Pop Culture

1853 posts

Updates on Crime in Our 50th State

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…or should that be our 5-0th state?

There really weren’t too many lessons to be learned from Hawaii Five-0 this week.  I hope you aren’t disappointed.  But I’ll still share what I learned from the episode where four very, very evil people used Triathlons as cover for their crimes.

1) Snow cone guys are a lot more important than I realized.  Apparently they hang out with high-level law enforcement all the time.  Even when they are just working around the house.  (Either that or I’m just missing the cues that “our hero” has very, very broad tastes.)

2) If you are the highest ranking law enforcement official in the state, with complete immunity and a direct line to the governor, you can totally just give your phone away to other people, no problem.  Like “Oh, you sat on my phone, that’s gross.  You keep it.” levels of no problem.

3) Being a Rookie Cop sucks.  And you should always wear your bathing suit instead of underwear in case you have to strip down and jump in the water all the time.

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Oh really, funny rabbits?

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I seriously hate this Travelers’ commercial. The one with the rattlesnake with the baby rattle instead of a real rattle. And the rabbits are no longer afraid and start laughing at it. And it curls up and cries.

Bullshit.

They need to show the next ten seconds of that ad, where the rattlesnake remembers “Oh, hey, I don’t kill rabbits with my rattle, I kill them with my speed and fangs and venom!” and then proceeds to strike at each in quick succession as they lay back with exposed bellies giggling to their deaths.

***SPOILERS***

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Made you look, didn’t I?

I think we’re all suckers for spoilers, whether we’ll admit it or not. Deep down, we all love to learn new gossip, see sneak peeks and when video of a highly anticipated movie gets leaked, some of us immediately perk up (What? Where?!?!) and clickity-clack-clack (That’s the sound my keyboard makes, what about yours?) our way through the interwebs in search of the said juicy information.

I will shamelessly admit that I love spoilers. Love them. Can’t get enough. I also live in a country that does not prohibit downloading, though it is frowned upon.

Entire length of the Wolverine movie, sans some special effects, leaked? Watched it.

First 13 chapters of the 4’th Twilight book, Breaking Dawn, appears online? Read it.

So when the first 36 minutes of the Part 1 of the culmination of a series that has defined my generation gets posted, I do not hesitate to go in search of this video. Being a member of an exclusive and highly reliable site that provides these very things makes such quests easier to accomplish. The internet has allowed us to blur the line between right and wrong and get away with it, under the guise of anonymity.

Why? I have always been of the thought that if I was going to download and watch a leaked video, or read a leaked book, then I would then pay for the real thing when it became available. I went to see Wolverine a few weeks later with my friends, and I was at the midnight release of the Stephenie Meyer book to pick up my pre-ordered copy (I know, for shame!)… Just as I will go next week with my best friend, and pay to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in theatres. The first half hour was poor quality, but did little to quell my excitement- in fact, it made that much more excited. It started out with Harry and Voldemort… well, if you really want to know, I guess you’ll have to do some clickity-clack-clacking of your own or wait to see it in theaters- I wouldn’t want to ruin it for you.

(Besides, any true HP fan would have already re-read the book in anticipation of the movie, and would have a general idea of how it begins.)

What is your stance on all things leaked?

Gawkward: Kim Kardashian Khredit Khard edition

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So I’m thinking we should create a new running feature called Gawkward. It’s where we find the most insane, trollish and unintentionally hilarious Gawker comments and re-post them here for everyone’s enjoyment.

Here’s a fine specimen posted on the article about Kim Kardashian’s shady pre-paid credit card:

http://gawker.com/comment/32743291/

Just so I understand: gal who partied with Paris Hilton asn is daughter of OK Simpson knife hiding accomplice Robert Kardahsian, who got his by the Fates, and used that to parlay herself to fame by fucking a, horror, black giu,on tape, and then went on to whoring hereslf out on :reality tv based on those accomplisments is now a credit card selling thing (I knew this), that parens would allow their daughtes to have????? My parents were not the greatest, but I never felt the desperate need ofr fame and momey that would make me do all tht. And parents think this is an acceptable enough role model to get a credit card for their future teen mom/pole dancing/porn star daughters who will be in debt in the six figures by age eightenn due to the rampant materialism forced down their throats not tempered by the wise financial lessons of common sense parents?

This is why America is fucked. The poar bears on the melting ice caps, and the dehydrated baby elephant of aAfrica looking for a sip don’t have a fucking chance. I blame the parents and believe one must get a license to get pregnant or keep it, and not just based on a test from some state goverment bullsjt/ This is awful,

First of all, OK Simpson is just perfect in every way. Also, there may or may not be some sort of eugenics-esque appeal for state-sponsored sterilization at the end there. It’s hard to tell with all the “bullsjt.”

Come with us now on a journey through time and space

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I don’t just surf the internet, I travel it. One second I’m looking up Jude Law’s IMDB profile and the next I find myself reserving a book at the library on religious asceticism in the Middle Ages.

My travels have a soundtrack that is just as hyperkinetic in its apparent lack of theme. I make lousy mix-tapes because of this.

This was my most recent collision of internet searching and music:

I can’t upload the video by any method, so go to the link at Buzzfeed and watch it. It’s worth it. I promise.
(Edit: FIXED! ~BMCFC)

Thug Life

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My paean to the joys of Boardwalk Empire having been pushed off the main page, I feel compelled to keep the fire alive by acquainting you with four real-life inspirations of the show’s most colorful gangsters.

Charles “Lucky” Luciano

Okay, so this one isn’t as cute in real life as Vincent Piazza, the fine young actor who portrays him on the small screen. Such is life. Lucky was born in Sicily and emigrated to New York as a child, where he befriended fellow gangster Meyer Lansky and became a protégé of Arnold Rothstein. Early success as a drug trafficker and a bootlegger allowed him to rack up both millions of dollars and a 6-month prison sentence by his 20s. Luciano had a hand in organizing all the major Mafia families in the 1930s and setting up a common governing body, with himself at the top. After a successful life of crime that brought him millions and took him to the penitentiary, he was deported back to his native Sicily. Lucky slipped out of Italy and had a successful foray into pre-revolutionary Cuba, where he rejoined his pal Meyer Lansky and resumed his criminal activities.  Lucky ultimately returned to Italy and died of a heart attack at age 64.

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International Security and Local Law Enforcement

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Occasionally, I’d like to touch on something a little more serious. Countless critics provide quality artistic and socio-political analysis of today’s high quality dramas: Mad Men, Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, Top Chef. But I’m afraid that this particular focus has led us to ignore the important lessons we can learn from America’s Top New Drama:  Hawaii Five-O.  Here are some important lessons from this week’s episode. Continue reading →