Good evening my friends. Hope you’ve had a great day. Since we’ve all started spending time here I have occasionally been sharing tales of the scary, weird, and paranormal. Since this seems to be a lot of fun I am going to make this a weekly tradition. So wrap up in a nice blanket and let’s trade whispers in the dark about the mysterious things we often leave unsaid in the light of day.
Is this you right now?
Let’s all stay together and everyone turn on their flashlight. We will be back to the camp site soon. Have a great night.
Well hello there! Please excuse the earlier unpleasantness, life on the internet is often brutish, nasty, and short. Let’s put it all behind us, shall we? Grab your 4 Loko and let’s get the party started.
Important Message: We are moving servers again this weekend, probably Sunday night. We’ll do our best to keep the downtime to a minimum, but depending on your ISP you might have some issues. I’m letting you guys know now so you can check Twitter and Facebook for our status.
Another important message. This Sunday we will be having another writers work shop to brainstorm ideas and help each other develop stories. It will be a great chance to get feedback or come up with post ideas. The post will go up in the late afternoon or early evening depending on when The Grand Inquisitor decides to get out of bed.
Ok gang. Everything is going to be all right. 99.99% of you will never do anything that even comes close to warranting execution. You know our affection for you is genuine, so relax. Here are some nice pictures to make the bad thoughts go away.
We have grown a lot over the last few weeks and it has been a crazy ride, but everything is going to be just fine.
Buongiorno. I am Mastro Titta, official executioner of both the Papal States and Crasstalk.com. I learned my craft from the world’s original commenter executioner, Jack Ketch (may he rest in peace). I am now charged with seeing that holy justice is given to the eternally damned.
I will administer swift justice to commenters and authors alike. There are various classes of sundry criminals who could meet their fate at the end of my guillotine’s blade. Trolls, the un-funny, the pointlessly belligerent and those who can’t follow the rules, you may find yourself meeting at the merciful hands of Mastro Titta.
Today our penitent who must be publicly executed is OMG! Ponies! He is guilty of numerous sins against the church and the Papal States and shall have his ability to post articles lopped off.
He wrote an entire post about establishing rules for Crasstalk, rather than, you know, emailing one of the site’s admins.
Okay. So now that you know touching the “butter button” is a sin against nature, you’re still going to brave the movie theater, because really where else are you going to see awesome movie trailers with a bunch of people totally ready to oohhh, ahhh, or sneer uncontrollably at Kevin James dressed as Monica DelMonico from Soapdish? It’s the movies or standing in line at the Olive Garden with Aunt Matilda after her trip to the podiatrist. Kevin James in drag it is!
When Rango (Johnny Depp), a household pet chameleon sets out on a journey of self-discovery, he accidentally stumbles upon the town of Dirt, a lawless outpost in the Wild West. Coincidentally, the town is in need of a new sheriff, and Rango is just the man for the job.
What you can expect: Johnny Depp in full Pirates of the Caribbean cheekiness, but with some clever adult humor thrown in. Kids may not get all the jokes, but of course there are enough hijinks and antics that mostly they’ll love whatever is on the screen. Adults may find themselves laughing along with most everything, and Depp is pretty good at playing a caricature, so that goes a long way for an animated movie.
What could annoy: Johnny Depp. He’s great at what he does, but it’s possible that he’s becoming a one-note, and while it may work for an animated feature, the shtick could wear out its welcome. We’d mostly like to see him get away from such constant farciful fare. Also, bugs and geckos and things. Some people find them kind of icky…well, if they’re not Australian and starring in Geico commercials. This doesn’t look like a movie for the cuddly animated bunneh and kitteh group. I expect these crawly doodads to have plenty of bodily functions and the eating of snipes and snails. These movies come from a long line of creature-feature animated films. See: Bee Movie and Ants. The genre probably isn’t quite stale yet, but next to the emotional depth of Toy Story 3, this movie just could be pure fun, but on a very surface level.
The Adjustment Bureau:
The reviews so far are just eh. Not great, not terrible. Much less than I’m sure Damon was hoping for.
Ambitious politician David Norris (Matt Damon) stumbles upon bliss after finding true love with beautiful contemporary ballet dancer Elise Sellas (Emily Blunt). However, sustaining the heart of the lovely Elise proves more difficult than expected. When the couples’ sweet romance is derailed by a group of mysterious men who conspire to keep them apart, David must decide whether to let Elise go or continue in a dangerous game with fate.
What you can expect: Matt Damon and Emily Blunt looking beautiful and poignant in this supernatural time and fate turn. Judging from the trailer, Damon and Blunt have an easy chemistry. While the scenes with her running in heels and the “meet cute” on the bus were a bit trite, the notion of destiny and what you would sacrifice for love and happiness is always an audience pleaser, if not too cloying like a Meet Joe Black or a Benjamin Button. Loves conquering all despite sinister types (General Zod and Roger Sterling) with “big plans” are great for those frantic, running, pleading, awash with angst type films, and this seems to be one of them.
What could annoy: If it delivers like a knock-off Inception or something of that ilk. I think we can only stand one bend-a-brain movie at a time. I’m all for well-nuanced, well thought-out Sci-Fi, but not just turning a building upside down just because. And then there’s Mr. Damon. Well, Matt Damon hasn’t had much success lately has he? With the exception of a small role in True Grit, his latest supernatural effort in Hereafter wasn’t exactly a runaway hit for the Oscar winner. Is he too much of the thinking man’s movie actor that he doesn’t quite translate into these more emotional stories? Sometimes he does come off a bit cold, but that could just be the movies he chooses. The Good Shepherd, the Bourne movies, Green Zone (Bourne movie without the title), yeah, it seems he has trouble finding the “feeling zone.” Emily Blunt on the other hand is usually pretty fantastic. I’ll ignore the close resemblance she has to Katy Perry, even though that’s become a bit of an annoyance, and focus on how well her work has been lately. The Young Victoria was stellar. Keira Knightly, girl, you better start making films again.
Beastly:
Well, Alex Pettyfer, is pretty. So there’s that. The reviews of this modern-day spin on the classic fairytale “Beauty and the Beast” haven’t been good. In fact they’ve been awful.
Kyle Kingson (Alex Pettyfer) is living the teenage dream — he has privilege, popularity and good looks. He also has a knack for being one of the meanest guys around, constantly ridiculing his “unattractive” peers. Up to his usually tricks, Kyle invites Goth classmate Kendra (Mary-Kate Olsen) to a school bash intent on humiliating her — but the jokes on him. Kendra retaliates by casting a spell on Kyle that physically transforms him into a social outcast. To reverse the curse, he must do the impossible — find someone to love him. Will he succeed?
What you can expect: Lots of teen-centered D.R.A.M.A and angst. Zac Effron’s ex-girlfriend is in this one, and mostly it looks like a message movie about loving oneself for what’s on the inside. Will it be the movie all the giggle-head kids will go see? Probably. It has cute guys and enviable girls, a Mary Kate Olsen spotting, plus magic and wickedness. This is kind of a prerequisite for teen films nowadays. This will be firmly lopped into the recent bombardment of young adult themes making their way to the big screen much like its rise in the publishing industry. Thanks Stephenie Meyer!
What could annoy: Pretty kids with seemingly everything who now face dealing with some imperfections in life. Could seem a bit shallow and inconsequential. The movie isn’t supposed to be more than popcorny fluff with some veiled messages thrown in. If you get that point and your kids understand, there’s really not much harm, well no more so than what most of the CW channel broadcasts. It’s also possible that the lessons about self-love and respect for others could get lost amongst the young Hollywood lovefest but I suppose we’re supposed to look past that because of the pretty people.
Take Me Home Tonight:
Is Topher Grace ever good in a movie? Ashton Kutcher’s inexplicable success must kill this guy. The reviews of this thing won’t make him feel any better.
Recent MIT grad Matt Franklin (Topher Grace) takes a part-time job working at a video store inside the local mall. But what looks like a dead-end job, becomes the biggest opportunity of Matt’s life when his high school crush (Teresa Palmer) walks through the door. When she invites him to an end-of-summer party, Matt, no doubt, leaps at the chance to score the girl of his dreams. With his twin sister Wendy (Anna Faris) and best friend Barry (Dan Fogler) by his side, Matt sets out on a hilarious evening filled with pranks, dance-offs and unforgettable moments.
What you can expect: Lot’s of 80’s music. Lot’s of seen before, done before things with 1980’s pop culture references. Sounds to me like an attempt at a John Hughesian film, but failing mostly. I’m thinking it’s because of Grace. He just seems like a dick, no? Anyway, all the formulaic fodder is there. There are popped collars and bad jokes about stealing cars and going to parties. Basically not much new territory is covered here. It may be an interesting way to spend a Sunday, but it doesn’t have nearly the anticipation of Hot Tub Time Machine, but seems to have the same outcome.
What could annoy: The entire thing. It just looks stupid and unnecessary. And again there’s Topher Grace.
In the early days, Crasstalk was a backwater with few visits but so many great things to share. To help bring some of those early posts to light we present Crasstalk Classic. Our second classic post goes all the way back to November 2010 when Botswana Meat Commission FC decided to test the limits of human endurance by drinking as much Four Loko as possible. Now go relive the magic.
IT’S ON! I picked up three cans of 4LOKO on the way home from work today, making me the first employed person to ever actually buy this product.
Which flavors, you ask? Good question! The first one is obviously lemon lime. It says so on the ENORMOUS can, plus it’s yellow and green, the ISO-certified universal colors for that flavor combination. I also picked up fruit punch flavor (RED!) as well as the purple variety, which sources tell me is called Purple Drank flavor. Fun times.
So I’m now going to try to drink at least two of these as fast as possible so that I can liveblog my own death. Haha, no, I’m fairly sure that I will die young, but it will NOT be at the hand of 4LOKO. I got this. I’m not an amateur kids. I’m a professional drinker. I may not actually get drunk very often anymore, but I’m feeling VERY good about my liver’s ability to take on this challenge. Not only can I generally hold my alcohol, but I am a voracious consumer of energy drinks. So I guess I fit right into 4LOKO’s high school parking lot demo!
UPDATE: Just cracked open the lemon-lime 4LOKO and took as big a chug as I could. You feel the energy rush instantly. Feeling all tingley and happy right now. Kids, if you want to feel good, drink LOTS of 4LOKO. Don’t worry if your parents don’t want you to… it will make you feel good. Hang out by the dumpsters behind the Quik-Trip and have an older member of your community buy it for you.
Stay tuned for more updates.
8:01
My head feels fuzzy, like a tight sheet of cloth draped over a wire frame that is blowing in the wind. It’s not unpleasant. The caffeine hasn’t really hit me yet. Don’t feel twitchy at all. The can is about 3/4 done already.
8:08
The can is almost gone.
My goatee looks fucking HUGE in that picture. I look like a fucking Civil War General! I love this because in reality my shit grows in all patchy and whatnot.
I honestly feel like I could invade Shiloh right now. The Civil War would have been over in a week TOPS if the Union had this shit back then
8:14
The first can is kicked. I’m watching “Weeds” and thinking about how awesome of a Civil War general I would be. This is pretty much the pinnacle of human existence.
It is officially called “LOKO UVA” flavor. I have no idea what that means but it must be high-tech and good. The actual taste of Purple Loko Drank is interesting. It’s slightly bitter, with a hint of sweet berry goodness and a frisson of alcoholic burn. Complex nose, delightful full body ripples across the tongue. It’s no wonder Robert Parker’s gardener gave this his top rating of 5.0 one night after stabbing a carnival worker.
O RLY?
8:33
I’m watching “Johnny Dangerously” starring Michael Keaton and Joe Piscopo. This is making me want to stag a leprechaun in the dickhole. This movie is AWFUL. What the fuck were people thinking back in 1984. Their 20s nostalgia sucked balls. I DEMAND SCORCESE.
8:42
I finally broke the seal. These cans come in only one official size: FUCKING GINORMOUS. It is like trying to drink a punch bowl. I’m amazed I even made it through a can and a half before having to whizz. Also, the caffeine is starting to take its toll on my stomach. I feel like Manny Pacquiao just punched me in the gut. I’m slightly short of breath and feeling a sharp pain in my stomach. Despite that, I’m feeling pretty good. The euphoria of the alcohol and caffeine is still coursing through my brain. It’s fairly lovely actually.
9:06
Just took my second piss of the night. Bladder was about to EXPLODE from all the carbonation of these coddamn drinks. Now I’m watching “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” and feeling like anyone involved with this piece of shit should be killed in brutal car accident.
9:14
I’m pretty much done with the second can of 4LOKO. I’m still standing and, while buzzed, I feel like I can still keep up a decent conversation. Also, Tucker Max is history greatest monster.
9:34
Two cans down! I just started on the third can (fruit punch). All is well. The stomach pains went away and now I just feel really drunk. The fruit punch drank has a nice flavor. Not bitter, not too sweet. I feel pleasantly buzzed and euphoric. Really, this is quite nice.
9:50
I am ridciously drunk at this point. Any pretense of sobriety is lost. I am FUCKED UP. Like, I am fairly sure ther are leprechauns dancing around my living room right now. FUCK THE FUCKING LEPRECHAUNS. Leave me alone you green skinned bastards!
9:55
Ridcousl! Ha! Being retardedly drunk is actually pretty fun. Right now when I look at the ceiling I see a fucking Santana concert happening. That may or may not be good.
10:15
At this point I’m straught up hammered and am having a tough time tpin actual shit. Fp real Om fucked up and thsi 4LOKO shit is for real..
10:56
Ok, so I already prayed to the porcelain god. I couldn’t help it. My stomach just straight up rebelled. Whoa, this stuff is REALLY hard on the ol’ stomach.
11:16
Ok, at this point I already prayed to the porcelain god. Got sick, booted, straight up yakked in the toilet. Yep, I got sick. Franklyt, I’m pretty sure it was just the caffeine that got to me. But HOLY SHIT this 4LOKO stuff is for real. I feel like Charlie Sheen.
I know you are a group of crafty people so today we’re going to share those items of handiwork that you’re most proud of. It could be a sweater you knitted, a school project you “helped” your kids with, a barn you raised, a birdhouse you made, a wall you painted or just how you craftily arranged the twelve pieces of furniture to fit into your 400 square foot studio. Craftiness comes in all forms.
To put a picture into a comment you will need to host the image somewhere. Personally, Imgur has worked well for me, but you can get them from anywhere. A warning that photos hosted on Facebook should probably be saved elsewhere. Facebook’s new image viewer makes it very hard to get to the actual photo. Images you have on another site need to be the actual image file and not the page that contains them. The files in in .jpg, .png, .gif or something like that.
In the comment box tell us a little something about the picture and then include a link as follows.
Note: This article was put together by Lady_E for your reading pleasure. Show some appreciation.
Of the many themes emerging from the uprisings sweeping the Middle East, one of the most resonant and motivating have been complaints of nepotism. Before pledging to hold elections, lift onerous security laws or stop police brutality, dictator after dictator has rushed to state TV to pledge, first and foremost, that they will not foist their worthless, generally reviled and invariably criminal son onto their beleaguered country. “No, no! I was never going to do that! I promise!” they swear in a desperate attempt to appease their outraged populations. In fact, many commentators have suggested that the final straw in Egypt was the widespread belief that Hosni Mubarak was going to install his hated son, Gamel, as President in the next elections. Not surprisingly, the very first response to the protests from Mubarak was to promise that neither he nor his son would be a candidate in the elections.
This phenomenon is completely understandable. After all, nothing gets people’s hackles up like seeing some entitled douchebag sail through life smugly collecting that Ivy League degree, high paying job or important post without any acknowledgement of how underserved each of these things are. If there is one thing that unites people it is disdain for blatant nepotism and this is true the world over, from the streets of Cairo to the halls of Princeton.
So, in recognition of this powerfully unifying topic, you are all invited to submit your most outrageous example of nepotism. The rules for submission are simple. The parent doesn’t need to be a dad (how’s the autobiography going, Bristol?), nor do they have to be a dictator. But, the child must be completely unworthy of said advantages and privileges obtained by their accident of birth. After all, not all nepotism is bad. As my boyfriend points out, when the all-knowing and all-powerful God needed a job done, he did not pull out the angel org chart or call for candidates. He sent his son.
Choosing one will be difficult, I admit. To start you all off I will make my nomination for the most outrageous, undeserved on the merits and due wholly to his daddy example of nepotism. After much review and careful consideration, I submit to you Mr. Saadi Gaddafi, son of Moamar. As recounted in this excellent New York Times article, papa Gaddafi succeeded in securing for his son, Saadi, what I think is a truly remarkable feat of nepotistic influence- a spot on one of Italy’s most successful Series A soccer teams.
Fiat is the owner of Italy’s oldest and most successful team, and the team with the most fans — Juventus. The Qaddafi family built up considerable holdings in Juventus, obtaining, according to some reports as much as seven percent of shares in the clubs in recent years. In 2002, the Italian Supercup final was played in Tripoli, the currently embattled Libyan capital, thanks to these links.
It is perhaps for this reason that Saadi Qaddafi thought that he might be able to play in Serie A, despite not being good enough. The strategy was simple — pay teams to have him in their squad, and train with the first team. He might even get a few minutes on the field, on rare occasions.
Saadi was “signed” by Luciano Gaucci, the volcanic owner of Perugia, in the 2003 off-season. Qaddafi had been hanging around Italian soccer for years. He even trained with Paul Gascoigne at Lazio in the 1990s. Although he had trained with Juve, nobody had ever imagined that the dictator’s son was anywhere near good enough to actually turn out in Serie A, except Gaucci.
Despite Gaucci’s best efforts, Perugia Manager Serse Cosmi obstinately refused to play the 30-year-old Libyan. Gaucci issued a statement, at the time, which is interesting in retrospect: “Berlusconi called me up and encouraged me. He told me that having Qaddafi in the team is helping us build a relationship with Libya. If he plays badly, he plays badly. So be it.”
A number of excuses were invented — he was injured, it was the wrong game. Gaucci pleaded publicly with Cosmi, asking if he would play Qaddafi for just one half … even if he is not very good. Cosmi held firm. Qaddafi sat on the bench once without coming on. The case was resolved in a spectacular manner. On the Oct. 5, 2003 (after his first game as nonplaying substitute) Qaddafi’s urine sample was found to contain traces of an illegal substance — Nandrolone. He was barred for three months, without ever having played for the first team.
The Qaddafi saga was not over, however.
Having served his ban, Saadi finally saw some action, for 15 minutes, in a key relegation game against Juventus in May as Perugia won, 1-0. A week later an attack of appendicitis conveniently put him out for the rest of the season.
Can you beat that? Submit your choice in the comments!
Happy Friday. Bet you don’t feel like working. Let me help you out with that.
Now it’s 10 minutes closer to the weekend. You’re welcome. Have a great day.
Important Message: We are moving servers again this weekend, probably Sunday night. We’ll do our best to keep the downtime to a minimum, but depending on your ISP you might have some issues. I’m letting you guys know now so you can check Twitter and Facebook for our status.
