Each day we open up our digital copy of The New York Times and mock it (and ourselves) for its absurdity. Today we learn that Ellis Island is so over and reaffirm that The French™ are a silly people.
So, like, there’s this guy. His name is Dominique, which is silly because that’s a girl’s name, but we won’t go too much into it, but, like, he got himself in a spot of trouble for having sex with someone who may or may not be a hooker, according to those cads at the Post , and it may or may not have been consensual, depending on who you talk to. However, this Dominique guy, and we’re going to call him D-Money because that sounds much more masculine than Dominique, he’s pretty much a hero back in his native France despite, well, you know, and even though his political career may be dead in the water (or is it!?), our favorite peoples, The French™ are still delightfully obsessed. How obsessed with D-Money are they?
D-Money has a fancy shmancy town house in TriBeCa. There are even cobblestones! Only the ritziest of the ritzy get cobblestones in New York City and The French™ so enamore d with their maligned hero have taken to making it the New It Tourist Attraction™. Everyone wants to be photographed in front of a door with such a recognizable glass window and such a recognizable potted plant! It’s the new Guggenheim ferchrissakes! And, really, isn’t that all we ever want? To find a new place to snap glamour shots? But do these peeps just want to see the house, or do they want to see D-Money?
Well, duh! They want to see D-Money! He’s so scandalous! Wouldn’t you want to see D-Money? We’d want to see D-Money, that old skirt-chasing French™ dude. The really depressing part about this new tourist attraction though is that D-Money never comes out! The curtains are always drawn! These people have traveled an ocean just to see this building and the man who lives inside. Why won’t he greet his fans?
Have you no heart, D-Money? Have you no heart?
Photo: storyvillegirl Flickr (the baby)
