Pop Culture

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Movies for the Nuclear Apocalypse

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When I was a kid I lived near Strategic Air Command outside of Omaha Nebraska. One night on the news I saw a simulation of what would happen if a nuclear bomb exploded in Omaha. To say I was traumatized would be a huge understatement (fuck you Dan Rather). From that point on I was obsessed with nuclear war. I spent my teenage years as one of those insufferable nuclear freeze people until I gave up and became an angry punk who thought humanity was doomed.

Part of my obsession was a constant search for images depicting nuclear war. I wanted to know what it looked like, what it would be like, when the end came. I watched every movie or TV show I could get me hands on. This of course did not calm my fears, but I have always been a bit of a masochist so I did it anyway.

The recent flap over the START treaty brought my anxiety about nuclear way back (though with a lot less intensity). I was trying to explain to a 24 year old coworker why the treaty was so essential and why nuclear disarmament is so important. I realized that we had grown up in totally different worlds and that people younger than me don’t remember the anxiety of the “we begin bombing in five minutes” world. So I am creating an archive of the insanity here. These are some of my favorites depictions of nuclear war, the boogeyman of my childhood.

The Day After: I actually watched this at a nuclear freeze meeting. The group had a viewing during the broadcast. My friend Patty lost it and sobbed for an hour after it was over. It is really not one of my faves, but it does have the guy form Third Rock from the sun and Steve Guttenberg. Here’s the money shot:

Threads: This is the British film that is a bit like The Day After. It is actually grimmer, and it is a lot more graphic. I love the honesty of this film (there will be no escape in a nuclear war). Here is a clip, but you can actually watch the whole film on YouTube if you would like.

Special Bulletin: This 1983 made for TV movie is about terrorists detonating a bomb in Charleston, South Carolina. This is formatted like a newscast in a sort of War of the Worlds kind of format. I watched this when it originally aired and didn’t sleep for a week afterwards.

When the Wind Blows: An animated film about an older British couple in the aftermath of a nuclear attack. This movie is actually quite sweet, and it has music by David Bowie.

Miriale Mile: The ultimate love story of the Cold War starring Anthony Edwards and Mare Winingham (bonus: Denise Crosby is in it also). Edwards finds the girl of his dreams on the night LA is attacked by the Soviets and he races to escape the city with his new love. This is a great movie.

Testament: A haunting, beautiful movie about the aftermath of a nuclear war for residents of a California suburb. This movie doesn’t have the gore or violence of the others (you never see the actual attack). Instead it focuses on the emotional story of a family trying to survive and adapt to their new reality. This is a wonderful film about the inhumanity of war and the decency and courage of ordinary people. ( No embedding on the clip and sorry about the audio, this was the best clip I could find).

Watch it here.

It is interesting to me that we seem to have all  forgotten about the risk of nuclear war. Because we somehow survived the Cold War we have grown complacent. However, it is foolish to think that the risk is gone. We should not let our hubris get the best of us and these movies are a little reminder of that. Sleep tight Crasstalkers, and dream of peace.

Music to work out at the gym to

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So maybe you have a new morning workout routine. Great! Except it’s hard as fuck to get motivated to exert energy first thing in the morning. That’s where your workout music comes in.

I make no bones about loving club music. I know most people consider it vapid and cheesy. And, well, it is. Most of it is made by the absolute worst sorts of trashy perverts.

None of that matters. All that matters is that it makes you want to (in the immortal words of Big Daddy Drew) run through a brick wall.

So on that tip, here’s some music for your next workout. For each track below, I’ll list the artist (or “artist”), title of the song and the superpower that each particular song will give you.


“Get Down” by Groove Armada
This song is makes you feel like you can now: Proclaim yourself King/Queen of All Bunnies.


“Superdelight” by Heikki L
This song is makes you feel like you can now: Punch a giraffe in the nose.


“Bodymotion” by Way Out West
This song is makes you feel like you can now: Slide across a frozen lake with rockets tied to your shoes.


“Return to Life” by Adam Rickfors
This song is makes you feel like you can now: Die and then come back to Earth as Patrick Swayze so that you can make pottery with that funny-nose girl.


“Unleash My Love” by John de Sohn and Nick Wall ft Christina Skaar
This song is makes you feel like you can now: Use electric eels as weapons.


“Dancing On My Own” (Fred Falke Remix) by Robyn
This song is makes you feel like you can now: Burn people with your laser vision.


“Feel the Hard Rock” (Heiko and Maiko electro mix) by Hardrox
This song is makes you feel like you can now: Use actual ROFLcopters to kill leprechauns.


“Alive” by Mondotek
This song is makes you feel like you can now: Drink 18 cans of 4LOKO without making a fool of yourself.


“Push Up” by Freestylers
This song is makes you feel like you can now: Do those pushups that only insane Marine drill sergeants can do, where you clap in between each pushup.


“My, My, My” by Armand Van Helden
This song is makes you feel like you can now: Throw sharks at the bad people.


“What I Want” by Bob Sinclar Ft. Fireball
This song is makes you feel like you can now: Win a staring contest against Clint Eastwood.

In defense of disco

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Before I say anything else, I just want to include this disclaimer: No matter how open-minded a person is and no matter how great the music is…. some people just will NOT EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER be able to tolerate disco. I accept that. Those people are lost causes. For the rest of you, read on…

I know that when you hear the word “disco” you instantly think of the Village People and Abba and maybe Donna Summers and definitely polyester suits. There is an undeniably cheesy side to disco that never seems to die off. So fine, I’ll concede that some aspects of disco are absolutely awful. That said, most people don’t realize that disco also had a grittier, deeper side that didn’t get the radio airplay. Instead, it got played in legendary clubs like the Paradise Garage, where Larry Levan held court and more or less all modern dance music was first truly conceptualized.

So Levan and others like Francois Kevorkian were mixing these crazy, long-form funk records into a nonstop dance workout… and they were YEARS ahead of their time. They were doing things like mixing synthesizers with Afro-Caribbean rhythms 20 years before M.I.A. ever picked up a mic.

I once heard disco described as “blue collar party music,” which is just about perfect. So let’s give credit where credit is due and check out some choons….

“Give Me Love” by Cerrone.
Marc Cerrone is a French drummer and producer who had a serious knack for coming up with catchy songs that still had that hard beat. This song has been remixed about a billion times by house producers in the last few decades.

“I Don’t Want to be a Freak” by Dynasty
I am in love with these girls. They don’t want to be freaks… but they just can’t help themselves. Sad really.


“I Don’t Wanna Lose It” by Bambu
Ok, here is some intense club disco that was clearly made for people consuming massive amounts of cocaine. The tempo is just ridiculously fast… at least 10 or 15 bpm faster than almost any other tracks you’ll find. The cocaine… there’s no other explanation. It’s downright disorienting, but then the vocals come in and everything settles down nicely.


“We’re On Our Way Home” by Brainstorm

Not a lot of people realize this, but ANY song that starts with a slap bass intro is required to be a KICK ASS SONG. It’s a rule. Look it up. In a way, you truly hear the first 80s pop coming through, but then it goes back into full 1970s string orchestra mode. I love it.


“Jingo” by Candido
That evil organ sound at the beginning was sampled by DMX. This song came from Salsoul Records, a hugely influential New York label that was known for using a lot of latin percussion in their tracks. To this day people love scouring old record shops for Salsoul vinyl because it’s such versatile deejay music.


“Deputy of Love” by Don Armando’s 2nd Avenue Rumba Band
If you ever walked into a club and saw that tonight’s act was “Don Armando’s 2nd Avenue Rumba Band,” is there any way you’d be anything less than excited?

“Do It Again” by Easy Going
Here’s an example of what’s called Italo-disco… disco from Italy. We guineas just love our disco. Not even living on different continents can change that. It’s our bond that unites the guido diaspora. Also… nothing homoerotic about that cover art. Nothing. At. All.


“Hot to Trot” by Alfredo de la Fe
Disco was really the first music that mashed up genres in exciting new ways. This tune starts off with a HEAVY samba beat straight off the streets of Rio, then breaks into a jazz violin explosion and then levels out into a straightforward funk jam. The drumming is incredible.


“Time Warp” by the Coach House Rhythm Section
This was a b-side on Eddy Grant’s Electric Avenue record. Eddy Grant is the man. If you put this song on Beatport today, no one would bat an eye. It’s computer music made with synthesizers and drum machines yet it sounds so human.


“Flight to Jamaica” by The Crashers
I’ve never been able to find out ANYTHING about The Crashers other than that they made this song. I don’t know how the hell it’s never been used in a movie soundtrack. Maybe it has, but it’s still got to be one of the all time great long lost disco songs. Reggae and disco… two great tastes that taste great together.


“I Hear Music in the Streets” by Unlimited Touch
That crunchy funk beat. The great vocals. That thumping bass. The handclaps. The fantastic guitar playing. If you’re ever in a bad mood, treat yourself to this song. It’s pure joy in sonic form.

100 Word Movie Review – Love & Other Drugs

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If you thought droopy eyed, smirky Jake Gyllenhaal would be charming in this bad-boy-gone-good by falling in love with a quirky, arty, ailing woman-child movie, you’ve never seen Dying Young, Sweet November, Pieces of April, or A Walk to Remember. Hathaway’s performance relied entirely on eye rolls and ironic “heh-heh” guffaws that were supposed to stand in for actual emotions. L&OD is the worst kind of lame because it wastes the entire cast – including the wonderful Jill Clayburgh in one of her last roles – with terrible dialog and clumsy, clunky scenes cobbled together from finer comedies, dramas and love stories.

Music to ride around in an old Cadillac Eldorado to

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If you’re like me, there are just some days when you have to throw up your hands and shout, “THAT’S IT, AMERICA. I AM FUCKING DONE WITH YOU.” It’s a tempting emotion.

Here’s my solution: In times like this, I like to remember some of the mind-explodingly awesome shit that America produces. I defy anyone to ride around the streets of any American city in an old Cadillac while blasting these tunes and not feel pretty goddamn good about the U.S.A. Look, I love other countries. I love the French. They make delicious foods with goose livers, and they gave us Zinedine Zidane. But there’s just something special about the soul, funk and R&B music that came out of Memphis, Detroit, Philadelphia, St. Louis and other depressing/awesome places in the 60s and 70s.

Here are some vintage tunes from my secret stash. I tried to pick stuff that’s a bit more obscure, since by now everyone has heard the Isley Brothers and Earth, Wind and Fire. Take a listen.


And OLDY with that great Memphis beat. Every band ever should be forced at gunpoint to have a brass section. Also, the “horse” dance looks a lot like some of the Soul Train Line dances you saw in the 70s. Ahead of their time!


This song appeared in a slightly different version (without the handclaps, I think) on Herbie’s 1976 album “Secrets,” which is fucking amazing by the way. This song spends what feels like half an hour building upward in intensity before breaking into a disco-y, robotic space music with a talk box. Herbie is my hero.


“Don’t Take My Kindness for Weakness” by The Soul Children. The singing on this cut is just so great and full of soul. I love soul songs that come with that edge.


Fuck the cowbell. Hammond organ. Needs more Hammond B3 organ. Also, this song has one of those 70s bass lines that sounds like it wants to stab a baby dolphin in the eye.


“A Possibility Back Home” by Wanda Robinson. Another vicious cut with some nice jazz flute and great Afro-centric poetry spoken over top. You can tell Erykah Badu was down for this joint.


Albert King is really known for being a blues virtuoso but he made a great foray into funk. Also, the relationship between a blues musician and his instrument is fascinating so I love this stomping little love song for his guitar.


Baby Huey, a singer from St. Louis, died after releasing only one album but it was a really great album that is well-remembered by the old school cats. I don’t know what it is about this jam, but his voice just cuts through me like a knife.


The Dramatics were a huge name in the 60s and 70s but for some reason they haven’t stayed on the radar like some other bands have (Earth, Wind and Fire; Kool and the Gang, etc.). This song was used at the very beginning of “Wattstax,” the great concert film.


Some young hippity-hopper named Doctor Dre (or something) sampled this jam from Leon Haywood. When the tempo picks up at the 1:00 mark, and then mellows out again 30 seconds later, you know you’re in for a ride. If Beethoven lived in Memphis in 1972, this is probably the music he would make.

Boardwalk Empire Season Finale Tonight!

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Boardwalk

Are the D’Alessio brothers done? Will Arnold Rothstein flee the country? Is Margaret ever coming back? What will Eli do now that he is no longer the Sheriff? What’s up with Nucky and Chalky? Will the Commodore take revenge on Gillian? What’s Jimmy going to do about Angela’s betrayal? How will Agent Van Alden deal with Sebso’s death? What will happen to Annabelle now that her “fella” is dead broke? What’s going on with Lucky? How will the elections turn out? What’s Capone going to do from Chicago? So many questions! Can’t wait for the season finale. Anyone else tuning in?

Reel Previews: Winnie The Pooh (2011)

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I love movie trailers – come deconstruct them with me!

(Note: Don’t cloud your judgement! Watch the trailer, then read my rant.)

Winnie The Pooh (July 15 2011 | Walt Disney Pictures)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2Wtpphk_Ss&feature=fvst

When I read that there was going to be a new Winnie The Pooh movie, I GOL’d. I actually Groaned Out Loud. Call me cynical, but for an industry that’s currently taking all the sacred memories of my childhood and butchering them (case in point: Smurfs!) I barely had any hope for this.

I began to watch the trailer and WHAT THE WUT? Is that frickin’ Copperplate Gothic Bold they’re using? I’m not an expert, but I like to think of myself as a font whore. I love fonts. But Copperplate Gothic Bold belongs in whatever circle of hell Times New Roman resides. So now the trailer looks cheap. Damn you Hollywood Bastards™!

But then…I saw the animation…I oooohed and aaaahed…simply exquisite. It’s as if E. H. Shepard came back from the grave to animate the backgrounds (I can stare at them for hours). Not that he would, were he to rise from the dead; apparently he came to resent Pooh Bear because it overshadowed his other work.

The voice acting sounds similar to previous incarnations, with one notable exception: Christopher Robin is British! Correct me if I’m wrong, but CR has never had a British accent in any of Disney’s Winnie the Pooh adaptations. Purists rejoice! Not that the real CR would care, were he to rise from the dead also. CR thought his father stole his childhood and made money off of it.

But back to the trailer, which isn’t as depressing as real life. Font bitching aside, I really liked this trailer. Some parts are whimsical, like Piglet knocking letters off a page, or goofy, like Eeyore getting a new tail. Did I mention the backgrounds? I wish I could snort it like cocaine. Most of all, I got a warm, fuzzy feeling in my jaded little heart. I got goosebumps. I got a longing to see this movie. And I got a craving to read the books all over again.

Peter “Sleazy” Christopherson, 1955-2010

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Peter "Sleazy" Christopherson

Peter Christopherson died today. He was a founding member of several seminal industrial / avant-garde groups of the 70’s and 80’s, including Throbbing Gristle, Psychic TV and Coil.

If I were to choose just one band that I would be forced to listen to for all eternity, to the exclusion of all else, I would choose Coil. They started out making very harsh industrial music in the mid-80’s, influenced as they were by the AIDS epidemic that was killing so many of the band’s friends. Into the 90’s and ’00s the band started experimenting with acid house and neo-folk, and were heavily invested in a stark sort of dark ambience by the time of Jhonn Balance’s death and the dissolution of the band. I keep my set of Ape of Naples vinyl away from everything else on my mantle because it is something approaching a sacred object to me.

Everything that Sleazy participated in, from TG all the way up to Threshold Houseboys Choir (his de facto solo project), was brilliant, and his music was changing and evolving throughout his career. I was looking forward to more decades of beautiful music from Sleazy, but sadly he has been taken from us too soon. I haven’t been this devastated over the death of an artist since Jhonn Balance, the other half of Coil, fell from his balcony to his death in 2004.

I was meaning to send Sleazy an email — he apparently would respond in full to every fan email he receieved and have extended conversations with writers – but somehow I slept on that and now I’m obviously kicking myself pretty hard. RIP.

The Quietus has a brief remembrance from Chris Carter and Cosey Fanni Tutti here. No word as yet from Genesis P. Orridge, who left the reconstituted TG a few weeks ago.

Coil – Who\’ll Fall?