If you’ve spent a lot of time drinking, you know that you sometimes succumb to the craving for terrible food. (OMG guys, we HAVE to go through the Jack in the Box drive-thru and get funnel cakes!)
Every region has their own special variation on late-night drunk food. Sure, there are things that are pretty consistent (and terrible) across the country (have you ever been in a Denny’s at 3:00 am?) But there are also foods that are really indicative of a neighborhood. Continue reading
Real women drink. Some real women drink more than others. But ALL real women drink certain things. Continue reading
The Chicago Tribune reports that two Denver men, Robert Young, 43, and Mark Rubinson, 25, spent an August night partying with a deceased friend. Continue reading
You’d think I’d have seen it coming. I mean, there were subtle hints along the way, but I had a good deal going so maybe I just decided to ignore them. Either way, it turned into a fiasco that ended with me moving out of the apartment in the dead of night. Continue reading
Happy cocktail time, Crasstalkers. It’s been a rough week for some of you, and it sounds like everyone needs to forget about Tuesday. So let’s booze it up, shall we?
Here are three ideas to get you started.
Cilantro and Cucumber Martinis
4 ounces of vodka (the better, the better)
1 inch of finely diced English cucumber
¼ cup of cilantro
Ice
Crush the cucumber and cilantro in a mortar and pestle to make as fine a paste as possible. Pour the vodka, cucumber and cilantro paste into a martini shaker. Let it sit for about an hour, then add the ice, shake, and strain infused vodka into martini glasses. Garnish with cucumber and cilantro.
A Gingered Highball-Julep
Chop and crush one tablespoon of fresh mint and six or seven slivers of fresh ginger. Put two ice cubes in a large glass. Add two shots ginger ale and stir vigorously to make a quick infusion. Add two shots “good” bourbon (Basil Hayden or Knob Creek are preferred, but Rebel Yell is good too. Note for the poors: Rebel Yell is cheaper than most bottom shelf whiskeys and it’s the best of the bunch, even served just on the rocks. Note to snobs: don’t knock it till you’re poor enough to try it). Add one drop of bitters and a few slivers more fresh ginger for a crunchy, spicy treat.
Salty Dog
Treat a rocks glass like a margarita glass and rim it with salt. Then add equal parts vodka to pink grapefruit juice.
I’m not going to lie, I just had my first Salty Dog this week, and holy. The salt with the grapefruit juice is incredible. I was on the phone with my mother-in-law while I had my first sip and –- for the first time since we have known each other — I think she thought I was fervently agreeing with everything she said because I said “Yes!” and sighed happily (For the record, I was blissed out and I’m not sure what I agreed to). But let’s not think about any unpleasantness, because it’s Friday, and we all deserve a cocktail.
It’s Friday, so let’s talk about highly relevant subjects.
We all have a favorite liquor. There’s always that one liquor that we consider an old, reliable friend. That one friend who’s always there for you in times of trouble such as when your hound dog died, your woman left you or when you first found out that Charles In Charge didn’t get renewed for another season.
What’s your favorite type of liquor?
I’ve always wanted to be a suave, debonair Latin playboy who smokes cigars and wears those Cuban shirts with the four pockets on the front. Seriously, Cubans. FOUR FUCKING POCKETS. You are geniuses.
Anyway, I personally love rum. Rum comes from distilled sugar cane and it makes you feel like a pirate who ARGH can do what you want, plunder whatever booty is nearby and possibly end the night with a Spanish doubloon stuck between your ass cheeks. Fun times.
Quick tip: If you can find it, I highly recommend the El Dorado line of rums from Guyana. They’re made with demarara sugar and have a great, carmely flavor that is perfect with a bit of Coke and some fresh lime.
So what’s your lubricant?
Three days after his epic DUI arrest, hard-drinking slugger Miguel Cabrera was a no-show as the Detroit Tigers opened spring training workouts for the entire club today. It’s unclear when, or even if, Cabrera will join his teammates this spring in Lakeland, FL, according to The Detroit Free Press and a number of other sources. Cabrera is expected to enter an alcohol rehabilitation center within the next several days, which could keep him away from baseball until just before the start of the regular season in early April. But Tigers management and Cabrera’s teammates were more concerned about Cabrera the person than Cabrera the ballplayer and today and universally voiced support and concern for their missing teammate.
“He’s going to be welcomed here with open arms by his teammates,” Tigers skipper Jim Leyland said to reporters. “And they’re going to want to see him hit that ball over the right-centerfield fence with two men on, and he’s going to do that.”
Cabrera, a native of Venezeula, was arrested on suspicion of DUI in Fort Pierce, FL late Wednesday night as he was making his way to spring training from his winter home in Boca Raton. Cabrera, driving a black 2005 Range Rover–a definite undercar for a guy who signed a $153 million contract in 2008–was pulled over by a St Lucie County deputy who saw the SUV swerving through traffic. Arresting officer Deputy Peter Lamborghini–yes, that’s his name– wrote in his arrest report that Cabrera not only declined a breathalyzer test, wandered frequently onto the road and refused several requests to get in the back seat of the officer’s car, but at one point Cabrera also reached into his own car and “picked up a bottle of James Buchanan’s scotch whiskey and started drinking it.” Well, why not? It’s not like he was going to be driving anymore that night.
Cabrera, notes the police report, also pulled the Fame Card and and at one point said to Deputy Lamborghini, “Fuck you…do you know who I am.” While no audio has yet been released of the arrest, almost certainly the exchange sounded more like “Faaaaa uuuuu, nooooo who ayemm?” Excellent work by the deputy translating Drunk English into Standard English so quickly.
In October 2009, Cabrera was arrested, but never charged, on a domestic disturbance report at his home in suburban Detroit. His blood alcohol content was .26 when measured by police after being taken into custody. Cabrera reportedly went through an alcohol counseling outpatient program following the 2009 season. No off-the-field incidents involving Cabrera occured in 2010, a season in which he hit .328 with 38 home runs. The Tigers still owe Cabrera over $100 million.