Oh my. I almost forgot Hump Day this week. What would you have done? OK, here are some random people I think are sexy. Forgive my lack of theme, but I am sure you will all come up with something. Same rules as always, no naughty bits.
Here’s a young, hot Richard Chamberlain.
Wow.
And let’s go with some classic Lynda Carter.
More wow.
Once again, a tip on photo sizing. When you do a google image search, if you click on medium on the left column you will get images that don’t take up the whole page. This will make it easier for the page to load and for readers to scroll down. You’re welcome.
Well it looks like everyone is having a pretty shitty day out there. Let’s try to to spread a little cheer to everyone feeling like crap tonight. Here is some happy stuff to get us started. Continue reading →
Well hello there gang. Even though this post is scheduled for 9 am, The Grand Inquisitor is off work today and is actually probably still in bed as you read this. So let’s all try to keep it down in here so she can get a little rest.
All right kids, I’m back. I hope you were good in my absence and I expect your full cooperation today (I am looking at you Buick). Anyway, I hope you are all ready for a great week. Let’s get you going.
Welcome to the first edition of CrassCartoons. As you all know, I love cartoons, so I thought I would share some of the cool stuff out there with my fellow nerds and adult children. Hopefully, we can do this every Saturday.
First, let me explain that I am not pretentious enough to call this animation. While some cartoons indeed transcend into high art, that is usually not what I am discussing. I like plain, old cartoons. The kind you watch while hanging out on the couch, eating pizza, and maybe enjoying a bong hit if you are so inclined.
I am not a historian on this topic by any means, and I am not a particularly good fangirl, but I will do my best to find interesting stuff to share. Please send me any suggestions at crasstalk at gmail dot com so I can include them in future installments.
This week I am going to discuss one of my favorite cartoons ever Home Movies,which started running on UPN in 1999, but was picked up by The Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim in 2001 (the show ended production in 2004). The show was produced by Soup2Nuts studios, which also did Dr. Katz, and like that show it was originally created using Squigglevision. However, the show went to flash animation from the second season on.
Here’s an example of what Squigglevision looks like from the first season of Home Movies. Note: Contains an awesome cameo by Mitch Hedburg.
Home Movies was created by Brendon Small (who shares his name with the main character) and Loren Bouchard; it was produced by animator Tom Snyder. The series follows the adventures of Brendon Small an eight year old aspiring film maker. Brendon makes movies with his two friends Melissa and Jason and lives in a slightly absurd world of elementary school politics and imperfect adults. Supporting characters include John McGuirk, the soccer coach, and Paula Smalls, Brandon’s down to earth mother. Each episode usually follows Brandon through some sort of kid difficulty and features a movie that Brandon and his friends are working on.
The show features smart, sarcastic writing and dialogue-driven plots. It features the voice talent of H. John Benjamin (Dr. Katz, Archer, Bob’s Burgers), Paula Pondstone (later replaced by Janine Ditullio), and a great rotating cast of cameos by comedians like Mitch Hedburg and Louis C.K. The show also features fun musical numbers that are a preview of Small’s later work on Metalocalypse.
Here’s a couple of fun clips.
Home Movies also has probably the best two gay cartoon characters ever, Perry and Walter.
While the show has been out of production for a number of years, it still runs occasionally on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim and clips can be found all over the internet. I will leave you with this full episode, which I think is one of the best, and seems like an appropriate shout out to greater Nerdom to wrap up our first installment.
I love to drive. It is the most un-PC thing about me. You can have my car when you pry my cold, dead hands from the Hello Kitty steering wheel cover. How much do I like to drive? I own a car and I live in New York City, a place that would reduce Jeff Gordon to tears after 20 minutes behind the wheel.
This video has nothing to do with the post, but I have to embed it because I mentioned Jeff Gordon.
OK, back to business. Today I am going to tell you how to win at driving. After reading this post you will understand how to get around faster and easier than pretty much anyone else on the road. It is not hard to reduce the time and frustration on your road trips if you plan ahead and follow a few simple strategies. Why am I an expert? Because I am, shut up and pay attention. I can drive from NYC to DC in 3.25 hours without getting a ticket, causing an accident, or being a jerk to other drivers. Don’t you trust The Grand Inquisitor?
The car in the picture at the top is Candy. She is a 2001 Chevy Malibu. She isn’t much to look at, but she handles like a dream, gets good mileage, and has a zippy little V-6 that will get you up to 105 on the flat, lonely roads of South Dakota. She has faithfully taken me through desert heat and mountain blizzards. She is lower maintenance and more reliable than anyone I have ever dated. Part of the reason she is so reliable is because I take good care of her, and this is the first rule.
Always keep your car well maintained. If you don’t you can forget about getting good performance out of your vehicle, and you may end up in a burning hunk on the side of the road. Take your car to a reputable mechanic and take it to the same shop every time. My car is not exactly a dream ride, but my mechanic knows exactly how she works because he has taken care of her for 3 years. Also, he gives me better pricing because I am a repeat customer. Change your oil, fill your tires, and get tune ups. Otherwise just stay home.
Rule Number Two: Traffic is a team sport. Listen kids, we all want to get there first and win at life, but traffic is more than the sum of its parts. Nothing makes traffic go slower than a single asshole who insists that he (sorry guys, it’s usually a he) is going to go faster than everyone and spends the entire ride weaving in and out of lanes and cutting everyone else off. The point of being a team player in traffic is to optimize traffic flow and reduce congestion. If you keep switching lanes because the person in front of you is going 2 miles an hour slower than you want to, you increase the chance of congestion, which results in everyone having to slow down to 10 fucking miles an hour and I HAVE PLACES TO BE ASSHOLE, SO STOP IT! The reason for this because when you dart in front of someone they typically slow down to give you room to get in the lane. This causes what’s called a shockwave and increases the chance of overall congestion. So science proves that you are a total jerk when you disrupt the flow of traffic. To avoid this pick the lane that is going closest to the speed you want and stay in it. Do not make me get out of the car at the next light and beat you in front of everybody.
Rule Number Three: For fuck’s sake pay attention! We should all know this by now, but we don’t seem to. Put down your cell phone you ass wipe. I don’t even know where to begin with those of you who answer text messages while driving. You probably deserve to be maimed on a lonely stretch of state highway, but you will inevitably hit a bus full of handicapped school kids and kill them to, so I will just remind you how stupid it is to text and drive.
Rule Number Four: If you get pulled over, shut up and take your punishment. Look I love to drive really fast, but it is in fact against the law. If you get busted don’t whine like a little bitch. Give the nice officer what he or she asks for, but otherwise keep your mouth shut. Yes, the other drivers are speeding too, yes, speed limit enforcement is totally arbitrary, and yes, this is going to be expensive for you. However, you were speeding and you got caught. PROTIP: Cooperating with the police when you get pulled over will drastically reduce the chance of you getting a ticket or might get you a cheaper one. I get pulled over all of the time and I have only gotten one moving violation since I owned a car. Why? Because I don’t make life hard for the cop who pulls me over. If you are angry about traffic laws take it up with your State Senator, not the poor bastard who will have to scrape you off the road when you crash going 87 while sexting the new intern at your office.
So that’s it really. It’s just not that hard. Now since you have all paid attention so well I will give you a couple of really awesome driving songs for the next time you take a road trip. See you on the Turnpike.
Earlier this week we took a tour of world literature and discussed our favorite classic characters. However, to be honest, The Grand Inquisitor doesn’t read much fiction. She has always been drawn to real life stories and real people, so about 90% of her books are nonfiction. In fact, I have a pile of about 25 books I have been trying to plow through since she finished grad school, with limited success (damn you, Crasstalk). There is just so much interesting stuff in the world and I never enough time to find it all out, and though I love my internet, 10 paragraphs is not enough to explain much. So today, tell me what true stories have fascinated and entertained you.
What is your favorite nonfiction book?
My favorite is easily The Guns of August, by Barbara Tuchman. She is also pretty much my favorite writer. She has a bit of the stuffy Brit lady thing going on, but she still writes in an easy to engage manner. The book is a chronicle of the folly in the first days of World War I. It is a heartbreaking account of how hubris and incompetence led to the death and suffering of millions of people. This is the edition I have, bought on a whim at a thrift store, but my copy no longer has a front cover because I have read it so many times.
Anyway, I showed you what a nerd I am, so now it is your turn.
Got a suggestion for Question of the Day? Email it to [email protected].
Last month the California Public Utilities Commission issued a ruling that limited the powers of Pacific Gas and Electric in dictating the kinds of technology customers were required to have in their home. At issue were Smart Meters, a digital monitoring technology that allows the PG&E to more accurately monitor gas and electricity usage and reduce the need for manual meter readings. The utility company has already installed thousands of the meters in Northern California, and plans to roll out thousands more over the next few years. PG&E claims that the meters will be more efficient than traditional meters and will allow for more sensitive pricing which will increase efficiency in energy use. Now because of the ruling, PG&E must offer different metering alternatives for customers who do not want smart meters.
However, critics argue that the meters are a health hazard and violate customer privacy. Opponents of the meters assert that the meters cause headaches, heart problems, insomnia, and nausea because of the communication technology used to transmit data from the home to the power company. Smart meters are wireless devices that emit small amounts of electromagnetic radiation when they transmit. This raises protests from people who consider themselves “electrosensitive.” According to advocacy groups for the electrosensitive, radio and microwaves, even in trace amounts, cause certain people to become ill when exposed to technology like smart meters.
However, the problem with these arguments is that smart meters have been found to be well with in guidelines for safe usage in homes and businesses. While there are legitimate concerns about wireless technology (particularly cell phones), there has been no conclusive evidence that wireless technology is unsafe in any way. The issues found with cell phones are only when the phones are within centimeters of the brain and smart meters are installed on the exterior of buildings, well away from where people keep their brains. Furthermore, there is simply no evidence that electrosensitivity exists at all. While opponents of smart meters provide anecdotal evidence, there is simply no science to back up the claim that radio waves make you sick.
The conflict over smart meters is nothing new. It is the same fear advanced by opponents to radio and cell phone towers, as well as electric power lines. There is no evidence that any of those things make you sick either, but that has not stopped opposition from the public to these forms of technology. The reality is that the concerns of a few misinformed but well-meaning people are stopping the universal adoption of smarter energy policy. These efforts may be crucial in our struggle to make efficient energy policies and reduce the impacts of global climate change, which could kill lots of people through increased skin cancer rates, decreased food production, or geographic displacement. In a desire to stay personally healthy these individuals may not be able to see the technology forests for the trees, and may be missing the long term risks of bad energy practices. While PG&E has no choice to accommodate its customers, this issue underscores the need for a wider public discussion about emerging technologies and about what constitutes good public science and policy.
Hello Crasstalk. I think it is pretty obvious by now that The Grand Inquisitor loves her damn cartoons. I am sure it has nothing to do with the years of various recreational chemical use. However, in an age where so much television is “unscripted,” animation is one of the few genres where good writing and story telling still actually matter. Also, explosions, lots of explosions. Hopefully in the near future, when I have a little more time, I will be writing a regular cartoon column. I am writing a cartoon column starting this Saturday. However, for now I will just ask your opinion so we can all compare notes.
So my eternally youthful friends, what is your favorite cartoon? It can be a series, a movie, or a stand alone special. It can be short or long, classic or new.
I don’t even know where to begin. I actually really don’t watch TV except for animation, so it is hard for me to choose (seriously, it has taken me an hour to finish this paragraph). However, just in sheer hours of enjoyment I am going with this one. (Warning: NSFW).
Always tasteless and often offensive (even to me), South Park is also smart and frequently challenges the assumptions of its own audience. Here they are joking about something that is really hard to make a funny joke about.
Good morning Crasstalk. Today we are going to be a little bit more cultured with our Question of the Day. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt you and I am sure we will be back to talking reality TV and boy bands tomorrow. So let’s turn our focus to some great books.
Chaucer approves of this post.
While most of us like to read, literature is often something we leave in Freshman Lit 101. This is a shame, and in the interest of creating the well-cultured Crasstalk, I submit the following question:
Who is your favorite literary character? Please, let’s not use books that have been turned into Life Time Movies, or have been adapted to star Skeet Ulrich. Keep it classy.
Mine is not who you would think (although he is up there), but rather I am going way back to Arthurian legend for this saucy and duplicitous lady. Morgan Le Fay, half-sister of Arthur and enemy of Camelot. Powerful, smart, and conniving, she helped destroy Artur and that sap Lancelot. She would have made Alexis Carrington cry like a bitch.
Even comic book readers know not to fuck with this girl.
So there’s mine. Whose was the character that made your lit assignments a little less tedious?
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