An eighteen-year-old Kansas high school student, Emma Sullivan went on a field trip to Topeka, where she got to enjoy a speech from Kansas governor and laughable 2008 presidential candidate Sam Brownback. The speech–probably as electrifying the stirring oratory that vaulted Brownback to almost seventh place in Iowa’s caucus in 2008–was so moving that Emma couldn’t wait to tweet about it. “OMG Sam Brownback is awesome! A dreamboat!” she tweeted enthusiastically. Continue reading
Fox’s dinosaur time travel family drama premiered this week.
Here’s the basic premise: In the year 2149, Earth is a polluted, overcrowded, dystopian crap-hole. Families are limited to two children. People wear breathing masks. Street urchins watch broken ipads. Everything is dirty. Fortunately, scientists discover a crack in time! What? Yes! A crack in time! And we can ease the burden of the surplus population by letting people go through the crack, to colonize the past. Not just any past, though–it’s the Dinosaur Past! You can become one of the lucky colonists in the Terra Nova settlement by winning a lottery, or by having special skills. Continue reading
Michele Bachman is scary. Behold her terrible gaze! Already the Eye of Moron has used her eldritch power to drive Little Timmy Pawlenty weeping from the GOP race. Tremble, America!
What makes Bachmann scary? First, she’s, well, sort of crazy. She believes some pretty wacky things. Perhaps “crazy” is too harsh. Let’s just say she’s not a big fan of the fact based environment. Bachmann got her start in politics doing things like trying to get Disney’s Aladdin banned because of it’s pro-occult stance. The Lion King is dangerous because of all the gay music by gay Elton John, which might make your children gay. In the Minnesota Senate, she would go over to the desk of Scott Dibble, an openly gay senator from Minneapolis, and pray the gay out of the Senate chamber. Apparently, in the Bachmannverse, gay is some sort of virus that can be spread through children’s DVDs and office furniture, and Elton John is Patient Zero. The Eye of Moron sees all, Elton John! Continue reading
Running for President isn’t easy. You have to eat a lot of corn dogs. You have to go to every diner in New Hampshire and drink cup after cup of maple syrup with flinty, skeptical maple miners. You have to go to dusty Iowa fairs and feign admiration for a lot of prize hogs.
You have to raise a lot of money, make some spiffy ads, and get some college kid to make you one of those website gizmos.Former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty did all these things. Back in January, his campaign kickoff ad, entitled Courage to Stand–no seriously, that was the name– was a work of genius, a trailer for a summer blockbuster starring superstar action hero Tim Pawlenty. The ad, skillfully edited so you don’t actually see much of Pawlenty, looks like it’s a preview for Transformers IV. You could taste the Pawmentum. Continue reading