Calling in from remote outposts, darlings. How is Earth going? Canucks still on track for Lord Stanley’s Cup? O’Bamas still spreading universal cheer? Excellent! I even hear Kim Kardashian is trying to heal white supremacy wounds by getting engaged to yet another K and being all “mixed race babehs are teh best” and good for her.
Continue reading
We never said the phone company was logical.
Hello again, darlings. Today’s call brings bad news: I think I’ve become a Gnostic by way of Thomas Ligotti. You don’t know Thomas Ligotti? Oh, you’ve been missing nightmares galore all this time, poor you. The Gnostics, in Seriously Dumbed Down Theology News, believed the world was being dreamed into being by super-duper angels called Archons. Thomas Ligotti’s twist on this is to state unequivocally that they are having nightmares.
Did I ever explain that I have a tendency to go emo during times of stress? So, yeah. That.
Here are your Malevolent Or Insanely Dreaming God Celebrity Gossip Links for today. So, yeah, try to come to peace with the continued existence of Paris Hilton and the fact Miley Cyrus made tens of millions of dollars last year. Happy Dreams!
Hello darlings. What’s that? You’ve missed me? Oh: You haven’t missed me. And you want me to get with the putting out for you, starting here and now. Okay, sure. I love it when you get all macho on me. And just look at that bitch Bacall, sitting there seething with jealousy. Continue reading
Gossip and animated GIF’s after the jump! Continue reading
Carole Lombard LOVES Twitter
Yeah, baby! I’ve never been retweeted by William Powell, but I bet it would feel JUST! LIKE! THAT! And on that note, I’m off to watch My Man Godfrey again.
Give the man a hand; he looks like he can use it. So can I, actually, and if you want to know why you can read a (brief, point-form, garbled, and incomplete) explanation at raincoaster.com, where I explain why I’m saying good-bye to the balmiest climate in Canada (don’t laugh) and heading up to Yellowknife to become an Ice Road Blogger. And while I was at it, I nabbed Icecoaster.wordpress.com too, just because. Continue reading
Good evening/afternoon/whatevs, darlings. I’m a bit pressed for time lately, what with packing for my imminent move to the Frozen Tundra (seriously) and so I’ll have to link-dump and run, but today’s gossip is particularly juicy and you’ll want to chew it over. And over. And no stomach-churning Xtina pix SANS FARDS today, I promise.
Hello, darlings.
You haven’t called. You haven’t written. You’ve run away with the town drunk and a circus trainer, taking my posting privileges with you but it’s fine, really. It’s all right. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t lie awake nights, thinking of how you hurt me. No. Just go on with your lives as if I didn’t matter at all, as if I didn’t even exist.
There, are you happy now?
On that note, here are today’s Mother’s Day themed links. But seriously, if SHE were your mother, would you bring Junot home? Would you DARE??? You break your mother’s heart.
I’d flesh out the links a bit more but the taxi has just pulled up and I’m late for my bridge game. There’s a chicken in the sink defrosting, make sure your sister eats something and doesn’t bring that stoner home again while I’m out. Ta, sweets!
Did you miss me? Sorry to miss you on Wednesday, but I was down with a bout of food poisoning. That’ll teach ME to eat things that haven’t been deep-fried.
No, seriously, nothing can live through deep-frying. FACT. If you eat only deep-fried foods, you will not die of food poisoning, I promise. You will, however, need a larger coffin than if you eat only salads.
Continue reading
Hello Darlinks! This is my first post for Crasstalk, so expect some chaos (well, even more than normal for me, and “normal” chaos for me is like “background radiation” at Fukushima lately, so fasten your seat belts; I’ve been banned by Gawker Media six times {twice in one day: what do I win?} so I give it a week before someone here is slamming the door on my ass and NO I AM NOT DEFENSIVE SO STOP SAYING THAT).
Where was I? Oh, right, about to dish up some celebrity links. Now, there are those of you who may know one or two things about me, starting with “Self-referential.” You ain’t seen nothin’ yet! Because three times a week I get paid to do celebrity gossip roundups and I stick four of my own blogs right at the top of the links. Crasstalk is going to go in there too, in a couple of days. The rest are chosen on the basis of being either really amusing, really revealing, or fitting into an arbitrarily-chosen theme really, really well. Sometimes I make them all rhyme. Sometimes they’re all death-related. Sometimes it’s Stories Whose Headlines Can Be Contorted To Form Dirty Words When Read From Top To Bottom or whatever. But sometimes (it must be admitted, even by me) that it’s just the Top 15 or so Easy To Describe Stories From The Blogs I Like Best Right Now.
So now, having set the bar impossibly high, lowered it to the ground, and put it back up somewhere in the middle (it’s Jenga, with celebrities!) I present your gossip (and self-serving) links for the day:
Tee Many Martoonis (ManoloFood)
Spa No Go? Oh. (raincoaster)
Marilyn Monroe conquers the world! (Ayyyy)
Is this how the Spears family started? (Lolebrity)
Tom Cruise sees red (AgentBedhead)
And it turns out he’s not even related to Viggo! (BusyBeeBlogger)
Evan Rachel Wood lives up to his name (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Vanessa Hudgens in tampon chain fashion tragedy (CelebritySmack)
And then Trump asked for its birth certificate (CelebVIPLounge)
Joey Ramone lives on. On white trash (CityRag)
NPH has double trouble (DailyStab)
How many celebutards does it take to dance on the head of a mushroom? (DippedInCream)
Oh, Aniston, it’s SO mutual (EarSucker)
Mike Tyson is serious about this yoga thing, too (FitFabCeleb)
Elizabeth Hurley will never age. STOP IT ALREADY, BITCH! (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Let me get this straight…If you sleep under Miley Cyrus’ armpits, you will never have nightmares? (HaveUHeard)
JSimp wigs out (HollywoodHiccups)
Shack up with Glee! (INeedMyFix)
Royal Wedding rehearsal shocker! (MathewGuiver)
Nicki Minaj drops the dildo for Britney (PoorBritney)
Fergie drops the “D-List Bomb” on the TSA (PopBytes)
Huh? Seriously? Kirstie Alley was onstage at the same time? (Swoonworthy)
Miley Cyrus appears to have a shin cellulite problem??? (TheSkinny)
Selah.