Eating the placenta is all the rage these days among a certain crowd. Yes, really. Why? Many animals eat the placenta after the birth, including goats. The placenta contains prostaglandin, which helps the uterus return to its normal state. It also contains oxytocin, which stimulates milk production and soothes the stress of labor. There have been no scientific studies, but research is often behind the curve. Human placenta is also a common ingredient in Chinese medications. Continue reading
Families and Parenting
140 posts
On Saturday night the world was gifted a precious soul. One chosen to possibly lead the world out of rampant darkness. It is she who will make us mere mortals stop and consider what the outcome of our lives would and could be, for without her ethereal light, the continued downward spiral of man will not lapse. She will be the bringer of peace and joy, and become the protector of legions of humans on this wasteoid piece of rock we call Earth — or she’ll just be a celebrity’s kid and we’ll all watch while the paparazzi covers her wardrobe, birthday parties, and days out with mom that include the tagline “Beyoncé and Blue! They’re Just Like Us!” Seriously, it will be either world domination or photo ops at Build-A-Bear. Continue reading
Rich people, with their fancy mustard and whatnot, are the ever-loving WARST, are they not? But do you know what’s EVEN WARSE? When rich people claim to “feel middle class” because of all that terrible private school tuition and week-long Aspen vacations they have to pay for.
Today’s Worst Assholes Ever of the Day are the mommy-commenters (mommenters?) of NYC parenting forum UrbanBaby.com. Yeah, I had no idea such a cunty site existed, either — but it does! (One of today’s hot topics: “Is nanny poaching a problem?”)
This week someone started a thread with a simple question:
What’s your hhi [household income] and do you FEEL poor, middle class, upper middle class or rich where you live. No judging.
So let’s read some responses, and do so without judgment or malice. Hahaha, no. I’m kidding. We shall verily judge these assholes! Continue reading
It’s a good thing there’s nothing out there called a Pro-Death Teletown Hall, because wouldn’t that be an interesting meeting full of nutjobs? Anyway, four of your favorite GOP Presidential Candidates, in preparation for the big Iowa Caucus Debutante Ball, met to discuss “personhood” the much debated terminology pro-lifers have recently adopted in efforts to create legislation as it pertains to abortion in this country. Continue reading
No, I’m not lurking around Toys R US waiting for someone to leave their child unattended. I am, however, starting to pick up speed as I careen down the hill into my mid-to-late-thirties. My age isn’t worrying me as much as my Father’s age and his health. He’s fairly obese and over 70 so I’m starting to think if I’m going to have a child and if that child will ever know my father, I better get on with finding a child.
There’s a lot to consider. First of all does my partner really want a child? He said he did when we started dating. This topic was one of my qualifiers for dating. “I want kids,” I’d say and then scrutinize his face for that “something you said just farted” look. We agreed, tentatively, that this sounded like a good goal to push into the five years down the road plan. Now it’s three years later and my clock feels like it’s ticking. How do I pass the time? As anyone would pass the time: A) reading B) scheming, which I’ll refer to as “planning.” Continue reading
Here’s a heartwarming story about the rotten kids on the playground. When I was in third grade -maybe eight or so – I was sitting with my friends on the play ground at school on a blustery December day. We were discussing important issues of the day – what Star Trek re-run would be on this afternoon, Planet of the Apes, could the Six Million Dollar Man BE more awesome, and Christmas. A small herd of mewling, weeping first-graders ran by, pursued by savage, laughing fifth- and sixth-graders. First-graders are natural playground prey animals, and we tried to ignore this whole scene, lest the big kids turn their savagery on us. Unfortunately, one of the kids – a loutish brute who lived down the street from me – detached himself from the pack and came over to us.
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What are your annual family Christmas traditions? If you don’t have a family, have you created your own Christmas traditions?
My family is not one to invest a lot of energy into “doing things”, if you know what I mean. It didn’t bother me so much as a child, but as an adult I’m frequently exasperated at how much cajoling and convincing it takes to get my family to expend energy on anything that’s outside their expected routine. This year, for instance, will be the first time that everybody will be present – to include me! – in the same house, at the same time, in several years due to my recent multi-year tour through Southwest Asia. As we were planning the get together this year I suggested we should do a White Elephant gift exchange instead of a more traditional gift exchange, owing to the shitty economy and the fact we’re all (blessedly) employed adults who frankly don’t need more stuff. No money spent and you get rid of crap laying around your house! What’s not to like? But oh my lord the anxiety at discussing trying something new . . . Continue reading
Hush now children, and listen to a crazy law firm tale. This happened during the reign of Bush I, also known as the “L.A. Law” years. I was a legal secretary at a firm that handled everything but family law. This is important later in the story. The firm had five “named” partners, that is, their last names made up the firm’s name, like “Dewie, Cheatem, and Howe.” Continue reading
There’s no good way to feel about any of this, so let’s get into it. Continue reading
One of the questions I constantly ask myself, as a parent, is “How can I make my job harder?”
One of the least appealing traits of babies is their perpetual incontinence. Yes, they are very cute and cuddly but there’s no getting around the fact that they pee and poop everywhere without consideration. They all do it, even the perfect-looking ones. Baby excrement is a problem that affects everyone. Continue reading