Ok gang. Everything is going to be all right. 99.99% of you will never do anything that even comes close to warranting execution. You know our affection for you is genuine, so relax. Here are some nice pictures to make the bad thoughts go away.
We have grown a lot over the last few weeks and it has been a crazy ride, but everything is going to be just fine.
I know you are a group of crafty people so today we’re going to share those items of handiwork that you’re most proud of. It could be a sweater you knitted, a school project you “helped” your kids with, a barn you raised, a birdhouse you made, a wall you painted or just how you craftily arranged the twelve pieces of furniture to fit into your 400 square foot studio. Craftiness comes in all forms.
You know the rules.
To put a picture into a comment you will need to host the image somewhere. Personally, Imgur has worked well for me, but you can get them from anywhere. A warning that photos hosted on Facebook should probably be saved elsewhere. Facebook’s new image viewer makes it very hard to get to the actual photo. Images you have on another site need to be the actual image file and not the page that contains them. The files in in .jpg, .png, .gif or something like that.
In the comment box tell us a little something about the picture and then include a link as follows.
<img src=”http://somewebsite.com/yourimage.jpg” />
If you don’t include any text with your image then it will be put in the approval queue and a mod will have to approve it.
It’s time to go back in time and bring out those sexy memories. Was there a song that made you want to crawl across the bed like a tiger even if you were only 15? What was playing on the car radio when you lost your V-card in the backseat? Did you blush when a certain video came on and your parents were in the room? Remember, we’re not talking about songs from last year, but those of yester-year.
George Michael’s iconic video for Freedom is so impossibly and undeniably sexy given that it featured the original supermodels Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista, Christy Turlington, Tatjana Patitz, Cindy Crawford, and hot menz, John Pearson, Mario Sorrenti, and Peter Formby all half-naked and slinky. I wanted/want to lick the screen.
Chris Isaac’s Wicked Game featured another uber model of her time, Helena Christensen. Smart guy – I bet he had a fun afternoon. She probably single-handedly (heh) started the boy-shorts trend. He’s kinda hot, too.
*Keep it safe for work and remember the rules – no lady nip (PATRIARCHY!), ding-a-lings or vagine!
Picture of the night is a new feature we may occasionally post. Tonight your job is to guess what this map is showing (other than the ol’ US of A).
Since our theme makes the header image stretched and small, here is a higher resolution image, click to enlarge.
Our winner is slackjawed_yoda. This map is the broadband availability as reported by BroadbandMap.gov. Now the next time you think high speed internet access is a Dog given right just remember that if your home is in the middle of nowhere you still have very limited options for accessing Crasstalk.
Heh. Denton’s smarmy non-apology to we commenters made me realize how far superior our new confection is. No ads. No Cheetos. No Black Swans. No First!!101!. Gawker is now like Times Square – fit only for tourists who want to… well, Gawk. And enrich others while doing it.
We can do whatever we want and no one can stop us and if I want to run through the grass Dad just cut until the green grass juice is on my feet instead of in my smoothie I can. We can tell secrets and jokes in our treehouse and I’ll pick one of Mom’s Tropicana roses and propose to all of you. (God, we gay kids even have hot pants.)
And then, after the ice cream truck is gone and we’re exhausted, we’ll tell a bunch of stories and make up words.
Tonight’s theme is SUMMER! Because it’s 3 whole months away and I can’t wait. Here’s what to do: make up a word, add a pronunciation code if you like, add a definition and use it in a sentence. Uncle Betts will show you how.
1: Oontzdouche: (OONTZ-doosh): A young person at the wheel of a rickety car, blasting music into the summer air that sounds like OONTZ-OONTZ-OONTZ! It goes on endlessly and carries through the ocean-scented air like a toxic cloud of throbbing, mutant moths and deformed sugar glider squirrels. Often followed by a squee of bad car brakes and the clink of a bottle of Miller, now filled with pee, into Mrs. Vacheron’s zinnia bed.
Our first cocktail party in the yard was marked by the Cheever-like hilarity of hearing an oontzdouche trying to compete with Sade’s “Sweetest Taboo”.
2: Sumstandard: (sum-STAN-dahd) The good feeling that you feel at the end of a summer day when you head into the lav for a badly-needed shower, snap on the light and see what you look like in the mirror. You have scratches all over you from gardening, you missed some sand between your toes, you’re a bit sunburnt, and you smell like someone sprayed a goat with No. 4711 and Bain de Soliel, and then the goat drank a few cold Sam Adams. It’s a VERY good feeling.
As the tub was filling and I saw how disheveled I was, I felt so sumstandard that it was like That Summer That Anthony Walked Me Into The Barnett’s Pool Cabana, Holding My Hand.
3: Gumfields: (GUHM-feeldz): The place in your mouth between your teeth where little bits of fresh, sweet corn kernels spend their nostalgic last moments before you pick or floss them to join their brethren. You have to pick or floss. They’re not coming out any other way.
I had two full gumfields, but my God, that farm stand has the best damn July corn ever.
You try! Make up a summer word!
A long time ago, on a web site far, far down in page views, a group of rebel commenters won an early victory against the evil Dentonian Empire. Breaking the fourth wall, they began sharing personal photos, first of their homes, then of themselves. As the Death Gawk imploded, crushed under the weight of a giant Trident ad, the rebels fled to far corners of the Internet, finding safe harbor on a host planet, Crasstalk. A new hope was born, and with it, an urge to strengthen the alliance through photo sharing.
That’s right kids, on both counts: I’m a closet nerd and it is PhotoPhriday! Tonight’s theme: geeking out. What makes you a nerd? Something you read? Something you collect? What are you currently geeking out over?
Uploading pictures takes a simple Jedi mind trick, since there is no insert picture option in WordPress.
Just follow these helpful tips, adapted from previous PhotoPhriday instructions:
[img src=”http://www.2dorks.com/gallery/2009/0924-bikini/bikini04.jpg”]
So hop to it, nerds! Show us your shame.
Welcome to the second installment of Crasstalk Photo Phriday. Tonight we’re going on a road trip. Let’s see your pictures of:
And since we usually do an alternate subject for those of you who don’t have ANY pictures from ANY road trip you EVER took (can you see me rolling my eyes, because I am), how about just post an interesting photo from any trip you took anywhere.
Here are instructions for how to post your pictures in the comments:
<img src=”http://www.stepdadsgettingitonwitheachother.com/passed-out/shirt_unbuttoned.jpg“ />
It’s Friday morning, so you know what to do. Take us way back (or as far back as you can go). What song did you play in the when you were getting ready for school in junior high? What song did your older sibling make you listen to that you hated then and love now? That song that made you run to the radio so you could record it on your cassette tape, what was it? Ready? Go!
Liveblogging tonight’s episode of the Jeopardy? Bad idea or WORST idea?
We shall see! Stay tuned and joined in on the fun as we show these computers that we’re more than just walking penises and vaginas. We’re also well-oiled intellectual non-machines.
Well, shit. I just looked at my cable guide and it says they’re airing the Teen Jeopardy championship or something tonight. DANG IT!
Machines 1
Stupid Humans 0
Image courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/charliecurve/
This is going to be the first in a regular series designed to encourage creativity in the comments section.
Christopher Evans once described science fiction as the “literature of the ‘what-if?'” What if it were possible to travel to another planet? What if aliens invaded the Earth? What if it were possible to time travel?
That final question is going to be our first what-if subject today.
For inspiration, I would like to turn to the amazing independent fantasy film, The Navigator: A Medaeval Odyssey, about a group of medieval monks who travel to the 20th century and try to find meaning in it. As they are from the middle ages, they see everything in religious terms and turn the whole thing into an allegory.
Let’s make this a little simpler though, since this is our first outing. Imagine a scientific experiment where an Irish monk from the 14th century is brought into the present day, but is unable to be sent back again. This is in a controlled environment, so he has not been exposed to the outside world yet. It is your job to help him understand this world he is going to go out into. You must describe one object from our modern era in terms he can understand. This will be translated by expert linguists into his language, so you can write it in plain English (avoid cheesy thees and thous), but you must describe it in terms of things that existed in Europe no later than the 14th century.
I will begin, using something relatively easy to describe, a car.
A car is much like a horse and cart, but it is entirely clad in a thick armor, so you cannot see what moves the cart. It is a very swift creature that moves it, because it goes faster than any horse can run, making a loud roar as it goes. Despite looking like something fit for battle, these are used peacefully to transport several people and goods across long distances. You do not need to be afraid of cars and will probably ride inside of them, but stay away from them when they move and make sure to look carefully for them when crossing the broad roads on which they travel.
Your turn!