booze

73 posts

This Just In – Amy Winehouse Still A Mess

This weekend Amy Winehouse arrived an hour late for her set in Belgrade, and no, she wasn’t using that time to prepare for her set. That is of course unless you consider whatever substances it’s pretty clear she was on at the time as preparation. Winehouse wandered on and off the stage, dropped her microphone (and not the cool way),  and was finally booed off the stage. We have a clip from her attempted performance of “Just Friends.” You be the judge.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuNK6tgVo2M
Continue reading →

Your Crasstalk Meet Up Post

OK kids, here is the Crasstalk Meet Up Page. Please feel free to use this to organize your shindigs, throw downs, and box socials.

To find this post in the future just go to the Community tab on the menu at the top of the home page and go to Meet Ups. If you add a new meet up make sure to put it into a couple of open threads so that people know to check the page. Special thanks to Madfall for suggesting this page for you to organize your debauchery.  Comment.

 

Mother’s Day Gifts for Procrastinators

You would think that being a mother I would get my shit together and mail my mom the obligatory Hallmark Mother’s Day card in time.  I woke up this morning and smacked my head because our US Postal system will not get a card I pop into the mail today in Connecticut to the suburbs of Chicago by Saturday.  Somehow an eCard doesn’t seem, well, seemly.  So I am left with a quandary… what to get Mom to show her that I forgive her for tormenting me all those years which led to years of therapy love her?  And, I have to get it to her quickly.

Here is a quick list of my go-to gifts for my dear ole mom: Continue reading →

Question of the Day: What’s Your Favorite Liquor?

It’s Friday, so let’s talk about highly relevant subjects.

We all have a favorite liquor. There’s always that one liquor that we consider an old, reliable friend. That one friend who’s always there for you in times of trouble such as when your hound dog died, your woman left you or when you first found out that Charles In Charge didn’t get renewed for another season.

What’s your favorite type of liquor?

I’ve always wanted to be a suave, debonair Latin playboy who smokes cigars and wears those Cuban shirts with the four pockets on the front. Seriously, Cubans. FOUR FUCKING POCKETS. You are geniuses.

Anyway, I personally love rum. Rum comes from distilled sugar cane and it makes you feel like a pirate who ARGH can do what you want, plunder whatever booty is nearby and possibly end the night with a Spanish doubloon stuck between your ass cheeks. Fun times.

Quick tip: If you can find it, I highly recommend the El Dorado line of rums from Guyana. They’re made with demarara sugar and have a great, carmely flavor that is perfect with a bit of Coke and some fresh lime.

So what’s your lubricant?

 

My Run-In With the Law…and a Truck

I’ve had a rough couple of years. Between a divorce, a complete mental breakdown, three major appliances crapping out on me and getting laid off from my job I managed to get myself arrested for a DUI. I’m not here for pity though. I will briefly explain what happened that led to my run in with the law, what fun the legal system is  and the soul crushing bullshit that is probation. It’s all public record so what’s there to be embarrassed about? Just don’t tell my parents. Shhhh…yes, I’m too old for this to be a real issue. It’s for their peace of mind.

I am not not not encouraging anyone to drink and drive. Not even after a couple casual drinks apparently (Grumble…). I realize I will be judged for what I did. This was emotionally hard to write. Partially because of just that and partially just because, do me one favor, remember we all make mistakes/ judge not lest/he without sin blah blah. If you’re perfect, lambaste away. Complaining and criticizing are easy. Also, I have some loaves and fishes you can go feed the village with.

A little more than a year ago I was despondent over some of the aforementioned messes (especially the marital “bliss”) and went to have a couple after work drinks (I had found a job by then.) with a friend. We did just that. Couple drinks, some conversation, I think I may have had a cry, gave my friend a ride to another bar, dropped him off and headed home. Then I got hit by a truck. An 18-wheeled delivery lorry to be exact. I won’t go into the details of the wreck but it was determined to not be my fault and I was not ticketed for it. What I was ticketed and arrested for was the couple of drinks in my system that I was stupid enough to tell the cop about.

I am of slight build and had been involved in a wreck so I had no chance. Between officer’s discretion and the fact that I was going to blow around the limit (Which I did.) I was headed for jail. First lessons had already arrived. Ladies, you have no chance of not blowing close to the limit with even one drink in your system. Biology is just biased that way. Everyone, don’t tell the police anything, ANYTHING except your basic information before you speak to a lawyer. Yes, they will get mad at you. Yes, they will threaten you. Just remember your Miranda rights and be polite.

My second set of lessons arrived with the field sobriety test and Breathalyzer. I passed the field tests but according to my lawyer, it was a risk even taking them. Don’t. You’re just giving them evidence and frankly you could fail them sober if you’re a klutz or tired. Next came the Breathalyzer. Again, don’t take it. You don’t have to. You will lose your license for refusing but guess what? That’s going to happen more than likely anyhow. Here are some states that have slightly different penalties… refusal of breathalyzer …basically same idea though. Really just the duration and fine differ. I didn’t refuse. However being as that I had a cold I was having real problems getting enough air into the bastard thing to register thusly the cop in charge of administering the test was getting quite pissed at me. The obvious solution to his frustration? To scream at me of course. I realize he is probably used to people faking problems but he was just giving me a panic attack. Maybe I should’ve passed out. Since they wouldn’t let me take my prescription (Prescription! Prescribed to me by a doctor!) I suppose it was an option.

Well after being yelled at, I went to jail. Honestly, so long as you’re not in some scary maximum/city jail, jail is a cakewalk. Don’t be an asshole, don’t ask other people what they’re there for, hell don’t speak unless spoken to and leave your politics at home, including vegetarianism. The food is the worst part. I really hate grits but jail grits…wow.

After getting out the next morning I had life to deal with. Hire a lawyer, get my temp permit license (They take it from you, no matter what, guilty or innocent, upon arrest.), ask friends for help (This town runs on DUIs. No problem finding people who’d been there before.) and of course, pull money out of my ass.

My court date was about a month after my arrest. My lawyer managed to keep my driving permissions, on permit, for going to work, school and medical. We don’t have much in the way of public transportation or cabs that are worth a damn here so I would’ve been screwed. A bike ride through the ghetto to work doesn’t sound too awesome either. There was someone murdered a couple blocks from my work not so long ago.

I was sentenced with the usual crap and my new life as a stain on society began.

Being a parolee is a life of paperwork, appointments and bullshit. For myself I had to…

  • Go to a victim’s impact panel
  • DUI School for 24 hours spread out over 3 days
  • Take a bunch of really silly tests about drug and alcohol that a middle schooler could pass.
  • Attend my parole meeting each month
  • Go see a shrink 3 times
  • Do 40 hours of community service
  • Be randomly drug and alcohol tested (Yes. No drinking a legal substance for a legal-age first offender and the alcohol tests are super sensitive so no cold meds etc.)
  • Go back to jail for 12 hours
  • Pay 200 dollars to have my driver’s license reinstated after 4 months

…All of these things were supposed to be done in a certain order which they, in hindsight, unsurprisingly,  failed to tell me or put on my paperwork. Yay system. All of these things cost more money along with ticket fines and lawyer’s fees I was 10 kinds of broke and I still had to get my car fixed. Which brings me to another lesson. Pay everything ASAP. It’s really all your parole officer wants and then they ignore you largely. Also, if you’re late with any payments you go back to jail. Take out a damn loan. Sell a kidney in Eastern Europe. Seriously.

Going to see a shrink may have been the worst part. Invasive questions about my family life on a form seemed off subject and wooden but whatever. The socialism-hating flag-waving idiots in my town voted for this crap, right? This was neither helpful or really punishment. I wasn’t asked any questions that I see being any help to the legal system or society. If I had exhibited signs of serious alcoholism would’ve they made me go to one more session perhaps?  Maybe a shrink who gave a shit would be able to help people. My burnt out public servant just had me fill out forms (Which are standard). These are not helpful therapists. It was like going to therapy at the post office on tax day. Awesome. Pointless. What do I know?

All in all it was a stressful nightmare. I was made to feel like a child molester or a child (I can’t decide), I was broke, everyone I met seemed to hate their jobs and I now have a serious disdain for how the legal system operates as I’ve seen it first hand. It’s depressing at best, a logistical nightmare at worst. It is a mistake you will pay for dearly and no one cares what the circumstances were. No grey areas. The legal system makes the DMV and IRS seem friendly and well-run. They have customer service departments even if they are crap.

I am lucky in certain ways though. As an artist, chances are it will never affect my ability to be hired anywhere. Though I will sit here and swear to you that I was not “drunk” I’m still happy to have not hurt anyone except myself. I did get hit by a damn 18-wheeler after all. I have a decent job so I was able to muddle through the costs. Had I needed to I’m sure my family would’ve helped as well. Again, they’re happier not knowing, I promise.

If it happens to you I’d say the two most important things to do are hire a lawyer and hang on to every single stupid piece of paper they hand you as filing mistakes are often, often made. And if you have any extra cash, get on some anti-depressants. Me? I’ll likely never go to another happy hour again, or have wine at a restaurant with dinner, or a champagne at a wedding, or a beer with my dad…because these are all situations where I wouldn’t be able to find a ride I’m sure and fuck it, I don’t want to know what happens to you for a second one.

Recipe Sunday: The Classic Bloody Mary

Nothing says Sunday like a Bloody Mary. It’s an important part of many brunches and (depending on your Saturday night and the heartiness of your Bloody Mary) can take on the role of a full meal if you’re not careful. There are also few things less classic then a Bloody Mary in a gigantic A&W mug. But I think that the parfait spoon to dig out the olives helps elevate this to near “classic” status.

So, welcome, hung-over Crasstalkers, to a classic Bloody Mary that could substitute for any meal.

Bloody Mary

  • Large glass mug
  • Three ice cubes
  • Many turns of the peppermill (between 10 and 20 depending, on your constitution and preference)
  • Dash celery salt (or fresh diced celery leaves)
  • Several healthy dashes of Tabasco
  • 1/8+ inch Worcester sauce
  • 1/2 fork-full of  horseradish
  • Splash lemon juice
  • 3 olives (these are an important part of your meal, they have a bit of protein, and they’re solid.)
  • Vodka to cover your ice (and a hair more just because, hey, this is a meal)
  • Tomato juice/spicy V-8 to top off the glass

Add a celery stalk, if you want to feel fancy and have a tool to continually stir your ingredients so you don’t just get a mouthful of sludge at the bottom. (Or in case you are so hung over that you need to check your reflexes by stirring your drink, and patting yourself on the head simultaneously.)

Clearly, these are just rough guidelines. The idea is, don’t be afraid of your Sunday morning and if this doesn’t put hair on your Misters or your “Little Suzy”, then you’re not doing it right. But remember, practice makes perfect.

Especially on a Sunday.

Crass Classic: A Beer Geek’s Guide To San Francisco

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In the early days, Crasstalk was a backwater with few visits but so many great things to share.  To help bring some of those early posts to light we present Crasstalk Classic.  Our latest classic post goes all the way back to December 2010 when cacahuate showed us where to drink great beer in a city that really loves its beer.

 

21st Amendment Brewery – Brewery/ Full Bar/Restaurant – South of Market – An awesome place to have lunch or dinner, in a big rustic old warehouse.  They brew their own but also have a few guest handles that change seasonally.  I think they have moved most of the brewing off-site at this point, but occasionally they still do small batches on-site.  No tour, unfortunately.  Beers of note: Hell or High Watermelon Wheat Beer, Monk’s Blood Belgian Dark Ale.

City Beer Store – Retail/Beer only – South of Market – A small and friendly place to sit down and enjoy some weirdbeers, buy bottled beers to go, or both.  A huge selection to choose from.  Really, if you can’t find it anywhere, they probably have it here.

Anchor Brewing – Brewery/Tours – Potrero Hill – A stalwart institution in SF.  Fritz Maytag recently sold the brewery (however, Fritz is still making his own wine, and distilling some damn good gin, whiskey, and other spirits).  The best thing about Anchor is they have a free tour (you need to call and make reservations up to 6 months in advance, but it is so worth it).  It’s about a 45 minute tour, extremely informative if you are not familiar with the brewing process, and the brewery itself is beautiful.  AND you get to sample most of their beers at the end of the tour.  Did I mention it’s free?  If you can only go to one place on this list, this would be the one.  Beers of note: Christmas Ale (different every year, they really have fun with this one), Summer Beer, the original Anchor Steam, Old Foghorn Barleywine Style Ale.

Speakeasy – Brewery/Tours – Bayview/Hunter’s Point – Another local brewery.  Firkin Friday Open House (4-9pm, tour at 4pm sharp).  On tap in many places locally.  Best hoodies and t-shirts (if you go for schwag), their logo is awesome.  Beers of note: Big Daddy IPA.  Also, just FYI, for some reason lots of hotties (burly, tattooed, bearded, Carhart and workboot wearing dudes) work there.  We got a Christmas card one year from them, and I can’t even tell you how many friends of mine made a beeline right for it once they spotted the group photo on the front of the card.

Toronado/Rosamunde – Bar/Sausage Grill – Lower Haight– Toronado is the place for a beer geek.  About 50 beers on draft, and many, many more available in bottles.  Lots of Belgian beers here.  Also the site of the once a year Barleywine festival, which is always a total zoo (next year’s dates are 2/19/11-2/21/11).  I love this place because it is next door to Rosamunde Sausage Grill, so you can get a snack and take it next door into the Toronado to enjoy with your beer.

Magnolia Brewery – Brewery/Food – Upper Haight – Great food, great beers.  In the heart of the Haight, on a street corner with wraparound windows for excellent people watching.  Draft and cask conditioned ales available.  Beers of note: too many to list, I have never had a beer here that I didn’t like.

Zeitgeist – Bar/Food – Mission – Friday happy hour here is one of the best in the City.  Kind of a dive, but in nice weather take it out back in their huge beer garden littered with picnic tables.  They have a full kitchen and barbecue (the burgers are off the hook).  Not for the meek or faint of heart.  Lots of bike messengers, bikers, and assorted characters.  Best Bloody Mary’s anywhere.

Lucky 13 [no website of their own] – Bar – Castro/Upper Market – Very good selection of beers on tap.  Strong drinks, loud music, badass rocker chick bartenders.  Outdoor patio in back.  A similar vibe to Zeitgeist.

Rogue – Bar/Restaurant – North Beach – An outdoor beer garden out back, perfect for relaxing in on nice days.  Food can be uneven, but delicious Rogue beers on draft and guest handles too.  A comfortable neighborhood joint with friendly bartenders and staff, in the heart of North Beach.

La Trappe – Bar/Restaurant – North Beach – A very cool Belgian bistro and restaurant.  The food is great, the beer selection is mind-boggling.  Has a very awesome grotto-like “cave” downstairs in the basement, great for hanging out with lots of people.  Michael (the co-owner) is a true beer nerd and very friendly.

Beach Chalet – Brewery/Restaurant – Outer Richmond/Golden Gate Park – on the Great Highway and across from Ocean Beach.  Very scenic.  A nice place to take the parental units or entertain out of towners.  Good brunch on the weekends.

Trips Out Of The City (And Not Necessarily Breweries)

St. George Distillery – Spirits/Tour – Alameda – Take the ferry across the bay and it’s a pleasant half-mile walk from the dock.  They have an amazing operation here, and there is a tasting room, so have a designated driver if you decide to drive.  They make several iterations of Hangar One Vodka (the Kaffir Lime is to die for), St. George Single Malt, Absinthe, and tequila (but they can’t call it that).  This distillery was featured on Tony Bourdain’s No Reservations show, the one where they tasted Fois Gras vodka (“fois-dka”), which is not available at the distillery, or anywhere, and probably for good reason.

Lagunitas Brewery – Brewery/Tours/Food – Petaluma (Marin County) – These guys like the hops (heh), and they even have a censored beer (The Kronik Censored Rich Copper Ale).  Tours available if you call. “TapRoom and Beer Sanctuary” on site.  Worth the trip out of the city.  Beers of note: Lagunitas IPA, Hop Stoopid (22 oz), IPA Maximus, Lagunitas Brown Shugga’.

 

Top photo Flickr.