Humor

240 posts

Seven Best Hangover Foods

The pounding headache, the stomach full of bile. The sweats, the farts, the poops. All across the world, Saturday morning comes and the cry of “Never again!” shouts from bathroom stalls everywhere as we hug our toilets, retching out another successful night.

Well, most of us don’t drink until we puke every weekend, so what’s the next best thing after getting rid of all the alcohol you put in your stomach? Putting greasy food in there to counteract the hours-old fermented beer! Sometimes this works to your advantage and you feel like a million bucks, and other times, well – see the first paragraph. It was going to happen anyway, so might as well have some substance to the puke, right? Continue reading →

Welcome to Democrazy

“Many forms of Government have been tried and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.” – Sir Winston Churchill –

A successful democracy has always rested on two fundamental pillars. The first is compromise; the ability for even the most intractable of political foes to sit down at a table and hammer out laws that neither of them like, but that both of them can live with. The second is the exclusion of extreme elements. Simply put, government cannot function if the lunatics are running the asylum. Continue reading →

Breaking: UN Declares Ban On News Until 2012

No more. No mas. We are full. Stay out news.The UN announced today that due to the massive news surplus in the first seven months of 2011, no more events will be permitted, anywhere in the world, for the rest of the year.

A spokesperson from the UN said today that the General Assembly have voted to ban all newsworthy happenings for the rest of the year; “After the horror of the Japanese tsunami, the roller-coaster ride of the Arab Spring and the global recession and debt crises, we were already emotionally shattered. Now after the shocking events in Norway and the spectre of famine hanging over the Horn of Africa we give up. 2011 is full; there will be no further events until 2012”.

This move was welcomed by journalists all over the globe; Continue reading →

Every Day I’m Shufflin’

Interviews, quelle horreur!

We ONLY hire people with BRAAAAAIIIIINNNNNS!

Well.  Here I am – qualified and knowing that “You better work!” isn’t just a drag queen mantra.  After a minor meltdown, I’m back in the interview saddle.  Those similarly situated should know that the game has changed.

Here’s what you can expect.

1) The interview where you wear a suit and your prospective boss wears flip-flops.  This happened to me three times.  One micro-skirted woman lost her flip-flop when she crossed her legs like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, and only the fact that her flip-flop fortuitously flew foiled a furor over her flap.  She worked for a Big 4 accounting firm, BTW.  Her colleague was wearing stained khakis and a polo that barely protected his paunch from being peeped.  Let it all hang out, guys!  I don’t mind befouling my Hugo Boss in NYC’s summer heat so that I can show you the respect you think you deserve. Continue reading →

Kooks N’ You

Our urban centers – especially New York City – have a reputation for being Crazytown. One minute you’re giggling at an Italian comic opera, and the next you are being accosted by a toothless hobo screaming obscenities with his hoo-hah out. Then, glancing at the Playbill clutched in your white-knuckled hands, he bursts into an aria from The Barber Of Seville.

Continue reading →