Hope you are having a great night.
Don’t forget to check under the bed.
Daily Archives: March 11, 2011
16 posts
An 8.9 magnitude earthquake hit 373 kilometers off the coast of Northern Japan at 2:46pm today. Quake triggered a 13 ft. 
tsunami, sweeping massive amounts of debri inland. As of 5:50am EST 32 are dead in Japan.
This quake was the fifth largest earthquake ever recorded. The strongest ever in Japan. Quake has been followed so far by 19 aftershocks, all at least a 6.0 magnitude.
Authorities in 20 countries haves issued a tsunami watch, including Hawaii and the entire west coast of North America, including Washington, Oregon, California and Mexico. Residents who live in coastal areas of these states should be alert and prepared to evacuate. For Alaska the watch has been downgraded to a warning.
The USGS has instructed residents of all coastal areas on the west coast of the United States to stay out of the ocean and away from the beaches. Residents of Hawaii are urged to seek higher ground for the entire duration tsunami, which will come in several waves.
Officials in the Philippines, where the tsunami is expected to hit first, have ordered evacuation of 19 coastal provinces.
This quake was the latest in a systemically active week in the region. Wednesday a 7.2 quake struck off the course of Honshu followed by a 6.3 quake Thursday in roughly the same area.
According to Japanese authorities, as of 6:00am EST, Japan’s nuclear power plants remain undamaged.
UPDATE 10:00am EST:
Death toll has been raised to between 200-300 bodies in and around Sendai, the epicenter of the quake.
Japanese authorities have ordered the precautionary evacuation of residents who live around the nuclear plant effected by the quake as technicians are having trouble cooling the reactor. Despite this the U.N. nuclear oversight agency has said that all plants have shut successfully shut down.
Thousands remain stranded in cities, especially Tokyo, as all trains have shut down. Tokyo has remained largely unscathed.
30 aftershocks have followed since the main quake, the strongest measuring 7.1.
Japan has reached out to the U.S. for assistance. The U.S. Navy is already positioning ships in the area to be of assistance to the Japanese people.
There are no reports of mass panic or lawlessness in the wake of the disaster. Way to be Japan.
UPDATE 2:30pm EST:
There has been no official update about the death toll. But the tsunami is probably responsible for more deaths and injuries than the quake itself. There are reportedly more than 500 injured and over 351 missing. Rescue workers are currently searching for 80 dock workers that were swept out sea.
An oil refinery that exploded continues to burn in Fukushima Prefecture. Also in Fukushima Prefecture, a small leak could occur in a nuclear plant and a dam failed and washed away about 1,800 homes.
U.S. Air Craft Carrier group Ronald Reagan is moving into position to provide aid and help with reconnaissance missions that are already underway to help the Japanese government map the disaster zone. The U.S. has also sent two search and rescue teams from the Agency on International Development to provide aid. Link
A nuclear emergency has been issued for the Fukushima I Nuclear Power Plant as it is not currently cooling. The US is flying in additional coolant. News.com CNN.
“A second nuclear power plant may be overheating.” CNN
California counties Del Norte, Humboldt, San Mateo and Santa Cruz are under a state of emergency. CNN Damage was reportedin Santa Cruz county earlier today. NBC Bay Area
“ Ecuadorian President Rafael Correa ordered the evacuation of the Galapagos Islands and of cities along the country’s coast Friday.” CNN
Update March 12:
From Kyodo News:
“Four people have been injured in an explosion that occurred at the No. 1 reactor of the quake-hit Fukushima No. 1 nuclear power plant, the operator Tokyo Electric Power Co. said Saturday.
The explosion was heard at 3:36 p.m. following large tremors and white smoke was seen at the facility in Fukushima Prefecture, the company said.
The four workers were working to deal with problems caused by a powerful earthquake that hit northeastern Japan on Friday.”
Update Saturday 1:30 PM EST
CNN is reporting that 900 people have been confirmed dead thus far, but that the number is expected to rise into the thousands. Over 9500 hundred people are unaccounted for in the town of Minamisanriku alone. Rescuers have pulled more that 3000 from the rubble since the quake.
The New York Times is reporting that evacuations continue in the communities affected by radiation releases from two malfunctioning nuclear power plants. In a chilling development, officials are distributing iodine (which is used to minimize thyroid damage in the event of radiation exposure) to people in the surrounding areas. The management of the evacuation is also severely overtaxing resources already needed for search and rescue efforts.
Source and Photo Credit: NPR
Here you go.
Have agreat weekend.
Today’s found footage post is about a film I stumbled upon accidentally (it’s in the public domain and has never been commercially released) and it may be one of my favorite movies because it’s just out-and-out bizarre. The whole thing is in Russian and even though I don’t speak Russian and there are no subtitles, it’s just so damn insane that I love every minute of it. The title in Russian is V Trinadcatom Chasu Nochi. In English, that translates as In The Thirteenth Hour of the Night, but more prosaically, it would be 13 p.m.
The pedigree of the director doesn’t seem to lend itself to such a crazy movie. Larisa Shepitko was an acclaimed female Soviet director noted for her heavy dramatic subjects. However, for some reason, she directed this film. The following is a totally fictional account of what happened and why, but I like to believe it’s true even though I made it up:
In 1969, a Commissar in charge of television discovered that there was a famous film director named Larisa Shepitko that he could force to make a film. So, he came to her and said, “you make TV movie for New Year’s Eve. Here are pop music acts. Do it in three days or we send you to gulag.” And so, this was the result.
It’s really a variety show with a thin veneer of outside storyline and while the pop acts are pretty odd themselves, the real action is the wrapper story involving a cross-dressing patriarch (matriarch?) of the Russian equivalent of a hillbilly family watching TV in their hut on fowl’s legs (a traditional Russian folk motif), joined by a mermaid and a dwarf. As I said, I speak no Russian, but from what I’ve been told, even if you do speak Russian, it doesn’t make much more sense.
As the movie is in the public domain, I uploaded the whole thing to YouTube, but for those of you who don’t want to sit through it, here are two of my favorite bits. First, a moment of cinematic insanity-
And then a musical number (not one of the pop acts), a parody of Louis Armstrong singing Hello, Dolly… except the only lyrics are Hello, Dolly.
And finally, the entire film.
I’d say that this is best seen under the influence, but I think that would actually make it worse.
New Jersey tops the list of states with the most passport photos with 68% of Garden State residents in possession of a license to fist pump other countries.
Unsurprisingly, the state with the fewest passports is Mississippi.
After all, why would you ever want to see Paris when the Dixie National Rodeo and Livestock Show comes right to you?
Photo here.
Today’s post is brought to you by Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus.
This Syfy movie classic features Golden Globe nominated actor Lorenzo Lamas and showcases the musical stylings acting prowess of one, Deborah Gibson. However, the real stars of this straight to TV gem are the giant octopus and mega shark. These ancient rivals eat airplanes out of the sky and bite through tons of steel because their hatred/love for each other runs so deep that it transcends time(think Ronnie and Sammi from the Jersey Shore).
Throughout history, beasts and gladiators have been forced to fight each other in the public domain. Now I will force these movies (some of which actually had a showdown at the box office) to do battle. Also, there are some SPOILERS below for those of you that are bothered by them.
First up:
Deep Impact Vs Armageddon
Deep Impact
(Domestic Gross: $140 million Budget: $75 million)
Asteroids are coming to destroy earth! Government cover-up? Why yes! A plan to save earth? Indeed! This film also comes with the backup plan that will only save a select few because the first is doomed to fail…or is it? In it’s journey to hit every plot point in the worldwide disaster handbook, Deep Impact actually achieves quite a bit of pathos. This is due in part to there actually being a plot and some pretty decent acting on behalf of the talented cast of Vanessa Redgrave, Maximilian Schell, Tea Leoni, President Morgan Freeman, Leelee Sobieski, and that kid from North. Oh, and I can’t forget Robert Duvall in a nice turn as the doomed savior of the planet.
This film does indeed have a plot, and allows you to connect to most of the characters. While Tea Leoni doesn’t really have the voice to actually be a news anchor, she pulls of the role well and her scenes with Redgrave, her mother, and Schell, her father, are definite stand-outs. The film also does what few disaster movies do and that is let the plan fail. The part of you that wants to see the bad guy succeed gets its fill when an amazing CGI wave takes out half the cast. The other part of you that likes normal endings to movies also has something to work with when Duvall and Co. save the rest of the cast by sacrificing themselves.
Armageddon
(Domestic Gross: $201 Million Budget: $140 Million)
Asteroids are coming to destroy earth! This time there are only 18 days to stage a rescue mission to destroy an asteroid the size of Texas! The obvious choices to destroy the miniature planet that is hurtling towards earth are Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck, obviously. They are good at drilling both oil and Liv Tyler (well not Bruce). This choice is handed down by the head of NASA, Billy Bob Thornton. I mean they had enough wherewithal to build a shuttle but not to train anyone to use it, really? The rest of the rescue team is populated by Michael Clarke Duncan, Will Patton,Steve Buscemi, a crazy Russian, and some other people. They quickly learn to navigate a space shuttle and wear spacesuits and they are ready to go save the world. But then there is Liv Tyler, poor old Liv, no one realizes that she has the most to lose in this situation! Yet, they take off anyways but not before Liv and Ben make love while listening to music by her real-life dad, Steven Tyler….strange.
Just like in Deep Impact, the rescue team has their fair share of problems and at one point are feared dead. Liv Tyler is distraught at this news but luckily they are alive and on the asteroid. They drill to their hearts content but to no avail, time is running out and someone MUST stay behind to save the earth! The obvious choice is Ben Affleck, because no one wants him around. So in the end, Bruce Willis stays behind, because he tricks Ben into leaving (not that hard to do, apparently). The comet is split in two mere feet from the surface of the earth but somehow manages to miss! Success! Except, Bruce Willis, Liv Tyler’s fake dad is dead but at least she has poor Ben to marry her so there’s that, ya know.
DECISION
Armageddon won at the box office but Deep Impact won over the scientists. There are bigger stars in Armageddon but more talented people in Deep Impact. More things get destroyed in Deep Impact than Armageddon, which is always a plus. Plus, Armageddon is kind of a hodge podge while Deep Impact has a definite story.
WINNER
Deep Impact! I was going to treat you to some awesomely amazing fan videos about the love story between North and Leelee Sobieski but decided the trailer was good enough.
2012 vs The Day After Tomorrow
Resident crazy, Woody Harrelson thinks the world is going to end in 2012, just like the Mayans said it would. But Woody Harrelson, has plenty of evidence in his trailer to back things up. The Mayans just had a calendar. Exhibit 1. He has a map to a special place in China where the governments of the world are building things to save rich people from being destroyed with the rest of the world. Probably spaceships. Exhibit 2. The earth crust displacement theory was backed by Einstein who said it could indeed happen causing massive cataclysmic events including melting the earths face off. Exhibit 3. Weird government types are monitoring the volcano beneath Yellowstone National Park, which means the biggest volcano ever is about to take out the whole of the western US. Luckily, limo driver extraordinaire and published author, John Cusack, is able to put all of that together and just in time to save Amanda Peet (his ex-wife) and the her boyfriend the doctor, along with his kids.
They drive through collapsing buildings and avoid mountains that appear out of nowhere and just in time to get in a plane and take off while the rest of LA literally falls into the sea. As luck would have it they also escape the biggest volcano explosion in history and happen to run into someone they know who happens to have a giant plane when they land in Las Vegas. What luck! They run out of gas on the way to China but lo and behold the entire crust of the earth has moved and they are only miles from their destination! Amazing! While the plot is a little off the wall,we have Thandie Newton, President Danny Glover’s daughter, and Chiwetel Ejiofor to bring some much needed sanity to the proceedings. Well that is until, wannabe dictator Oliver Platt starts engaging in the normal behavior of someone trying to assert his position in the new world before everyone is even safe.
Resident crazy, Dennis Quaid is a scientist with actual data that says a new ice age is coming and so are massive hurricane-like storms the size of entire continents! In conclusion, The entirety of the population of the world north of Oklahoma needs to be evacuated! Immediately! Of course, the hard headed government types treat him like you would treat a homeless crazy person asserting the same ideas even though he has scientific evidence to back it up. Oh no, what to do! Why, Dennis is going to go save his son, Jake Gyllenhall, who is frolicking around Chelsea with Emmy Rossum and some other people. These are smart kids who participate in academic competitions by building rockets and what not and are obviously completely capable of many great things.
All of the sudden it floods, then freezes, and a new ice age has occurred and the government types are flummoxed. How could they have known?! Luckily, Jake G and company have hidden in the New York Public library with many other people who survived the initial flash freeze. So the next logical thing the crowd decides to do is go marching out into the cold towards nowhere, but Jake G. and company are much smarter than that and stay at the library, like lost kids in a super market. As it gets colder, they go against everything they have ever been taught and stage a book burning and hope DQ (who thinks ,of all people, he can survive the bitter cold) shows up soon. And that my friends is that, with the exception of some high range helicopters, an odd side-plot involving Jake G’s mother, Sela Ward, and a few strange political messages sprinkled here and there (especially at the end).
DECISION:
Even though The Day After Tomorrow is a little more believable, it drags at some parts. While 2012, is full steam ahead almost the entire movie even if it is completely preposterous. However, the earth crust displacement theory is a real thing which lends 2012 a bit of credibility. In addition, the political messages in The Day After Tomorrow are a little distracting while 2012 only really focuses on class division. Also, basically EVERYTHING is destroyed in 2012 while you don’t get to see as near as much destruction in The Day After Tomorrow. In the end, this was a tough decision.
WINNER
2012! And now you get to enjoy a video where computer nerds talk about the effects used to make the Yellowstone volcano eruption!
Coming Soon:
Volcano Vs Dante’s Peak
Independence Day vs War of the Worlds
The Poseidon Adventure vs The Perfect Storm
Aliens are not done with us yet. This boggles the mind since I can’t imagine what they’re up there thinking about us. Well, possibly that they need to come and collect Charlie Sheen because he’s just an embarrassment to their entire race, and maybe given the infantile joy myself and others get out of ABC’s Wipeout, that we probably aren’t potty-trained, but nonetheless, something about us is still interesting to the spaceman. Marvin and his fellow Martians don’t give us enough credit. In a fight we’d hold our own (Unity!), and then we’d become enslaved (Defeat!), but jokes on them because they’d find out that eating us would be counterproductive since we’re loud and mostly chewy. Right? Right. Viva La Rebellion.
Battle: Los Angeles
Well, this was a quick death. The reviews are abysmal.
For years, there have been documented cases of UFO sightings around the world – Buenos Aires, Seoul, France, Germany, China. But in 2011, what were once just sightings will become a terrifying reality when Earth is attacked by unknown forces. As people everywhere watch the world’s great cities fall, Los Angeles becomes the last stand for mankind in a battle no one expected. It’s up to a Marine staff sergeant (Aaron Eckhart) and his new platoon to draw a line in the sand as they take on an enemy unlike any they’ve ever encountered before.
What you can expect: Aliens! Aliens Invading! Military types will try to save humanity from an alien attack. Probably lots of desperate scenes with people leaving families, losing loved ones, the expected amount of shock, horror, and perseverance that coincide with movies of this type. It’s a familiar trek. Aliens come, people freak out, it becomes obvious that they want the planet to become a scorched hole, we fight, etc. etc. There’s Aaron Eckhart as the plucky hero. Michelle Rodriguez (Lt. Vasquez, always) donning military gear per usual. All that’s missing from the trailer is the scientist/academic/crazy basement lair person who knew this was coming because he or she read the microwave frequency in a glass of water or something.
What could annoy: While the trailer was pretty good, and it struck just the right tone of humanity coupled with the threat of extinction — we’ve seen this before, no? The last decade or so have been full of the Alien Attack movies in earnest have they not? Regardless, we as the movie-going public still get excited by the prospect of a good alien movie, but we may be starting to tire of this particular tread. It’s probably time for a new twist on this old genre. Also, a brief word about Shaky Cam can we just retire this please? Yes, yes, we get it. You want DOCUMENTARY STYLE FILMMAKING but really, it’s just annoying and sick-making, and no one leaves a theater saying, “You know that movie was great, but there just wasn’t enough shaky cam.” See? We don’t think it adds anything. So, you know, stop.
Mars Needs Moms:
And apparently a better movie. So far the reviews are out of this world and circling the drain.
Take out the trash, eat your broccoli-who needs moms, anyway? Nine-year-old Milo (Seth Green) finds out just how much he needs his mom (Joan Cusack) when she’s nabbed by Martians who plan to steal her mom-ness for their own young. With the help of a tech-savvy, underground earthman named Gribble (Dan Fogler) and a rebel Martian girl called Ki (Elisabeth Harnois), Milo just might find his way back to his mom-in more ways than one.
What you can expect: Kid-fare, light and easy. Possibly set out to be a slightly message-y movie about not taking moms for granted. It’s high on adventure and kids being sassy and goofy. The producing team are veterans at churning out these little tales. It probably doesn’t bring anything altogether new to the story aspect of films of this ilk, meaning no great emotional moments. It’s just more of the “Kids like Aliens too” ideal that goes along with the recent releases of Megamind and Monsters vs. Aliens.
What could annoy: The fact that this little movie is showing in 3-D and in IMAX theaters. It doesn’t seem like something that should get so much technology. Perhaps this is a test run for other bigger Disney movies with which they really want to play with all those new-fangled 3-D ideas? While I love Joan Cusack, the pairing of her as the mom and Seth Green as the son is a little strange, right? They’re twelve years apart. I’m not sure how that works, but okay.
Red Riding Hood:
Well, yeah, those reviews say something — something bad.
Valerie (Amanda Seyfried) is a beautiful young woman torn between two men. She is in love with a brooding outsider Peter (Shiloh Fernandez), but her parents have arranged for her to marry the wealthy Henry (Max Irons). Unwilling to lose each other, Valerie and Peter are planning to run away together when they learn that Valerie’s older sister has been killed. As the death toll rises, Valerie begins to suspect the killer could be someone she loves. Panic grips the town as Valerie discovers that she has a unique connection to the killer-one that inexorably draws them together, making her both suspect…and bait.
What you can expect: Twilight starring Amanda Seyfried. That’s mostly it. This is classified as horror. Hmm, okay, well I guess. The trailer goes for a lot of visual fluff. Lots of stark red images against the palest of backdrops, even Seyfried is a pale backdrop. It looks like a juiced up teen romp and that’s probably what it’ll deliver. There’s a lot of “pause for dramatic effect” scenes in the trailer. We’re supposed to be drawn into the suspense of the whole who is the wolf thing, but this didn’t work so well for last year’s The Wolfman remake or M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village, which this seems vaguely reminiscent of.
What could annoy: The Twilight trope. We’ve seen it. And frankly the next Twilight installment with a new director seems like a better bet in this genre than this watered down version. Amanda Seyfried could annoy if you don’t like her particularly. She has come a long way from using her boobs as a weather vane in Mean Girls, but is she really ready to be the opening draw for a movie all her own? We’ll see. Mostly it looks like the movie is planning to get by with pretty people with smoldering glances. Okay. And Gary Oldman, just what are you doing in this thing?
Indie Pick of the Week:
Certified Copy:
This one is getting rave reviews. Naturally.
Juliette Binoche won the Best Actress prize in Cannes for her performance in this playful and provocative romantic drama. Binoche plays a gallery owner living in a Tuscan village who attends a lecture by a British author (opera star William Shimell) on authenticity and fakery in art. Afterward, she invites him on a tour of the countryside, during which he is mistaken for her husband. They keep up the pretense and continue on their afternoon out, discussing love, life and art, and increasingly behaving like a long-married couple. But are they play-acting on a whim, or is there more to their seemingly new relationship than meets the eye?
What you can expect: A lush locale and Juliette Binoche…’nuff said? Yes. It looks like a blissful little jaunt into Tuscany and some interesting discussions about life and love to boot. There looks to be some circumstances that lend themselves to clandestine meetings and how to navigate attraction and passion. The one-on-one interaction and chemistry is what is at the heart of this movie. Binoche doesn’t appear to be the same colorful free spirit that she once was in Chocolat, but even as a pedestrian in a new situation she still brings depth and humor to the screen.
What could annoy: Too much Tuscany? Too much Binoche doing that Binoche-y thing she does…which is awesome. Perhaps for some. If you don’t like the dissection of a relationship then the face-to-face characterization of one seen here may not be to your liking.
Here’s a link to the trailer just in case you missed it:
***SPOILER ALERT***
Wednesday night, I attended a free screening of Red Riding Hood. The following review is chock-full of spoilers. It pretty much gives away everything other than the identity of the wolf. If you are heavily invested in seeing Red Riding Hood with unbiased eyes, do not read on. I’m assuming very few of you fall under that category, however, so here we go.
Red Riding Hood is Catherine Hardwicke’s first project since directing the premier installment of the Twilight series. The Big Bad Wolf in this version has been transformed into a werewolf, so naturally, comparisons between the two films are running rampant. Red Riding Hood does indeed have a lot in common with Twilight. Sadly, however, I’d say Red‘s the less entertaining of the two.
From the very beginning, the dialogue clunked along, much of it boring lines you’ve heard in other movies, such as the oft-cried “I don’t want you to see me this way!” Even new lines didn’t resonate. An exchange meant to ramp up the tension between the two male rivals (“If you’re the wolf, I’ll chop your head off” / “I’ll do the same.”) A heavy-handed attempt to make the audience think one of Red’s suitors is the wolf (“I could eat you up.” You know, LIKE A WOLF.) There were very few lines that elicited laughs, genuine or ironic.
Where and When is Grandmother’s House?
My friend and I both left the theater unsure of where and when the movie took place. Seventeenth century England? Sure. Twelfth century Italy? Why not. I’m now leaning towards France in the late-Middle Ages.
The costumes don’t make it much easier to figure out. Similar to A Knight’s Tale, the costumes mix a Renaissance fair aesthetic with modern touches. But without the charm and cheekiness of A Knight’s Tale, some of the costumes just feel tacky.
Gary Oldman dons a purple velvet number that I’m pretty sure was borrowed from Prince.
He completes the outfit with silver-tipped fingernails (the better to scratch werewolves with, my dear.) Tunamelt does it better.
Meanwhile, Red’s grandmother moonlights as a Boho yoga instructor.
Speaking of anachronisms, Little Red’s real name is Valerie. Wikipedia tells me that Valerie does in fact have old origins, but really, when I hear Valerie, there’s only one person I think of. And she may have been a saucy wench, but she was most definitely from the modern age.
Twilight: Part 2 (Part 5? Whatever.)
After reading Twilight the book (I was curious, okay!), I was actually impressed with Hardwicke’s ability to transform the discombobulated, nonsensical source material into something vaguely coherent and watchable. Sure, the movie’s still drivel, but the kind of drivel that’s good for a few giggles, maybe after sneaking some Schnapps into the movie theater. Red Riding Hood can’t claim the “so bad it’s good” title. It’s just so bad it’s bad.
That said, the two films do have a lot of noticeable similarities. The movie opens by panning across the tops of tall, lush tress, not unlike the ones Edward and his “spider monkey” climb. The heroine is courted by two good-looking young men, one fair (Henry) and one dark-haired (Peter). There is no clear good or bad guy among the two. (Unless one of them turns out to be the wolf!) Both are seemingly nice enough fellas, but lack any real defining personalities other than liking her enough to risk their lives. Despite not trusting each other, at one point they have to join forces to rescue the object of their affections.
Redeeming Qualities
There’s a scene where the townspeople hold a bacchanalia-like party that reminds you that Hardwicke also directed Thirteen. There, Valerie engages in the ancient courting ritual – dancing all up on another girl to make a boy horny with jealous rage. Hardwicke does a good job creating a chaotic, animalistic scene, and I think she’d be well-suited to direct a darker teen movie, like Cruel Intentions.
Random Absurdities
- Valerie’s sister is killed by the wolf early on. From the start, the sister’s unrequited love for Henry is emphasized. Later, you learn that she and Henry are half-siblings. The characters continue to speak of her love, despite the fact that he was her brother and that is gross.
- Paranoid that he may be the werewolf, Valerie stabs her almost-lover Peter. You’d think that this would lead to a conversation about her trust issues, but instead, Ol’ Pete seems totally unfazed.
- Blond Grandmother looks exactly like the blond Red Riding Hood, who looks exactly like her blond mother. Turns out Grandmother is actually Valerie’s paternal grandmother. Another unexplored incest storyline perhaps?
- Three-fourths of the way into the movie, you learn the wolf can speak telepathically to Red. Surprise!
If you’d like to see the telepathic werewolf for yourself, Red Riding Hood opens Friday.
Top Image from here.
Now that I am only a month or two away from moving away from the tiny Mexican pueblo – about an hour away from Puerto Vallarta – that has been my home for the last seven years, the anticipation I felt at returning to live in the United States has been replaced by a general feeling of dread, a kind of malaise of the soul. All I can think of is how much I will miss almost everything about this town: most especially, my warm, welcoming and easily communicative neighbors, none of whom speaks English. They have all been tremendously patient with me as I chatter away in my amusingly broken Spanish (although it is far better than it was when I arrived with five years of long-ago language schooling and little practical experience speaking it).
I am flummoxed as to why in the U.S., Mexicans have received an undeserved reputation as being lazy; it is my experience that nothing could be further from the truth. In addition to witnessing how hard they work, I have also come to greatly respect their sense of reverence for family – extending quite literally from the cradle to the grave. I have been fortunate to have been invited to baptisms, quincinieras (a huge party for a girl’s 15th birthday), weddings and funerals over the years, and always, I have been treated with respect even though I am clearly not a native Mexican.
The picture accompanying this post is the view from the roof of my house; the vacant lot next door is home to a couple of cows and an obviously nocturnal donkey who serenades us often in the middle of the night. Chickens and dogs wander freely, and herds of goats and cows traverse the town’s small and perilously uneven cobblestone streets. Horses are mostly used for transporting tourists curious about our unusual bucolic existence. Young children safely walk unescorted through the streets; traffic is light, drivers are cautious in town, and everyone here knows each other, which enhances a feeling of safety as well as community.
Elsewhere in Mexico, there have been reports of rampant violence related to drug cartels and/or high unemployment. In Puerto Vallarta, the cruise lines imposed a moratorium on cruises into the are which lasted almost a year. But the violence which Bad Karma wrote about in his article on San Miguel de Allende (12 hours away from here) has, thankfully, not affected us. There have been an increase of break-ins in a wealthy nearby enclave, but no injuries or deaths as a result.
Fortunately, the word has gotten out that this area is a relatively safe one, and the cruise ships and tourists are back in force, sampling the various Mexican delicacies – from taco stands to high-end restaurants – sunning and surfing on the glorious beaches and shopping at the tianguis (outdoor bazaar-style stalls), locally owned shops or expansive malls. This is the best time of year, weather wise – it is absolutely ideal – and many tourists come to seek brief refuge from their inhospitable home environs. A friend of mine just regrettably returned to Chicago after two weeks in paradise. Her response upon returning home was a terse “I don’t even want to talk about it.”
After living in such a friendly, open and free environment, my concern is that living back in the U.S. will feel stultifying to me in comparison with the liberation I’ve been so blessed to experience here. My hope is that the friendships that I form (and re-incite) when I return to America will encourage me to continue being as warm, kind and open as my Mexican neighbors have inspired me to be.
Is he the muse of our generation? Likely. We just can’t get enough of this dancing shagstick.
It must be his superb gift for catapulting us out of reality with his dearth of acting prowess. Literally we just don’t know where we are when we watch him scintillate on the big screen. We think babies weep with profound joy at his mere utterances. I’m sure they do. I’ve seen it. Babies just stop what they’re doing and are completely mesmerized by the ethereal tones spoken by this glowing beacon of a Messiah, and softly they weep. They know they’ll never match the glorious theocracy of the chosen McTatum Jesuspants. I know I won’t, ever.
The following is what he’ll bring to the masses, soon children…soon.
Pan: Oh, holy bulging tights! The Channing’s meat roll will be covered in nylon and flying through the air like a zip line of sex hurtling across the cosmos! Would we like that? Well, shamefully, yes. Of course we would. Who wouldn’t want a sky full of Channing dong? No, seriously. Okay. The Tasty Tatum Tater, screenwriter Billy Ray, and producer Joe Roth have pitched Pan, an origin story from J.M. Barrie’s classic character of Peter Pan, to Hollywood studios. Apparently the story has entered into the public domain, so that means it’s open season for all thrustdimples with barely an acting résumé to try and stuff the story into their overfilled jockey shorts and play matchmaker with a studio. The Roth guy is currently producing Oz, The Great and Powerful for Disney and Snow White and the Huntsman for Universal. Billy Ray Cyrus Writer-Person has adapted popular Suzanne Collins YA novel The Hunger Games. So their interest in yet another fantasy story to mash with their money fists is not surprising. The “WTF nugget” is Channing Tatum. Is he hoping to star in this remake? Produce? Rub the contract on his loins? I dunno. I guess we’ll find out.
G.I. Joe: 2: Paramount Pictures is a silly place with silly ideas. Weren’t we all on the same page in our collective obese hatred of G.I. Joe: I Can Make Robot Noises With My Mouth? I thought this was understood. You thought so too, right? Well, somebody didn’t wake up the Paramount execs when this was screened so obviously they’re under the impression that we thought the first one of these things was like Shakespeare covered in cheesecake or something. Filming this fall is Channing Steak Tartare Meatgiggles and a returning Wayans Brother possibly Marlon (the Wayans brother is unconfirmed). However, director Stephen Sommers is out — because he’d like not to have his name attached to another steaming pile of monkey dung. Jon Chu director of Step Up 2: The Streets, Step Up 3D and Justin Bieber: Never Say Never is stepping in. So, dancing and warbling like a stray cat on a fence while making robot noises with their mouths, then? In the aftermath of Paramount announcing Chu as Sommers’ replacement, some voracious twittering happened by Rachel Nichols (Um, yeah, I don’t know who that is) who played Scarlett in the first film (Oh, her! Really, who is she?) who says adamantly that only Tatum GrindThighs and two other dudes who played Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow (By Mattel) will return. Tough words from a chick who no one remembers! She’ll be back.
Robocop Remake Gets A Brazilian: First of all, have you guys seen Peter Weller lately? Yoikes. He looks like he fell into a whiskey bottle trapped under a leather couch and just emerged as a fusion of the two. Not good. Anyway they’re moving forward with this movie about police-borgs, or Picard-cops, or robot-Romulans. Darren Aronofsky, director of stupid Natalie Portman birds, and Hugh Jackman’s boyfriend named Wolverine, is out. I assume because MGM was having buttloads of financial trouble, and because he was just nominated for a fooking Oscar. You can’t almost win a fooking Oscar and then go direct Robocop: Geriatric Gun Metal. So in comes Brazilian director Jose Padilha who very few people have heard of. Now that that’s settled all they need is a screenwriter. You mean Robocop: Geriatric Gun Metal can’t write itself? I would think robot with guns kills bad guys and then says unfunny robotic quip about breaking the law and breaking skulls or some such drivel. No? Okay. Fans of the Robocop movies are not happy about this turn of events. Fans of the Robocop movies need to find more girls to talk to.
Percy Jackson Will Moonwalk: So the youngest member of the Jackson family will get a sequel to Disney’s 3-D action movie Captain EO. Prepare for Epcot to be Sold. Out. Wait. No. Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief that little fantasy movie about Gods with magic penlights and men with goat feet will get a sequel called Something and a Sea of Monsters. Percy will have to save his little satyr friend, i.e. man with the goat legs, from a Cyclops while also attempting to find the Golden Fleece. So mythical and multitask-oriented is that Percy Jermaine Jackson. The screenwriting team of Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski, Agent Cody Banks, That Darn Cat, Ed Wood and The People Vs Larry Flynt, will make sure Percy gets his Potter on (That Darn Cat!). Most of the cast will be back, because what is there to do — go see the sequels of every other teen fantasy movie coming out this year like Harry Potter: Death to Smoochy, and Twilight: Pulsing Uteri. Plan for this to hit your theater around 2013 or so. You have a couple years to find out what a satyr is and all about that Golden Fleece if you care, or you can just wait to watch this thing celebrate ancient polytheism and a whoring Zeus with all his half-god bastards — six of one.
Blade Runner Last of the Mohicans: So it comes down to this, eh? Most every Sci-Fi film from the 1980’s is already slated for destruction so why not Blade Runner? Alcon Entertainment (The Blind Side, The Book of Eli) and Warner Bros. have secured the film and television rights to produce prequels and sequels to this. We all hope if they’re gonna do it, that it’s a movie sequel/prequel because we’ve already seen Buck Rogers and we don’t want to go back there again no matter how many Twiggies you seduce us with, and mostly because NBC will fuck that shit up. The i09 guys got some sort of exclusive with the producers that told us absolutely nothing about what this will be! Except that there will still be Replicants! Goody! I guess. Whatever. Leave it alone. They discussed the lore and all that, but mostly we’re just excited for Cowboys and Aliens. This is how we’ll get our Harrison Ford fix.
Casting News:
Looks like King Aragorn from that movie with all the slow walking trees may join the rebooted Superman reboot. He may be cast as General Zod (Kneel!). We’re not sure how we feel about Viggo in a black jumpsuit, though. Could be sexy. Could look like he’s got tacos wrapped up in a chest sling. We’ll wait for the first stills.
That’s it. Channing wants to Sex U Up. Robocop is stupid. The name Percy sounds like a miniature schnauzer. The Blade Runner prequel/sequel death march will send us screaming into a fetal position, and we’re not sure Viggo in a jumpsuit will make us lustful or bloated. We need a Tums.
* All references to our savior Channing Tatum are dedicated to Richard Lawson.