Amanda Seyfried

3 posts

Coming SOON: A Movie Trailer Roundup

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Are you getting Pacific Rimmed this weekend, hunty? Maybe Conjuring up a few haunted house cliches next week? You gotta do you, but let’s also see what flickering dreams the cinegoogolplex will be selling you in the months to come. Porn stars and westerns and remakes, oh my! Hit the jump to view some trailers that have recently hit the web. Continue reading

In A World Where Time Is Literally Money

Imagine a world where the aging gene has been isolated and deactivated for everyone on the planet. Everyone ages normally until they turn 25, and then aging simply stops… forever.

In order to prevent a situation like Star Trek’s Mark of Gideon episode, a device is implanted in all citizens to control how long they live. Rich people can buy as much life time as they want, years and years if they so choose, and the poor, well, sometimes they wake up and don’t have enough minutes to last the day. To avoid overpopulation, time has become the currency and the way people pay for luxuries and necessities.

This is the world that Will Salas (Justin Timberlake) finds himself. Everyone is young, and since it’s Hollywood, most everyone is pretty. Will is a poor young man who is given a fortune of time, though too late to prevent his mother from dying. He ends up on the run from a corrupt police force known as ‘time keepers.’ Continue reading

Red Riding Hood: Twilight for Team Jacob

***SPOILER ALERT***

Wednesday night, I attended a free screening of Red Riding Hood. The following review is chock-full of spoilers. It pretty much gives away everything other than the identity of the wolf. If you are heavily invested in seeing Red Riding Hood with unbiased eyes, do not read on. I’m assuming very few of you fall under that category, however, so here we go.

Red Riding Hood is Catherine Hardwicke’s first project since directing the premier installment of the Twilight series. The Big Bad Wolf in this version has been transformed into a werewolf, so naturally, comparisons between the two films are running rampant. Red Riding Hood does indeed have a lot in common with Twilight. Sadly, however, I’d say Red‘s the less entertaining of the two.

From the very beginning, the dialogue clunked along, much of it boring lines you’ve heard in other movies, such as the oft-cried “I don’t want you to see me this way!” Even new lines didn’t resonate. An exchange meant to ramp up the tension between the two male rivals (“If you’re the wolf, I’ll chop your head off” / “I’ll do the same.”) A heavy-handed attempt to make the audience think one of Red’s suitors is the wolf (“I could eat you up.” You know, LIKE A WOLF.) There were very few lines that elicited laughs, genuine or ironic.

Where and When is Grandmother’s House?

My friend and I both left the theater unsure of where and when the movie took place. Seventeenth century England? Sure. Twelfth century Italy? Why not. I’m now leaning towards France in the late-Middle Ages.

The costumes don’t make it much easier to figure out. Similar to A Knight’s Tale, the costumes mix a Renaissance fair aesthetic with modern touches. But without the charm and cheekiness of A Knight’s Tale, some of the costumes just feel tacky.

Gary Oldman dons a purple velvet number that I’m pretty sure was borrowed from Prince.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He completes the outfit with silver-tipped fingernails (the better to scratch werewolves with, my dear.) Tunamelt does it better.

 

 

 

Meanwhile, Red’s grandmother moonlights as a Boho yoga instructor.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Speaking of anachronisms, Little Red’s real name is Valerie. Wikipedia tells me that Valerie does in fact have old origins, but really, when I hear Valerie, there’s only one person I think of. And she may have been a saucy wench, but she was most definitely from the modern age.

Twilight: Part 2 (Part 5? Whatever.)

After reading Twilight the book (I was curious, okay!), I was actually impressed with Hardwicke’s ability to transform the discombobulated, nonsensical source material into something vaguely coherent and watchable. Sure, the movie’s still drivel, but the kind of drivel that’s good for a few giggles, maybe after sneaking some Schnapps into the movie theater. Red Riding Hood can’t claim the “so bad it’s good” title. It’s just so bad it’s bad.

That said, the two films do have a lot of noticeable similarities. The movie opens by panning across the tops of tall, lush tress, not unlike the ones Edward and his “spider monkey” climb. The heroine is courted by two good-looking young men, one fair (Henry) and one dark-haired (Peter). There is no clear good or bad guy among the two. (Unless one of them turns out to be the wolf!) Both are seemingly nice enough fellas, but lack any real defining personalities other than liking her enough to risk their lives. Despite not trusting each other, at one point they have to join forces to rescue the object of their affections.

Redeeming Qualities

There’s a scene where the townspeople hold a bacchanalia-like party that reminds you that Hardwicke also directed Thirteen. There, Valerie engages in the ancient courting ritual – dancing all up on another girl to make a boy horny with jealous rage. Hardwicke does a good job creating a chaotic, animalistic scene, and I think she’d be well-suited to direct a darker teen movie, like Cruel Intentions.

Random Absurdities

  • Valerie’s sister is killed by the wolf early on. From the start, the sister’s unrequited love for Henry is emphasized. Later, you learn that she and Henry are half-siblings. The characters continue to speak of her love, despite the fact that he was her brother and that is gross.
  • Paranoid that he may be the werewolf, Valerie stabs her almost-lover Peter. You’d think that this would lead to a conversation about her trust issues, but instead, Ol’ Pete seems totally unfazed.
  • Blond Grandmother looks exactly like the blond Red Riding Hood, who looks exactly like her blond mother. Turns out Grandmother is actually Valerie’s paternal grandmother. Another unexplored incest storyline perhaps?
Which two look biologically related? The answer may surprise you.
  • Three-fourths of the way into the movie, you learn the wolf can speak telepathically to Red. Surprise!

If you’d like to see the telepathic werewolf for yourself, Red Riding Hood opens Friday.

Top Image from here.