing types, a business manager, an administrator or two, and a comuter tech guy or two. And some cheap space, unless everyone works remote. In the end that’s not a lot of seed money crasstalk would need to get going. The biggest expense might be advertising, and so much of that would come free because of the “war” with the Nick Denton gang over at Gawker. Media would eat up a story like that. Pageviews would come and ad rates would follow—but only if we are crystal clear on quality of the writing and the protection and support of the Commenteriat, who would be the true essence of a site like this. They are its breath, they are its air. A site goes mad and decays without its most loyal followers. the Commenteriat.
But, yes, shouldn’t someone write all this down? Don’t we need a business plan, a constitution, a way forward
Maybe this is being considered in other threads by other people, but is there any thought of holding an organizational meeting for all the crasstalk stakeholders? Like now, before it gets too big and too out of control? Let’s just maybe meet each other and really do some work on what each of is willing to bring to the table, which of us is good at x, y or z. Oh, and just as importantly, who among us knows the people who can get the word out and get a bright light shined on this little space? And then of course, there’s money and owenership and copyright and first use and and all of that legalsese mumbo jumbo that would be much better discussed now and have agreements in place and responsibilities delineated and compensation spelled out. What????
Yeah, well ya never know, this funky joint could be a real comer one day I’m just saying it seems like it is going great and has had a wonderful first week. But we are all potential right now. We are not where we could be if we don’t mess this up. And to me that requires a few givens: a number of great writers to pump out the content. Space and love and respect for thCommenteriat Community that uses the posts as the bricks and mortars of the permanant site community. So–quality writers and quality commenters.
Maybe this is being considered in other threads, but is there any thought of holding an organizational meeting for all the crasstalk stakeholders? Like now, before it gets too big and too out of control? Let’s just maybe meet each other and really do some work on what each of is willing to bring to the table, which of us is good at x, y or z. Oh, and just as importantly, who among us knows the people who can get the word out and get a bright light shined on this little space? And then of course, there’s money and owenership and copyright and first use and and all of that legalsese mumbo jumbo that would be much better discussed now and have agreements in place and responsibilities delineated and compensation spelled out. What???? Money? We’d get paid for writing this? Yeah, well ya never know. This funky little joint this way-way-way off-Broadway bash could be real big time one day. I’m just saying it seems like it is going great and has had a wonderful first week. But we are all potential right now. We are not where we could be if we don’t mess this up. And to me that requires a few givens: a number of great writers to pump out the content. Space and love and respect for the
Commenteriat Community that uses the posts as the bricks and mortars of the permanant site community. So–quality writers and quality commenters.
Beyond that, we need a couple marketing types, a business manager, an administrator or two, and a comuter tech guy or two. And some cheap space, unless everyone works remote. In the end that’s not a lot of seed money crasstalk would need to get going. The biggest expense might be advertising, and so much of that would come free because of the “war” with the Nick Denton gang over at Gawker. Media would eat up a story like that. Pageviews would come and ad rates would follow—but only if we are crystal clear on quality of the writing and the protection and support of the Commenteriat, who would be the true essence of a site like this. They are its breath, they are its air. A site goes mad and decays without its most loyal followers. the Commenteriat.
But, yes, shouldn’t someone write all this down? Don’t we need a business plan, a constitution, a way forward?
This is what I’m thinking, anyway? What do you all think?