Hi everyone. I’m still alive. I just had to have some unexpected surgery that kept me out of commission. Thanks for all the nice notes of encouragement 🙂
I just know y’all are going to add some great stuff to this list. I can’t wait to read the responses. Continue reading
There was a great article on Crasstalk about pet peeves recently. I suffer from a variety of them which is probably not one of my best personality traits. As I thought about it, I realized that there are some pet peeves that are particular to being a parent. Then I decided to do a post on this because it’s extremely fun to hear other parents’ pet peeves.
What are your parenting pet peeves?
In this episode of Sister Wives, we travel deep into the Utah jungle to observe the habits of polygamists. TLC viewers have been fascinated with the history of these primates and the camera crew took pains to document their day-to-day life. From shopping, to camping, to bickering about money, we heard all the details.
For some reason I will never understand, I am fascinated by the logistics of large families. Perhaps it is because I have plenty of trouble managing the logistics of my small family. I am awed by the management and coordination that goes into managing a mega-family. Janelle and Christine talked about how they team up to manage the food costs in the household. I would’ve liked to hear more about that. I assume they do a ton of menu-planning and spend lots of time telling the children “No”.
Christine went shopping then loaded huge bags of flour and sugar into the family bunker. I was trying to figure out what all the tins in the pantry are for. Do you think it’s those survivalist food supplies that they sell at Costco? I’ve always wondered who buys those. I can’t imagine dealing with all that flour. They must have to constantly sift it for weevils. Ugh. That’s way too prairie for me.
The family seems to have lots of concerns about finances like almost every family on earth. Janelle seems to know how to run a budget like a champ. I could really use a sister wife like that. My husband and I both loathe dealing with the numbers. I did find out, through a bit of research, that Kody and Meri filed for bankruptcy back in 2005. Janelle mentioned that Kody is an impulsive spender. I wonder if she’s decided to take the reins financially to prevent another money crisis. So far, Janelle is my pick for sister wife if I had to choose among the four. I might consider Christine if she agrees to do all the shopping.
There was lots of noise about Robyn not working. It’s my understanding that she relocated to marry into the family and that’s why she doesn’t currently have a job. She’s looking but I can’t imagine that publicity from the show is going to help much. I feel bad for Robyn because she used to have a job and manage her own money. Now she’s dependent on a family that has not yet deemed her worthy.
Since this episode aired, the family has moved to Nevada. Does that mean Janelle had to give up her job? You have to wonder. Janelle doesn’t seem like the type to leave a job without some type of guarantee of financial stability. Kody is currently managing the Kody Brown Family Entertainment which probably coordinates all their interviews and appearances, but I’d like to think they actually moonlight as traveling minstrels.
Janelle and Kody went camping to celebrate their 17th anniversary. I’m “meh” on camping but I’ve heard there are people who actually enjoy pooping in the woods. Kody said the trip was relaxing and I’m sure that it was because Janelle, as usual, appeared to be doing all of the work. Janelle has perfectly arranged her place in this family. She is as useful as they come. I’d be willing to share a house with anyone who works that hard.
By the way, there has been a rumor floating around the internet that Aspyn, Kody and Christine’s daughter is pregnant. She’s not. Evidently, people started speculating based on what they perceive as a “baby bump”. Nope, it’s just the rapidly changing figure of the average adolescent. Next week, it looks like there is a little smidge of conflict between Christine and Robyn and, as usual, one of the wives is in tears. It sounds like there’s going to be more financial bickering since Meri loses her job. Whee.
I’ve said many, many strange things to my children. This was originally what my blog was about. It was called “Let me smell your butt”. That is something you say almost constantly when you have small children. I never thought those words would come out of my mouth, but they did.
I would love to hear some others. This could be an amusing thread. I can’t even imagine what I’ll be saying when the kids are teenagers. Here are some more of mine (keep in mind that my kids are 2 and 4):
I’m shamefully late with this recap because I was emotionally distracted by the Big Love Finale. Unfortunately, the finale was on the same night as the Real Life Concubines. I have to say, after two episodes of this new season, I am really starting to root for Albie to take charge of this group of people.
This episode focused on a family caravan to pay homage to Kody’s ancestral home in Wyoming. I know I’m not alone in wishing these people would wear nametags. There are 21 of them and they resemble each other enough to cause lots of confusion. I found this very helpful family tree on Starcasm. I think I’m going to print it so I can follow the plot a little better.
Kody explained how his family drifted from the LDS/Mormon church to polygamist fundamentalism. Here’s an important note: The Mormon church forbids polygamy. They will excommunicate people who practice plural marriage. The Mormon church also tries hard to distance itself from polygamy even though it was an integral part of the church in the 1800s. I bet the Mormon church is so annoyed because of this show because people will start getting Mormons and fundamentalists mixed up all over again.
Back in the holler where I grew up, I knew a girl whose mom was also her cousin. She also had a brother and a sister that got married and, weird as that is, it is still more normal than the relationship between Kody, Janelle, and their mothers. Remember when we found out that Janelle used to be married to Meri’s brother? That was kind of weird but Janelle waved the issue off as a weird coincidence. Now we find out that Janelle’s mom married Kody’s father and is a sister wife to Kody’s mother who is also named Genelle. So, Janelle and Kody are step-siblings and Meri’s sister wife is her former sister-in-law. But, Janelle pointed out that nothing weird is going on. Nope, not at all.
We saw quite a bit of Kody and Janelle’s mom. They sort of puttered around like an old lesbian couple. It was sort of cute. They worked together seamlessly and seemed genuinely fond of each other. Kody’s dad appeared to be an afterthought. No one talked to him much. He just sort of drifted around the ranch aimlessly. The Grandmoms described their theories on plural marriage. I loved this. Evidently, all us women have strengths and flaws. The good news is that we, as women, can minimize our flaws by obtaining sister wives with the appropriate strengths. There is no talk whatsoever of male flaws.
I must admit that the idea of sister wives is sometimes appealing. I am the most unorganized person on earth and I’d love to have a sister wife that could do the filing and cleaning around here. She could also take on the potty training duties and help me manage boogers and goldfish crackers. This would free up lots of time. I could use the time to comment on every single Crasstalk post. The more I think about this, the better it sounds. I might be up for polygamy after all. If you’re interested in becoming my sister wife, drop me an email.
This episode was an hour long and honestly, not much happened. They drove to Wyoming, killed a car, painted a crappy house, herded some cattle and McKeilty fell off a horse. Now that the novelty of the family has worn out a little, I’m not sure they’re that interesting. Kody’s mother clearly adores him to the point of worship. The kids can be tricked into thinking they’re on vacation when they’re actually providing free labor.
Speaking of McKeilty, what the hell kind of name is that? I had to turn on the close-captioning to figure out what her name was. I looked at the family tree and I also take issue with the following names: Aspyn, Ysabel, Paedon, Gwendolyn, and Truely. These are all Christine’s children. Is she trying to be hip with these spellings? It makes me stabby. It also reminds me of Brian Reagan’s routine about Hooked on Phonix.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtJLAWXO5vY.
I hope something more interesting happens in the next episode. I have high hopes for Robyn, who has been a single mom for some time. She doesn’t seem to be thrilled to take orders from Christine. Janelle made a couple of flat-out bitchy comments to Robyn so that might also boil over. My only concern is that bickering will make it seem like they’re plagiarizing from Big Love.
Sister Wives season 2 premiered and I for one was darned glad to catch up with Kody and his concubines. They’ve had a little exposure to the Planet Earth since we last saw them. Not only are they being stalked by the paparazzi, they ended up on the receiving end of a police investigation.
They seemed genuinely puzzled by some of the public’s reaction to polygamy. Most people in Utah are very familiar with plural marriage regardless of whether or not they support it. I think before Big Love aired, most Americans had given polygamy about 3-10 minutes in their entire lives. During the polygamy compound raids, the concept of plural marriage still needed a lot of explanation for most people. I’d bet money that most TLC viewers were stunned to see actual polygamists with stylish hair and normal clothing.
The first part of the show was devoted to the Today Show interview, the first season and the initial fallout. There was quite of bit of press stalking the house although the wives quickly learned the art of evading the press. There were many, many comments made online and on TV. Then, there was the law enforcement reaction. Some of the feedback was not positive and this caused some stress. Robyn cried; Meri made unhappy faces; Janelle was resigned and Christine had a red nose.
Honestly, though, if you offer yourself up to reality television, you have to be prepared for the beast to bite back. It can offer a measure of fame but it opens you up to lots and lots of judgment which can be unpleasant. The viewing public is everywhere and they don’t necessarily agree with or even like you. Many of them will make this quite clear if they meet you in real life. Then, of course, there’s the issue of internet buzz and bloggers who like to snark about people with more interesting lives.
The kids started public school for the first time. This seems like a lot to handle in combination with the media blitz, but what do I know? (No one has offered me a reality show). They only went to one day of school so it’s hard to tell yet how the year will play out. The other kids at school were on their best behavior. They didn’t throw rocks at the self-named Plyglets and no one had a “You have Shirley Temple hair” intervention with the daughter that spent 1.5 hours on her hair. There are lots of kids in the family and they may have some safety in numbers.
There was a controversy over the school’s emergency contact forms (this is who they call when your kids get caught huffing glue in art class). Christine sees the publicity as an opportunity finally to be honest and adds her sister wives as “Other Moms” on the form. Janelle labeled the sister wives as “Aunts” which betrayed six generations of polygamists.
I have a question about Christine and her red nose. Does anyone else think she’s taking a nip here and again? Is she a real life Barb Hendrickson? I will devote the last two paragraphs to a Big Love/Sister Wives narrative analysis for fans of both shows, but I definitely think Christine has a hot toddy once in a while.
I love it when the cameras move throughout the family’s house(s?). I’m obsessed with catching glimpses of their style and taste. Christine is a fan of decorating by hanging dried flowers upside down and taping them to the wall. Next to decorated hats on a wall, this is my least favorite form of décor. I also saw some borders adorned with geese and flowers. In the background, I caught a glimpse of the ice blocks that the family stocks up for some religious cult tomfoolery called ice-blocking.
There are just so, so many things to talk about. I’m going to wind it down, but here is a quick Big Love/Sister Wives analysis for fans of both shows:
There are several interesting parallels between this season’s Big Love (the fictional polygamists) and The Brown Family on Sister Wives. Both families opted for public exposure at the end of last season. Both have a narcissistic patriarch that I’d sort of like to punch. Both families also have a wide variety of children that I find difficult to keep track of (excepting Ben and Sarah on Big Love).
I got into some serious analysis on this and here’s my Big Love to Sister Wives conversion. Kody is obviously Bill. Janelle and Christine combine to equal Barb (We need both Jenelle’s common sense and Christine’s management skills to equal one fictional polygamy first wife). Meri is Nikki. I know she’s actually the first wife but I felt there was a better parallel between Meri’s chronic sourpuss and Nikki’s self-interested and judgmental approach to almost everything. Robyn is obviously Margene. No explanations needed there.
If you’ve ever watched 42 Kids and Counting, you might have noticed that the Duggar family has an abnormal number of children. You might wonder if they’ve ever heard of birth control or if it’s possibly a polygamous family where the children have a variety of mothers. You might think, perhaps, that some of the children are adopted. If you listen to the introduction to the show, you’ll hear the mother say that she delivered every single one of them. Jealous?
The Duggars have a plethora of children not because of luck, faulty birth control or adoption; they are actively trying to have as many children as possible. The Duggars are perhaps the most famous family in a movement called “Quiverfull.” I think Quiverfull sort of sounds like some sort of naughty urge, but it is actually a religious thing. The name “Quiverfull” is taken from from Psalm 127: “Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.” The father is the warrior and the children are the “arrows”. They’ve taken the command “Be fruitful and multiply” very, very literally.
Quiverfull families deliberately leave all birth control in “God’s hands”. That means the women don’t use birth control at all, not even natural family planning. They view many types of birth control, such as the pill and IUDs, as a form of abortion. Women are encouraged to become maternal missionaries – a phrase coined by Mary Pride in her thrilling epic “The Way Home: Beyond Feminism, Back to Reality”. (I think her book reads a bit more like “Before Feminism, the Way Back to The Stone Ages”). Women are serving an important mission for God by having lots of children and demonstrating good maternal behavior.
The Quiverfull faithful have two main goals. First, they are submitting to God’s will. He decides how many children the family will have. The families are demonstrating their faith by allowing God to control the size of the family. Secondly, they’re creating a sizable generation of Christians. It’s their way of stocking up for the future. The more faithful children they produce, the more Christians will have control of the country in the future. Ah, what a wonderful world it will be when they outnumber the heathens.
Quiverfull isn’t attached to a particular doctrine. They embrace many of the Catholic teaching on birth control but the movement is generally attached to evangelical and fundamentalist Christians. The concept of wifely submission is important in the Quiverfull movement. The households are patriarchies. The man is clearly in charge and the women are encouraged to submit to their husbands’ leadership.
You can just imagine how Quiverfull people feel about feminism. They tend to view the women’s liberation movement as a tool of the devil. It splits apart families, promotes abortion, sends women to work outside the home and promotes divorce. Women are corrupted by feminism which leads to them abandoning their God-given roles as wives, homemakers and mothers. Daughters in Quiverfull families learn their roles as caretakers early. Because the families are large and the mothers exhausted, older daughters are given responsibility to take care of younger children.
It’s estimated that there are tens of thousands of Quiverfull folk, but no one knows for sure. Two concepts that Quiverfull families often adopt are homeschooling and homesteading. It’s probably no surprise that a highly religious group would opt for homeschooling, where they can control the content and avoid concepts like evolution and women’s rights. Homesteading is a philosophy of self-reliance. These are not groups that have large families and rely on public assistance. Instead, adherents live simply. They make their own clothing, grow vegetables and live simply.
Women in the movement often opt for natural childbirth and sometimes, home-birth. It’s interesting because many home-birth supporters are much more liberal than the average Quiverfull family. However, they share many of the same ideas about birth as a natural process that does not require medical intervention. Anna Duggar’s home-birth was filmed (no lady parts were on display). Also, not surprisingly, many of the Quiverfull mindset choose to homeschool their children.
The Duggars are an interesting example of the lifestyle in that they are extremely financially secure (partially due to their TV series). This is the exception rather than the rule. Many large families struggle to make ends meet. It can put a great deal of stress on a large family and can lead to fractures in marriages. If women want to leave the Quiverfull lifestyle, they often feel trapped. The women have been out of the workforce for a long time and many never worked outside the home. The lack of job skills partnered with the high costs of childcare can be daunting. These women often have few resources to help them build a new life because their community generally does not approve of divorce.
I went to some Quiverfull websites. There were plenty of articles about the importance of wifely submission and many articles detailed the joys of motherhood. I also found lots of information on the imaginary link between breast cancer and abortion. Sigh. There was also discussion of how vasectomy can lead to prostate cancer and arthritis. Some adherents even go so far as to have vasectomies and tubal ligations reversed so that they can submit to God’s plan for their families.
If there’s any interest, I’ll explore the idea of courting in another column (I especially love the concept of defrauding). In the meantime, here is an excellent forum on the lifestyle: quiverfull.com. There is a book called “A Full Quiver”. Here is the link to the Duggar’s famous tater tot casserole. I would be so psyched if someone made it and reported back: duggarfamily.com. Also, I’m considering starting a pool about which Duggar kid will freak out and join a death metal band. There are 19 of them. You know that one of them is going to freak out.
For additional reading see: No Longer Quivering and the Quiver Full blog.
This is in honor of my Mom, who passed away this year. I will always, always remember Lent.
My mother, Mildred, was a master at rooting out and punishing misdeeds. She was legendary among her children. She died when I was 38 and even at that age, I would not have considered talking back to my mother. I was terrified of her. But I also thank her because I know I will be able to scare the dickens out of my children. I look at my children and think, “Don’t cross me because I was trained by a master. If you get into trouble, I will punish you in a horrifying way.”
Lent was rough at our house every year. My mom was a hardcore Catholic and she took the Pope’s directives seriously. We didn’t have meat on Wednesdays or Fridays (ugh, so many fish sticks) and we had to fast between meals on those days. We went to all the required holy days during the Lenten season (there are a lot) and we had to give up something good for lent like chocolate, comic books or happiness. On Good Friday, the television and radio were off. We were supposed to reflect on the cross and we spent most of the day at church. Gah, I spent so much time at church when I was a teenager. This was probably a good call on my mom’s part but it seemed like an endless cycle of boredom to me. I can tell you that about 95% of the time, I was not thinking about whatever the priest was talking about.
One of her all time greatest punishments was what I liked to call “The Fish Stick Season of My Dismay.” One Lenten season, she decided to take it to the next level for me. I don’t know what specific thing I did to set her off. I hated everyone and everything when I was 13, so spending time with me was as pleasant as ripping off toenails. I assume my general attitude was Mom’s primary issue with me. Her remedy? Church – everyday, for the entire duration of lent. That’s six weeks of daily church attendance. I attended 42 individual masses that lent, each of which lasted at least 45 minutes which means I spent a bare minimum of 1,890 minutes in church that Lenten season and believe you me I remember every second of it.
I had 1,890 minutes to think about how much I resented my mother and how I would tell her – in detail – about how unbelievably unfair and stupid she was for inflicting this punishment on me. Not that I told her any such thing, I was way too afraid of her. I had 1,890 minutes to check out the rest of the daily mass attendees. There were a couple of unbelievably old people, a few mourners, and someone training to be a nun. Occasionally someone who looked really, really guilty floated in but not often enough. I was the only constant representative in my family. I also had time to read the missal from cover to cover and ruin any surprises in the upcoming mass for myself.
What did I learn? I learned that you can ask the Virgin Mary for favors. Some Catholics say special prayers to the Virgin Mary on Tuesdays, called novenas and they believe she will intercede for them. I read a little booklet about them. One woman wrote in to say that her son had married a divorced woman and she prayed that the Virgin Mary would convince her son to divorce this shameless hussy. And he did! Doesn’t that make him divorced now too?
I learned that 45 minutes can seem like an unbelievably long amount of time. I learned that once my mom decides on a course of action, there is no talking her out of it. I was seeing my sentence out, like it or not. I learned that if I ever had children that my greatest weapon would be my ability to create a punishment so annoying that my children would in fear of my ability to inspire my creativity.
Novena image Wikipedia.
I read an article a while back in which pediatricians recommended depression screenings for new moms. After you have a baby, your OBGYN may ask you some questions about post-partum depression. However, in this article, Canadian doctors recommended that pediatricians screen for depression in new moms.
This is a good idea because as you moms know, you are at the pediatrician every 5 minutes, it seems, especially with your first baby. There are all these developmental milestones and issues to worry about and vaccines and lectures and that constant weighing. New babies must constantly be weighed to make sure they are gaining weight, but not too much weight. You probably also visit the pediatrician a lot because as a new mom, you are terrified every time the baby coughs, sneezes, spits up, sleeps through a feeding, poops something weird or does anything new. It’s so stressful because you’re new to the game and convinced that you are doing something wrong. My mom called the pediatrician the first time my brother sneezed. She was in a panic only a new first-time mom can appreciate.
If you don’t have children, you might wonder why a new mom might be depressed. You might be especially confused if the baby was planned. Isn’t this what the mother wanted? Why on earth would the mother of a healthy baby be depressed? Sure, the baby looks more like a hairless rat than a Gerber baby, but she must have known that babies don’t start out very good looking.
Well, for starters, newborns provide feedback vigorously. Sometimes, they scream all the damn time. It’s very easy to anger a newborn. Here are some of the things that anger newborns:
There are some things about being a new mom that no one can really prepare you for. One is the sensation of a healing episiotomy scar. It’s a feeling like no other. Another is a healing c-section scar which has the added bonus of the judgment you may receive for not having a natural birth. Then there’s the fact that it’s next to impossible to get a shower because your baby, who you thought would be a super-cute baby but looks more like crib larvae, will not stop screaming or pooping.
Other reasons for depression include being trapped in the house, not being able to finish a sentence because you are so unbelievably exhausted, sheer tiredness the likes of which you have never known, and the feeling of betrayal you get when you realize you still need to wear maternity clothes. That put together with the hormone cocktail a new mother receives could spiral anyone into a depression. I know that I, personally, spent 45 minutes in the bathroom crying because someone sent my son a windup toy that play “Hush Little Baby” and it was just the saddest song I had ever heard. Hormones can play mind tricks on you.
I think all new moms should be alerted to how real the possibility of this depression can be because it can be difficult. Even moms who don’t struggle with depression aren’t likely caught up in the state of bliss the media leads you to expect. The first six weeks of motherhood can be brutal. You’re sort of removed from real life and it can make it difficult to see things clearly.
I also, selfishly, wanted to post this because I am dying to hear post-partum stories from other Crasstalkers. I know there are some good ones out there. I’ll even help by embarrassing myself some more:
Top image here.
I’ve had several people email me and say things like “I just heard the word episiotomy for the first time” or “I didn’t know that your face blew up into craters when you were pregnant!”. The emails invariably end with the phrase “Nobody told me that.”
Indeed. That is part of the gestation initiation: There’s a whole bunch of stuff they don’t tell you before you get pregnant. Then, when you’re pregnant, slowly, the mysteries of gestation and birth are revealed to you. It’s highly unsettling and, I think, a little bit unfair. There should be a bit more disclosure for the potential recruits. I doubt knowledge will change much. Most people will still have kids anyway, thinking “I’ll be the exception to the rule”. Knowledge doesn’t stop lots of people from having second or third children. Look at Michelle Duggar. There can’t be much she doesn’t know at this point and it’s no deterrent for her.
In the interests of full disclosure, here are a few things about pregnancy no one ever tells you about. Some might happen to you, others won’t. However, at least two of them will.
Yes, the people around you turn into standup comedians and they all recycle the same jokes. I firmly believe this is at the root of all pregnant women’s grouchiness. The swelling, the exhaustion – these are all things a person can cope with. However 9,878 jokes about the same damn thing will make a woman want to slap everyone she sees. Fortunately, people will write any and all bitchy comments you make off to pregnancy crazies so feel free to tell people to go to hell. For once, you can get away with it.
There are many, many more untold stories of pregnancy, birth, and child rearing. I’ve barely scraped the surface. Unfortunately, I got so annoyed thinking about all the irritating jokes that I’m going to need a glass of wine to calm myself down and think clearly again.
