News

1889 posts

Digital Libraries Aren’t Just For College Students and Scholars

Happy National Library Week, y’all!

I am this close to being a degreed librarian and I’d be remiss to not highlight the damn excellent work done by libraries and librarians all over the world. And so a series on digital collections is in order, don’t you think? Digital collections offer a way to share rare knowledge and primary resources to anybody with Internet access. What used to only be available to scholars who could get to the physical space is now freely accessible on the Web. It is, when done correctly and ethically, a beautiful democracy of information. Unfortunately for my lazy ass, there are so many fantastic digital library collections available on the Web that it’s hard to know where to start. Instead of focusing on one or two collections this week, I’ve chosen for our inaugural digital collections post to highlight a few great things from several collections that are related in theme and based on this week in history. (Though don’t depend on me to stick to this format ‘cuz I do what I want.)

This week’s theme is fallen leaders. On April 11, 1814, Napoleon Bonaparte was exiled to Elba–his second-to-last exile; how many people can you say that about? And on April 14, 1865, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by a mentally unstable actor (is there any other kind?). Let’s start with the great bearded one, shall we?

Abraham Lincoln’s Assassination

It’s hard not to get excited by the assassination of one of our greatest presidents, especially one surrounded by whispers of homosexuality and such fantastic facial hair. Alas! The Library of Congress (which is, contrary to common “knowledge,” not the national library of the United States) has several digital collections dedicated to our great emancipator.

Here we have a photograph taken on April 27, 1865 of Abraham Lincoln’s railroad funeral car. I implore you to go to the website and look at the full-size pdf. It’s quite beautiful.

The Railroad car photo is just a small part of a large and interactive collection available on the Library of Congress’ website that follows the journey of this train car from Washington, D.C. to Springfield, Lincoln’s hometown. You can check it in flash or HTML, which, if I may go on a bit of a tangent, is part of librarianship’s devotion to access. Not everyone has high-speed Internet, you snob.

Next we have a short video that showcases what Lincoln was carrying in his pockets on the night of his assassination. Kind of spooky, when you think about it. If I were assassinated, people would find Burt’s Bees lip balm and extra bobby pins in my pockets. So very memorable, hmm?

Finally, we have a hand-written draft of Frederick Douglass’ eulogy for Abraham Lincoln. He writes, “Abraham Lincoln, while unsurpassed in his devotion to the welfare of the white race, was also in a sense hitherto without example, emphatically, the black mans President: the first to show any respect to their rights as men.” Frederick Douglass: Master of the Backhanded Eulogy Compliment.

There are a wealth of digital collections and individual digital artifacts to be found on this specific topic (including the weird photo “Dramatization of Pursuit of John Wilkes Booth and His Conspirators“–the precursor to 48 Hours?), and of broader concern to Abraham Lincoln, but who has time for that? LC’s Civil War and Reconstruction page is a good place to start if you’re interested in some more sexy Abe resources.

Napoleon’s Exile to Elba

Brown University has a fantastic collection of Napoleonic satire. I mean, look at this one of Napoleon and president Madison looking angrily at one another while sitting on their “pots” (*giggle*):

Thankfully, toilet technology and etiquette has improved in the past 200 years.

I’m also fond of Départ pour L’Isle D’Elbe and An Imperial Vomit. Please be sure when you click through to read the full descriptions that if you don’t view the images in full size and zoom in, you’re a damn fool. Be sure of that.

We have the e-book Napoleon: King of Elba translated from Paul Gruyer’s French (thanks, Hathi Trust), Horace Vernet’s The Departure of Napoleon for Elba painted in 1831 (made available by VADS), and a drawing of a foot soldier of Napoleon’s army in full dress uniform (courtesy of Claremont Colleges).

There are, of course, library collections that are sad-making, like McGill University’s Napoleon Collection. A pretty site that boasts the collection’s thousands of materials is surprisingly difficult to navigate. I did a basic, unrestricted search of “Elba” and came up with nothing. But when I went through the subject headings, I was able to come up with several resources with this heading (like this one, with the hilarious frontispiece). Weird, right? I shake my fist that their Technical Services Department.

——————————————–

If you have any ideas, suggestions, questions, or topic requests about future posts in my library series, feel free to email me at cntinglinguist [at] gmail [dot] com. It is my not-so-humble opinion that everyone should have a librarian in their life.

Header image source: Brown University Library

Meet the New Crasstalk Editorial Team

Hello Crasstalk! As is pretty obvious to everyone, we have grown a lot over the last few months. This means we have more commenters and more writers than ever before. This also means that the people who work to bring you the site have had a lot on their hands. To remedy this we have recruited a little help to keep things running smoothly and to improve the articles we publish here. So please give a warm welcome to the new members of the team.

New Editors
The first change is that we have added a few new editors to help posts get through the publication process and make sure they are as good as they can be. These folks will edit your posts just like Dogs, Bots, and I have and please treat them with the same respect you show us. If they ask you to make changes or fix something, please do it. They have all been picked because we are confident in their abilities and you should be as well. The new editors are:

New Commenter Mods

You might have also noticed that two people now have blue boxes around their names. These are the new commenter mods. Please feel free to direct questions to them, and please point newcomers their way so that we can make them feel welcome. Again, please treat them with the same respect you do the other mods.

Please give big welcome and thank you to these folks for helping us all out. Their assistance will be a key factor in our winning of The Internet.

 

 

Life, Death and Violence: A Study of April 12

Memories fade, minds decay, and still we go on with the recording of history. We don’t remember much though.  Hell, we forget more about ourselves as we grow old than we do the facts that we’re taught, that we learn and absorb. The episodic memory is faulty because it causes us to add and remove details as we see fit, but what is deemed important enough for history is written down so that we will never forget, even if we almost always forget. Will we know who, say, Madonna is in a hundred years? It’s possible, but we know we can’t name a singer from 1911, nor do we really care. Cher, of course, will be remembered forever because she will never die. We believe she’s strong enough.

From WCRS in Detroit, it’s Life, Death and Violence brought to you by coffee. Coffee, it’s damn good! Join us and Life, Death and Violence Crush Object™ Janice Fronimakis as we delve into Wikipedia and discover the people that we’ve forgotten about. It’s your day in the sun, April 12.

Janice Likes to Think About the Stuff that Society Forgot

LIFE!

(You think someone’s going to care about you when you’re dead? Ha!)
  • 1705: William Cookworthy: Cookworthy? Not according to his wife! He did, however, kill scurvy by telling those saucy seamen to make sure to eat their fruits! The seamen, naturally, misinterpreted his dietary suggestion and continued to succumb to the disease until sometime later. Always carry Trojans and a bottle of orange juice, boys!
  • He also discovered kaolinite in Cornwall and figured out how to turn it into porcelain, thus allowing the English to make fine bone china. Bilking the Chinese out of their profits? How dare you Cookworthy! In this case, Bill’s surname is apt as he did know how to operate a kiln.
  • Wikipedia has a whole section dedicated to Cookworthy’s friends. His dinner party guests included James Cook (couldn’t even scramble an egg), John Jervis (there’s no pun here), Doctor Solander (who?) and Joe Banks who is a god in our book for giving us mimosa. Oh wait, upon further review, he found the plant, not the drink. There’s a mimosa plant? Wow, we guess you really do learn something new every day. Maybe the seamen Cookworthy advised invented the mimosa. Hell, maybe that explains all the orange juice. Prevent scurvy! Go to brunch!

 

You snooze, you lose! English bone china? More like English bone China! Hey-Oh!

DEATH!

(In memoriam: Forever or for thirty days, whichever comes first)
  • 1684: Nicolò Amati: Amati made violins, but no one can name a single luthier (that’s violin-maker) other than Antoni Stradivari, so, better luck next time Nick! Still, Nick’s violins are generally agreed to be the best in his family, at least for modern violinists and who can afford a Stradivarius anyways? Those things cost more than a one bedroom apartment in Chelsea. We’d rather have the apartment and use the savings on an Amati if we played violin. However, we don’t. We started taking lessons briefly after hearing Neon Bible but we didn’t really take it seriously and quit after a month or so.
  • But wait, there’s more! It seems that Antoni Stradivari was an apprentice of Nick Amati! This isn’t confirmed, but it’s on one of the guy’s violins, so it might be true. He at least liked Nick’s fiddles. Nick Amati: Historical footnote, overshadowed by a student. Isn’t that what we all worry about?
  • He also taught Andrea Guarneri, but, once again, we must ask, does anyone outside the music world know these names other than Stradivarius? Maybe that’s the key to history. No one is really forgotten, just by those outside their field.

Aw shucks, now we’re starting to get it and so is Janice, who’s so excited about unraveling the threads of time that he’s hopped on a horse and is preparing for war!

 

Giddyup!

VIOLENCE!

(The blood no one remembers)
  • 238: The Battle of Carthage: Led by the father/son empiric duo of Gordian the First and Gordian the Second, the Romans fell to the Numidians (modern-day Libya). Gordian the Second was killed in battle, and upon hearing the news, Gordian the First, who was 80 at the time, killed himself.
  • Interestingly enough, the Gordians were only emperor for twenty days and presided over Rome in what is now termed “The Year of Six Emperors” so don’t feel bad about losing that battle Gordie Sr. and Gordie Jr. Everyone had a bad year. At least the Roman Senate made you gods!
  • Seriously though, even though the blood was shed in vain since we no longer remember you, take solace in the fact that the modern world has exalted another Gordie to the pedestal of divinity. Gordie “Mr. Everything” Howe. Go Wings!

 

 

That battle, man. I’m exhausted.

OTHER NEAT STUFF THAT HAPPENED!

(This stuff’s notable)

After that battle, Janice is tired of talking about things that no one remembers anymore. Frankly, we’re tired of it too, so we thought we’d let you guys know that:

  • In 1606 the Union Jack became the official flag of Great Britain.
  • Unfortunately, that didn’t help Galileo. Italy’s formal inquest into his heretical science stuff began in 1633. Oh, the Inquisition!
  • In 1861, the Confederacy fired on Fort Sumter, sparking the Civil War.
  • And in 1917, Canada took some German land during World War One. Wait, Canada has an army?
  • 1955: The polio vaccine is certified safe!
  • Too bad it came too late for FDR who died exactly ten years earlier in 1945.
  • 1961: Bang! Zoom! Straight to the moon! Or, well, at least to orbit as Yuri Gagarin becomes the first man in space. No one will ever remember a single other Russian cosmonaut.
  • 1992: EURODISNEY!
  • Bill Clinton is cited for contempt of court for not knowing what the meaning of ‘is’ is in 1999
  • And last, but not least, Zimbabwe abandoned their money in 2009! It’s not like it was worth anything anyways. We’re quattuordecillionaires by their standards.

That’s all folks! Until next time: Don’t worry, you’ll forget everything bad in twenty years! Drink up. We’re going to go take a nap outside with Janice now. Bye!

 

NBA Playoffs Preview: Eastern Conference

Apologies in advance to fans of Indiana Pacers, Atlanta Hawks and Philadelphia 76ers. Your teams are decent but aren’t worth talking about (remember these words when all three of them push their opponents to seven games).
Pure Sex Appeal

 

The Chicago Bulls: Unless you live under a rock there’s no question that this season’s biggest surprise has been the fantastic showing by the Chicago Bulls. After back-to-back .500 seasons and getting clowned by LeBron James and his crew of flunkies, the Bulls went out and pulled off one of the best Plan B’s in sports history. By pairing basketball-obsessed coach Tom Thibodeau with humble-bot Derrick Rose, the Bulls established a locker room where maximum effort was expected and defense a priority.
TV Analyst Ramblings:

  • It’s the Defense, Stupid: The Bulls have been #1 in defensive efficiency for the majority of the season. In the playoffs where the pace slows to a crawl and half-court offense reigns supreme, can the Bulls keep their rotations tight and continue to contest shots?
  • Bulls Bountiful Bigs Banging Boards: Carlos Boozer and Joakim Noah have combined to miss over 60 games, but thanks to incredible depth the Bulls’ rebounding has not missed a beat. However, both starters are going to need to play much better offensively than they have in the past month in order for an extended playoff run.
  • The Man from Sudan: Luol Deng has been a much-maligend player for the duration of his Bulls tenure. He’s gone from overrated to underrated to overrated to now the second most important player on a possible title team. Deng is the only non-Rose player who can create his own shot, and his ability to play huge minutes while providing elite defense has been a major factor for Chicago’s success.
  • Do You Know Who This Kid Is?: Derrick Rose is good at basketball, to explain why would be futile.
Like a Bosh

The Miami Heatles: Oh, LeBron James. Little did anyone know that your incredibly self-absorbed and idiotic “Decision” would have been the greatest thing to happen to the NBA since baggy shorts. Thanks to one person’s delusion that no one would be upset about taking a televised dump on the city of Cleveland, the NBA’s ratings have skyrocketed. In the post-Jordan era this has been one of the most successful seasons yet.
TV Analyst Ramblings:

  • In Miami, Basketball is 3-on-5: By now everyone knows about the incredible talent and production of the Heat’s 3 big stars. Bosh, Wade and James are not only incredibly gifted two-way players but they’re also efficient. The problem all season has been, what the hell happens when Miami faces a good defense that can take those 3 guys out of their element? The answer, not so much. The Heat have the worst bench in the league on a PPG basis, and thanks to salary cap constraints haven’t been able to find any impact players to pair with their stars.
  • Boys Don’t Cry: Miami’s struggles against elite teams has been well-documented. Other than sweeping the season series over the Lakers, they have not fared well against the league’s top teams. Even worse is that they seem to choke in every big game, and that the rest of the sports world seems to revel in their missteps. With two of the best closers in the game it was assumed Miami would handle crunch-time with ease, but it hasn’t been the case. Will the Heat actually run plays that work well (like say, a James/Wade pick and roll) or will they just keep forcing each guy to isolate every time?

 

I got nothing.

The Boston Celtics:  2008-2011 record before the All-Star game: 116-43. After the All-Star Game: 50-33. Injuries, age, trades and inconsistent play have put the Celtics on a roller-coaster ride for the past three seasons. They have ranged from the clear-cut best team in the league to a team that no one fears. A shocking deadline deal that sent starting center Kendrick Perkins to Oklahoma City has seemingly sent the team, famously close-knit, into a tailspin. But this is a veteran group that encountered similar struggles last year and almost won the title.
TV Analyst Ramblings

  • Rajon Rondo, defunct Alien Cyborg: While the media fixates on the Boston Three Party of Pierce, Garnett and Allen, the dirty little secret about Boston is that they live and die based on the play of Rajon Rondo. A late 1st round pick who wasn’t supposed to amount to much has turned into one of the game’s best passers and a strong defender. He also has a worse jumpshot than my dad is a gaping piece of shit, but that’s another story. His play since the All-Star break has noticeably dipped and without a rejuvenated Rondo don’t expect Boston to get very far.
  • Will Shaq See the Court?: 74 year old Shaquille O’Neal made another pit-stop on the “Fuck I gotta get more rings than Kobe before I retire” tour when he signed with Boston. It was actually a match made in heaven as he accepted a reserve role and gave the Celtics one of the deepest benches in the league. However, Shaq has only played 37 games this year and last week injured himself by walking down the court (no joke).

The New York Knicks: I’m going to just come out and say it, I hate the Knicks. They are annoying, their fans are annoying, the Garden is annoying, Spike Lee is annoying, the admiration people have for this franchise is annoying. They don’t play any defense, Carmelo Anthony is one of the more overrated stars in recent memory and Amar’e Stoudemire gets less rebounds on a per minute basis than a barstool.

That said, they’re incredibly fun to watch and there are few arenas in the NBA that can get as rowdy as MSG. Mike D’Antoni is a gifted offensive coach who apparently lost the part of the brain that tells you basketball is also about preventing the opponent from scoring. Knicks fans have been suffering for quite some time and I think I can live in an age where Isiah Thomas isn’t running the most valuable NBA franchise into the ground. Also, Walt Frazier is a gift from heaven, everyone should cherish him.

Predictions: Bulls, Heat, Celtics, Magic all make it to the 2nd round. Bulls and Heat square off in the Conference Finals, Miami wins in 7 games.

 

MomCrocker and DadCrocker + Stereo = Lunacy

Living with Mom and Dad in the Ancestral Family Split-Level was quite an experience, and law school was boggling. When I moved back home after college, I was unprepared for the efforts of my Old People to stay young.

I don’t know if it’s a Scot thing or a Milanese thing, but we all tend to sing when we think we’re alone and are doing a domestic task.  Mine tend to come from VH-1’s Top 20, and Mom and Dad tend to Motown, since in 1961 that was the thing.

The central staircase of a split-level separates the living areas by function, which is cool.  It also enables one to spy on what’s going on on other levels without being seen.

So, when I came home from work and discovered that my Jamiroquai CD was missing from my car, I was a tad startled to hear it blasting from the stereo in the dining room.

Mom.

She had her friend Pam in the living room and was dusting.  There was wine – a huge bottle of Pinot Grigio.  She sang “You know this spooky is for real!” and Pam folded up on the sofa in a pile of giggles.  I stood there on the stairs to the den with my jaw unhinged as Mom pranced around with a can of Pledge.  Canned Heat with lemon freshness. “I threw my caution to the wi-hi-hind!  Oh. Hi. I borrowed your CD.  Do you want some wine?”

“Mom, I think you’ve had enough for both of us.”  The crazy bitch was actually speaking LOLcat.

Finally, I tottered out to the terrace and called my friend Bill.  After telling him what was up, I asked if I could move in with him.  “My Mom sings ‘Stairway To Heaven’ when she dusts.” he informed me. “You’re better off.”

Then, the next day, I was watching HGTV in the den with the kitty, and Dad was working in the garage with the door open just a bit.  It was just enough to hear him yell along with Boston “I closed mah eyes and she slipped away-ayyy-hay! She slipped away-AY-HAY! It’s moar than a feeeeeling (moar than a feeling) when I hear that old song play woo-ooh-ooh-hoo!” The cat cocked an ear in that general direction, then shook his head, like “Christ, make it stop.”  My sentiments exactly.

I peeked in, and there he was at his workbench – making a goddam birdhouse, so that the goddam blue jays have a haven from which to dive-bomb our outdoor meals.

“Are both of you batshit?” I asked him.

“Maybe, a little.”

“Great. That looks terrific for me and my future.”

“Heh-heh-heh.”

Don’t get me wrong.  If I had boring Old People I’d be bored and more than slightly irritated.  I just wish they were a little less musical about it.

And I’m so glad I live 20 minutes away now, with my Cap’n.  Though he thinks I’m a bit kooky when he catches me singing Colbie Callait to the cats.

Traveling The Roads Less Taken In The People’s Republic of China

I recently lived for a few years in the central region (Chongqing Municipality) of the People’s Republic of China. Here are some tips I learned for living and traveling in the less- or non-westernized regions of China.

1. Your hostel or hotel must be approved for foreigner accommodation. This is true all over China, but you might run into more Chinese-only places in areas where fewer foreigners visit or live. All big foreign-chain hotels are approved for foreigners and  JangJiang Inn/Hotel is a nationwide, approved Chinese hotel chain. Using an online hostel finder will usually bring up results for foreigner-approved hostels, and hostels display a plaque if they are approved. However, if you are searching onsite, you might run across a place that refuses to let you stay there. This might be why.

2. You are required to register with the local police within 24 hours of arrival in an urban area and 72 hours in a rural area. If you stay in a foreigner-approved hotel or hostel they will take care of this for you; this means when you check in, they will make a copy of your passport and visa and might ask you which city you arrived from and where you are going next. (Those questions are on the form they fill out to give to the police, but they aren’t always asked.) I was told informally this law was only applicable if you will be there for more than 72 hours, but I was always registered even if I stayed only one night. If you don’t stay in a hotel or hostel, you are responsible for the registration.  If you are working, your visa sponsor will usually help you register guests staying with you.

3. The custom in China is to shower before bed, so in smaller hotels or hostels, hot water might be available only at night. A hostel will usually advertise if hot water is available 24 hours a day. I just usually asked when checking in so I could plan my hot water usage. However, electric teapots and/or hot water dispensers are available in every room and/or floor.

4. The Chinese government uses the Yangtze River as a horizontal dividing line for determining who gets indoor central heat and who doesn’t. If you live below the Yangtze, heat is not provided. Foreign business and hotels usually provide their own heat, but restaurants, homes, local shops and work places are not heated. (My work building and apartment weren’t heated.) It got down to about 35 degrees in my city; not freezing, but cold enough to require wearing a coat 24 hours a day in the winter.

5. University campuses have guest hotels (and sometimes foreign student dormitories) on campus they’ll rent out for much cheaper than a city hotel. They aren’t advertised that I’m aware of, but if you go on campus and ask anyone where the hotel or overseas dormitory is, you’ll be directed to it. The front desk will help you.

6. Travel restrictions to Tibetan or Uyghur areas are usually strictly  enforced. It can change quickly, so verify before you leave for these areas they are still accessible to foreigners. Your country’s consulate is a good resource for this information.

7. Two common scams:

  • If you speak English, an English-speaking local will invite you to go with them to a KTV (karaoke) or teahouse to practice their English with you. They’ll run up a bill of expensive liquor or tea and then take off, leaving you responsible for the bill. (The teahouse/KTV splits the money with the inviter.)
  • In a shop, if you pick something up to examine it more closely, you’ll be accused of damaging it in some way. Or, if you walk by a breakable object, it will break behind you and you‘ll be accused of breaking it. The police will be called and you’ll be offered a chance to avoid being arrested by paying large fine. (The police split the fine with the shop owner.)

7. A few miscellaneous tips:

  • Beauty salons or massage parlors with pink lights double as brothels.
  • Assume KTVs with peepholes instead of windows on the room doors are doubling as brothel/drug spots.
  • Be aware your hotel might let the local brothel know your hotel room number;  you’ll get a call later that night offering services. I never heard of this happening in a hostel, though.
  • Train and long distance bus service is convenient and reliable. The CRH are the newer high-speed train lines and I highly recommend them, when available.
  • Giving a taxi driver a cigarette when you get in the taxi can go a long way toward not getting ripped off.
  • Locals sit in the front seat of taxis, not the backseat. Getting in the front seat and offering the driver a cigarette can go an even longer way toward not getting ripped off.
  • If you think you’re getting ripped off by a taxi driver, write down their license ID number on the dashboard AND the taxi car number on the trunk; you’ll need both to file a complaint. And the driver might stop trying to rip you off if he sees you writing down his ID number. (Ask your hotel/hostel/host how to file a complaint, if needed.)
  • It is common for locals you’ve just met to ask you for your phone number or invite you to a meal. (Once while hiking, a friend and I came across a farmer and his wife who gave us snacks and invited us to spend the night at their farm.)
  • It might require restraint to stop yourself from zurbittzing the cute baby cheeks, but it can be done.  (Barely!)

 

If you have any questions about of these things or about something I didn’t address, please feel free to ask in the comments and I’ll answer your questions.

A Crasstalk Salute to Glenn Beck

Well it’s official. America’s official wingnut siren Glenn Beck will be ending his daily show on Fox News by the end of this year. It’s sad news to his loyal, but incoherent fan base. As you can imagine, they are devastated.


America’s lame stream media is of course rejoicing, as are George Soros, Nancy Pelosi, and the kids over at Media Matters. However some of us are going to kind of miss old Glenn and his nightly panic-spreading and gold shilling. Here are a few great Beck highlights for those of us who are going to miss having Glenn Beck to kick around.

Here’s Glenn laying out the truth about the Egyptian Revolution. Some of his finest work exposing the elites who plot against the decent folk who watched the show.

Here’s some of the two part series about the Holocaust surviving Nazi George Soros who is ruining the world by giving money to people who are trying to stem corruption in the developing world.

And let’s not forget this classic.

However the people who will probably miss their daily dose of Beck most are America’s comedy establishment.

And the comedian who has undoubtedly benefited the most from Beck’s two year parade of batshit crazy has been Jon Stewart. Beck not only provided night after night of easy jokes for Daily Show writers, but he was also the inspiration for the hugely successful Rally to Restore Sanity. Thursday night Stewart gave a magnificent send off to Beck that gave a nod to the inspiration that Glenn created for The Daily Show. Here is an excerpt.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Glenn Beck Announces His Departure
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook

Damn Glenn, I am going to miss a regular dose of your madness. To be honest, I think a lot of liberals will. Who will be the target of our outrage? Who’s name will we invoke as the ultimate broadcasting insult? The election season is going to be a lot less fun without his theories and his chalkboard. We can only hope Fox is in talks with Michelle Bachman.

Oh well, I guess we still have The Blaze.

Sorry Mr. President, I’m in But My Money Isn’t

Fearing that the Republicans would stop looking for excuses to attack him, and desperately in need of the attention, the President jumped into the 2012 campaign on Monday. With a paltry 19 months to go until the election, Barack Obama released a short video on his website announcing that he and Vice President Biden will seek reelection against ”Koch Brother’s Puppet Candidate TBA.”

In addition to announcing his re-election bid to the world, the Obama campaign machine has already swung into full fundraising mode.  Appropriating a version of an old Democratic strategy, it seems like Obama and Co. are asking donors to “give early and give often.”

Given that some estimate that the campaign will need close to $1B (yes, that’s a ‘B’, as in ‘billion’), it is a sensible move.  If I want to pay cash for a medium ticket item next year, I’m smarter to put $20 a week away starting now.  There’s not exactly a credit card for big media buys that I’m aware of.

So, it was little surprise to me when the package asking for money for the campaign landed in our mailbox this week.  After all, Organizing for America (the outfit that the 2008 Obama campaign morphed into) scarcely goes a week without emailing me, hat in hand, for cause ‘x’.

What may surprise Obama/Biden 2012 is this:  My wallet is closed to them for the foreseeable future.

Maybe Albert can slip you a few clams for this round

Why?  Simply put, he campaigned as a progressive Santa Claus, and gave me a Blue Dog for Christmas the last two years.  Sadly, I’m just not excited about a watered down health care bill or milquetoast finance reform, which were two big issues for me in 2008.   Add in zero movement on gay marriage and the disinterest in paring back a bloated military, and I question what side the guy is even on sometimes.  The Great Tax Cut Capitulation of 2010 made me want to strip the “Yes We Can” sticker off the bumper of my neighbor’s Prius.

Before someone throws the “What the f*ck has Obama done so far” website in the comments: I get it, he’s gotten further on some important issues than Clinton ever did.   He also folds like a Walmart tent the face of even token GOP opposition.  That’s not the guy I thought I was voting for, or donating to, in 2008.

He’ll undoubtedly get my vote, and that of my spouse.  We live in a battle ground state that went all crazy red in 2010, and I’m not dumb enough to risk throwing double-digit electoral votes to Mittchelle Huckawlenty (the GOP-zombie creation who appeals to creepy Evangelicals and big-business) in service of my progressive pouting.

Rather, I’m voicing my displeasure in the same way I do when my favorite sports teams make a series of moves I dislike.  Taking money out of their pockets, or rather, refusing to ever put it in there in the first place.  It is the only other way I know of to get a politicians’ attention.  Watch the way the 2012 campaigns (or any recent campaigns, for that matter) court the big money, and you’ll get evidence of this in abundance.

Do I expect that the loss of whatever relatively paltry sum my family would donate will have much effect on the Obama campaign?  Am I suddenly going to get an audience with the big guy to air my grievances?  No, of course not.

Yet, between a still-sagging economy and a general malaise among progressives, I sincerely doubt that we’re the only small money donors from 2008 whose checkbook stays on the sidelines in 2012.

Besides, if there’s a GOP victory in 2012, I’ll need to save every cent I can to pay for my privatized Medicare.

Enlightenment Wordplay

Simple to present yet not so easy to solve, this elegant exchange between Voltaire and his friend and patron Frederick the Great of Prussia is one of the cleverest surviving puzzles borne of a playful and philosophical friendship between a King and a commoner.

Wikipedia asserts that

“Frederick also aspired to be a Platonic philosopher king like the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius.

Frederick the Great
Frederick the Great of Prussia who admired above all the Enlightenment's greatest thinker, Voltaire.

… At Sanssouci Frederick entertained his most privileged guests, especially the French philosopher Voltaire, whom he asked in 1750 to come to live with him. The correspondence between Frederick and Voltaire, which spanned almost 50 years, was marked by mutual intellectual fascination. In person, however, their friendship was often contentious, as Voltaire abhorred Frederick’s militarism. Voltaire’s angry attack on Maupertuis, the President of Frederick’s academy, provoked Frederick to burn the pamphlet publicly and put Voltaire under house arrest. Voltaire was accused by some of anonymously publishing The Private Life of the King of Prussia, wittily claiming Frederick’s homosexuality and parade of male lovers, after he’d left Prussia. Frederick neither admitted nor denied the contents of the book, nor ever accused Voltaire of having written it. Some years later, Voltaire and Frederick resumed their correspondence and eventually aired their mutual recriminations, to end as friends once more.”

Adds BookRags:

“There is no proof that Voltaire ever had a homosexual experience. Most of the evidence for his occasional homosexuality in the four-volume biography by Roger Peyrefitte is fabricated. The story that Voltaire once had sexual relations with a Prussian soldier as an experiment, only to decline a second experience with the quip ‘Once a philosopher, twice a sodomite,’ is certainly apocryphal. He attended the Jesuit college of Louis-le-Grand as a boy, and while visiting England years later reportedly remarked, ‘Oh! those damned Jesuits… ar**d me to such a degree that I shall never get over it as long as I live,’ but he was probably being facetious.”

 

In any case, getting back to our puzzle, der Grosse Freddy and his philosophically-minded homey exchanged quips, puns, and invitation frequently—unless they were squabbling—and this is one of the cleverer among them.

In the first box, Frederick’s invitation:

In the second, Voltaire’s reply:

 

So have at it, my friends and commenters. It remains unclear what the winner, if there is a winner, will win. But it will be somehow appropriate.

Murder By The Sea

At 7 AM on a glittering July morning in 1996, I lay nude and face down on an expensive sheet in the sands of Tobay Beach, a sugary-sanded stretch of barrier island off Long Island’s South Shore.  Terns circled overhead and the scent of beach roses was intoxicating.  Nudity is allowed on this particular beach, and although I’m shy, I took note of the fact that I was very much alone.

My huge, blond, Nordic boyfriend had gone for a walk – probably to explore his other options, and this made me sad. My annoyance was compounded when a Coast Guard Officer approached. I looked around for my swimsuit, certain he was going to tell me to put it back on.

He did not.

He squatted down and engaged me in charming conversation.  He was handsome and lean, about 40 or so, and had delightful, kind, vibrantly green eyes.  He gently ran a hand over my ass, and without a lot of heat I told him that my boyfriend would kill him.  He patted his gun and told me he’d take his chances.  We had a very in-depth conversation without a lot of words.

Hindsight is 20/20.  I shouldn’t have let him depart while casting wistful gazes at my derriere. The Nordic boyfriend was short-lived, and the idea of canoodling in a cabin with a Swarthy Sea Dog has crossed my mind more than once since then. Yes, I have my beloved Cap’n, but haven’t all of you wondered what might have been?

Back to being alone.  For all their natural beauty, the barrier islands are isolated and feel like the last place on earth.  You can drive 90 minutes and be in Times Square, but here, it’s Nowheresville.

This is probably why a serial killer chose to dump 8 of his victims on the bay side of Ocean Parkway.  No one except for avid fishermen go in those dunes.  The sands there are covered with scrub oaks, Japanese Black Pine trees, and are home to bunnies, hawks and sea birds.  And now, the remains of young women.

Most of the victims seem to be prostitutes, which to me is just tragic.  It’s bad enough that they felt they had to make a living in a dangerous, degrading profession, but to be murdered and left in the dunes is just a terrible fate which no one deserves.  The three latest victims have not been identified yet.

One of the victims met a wealthy man for a “date”, and he was the last to see her alive. He’s been interviewed extensively, and I’m quite sure he didn’t kill her.  I think it’s just a wrong-place-wrong-time thing for him, and he’s probably mortified that all his neighbors in his tony hamlet know he trolls Craigslist for hookers.

So who did kill these women?

Well, FBI profiling would indicate a white man in his 30s or 40s, isolated and normal-looking, with few friends and nobody close.  The 8 victims found are probably only a few of his.  And law enforcement will have a hard time catching him unless he screws up.  Nassau County Police and the NYPD barely speak to each other about missing persons and murder victims.  In fact, one victim reported missing in the city sat in a Nassau morgue for over a month before someone thought to check.

The killer is probably  local – I’m guessing from Suffolk County.  He’s probably geeky and wears outdated clothes – all serial killers who have been caught fit this mold.  Definitely not a corporate type, and probably not well-off.  He probably plans his killings meticulously, but “goes somewhere else” in his head during the actual murders.

I just described the entire populace of the towns of Mastic and Shirley.  The cops have a lot of work to do.  Stay tuned.