Daily Archives: April 13, 2011

8 posts

How to Throw an Adult Easter Egg Hunt with eHow

Of course, you were searching for “How to Throw an Adult” and landed on this page. Then you got curious and your mind wandered to exactly what happens at an adult egg hunt. (Also, if someone ever combined the eHow of porn and the eHow of conception, Adult Egg Hunt should also be the title.) You’re a liberated, Cosmo-reading woman of the ’90s, so kick up your heels, have a drink, head to the nearest adult book shop and talk your friends into abandoning their kids. Because it’s Easter! Continue reading

How to Benefit from Writing for Free

When I started blogging seven years ago, I had no idea who would read me or how long I would continue down this path. I love writing and have been told I’m pretty good at it. I’ve been fortunate to make a few shekels at it, but this is not something I do full-time. Because of that, I’m always happy to type off a few hundred words that will appear across the Internet to express my opinion, give advice, or evangelize on behalf of my favorite bands. 

That said, there is very vocal camp who side against doing much of anything for free if there will not be a financial payoff down the road. For example, take former Huffington Post writer Jonathan Tasini, who is suing the site, and its new owner, AOL, to the tune of $105M on behalf of contributors (and himself, of course) who submitted content to the site for which they were unpaid. As you may already know, the Huffington Post was recently acquired by AOL for a whopping $315M.

It’s important to note they willingly and knowingly submitted free content to the site. That said, there is a precedent of unpaid workers, former AOL workers no less, receiving payment as part of a lawsuit settlement. It only took them about a decade to see that money.

So, if you’re not the litigious type–and frankly, that’s not really a great route to take–here are some ways to benefit from writing for free.

First and foremost, promote yourself.
While it’s great to hype other writers, get your own work out in front of as many eyes as possible. As the Huffington Post grew in popularity across the Web, those unpaid contributors likely saw their names rise through the ranks of search engines, especially if they wrote on a specific topic consistently. Whether you share news of your latest article on various social media sites or cross-post it on other blogs, make sure your name (or nom de plume) is out there next to the title of your piece.

Make a commitment to yourself.
Set a goal of only writing as much as you can, when you can. If you can only commit to writing for a total of three hours a month, be OK with that. You can’t get fired!

Do not stress over original content.
Sure, you may set out with a goal to submit original content to a site each and every time, but one of the great things about writing for free is being able to tailor existing content to a different audience. Perhaps you wrote a piece a few years ago, but want to revisit the topic. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Update your content, or not, and use the opportunity to get it in front of new people. This is a great tip to use when you have other things going on in your life that may prevent you from writing. Similarly, if there’s a topic that you’d love to write about, but want to receive payment for, don’t submit it for free. Instead, submit it to a publication — online or print — that will pay you for your words.

Know when to say “No.” (Aka be “The Gambler.”)
As the song says, “you’ve got to know when to fold ‘em.” If work, or life in general, takes over, know when to walk away. Never feel guilty about making time for yourself. More than likely, you’re writing for free because it’s a hobby and not something you’d pursue professionally. When it stops being fun, stop.

Do not expect/anticipate a payday later.
Unless there is a formal agreement in place at the outset of your agreeing to write for a site that if/when the site turns a profit, you will be paid, assume you will never see a single cent. Instead, leverage your writing into other opportunities. Building a portfolio of content you actually like writing about could lead to a new job or fun freelance gig.

World Roundup with Mark Shields’ Jowls

Another week, another dollar.  I’m left jowl.

And I’m right jowl.

Mark sleepy. Sleep Mark, sleep.

And this is World Roundup with Mark Shields’ Jowls.  I’d like to apologize right off the bat for being a bit late with this post. Mark switched up his denture cream, and the smell in here, sweet living Christ the smell…  Anyway, his doctor says it’s for the best or whatever but the fact remains: Fixodent finds a way to make an 81-year-old man’s mouth smell worse than it does in its normal state.  And that’s gotta count as some kind of accomplishment, probably.  Right jowl, I need a breather… Continue reading

Ignorance and Bigotry in Serendipity and Harmony


Folks, meet Ah Be Ignorant.  We’ll call her Abby, and I will reveal nothing else about her except her own words.  On a website which won’t be named and isn’t the one I fled in droves, Abby and I both read an article about an archeolgical dig that discovered a man’s remains from The Copper Age (about 5000 years ago).  Our prehistoric gent was buried facing to the left, with a number of jars and pots.

No big deal?  Well, burial rituals were very serious business back then, and that burial position and accoutrements were reserved exclusively for women.  Tabloids screamed: “GAY CAVEMAN FOUND!” and scientists went all a-dither.  While this is an interesting discovery, you simply can’t tell someone’s sexual orientation by what they were buried in.  We’re sure based on the age of the bones that he wasn’t a “caveman,” and we can’t tell for sure if he was gay.

On the smirking site for old people, the findings were published as just that – interesting, perhaps as an indicator of social acceptance for different gender expressions.  We know that “third-gender” is a concept recognized by anthropologists.  Except for Abby.

Abby wrote: Glad I’m sitting down, because I would have fallen over laughing.

Really, Abby?  The very idea of gay people existing over the span of time is funny?   The idea that the manner of burial suggests something is absurd?

So I looked at her picture, and without taking into account the glazed look in the dead raisins of her eyes or the way her doughy face cracked open to reveal a roll of stale Mentos melting in the sun of a Murfreesboro parking lot, and without considering the fact that her dog looks like a Hell-o-Lab rather than a Yellow one, I wrote:

I hope they’re sitting down in 3011 when they dig you up and find Fido and a jar of Skippy peanut butter.

Naturally, the author of the article deleted my comment, but not before Abby responded: I’ve never eaten peanut butter in my life and if they want to dig me up, I won’t give a flying fig!

I suppose I should have been more graphic.  But I did sign in as Heywood Jablowme, so I had to draw a line.

Stupid people.  Making America more of an anti-intellectual hole every day.  Full story, from another site: http://www.salon.com/entertainment/tv/feature/2011/04/08/gay_caveman_absurdity/

Wednesday Question of the Day: Who is your Favorite Literary Character?

Good morning Crasstalk. Today we are going to be a little bit more cultured with our Question of the Day. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt you and I am sure we will be back to talking reality TV and boy bands tomorrow. So let’s turn our focus to some great books.

Chaucer approves of this post.

While most of us like to read, literature is often something we leave in Freshman Lit 101. This is a shame, and in the interest of creating the well-cultured Crasstalk, I submit the following question:

Who is your favorite literary character? Please, let’s not use books that have been turned into Life Time Movies, or have been adapted to star Skeet Ulrich. Keep it classy.

Mine is not who you would think (although he is up there), but rather I am going way back to Arthurian legend for this saucy and duplicitous lady. Morgan Le Fay, half-sister of Arthur and enemy of Camelot. Powerful, smart, and conniving, she helped destroy Artur and that sap Lancelot. She would have made Alexis Carrington cry like a bitch.

Even comic book readers know not to fuck with this girl.


So there’s mine. Whose was the character that made your lit assignments a little less tedious?

Hump Day

Hi gang. Welcome to your Hump Day post. The rules are the same as always, no visible peen, vag, or girly nips. Also, a tip on photo sizing. When you do a google image search, if you click on medium on the left column you will get images that don’t take up the whole page. This will make it easier for the page to load and for readers to scroll down. You’re welcome.

Now, on to the hotties. How about a little Wild West?

That ought to keep you busy.