The Real Housewives of New York City have erupted like a cold sore on the lip of summer. God help us all. Video at link.
Vapid, made of plastic, my surgeon is fantastic
I look like Mommie Dearest – I just don’t beat my kids
And while they should be nearest… where ARE those little shits?
Bones, rags, hanks of hair and a couple of rocks
We’re on Bravo everywhere, our houses are in hock
We spend too much, get drunk and fight
It’s like a trailer park Saturday night
Our brains have major damage from hairspray and nail glue
But we think we are glamorous – don’t you wish that we were you?
Oops, I got it backward – you wish you were us!
When riding in the dirty snow on a brokedown crosstown bus. (Maniacal giggle)
We’re rude to the help. We like to make them yelp.
Obnoxious. Pretentious. We stick gum on park benches.
I make people call me ‘Countess’. My ass weighs 15 ounces.
I’m famous for my flounces, and nothing ever bounces.
Chic, no not me – C’est merde, c’est merde
My voice is like a strangled bear cub dying to be heard
Chic no not me – C’est merde, c’est merde
I thought I made a video but got a cinematic turd
Watch me laugh maniacally while guzzling rose
Someone better tell poor Alex, her man Simon is gay
Now watch me be demonic, tossing casino chips
If that doesn’t scare you, look closely at my lips.
Chic, no not me – C’est merde, c’est merde
My voice is like a strangled bear cub dying to be heard
Chic no not me – C’est merde, c’est merde
I thought I made a video but got a cinematic turd
Attenshun! Jill, bring ya joo’ry. Kelly. Jelly Belly. Alecsh. Shimom. Jamie Dimon. TINA! Bring me the axe! Wait, what?