Somewhere in the mess that became the 2016 presidential election, Donald Trump went from scumbag real estate mogul to a dinner table tall tale. He edged away from being held accountable for his bigoted, sexist, destructive talk in every way a presidential candidate should be. He managed to transcend the responsibility heaped onto every other candidate that ever ran for the office, and is, as he always has been, flying by the seat of his pants, uncontrollably, manically, and with complete abandon of social mores, God-given intellect, and human decency.
In effect, he is an abomination hurtling through space, knocking the tenets of Americanism asunder by plundering anything positive and laying waste to it with every decision he makes — and that was before the release of the infamous Access Hollywood tapes — or now the accusations of sexual assault by several women from Trump’s past. (more…)
A massive combover landed in Cleveland and threw itself into the eyeballs of the American people; HBO to forget about George R.R. Martin completely; the Pope asks if Hollywood really likes him; Adam Sandler is his own best friend; Michael Bay screams “Benghazi!” into a wind tunnel; True Detective “mehs” us to death; MSNBC is now a rehab clinic for unsuitable anchors; and Ryan Seacrest loses one of his forty-nine jobs.
So how did the Trumpening go last night? Basically it was like watching a bunch of ludicrous dancing laser lights being chased by one insane cat. That cat is Donald Trump, who just doesn’t give a fack. In the most not givingiest of a fack way possible. (more…)
Last week on Apprentice: the teams had to make Crystal Light exciting and fun by throwing some kind of promotional party. Based on criteria I didn’t really understand, the executives liked the men’s shindig, so Unanimous won. After the usual boardroom blather, Patricia was fired. Who’s going to be set free – I mean fired – tonight? (more…)
Last time on the Celebrity Apprentice, everyone ate sandwiches. You know, the pre-made kind with the soggy lettuce and withered tomatoes. We won’t have to worry about wilted lettuce this week, because we’re going to Medieval Times! Oh frabjous joy! (more…)