Each day, we open up our digital copy of The New York Times and absurdly mock it (and ourselves) for its insanity. Today we learn that Bernie Madoff is a piñata.
Bernard “Oopsie!” Madoff has 148 years left in his white collar prison for his white collar crime, but you know what? He’s been jilted! Jilted! By who? By the bloodthirsty mobs who think what he did was bad. He didn’t murder anyone for chrissakes, he just had a bad week accounting wise. Haven’t we all been in the same situation? No? No one here ever lost a small nation’s GDP (the Dominican Republic to be precise) before? Whoa. You must be saints. Someone call the Vatican.
Bernie Madoff stole $18-60B (depends on who you talk to), but, really, he should have only gotten 20 years in prison because he’s an old man and he’s probably going to die there instead of with his family in his penthouse apartment and the thought of dying in prison makes Bernie sad. Bernie, Bernie, Bernie, Bernie, Bernie! This is why you don’t steal $18-60B (again, depends on who you talk to).
Mr. Madoff, in a recent series of interviews and e-mails, took issue with the judge’s description. To characterize him as “this monster and this evil person,” he said, “I just think that was totally unrealistic and unfair.”
“In my mind, Chin was anything but fair, with zero understanding of the industry,” Mr. Madoff added.
He said the judge had made him “the human piñata of Wall Street,” while financial firms and government officials “walk away free.”
“Remember,” he said, “they caused the recession, not me.”
Oh, Bernie! At least you’re catching up on your reading and have we got a suggestion for you!
Photo: Maveric2003 Flickr
