There comes a time in every person’s life in which they must forgive those who have hurt them in the past for any wrongdoing. It’s different for everyone, but, in this particular case, we must forgive The New York Times for every far-too-late trend piece, every fawning profile and Vows, not to mention the actual unsavory offenses (Iraq, Jayson Blair etc.). With one line, one simple little sentence, one perfect little lede, everything is right: Continue reading
Have you heard? All the young hip children (the hipsters, as we believe they’re called) are sporting beards these days! Is that a good thing? Alex Williams, the man who once told us that the verb ‘curate‘ is now meant for food stands and burlesque clubs, has the answer, but first, let’s go over how ubiquitous the beard has become:
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Each day we open up our digital copy of The New York Times and mock it (and ourselves) for its absurdity. Today we learn that Ellis Island is so over and reaffirm that The French™ are a silly people.
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Each day, we open up our digital copy of the New York Times and mock it (and ourselves) for its insanity. Today we learn that parents everywhere are idiots, not just those in Park Slope. But especially those in Park Slope.
Oh, please pity me! I left my stroller unlocked outside my apartment because I was too lazy to collapse it and carry it up the stairs and now it’s been stolen! Poor me! Never mind that I have such a laissez-faire attitude towards my possessions that I leave a $400-to-$1000 item outside with no protection. No, that’s not going to be stolen at all. Not in Brooklyn! I mean, I live on a busy street! This kind of thing just doesn’t happen to people like me!
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Each day, we open up our digital copy of The New York Times and absurdly mock it (and ourselves) for its insanity. Today we learn that Bernie Madoff is a piñata.
Bernard “Oopsie!” Madoff has 148 years left in his white collar prison for his white collar crime, but you know what? He’s been jilted! Jilted! By who? By the bloodthirsty mobs who think what he did was bad. He didn’t murder anyone for chrissakes, he just had a bad week accounting wise. Haven’t we all been in the same situation? No? No one here ever lost a small nation’s GDP (the Dominican Republic to be precise) before? Whoa. You must be saints. Someone call the Vatican. Continue reading
Each day, we open our digital copy of The New York Times to absurdly mock it (and ourselves) for its insanity. Today we learn that kids everywhere are all the same.
Kids are taught that they’re all different, that they’re all special little snowflakes who will one day change the world. Lies! Children are all the same. Case and point: James Black Jr. is a mere “three or four” games away from becoming a national master in the eyes of The United States Chess Federation (Federation? Sounds communist!), but, you know what? All he wants to do is play video games and stay up late! His brother went to jail for killing some guy, his sister got kicked out of the house and still he asks why he can’t have more freedom. Why? Because kids are all the same. Continue reading
Each day, we open up our digital copy of the New York Times and absurdly mock it (and ourselves) for its insanity. Today we learn something we didn’t know before about Jared Kushner. Continue reading
The bourgeois intellectual elite at the Mauve Lady (Grey with very strong shades of homosexual Pink) would like you to know that it’s about damn time we return to a time and place when, as writer Susan Mulcahy* declares, ‘men were men and a sofa was a sofa.’ Clearly, this only applies to rich people tufted couches with the nails in them and stuff, but there is one woman, one single solitary woman who has made it her mission to protect the dry cleanable garments of the world. Continue reading