Good evening/morning and welcome to the open thread. Here’s some headlines from our strange world.
The Smoking Gun reports on a Florida woman arrested for baring her breasts at an elementary school. Interestingly, she did this to register her displeasure with another parent who she believed was showing too much cleavage. Won’t somebody think about the children? Continue reading
Welcome to the Face-Off liveblog open thread! If you’re not familiar with a liveblog/loveblog/open thread, just hang out, watch the show, and comment away! It really is that simple, but I’m sure you already know that.
If you’ve been watching Face Off, you know the deal. Special effects “artists” compete by completing challenges under given time limits, and being ripped apart by a panel of judges. It’s a pretty awesome show, but the absence of Tim Gunn renders it inferior to Project Runway, which incidentally kind of started sucking, but hopefully will be back in awesome action during its next season, but I digress. Like, a lot.
So far this season, they’ve done nude body painting, created aliens from some planet that I guess was made of water, drew/painted/licked on fake tattoos, and something in the first episode that I didn’t watch, so fill in the blanks for me if you like (upon checking the website, it looks like they gave people bug heads). They also slept during challenges, made big boo-boos, bitched, flirted, and made cakes.
As for the contestants, they’re a pretty motley crew, which is to be expected for special effects artists I suppose. I’d love for the producers to throw us someone who is actually unpredictable like a guy who works in a bank and wears a tie to match his socks every day. However, our crew is a pretty colorful bunch and I wouldn’t trade any of them. Except for Tom.
Tom, aka Captain Ego has his own FX shop and I guess actually has somewhat of a career in indie film. Sweet. He has some other interesting things going on I think, but I can’t remember specifics over the sound of his massive ego.
Gage, the token gay cutie with the ear gauges apparently has awesome parents who bought him a special effects magazine when he was a kid because he was terrified of Freddy Kreuger, in an attempt to make him less scared. He was also a protégé of Tom, which Tom was sure to let the audience know in the first episode.
Anthony owns a studio called “Demonic Pumpkins Studio”, which is a pretty kick-ass name. He also won the nude painting challenge in episode 2 and claimed it was “Better than winning any Academy Award”. Aim high, Anthony.
Megan; a 24 year old Pittsburgh suicide girl, has a not-at-all subtle crush on Conor and hasn’t seen a penis in 2 years (true story). She attended Tom Savini’s Special FX school of Makeup, also in Pittsburgh. She’s also way high strung and I predict there will be the throwing or intentional exploding of something messy in the future from her.
Conor is the 40 year old that either likes them young, or is a gigantic tease – maybe both. He apprenticed for the makeup artist for Dick Tracy, although I’m not sure they had scary monsters. Other than Madonna, naturally. He also works on the Vampire Diaries and is an instructor at the Joe Blasco Makeup School. These schools get way creative with their names, don’t they?
Marcel, the 24 year old anti-Top Chef Marcel, already has a shaved head and has yet to use foam in anything. He’s a vet assistant by trade which… wait, what? He seems like a decent guy and actually has skill though, so is he the dark horse of Face Off? Am I even using that term correctly? It’s my first time.
Sam hails from Decatur, GA, where she practices and teaches “permaculture”, creates make up effects – for who or why, I’m not sure, and illustrates the chalk board at her local Trader Joes. I wonder if she’s frenemies with the chalkboard illustrator at Starbucks. She also does corporate art and custom prosthetics and has a hippie mom. Good for her.
Jo is Mila from PR’s hapless doppelganger. She not only fucked up in the first episode, but she painted her model in the nude body painting challenge with latex paint, which the audience learned both has a tendency to peel off of human skin, as well as feeling rather itchy and horrible. The judges liked it anyway though, so she was safe. More recently, she showed blatant jealousy of Megan and Conor’s “relationship” and wore a sour face pretty much the entire series so far.
Finally, there’s Tate, whose mom was an artist and his dad a boxer, which means he’s probably financially supporting them by now. He’s done a few cool things, most notably prop fabrication for Jim Henson studios, which is pretty high on the awesome meter, but he’s not standing out yet to me – the person who has no experience in this stuff beyond going to see movies with makeup effects.
Our host, one McKenzie Westmore has an illustrious career, seemingly due to her family being the Barrymores of the special effects world. Her dad created a whole shit-ton (Yes, that’s a unit of measure, per me) of awesome aliens for Star Trek and her great-grandfather was some other movie guy who was apparently successful enough to get the ball moving on getting the entire family on the Hollywood walk of fame. Also, her dad dresses exactly like my dad, therefore is adorable and by rights should be a republican from western Pennsylvania. Ms. Westmore also has a bit of an acting career, most of which seems forgettable, but apparently she was on NBC’s soap opera, Passions, so there’s that.
Finally, our shrewd judges include Ms. Ve Neill, the brains behind the looks in Pirates of the Caribbean and Edward Scissorhands. That might be a bit of hyperbole, but I like to think of her that way. She also won three Academy Awards, which I hear is kind of a big deal. Also, Glenn Hetrick of Heroes, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the FREAKING X-FILES people, and Patrick Tatopoulos, who had a hand in Underworld, Independence Day, and Resident Evil: Extinction.
For tonight’s challenge, Friday the 13th director, Sean Cunningham stops by to see how the contestants do with creating their very own horror movie villains. Something tells me no one is going to make cute little satanic woodland creatures this week. What do you think the over-under is on a murderous clown being created? How about a SEXY murderous clown?
Ok kids, this is our first time and we want to be able to come back, so dispose of your cigarette butts, roaches, and beer bottles properly, leave the place cleaner than we found it, and be sure to write a nice thank-you note to the owners of the joint before you leave. The show starts at 10 Eastern Time on Syfy, so be there or be… well, just be there really. Enjoy the show!
*So the show starts off with the contestants discussing Frank. Apparently, he’s one of those hate him or love him types. Being that he slept during two challenges and openly slacked off, I’m not seeing the appeal, but maybe people like that kind of thing?
*Bates motel! I think I’m seeing the problem with this show. These contestants need to start wearing khakis and polo shirts. This whole multiple piercings/tattoos thing clearly doesn’t work. Except for with the judges, so… never mind.
*Is “Go big or go home” the new, “I’m not here to make friends”?
*Jo does not like Megan. She really really super extra does not like Megan. Ask her about it, I’m sure she’ll tell you. She’s making a disfigured nun, by the way.
*Now Jo’s having her patented insecure time and fishing for compliments. I’m a horrible person because I would have told her it was terrible just to shake her up. As a wise man said, sometimes when you go fishing, you catch a boot.
*Now the contestants are pitching their ideas to the PR girl. They have to come up with a movie name, tagline, and of course, the villain. Some are good, some are not. For example, one movie is to be named “HIM”. You know, in reference to the guy the movie is about. Alrighty then.
*Conor’s tagline; “Death is just the beginning”. That’s been used before, hasn’t it? In other news, Megan’s super annoying. I’m starting to see Jo’s side.
*So Tom doesn’t know how to make a teddy bear. Really Tom? What have you been doing with your life?
*Marcel made a boo-boo. He almost didn’t get get his silicone out of the mold, which I gather isn’t a good thing because a.) you kind of need it for your villain, and b.) I hear it takes a long time to set .
*So Nicholas Cage is the official go-to guy for shitty action movies now, right?
*Gage made the same boo-boo Marcel did, only his mold isn’t opening. Megan comes over to “help” and rips the mask. Gage is understandably not happy.
*Anthony states he’s re-creating things that have already been done. As I said before – Aim high, Anthony.
*Ah, Tate’s “Him” is a chick.
*Jo’s proud of her nun, but I’m not sure I should be that impressed. It’s basically a burned woman with buck teeth.
*Anthony threw his away – it blows. He said it himself.
*Conor’s is just fucked up. There’s no other way of putting it.
*Sam’s “Baby Doll” is terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. They need to make a movie about it.
*Megan has a creepy photographer guy who looks like Marilyn Manson. Yawn.
*Marcel’s was pretty ok. So was Gage’s. He made some deformed fisherman, which looks like, well, a deformed fisherman.
*Tom’s is some sort of murderous teddy bear humanoid holding a human head. I can’t wait to see how this turns out for him.
*Conor, Sam, and Jo are safe. Being that Sam’s doll is going to give me nightmares, I thinks she should have won this challenge.
*Gage gets really good praise. I guess they didn’t hear about the prosthetic that almost wasn’t.
*Oh, Anthony – “I’m more into mental horrors than a brute standing in a doorway hacking people up”. The looks he got were priceless. I’d feel bad for him, but I don’t.
*Megan and her floppy hat are being criticized because her scary photographer guy’s mouth can’t move, so basically, he’s useless.
*Tate got good reviews, and when you look at the creation, he really worked his ass off. Good job, Tate.
*Marcel just made a reference to the limited amount of time he had to complete the costume. He did NOT just say that after Tate was up there.
*Ok, Tom’s teddy bear axe murderer is pretty damn scary. Disturbing, even. He pulled off a win for this one. Good job, Captain Ego! Speaking of Captain Ego, he pontificates that Megan should go home (because the judges asked him). I have a feeling she’s going down.
*You guys, I can’t imagine how Liam Neeson was able to make a movie about losing his wife after actually losing his wife. My cold, blackened soul feels sad for him.
*Elimination time! Poor Marcel and his shitty paint job and concept is out. I’m never right about these things! This is why I don’t gamble.
Next week on Face Off – a gender challenge of some sort. May be interesting, it might be not – the only way to find out is to watch! Or DVR – that works too. Goodnight!
This story is a joint effort by Waspy, BBQ Cornnuts, Lady_E, Dürers Rhino, and The Grand Inquisitor.
Demonstrations and riots are sweeping through the Middle East and North Africa this week as protestors, emboldened by the success of the Egyptian Revolution, have demanded reform from their own governments. Demonstrators and government security personnel have been killed in several counties. According to the Associated Press, Hillary Clinton urged civic leaders in effected countries to “seize the historic moment for democratic change
In Libya, where Muammar Gaddafi has been in power since 1969, demonstrators are organizing for Thursday commemoration of the 2006 deaths of 14 protesters. Dissidents have organized a Facebook group is calling for a February 17 Intifada.
Pro-government demonstrators showed support at Sunday’s prayers to commemorate the birth of the prophet. The government is also making an effort to discredit the opposition. Libya is facing unrest in part because of government-subsidized housing projects. Many homes are not completed and thousands of residents are without a place to live.
Dissidents have circulated a petition emphasizing “the right of the Libyan people to express their opinions in peaceful protest, without any form of harassment, threats or provocations” by the regime. The opposition also called on Gaddafi and his family to relinquish authority and “revolutionary, political, military, and security” powers.
In Iraq, citizens of the city Fallujah protested to demand a stop to arbitrary arrests. They also asked the government to resume conscription and to dismiss any foreign citizens, including Americans, from government positions. They also accused the Talabani administration of corruption. Local officials joined in the demonstration and called for basic services, such as rations and electricity.
Meanwhile, unrest has continued in Iran. Two people were killed and dozens were injured during Monday’s protests. New clashes broke out on Wednesday at the funeral in Tehran of a student who was killed in a recent protest. The government blamed the killing on anti-government protesters, but conflicting reports suggest security forces might have been responsible. While information has been difficult to get out of the country, some estimates have put protest numbers at 350,000 people. In what has become a familiar cycle, Iranian pro-government forces have called for a counter-demonstration against the opposition leaders. In turn, opposition leaders Mir-Hossein Mousavi and Mehdi Karroubi, who are under house arrest, have called for more anti-government protests.
Yemen is in its sixth day of protests calling for democracy. Dwindling oil reserves and a looming water crisis have motivated an increasingly impoverished public to call for regime change. The President, Ali Abdullah Saleh, has been in power since 1978. He has attempted to quell the protests by announcing that he will not seek re-election in 2013, urging the public to use democratic solutions rather than violence, and entering talks with individual tribes to bolster support for his government. However, the demonstrations have become increasingly violent as police, military, and plainclothes government supporters have attempted to disperse protestors. Police shot and killed two demonstrators in the main southern city of Aden and several people were wounded in the capitol city of Sanaa.
In Bahrain, protests continued into a third day. Ruled by a centuries-old Constitutional Monarchy, Bahrain’s Sunni minority and King Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa have been accused of discrimination against the country’s 66% Shia majority. Demonstrations calling for fair representation in Parliament have become more peaceful after police killed two protesters and the King subsequently issued a rare apology on Monday. Demonstrators are setting up a “Protest Camp” in the capitol’s Pearl Roundabout Park and have stated that they will not leave until their demands are met.
The Washington Post is reporting on a potentially explosive development. In a speech delivered to Jewish American leaders and later repeated in an official press release, Israeli Foreign Prime Minister, Avigdor Lieberman, claimed that two Iranian warships are preparing to enter the Suez Canal, a move that Israel would view as highly provocative. Mr. Lieberman also claimed that the warships were crossing the Canal to reach Syria, an Iranian ally, presumably to deliver weapons for Hezbollah to use against Israel. Mr. Lieberman offered no evidence to back up his claims and Egyptian authorities denied the report. Egypt requires 48 hours notice for entry into the Suez Canal. However, the US State Department did confirm the two ships were in the Red Sea near the Canal.
The possibility of an Israeli-Iranian conflict poses serious concerns for the region, Egypt’s transitional government, and the anti-government movement in Iran. A confrontation between Israel and Iran could halt the reform movements region-wide dead in their tracks and divert media and world attention from the current uprisings, a situation which would have additional perils for protests that have seen state sanctioned violence slightly curtailed in recognition of the attention focused on the government responses.
The former Mubarak regime considered Iran to be the greatest threat to regional stability and Egypt’s 1979 Peace Treaty with Israel and assistance in enforcing the blockade of Gaza put Egypt in direct opposition with the Iranian government. The Treaty and blockade are widely unpopular among the Egyptian population, but, this past Sunday, the current Egyptian military government released Communiqué No. 5 pledging to abide by all of Egypt’s foreign treaties and commitments, which includes the Peace Treaty, during the transitional period. A direct challenge to the Egyptian-Israeli alliance by Iran could greatly complicate the military’s already precarious role as a caretaker government and potentially derail constitutional and statutory reforms that the military has pledged to oversee.
Iran is currently facing the largest anti-Regime protests since the 2009 Green Revolution. A confrontation with Israel would allow the Iranian government to rally the nation against Israel and could lead to deadly violence and treason charges (which carry the death penalty) against any protest participants. It is not out of the realm of possibility that this is a strategic plan by the Iranian government to undermine both the Egyptian military and its domestic opponents.
While the potential consequences of this report being true are alarming, Mr. Lieberman is well known for issuing dire, and later found to be untrue claims, about Iran and her allies. Mr. Lieberman is considered by many to be a far-right, anti-Arab hardliner by many and while his party (the Yisrael Beytenu Party) is a part of the new coalition government, they are not the largest in the three party Coalition. In this Q&A interview in Newsweek, Mr. Lieberman gives a good overview of his positions, his attitude towards Arabs and his view of the Peace process with Palestinians. Finally, The United States would likely use its influence with Israel to attempt to dissuade any retaliatory response that could undermine the pro-democracy movements taking place.
Demonstrations are expected to continue throughout the rest of the week throughout the Middle East and North Africa. Watch all the action here.
by Daisy Sage and KatScratchFever
Daisy: KatScratchFever and I decided to write this article, to both complain about and explore the reasons why it seems like we can’t find cute clothes of decent quality to purchase on a working persons budget for several years now.
Neither Kat nor I are extremely overweight or oddly put together in any way. We are both quite fab, as a matter of fact. Kat is tall, well built, and striking. My body type could be described as a short (5’4”) version of Christina Hendricks, with more or less her same differences in measurements, if you shave a couple of inches all over (I found this out when they were auctioning off some of her Mad Men dresses online and printed all the dress measurements.)
However we are both grown up women whose figures are not flattered by the thin tubes of crappy fabric run up by some poor 12 year old in a sweatshop somewhere, desperately trying to not to lose consciousness until the next rice and water break, for the purposes of filling the burgeoning racks at the likes of Forever 21 or even H&M.
What follows is a dialogue between Kat and I, to explore the reasons for this dilemma, and find possible solutions.
Daisy: When did you first start noticing that it was so difficult to find nice clothes that were affordable?
Kat: It probably started years ago, but I wasn’t fully conscious of it until I was out of college, had a full-time job and began budgeting and being critical of the things I was spending my money on. I very much want to subscribe to the idea that “I’m too poor to buy cheap”, but in the case of clothing, it seems almost impossible. Housewares and furniture have the kind of longevity that makes it rewarding to have a “buy less, buy better quality” ethos, but clothes are not as durable. You spill things on them. The cat swipes at you as you walk by and rips a hole in them. You slip on the four inches of ice crust the Snowpocalypse left in its wake and tear them. They wear out in the horrible industrial washing machines you use because you don’t have the luxury of laundering things in your apartment. You can’t afford to have your entire wardrobe dry-cleaned once a week.
Daisy: Indeed. In the last few years, I have lost several clothing items I liked through “attrition”; i.e. tossed out worn things, or given them away in a fit of feng shui, only to wait in vain for proper replacements to magically appear. I still pine for a perfect pair of royal blue velvet jeans that I wore threadbare in places to the point that they tore across the ass, which you can’t really repair. (Maybe the velvet jeans and I could have made it work out, somehow.) I currently have in particular a “jeans deficit”.
Consider the dichotomy of two pairs of Gap jeans I own. One of them is one size larger than the size I have normally worn for years, that I bought when I had gained a little weight. Since, then, I’ve lost some of that weight, and these jeans are now so large on me that I can only wear them in public for very short jaunts down the street, covered by a very long sweater (because they WILL inevitably fall all the way down on my ass if I don’t catch them in time).
Conversely, another Gap pair of jeans I own, which the label says is the size I have traditionally worn, (just one number size below the ass hanging ones) are so still so tight on me that I can only get them on by lying on the bed and doing a type of yoga breathing exercise in which I expel and exhale all the oxygen from my body on a cellular level.
A third pair, also in my regular size fits just fine, but the fronts of the legs have worn so thin, and have rips from constant wear, that they are only suitable to wear on a hot summer day to a HORDE concert, and I’m not sure they have those anymore.
I’ve been told by those who know clothing manufacturing that in the last few years, the Gap is so loosey goosey about pattern cutting in their factories, that you could try on 10 different pairs of their jeans, all ostensibly the same size, and not one of them would be the same size or shape.
Kat: Most certainly, in the last four or five years I’ve noticed a decline in quality, or a huge jump in price, from the places that used to be my stalwarts for reasonably priced, well-made women’s clothing (the Gap and J Crew come to mind), and by far my overall satisfaction with the stores where I used to achieve moderate success on this front (H&M, for example) has gone way, way down.
Daisy: I concur. H&M is a sad shell of its former self, selling various sad shells of clothing. I find it useful to stop in for a random pair of sunglasses or socks when I pass by, but that’s it. Although, I must admit, I bought a sundress there last summer on sale for $10 that I didn’t even try on, and it ended up looking great on me. Go figure. Anyway, Kat, what is your opinion about why this decay in our clothing options has happened?
Kat: My opinion is that this is a result of a giant mess of apathy on all fronts. The general public no longer cares how they look, or at the very least takes minimal pride in putting themselves together well. Clothing retailers are apathetic about the quality and construction of their product and care mostly about their net profitability. Everyone cares more about being “Fashionable” and “Hip” than dressing appropriately for your body. We live in a throwaway society, which has little respect for high production standards. I think that much in the way that some people say there is “no middle class” anymore (or it will be that way in the very near future), there is no real “middle class” for clothing, only expensive boutique garments, and things that I will end up using as cleaning rags in six months or less.
Daisy: I think what you say makes a lot of sense. It seems like even moderately priced clothing of decades ago was constructed so much better than today. And the dye colors of the fabrics were more rich and vivid. I once had an A-line winter skirt my mom had worn when she was young, bright blue mohair, lined, with a fuchsia and dark purple thin plaid pattern over it. Below the knee, side zip, kick in the back. I kept that thing together for years re-sewing ripped or loose seams, fixing belt loops, until I gave up on holding it together. I know I won’t find anything like that again, outside of a high-end boutique.
Kat, what is one of your worst shopping for clothes experiences in the last few years? Which retailers do you detest the most and why?
Kat: Oh, there are many, but this one still stings. I was in H&M (on a budget, as usual) in the dressing room with about seven dresses to try on for a wedding I was to attend. Most of them wouldn’t zip or were too weirdly shaped or too revealing and I was growing frustrated and running out of time. The fifth frock had a side zip, but to put it on I had to slide my arms into the sleeves and pull it over my head. Overall it fit so damn well, except that the short sleeves were obviously tailored for a size 10 woman with size 0 waif arms and my barrel chest was stuffed so tightly in that it was difficult to breathe (a typical clothing woe of mine). Defeated, I tried to take it off by first pulling my arms out of the sleeves, but they were so crammed in there they wouldn’t budge. I tried to pull it up at the waist over my ribs to give the arms a little slack, but still, no dice. I finally resorted to a technique I’m sure many women have used before in this situation: hike dress up over hips, bend in half at waist, cross arms around body and try to slowly inch the dress off inside-out, peeling your sausage arms out last. This time though, it didn’t work, and now I thought I’d have to call the dressing room attendant for help. Some sort of dressing room rage took over at this point, and I just started flexing my arms and yanking at the thing, which finally ripped, giving me enough extra room to extract myself and fling the dress on the floor, ready to HULK SMASH!!! I put it back on the hanger, hid it between the other dresses, gave everything back to the attendant and went to the closest bar to quell my rage with a bottle of wine.
Daisy: Oh I’m feeling your pain there. I have experienced the existential angst of being trapped in a cheap dress in a try on room, on more than one occasion. Either I couldn’t get it up over my chest or down over my hips. As I pulled on it, I wondered how I got into it in the first place. It’s completely exhausting. You CAN’T be trapped in a dress, except yes, you are. I would not fault you one bit for ripping the freaking thing. What else were you supposed to do? I’m sure H&M survived the potential loss of the $1.67 the dress was actually worth (as opposed to the $29.99 it probably retailed.)
Kat: As for hated retailers, Forever 21 is just the worst. Other cheapo stores like Rainbow and Strawberry get lumped in there as well. Most of them don’t even have dressing rooms and the ones that do are so small I barely have room to try anything on. I’m convinced this is because they know if you can’t try stuff on you will likely buy it anyway because it’s cheap, and the likelihood of you coming back the within the time frame of their return policy (usually 7 days if you want your cash back, not store credit) is slim. It’s a racket, I tell ya.
Daisy: I didn’t even know Rainbow was still around. The last time I was in one was years ago. I was working part time for a small business out near the east end of Long Island. There was practically nothing around in the way of civilization, so many times on my lunch break, I would get some kind of fast food, and then go wander around the Rainbow in the local strip mall. It gave me something to do, and I figured I might find a clothing item in my price range. Never found anything there except a customer base of old before their time “Sixteen and Pregnant” candidates pushing double strollers and their irate moms. The merchandise was not only depressing; some of it was literally dusty. I felt as though it was the retail store that time forgot.
Kat: Why do you think it is that it is still so hard for “normal” shaped/sized women to find well fitting clothes? Is it because retailers are still trying to mimic the high-fashion world where everyone is a size 2, despite the actual size of their clientele?
Daisy: I think it is a convergence of a couple of things. Yes, I do think retailers are trying to mimic the high fashion, size 2 model, because it is what is promoted in the magazines, and there is a burgeoning demographic of young girls who either naturally fit into that stuff, or are willing to starve themselves to do so. Also, I think that as food manufacturers have over the last few years managed to keep the prices of packaged foods relatively stable by sneakily reducing the size of the packages and/or the portions of food inside them, that clothing manufacturers are able to sell cheap clothing by using less fabric, and lower quality fabric to make the bulk of their clothing.
Kat: I like equating the cheap wardrobe I have that is filling my closet and dresser but leaving my soul empty to fast food and portion sizes. Your analogy is very apropos.
Daisy: Thank you. So Kat, what do you think is the way forward for stylish ladies such as us to dress ourselves well? Vintage? Ebay? Vigilant Goodwill shopping? Sewing?
Kat: I think Muumuus are the wave of the future. In twenty years everybody will be bulbous piles of jelly zipping around on scooters ala Wall-E and I won’t ever have to wear another pair of pants again. (Fingers crossed!) Here’s where I’m hoping our fellow Crasstalkers have some opinions and advice to soothe our wardrobe-weary souls. I have always been interested in learning to sew, but continuously fail at finding the time or finishing beginner projects. Since my sewing skills are only advanced enough to make tote bags, unless I cobble all fifty of them I have into a utilitarian, carryall ToteMuumuu, I won’t be wearing any homemade garments any time soon. I scour thrift stores regularly, but everything worth buying has long been picked over in NYC by all the fly-by-night Ebay vintage store mavens and Brooklyn Flea Market clothing hoarders. My girlfriends are all in the same situation as I, and though we sometimes do clothing swaps, none of us have a go-to store for new items that stand the test of time. Your ideas?
Daisy: I actually can sew, although I haven’t touched the machine in years. It is a whole lot of work, as you say.
As to the clothing swap thing, it’s the kind of idea that sounds fun, but for me is not that practical because my female friends are all different heights and sizes. And even if we fit into each others clothes perfectly, it seems like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.
Personally, I’m very excited about your ToteMuumuu™ concept. Let’s speak privately about trademarks and lining up investors. If we hurry, we can hire an Indonesian manufacturer, and roll that sucker out to the floors of the women’s departments of Sears and JC Penneys within a month. (Of course you will have the final say on whether the samples live up to your aesthetic vision.) After we cash in, we can buy ourselves wardrobes from high-end boutiques and have all our clothing tailored.
Good evening my friends. Welcome to the the evening open thread. Here are a few stories to get the discussion started. Continue reading
So, Charlie Sheen does the Crack. Um, okay. I totally get it, booze, girls, and a television show that gives you a veritable monetary windfall — to, uh afford your booze, girls, and now crack cocaine. Sounds almost exactly what we expect from Charlie Sheen, minus the part where he tells kids to “Stay off the crack unless you know how to manage it.” Ho, Boy! Yeah. That Sheen — doing so much for America’s youth.
Anyway, this does nothing to explain how America is still keeping Two and a Half Men at the top of the Nielsen Charts. I’d really like to meet a Two and a Half Men fan one day. Mostly to see if they have tails and live beneath the basement stairs in various old age homes scattered throughout Middle America, but that’s for another day.
Here now is what’s going on in your new weekly ratings report!
CBS, this behemoth network full of single men and/or nerds sharing a home, military head slapping, and a guy who tells his kids about all the women he has sex with that aren’t their mother, was the leader of the pack last week pulling in 3.4 adults in the 18-49 group, edging out Fox which finished a tenth of a point behind with a 3.3 rating. ABC came in third with 2.1, and NBC, home of The Cape, trailed in fourth place with a 1.6 rating! (Is it because of the The Cape, because I think it’s because of The Cape.)
The number one program, and undoubtedly the biggest draw for the CBS network last week, was Sunday night’s Grammys Award Show which apparently many of you sycophants thought was awesome. I did not. We’ll agree to disagree on that point.
The much troubled Charlie Sheen and Co. came in at a more than respectable #6 according to Nielsen, but was beaten out by American Idol on both Wednesday and Thursday nights, followed by Modern Family, and Glee. However, the crack afficionado and cast still managed to win in ratings over House, NCIS (Head Slappers!), The Big Bang Theory, and Grey’s Anatomy, which rounded out the top ten. [TV By the Numbers]
Unfortunately, or fortunately, who knows! The network’s rebooted James Belushi and Jerry O’Connell legal drama, The Defenders, is looking at the chopping block. And, guys, it’s looking back and saying yum. Not the first show on the network staring down the barrel of cancellation, Medium had that honor. Reportedly, there’s a bit of scuttlebutt about how the network cancelled Medium just to put The Defenders, a seemingly worse show, in its place. That’s mostly all bunk since Medium had abysmal ratings and was slated for cancellation anyway. Case and point, I personally haven’t watched that show since the early 00’s right before the big, “I see dead people who haunt me and help me solve crimes” boom, which eventually became, “I have psychic/stellar deductive reasoning skills to help me solve crimes and wiggle my eyebrows at pretty girls” boom, all mostly serving to clog up television like a preternatural arterial blockage of unoriginality. But whatever, Psych! It rules! The Mentalist…not so much. Luckily, we’re only down to about two of those now, but no, it’s certainly not The Defenders fault. It was just time for Medium to end.
Things also aren’t going so well for T.J. Hooker’s new grumpy old man series, $#*! My Dad Says. Um, can I just say that the Zapf Dingbats My Dad Says Shit-show didn’t really look like a good idea to begin with? I don’t know, but something about James T. Kirk walking around in a khaki vest haranguing his son, even without a purse on his arm, just seems so very 1986. Estelle Getty is probably somewhere in the ether shaking an angry fist at the blasphemous portrayal of her shtick.
So, that’s it folks. CBS reigns supreme. This makes me sad, mostly. I blame everyone else. I take responsibility for The Big Bang Theory, but that’s all. We should gift wrap V in an alien egg incubator and give it to CBS. That would help. No, really, this is awesome for CBS, I think.
Astrophysicists John Matese and Daniel Whitmire of the University of Louisiana at Lafayette believe they may have discovered a new planet in our solar system. Nicknamed Tyche, the object is believed to be the size of four Jupiters, comprised of helium and hydrogen, and orbits our sun at a distance of 15,000AU (one AU, or Astronomical Unit, is the distance from the Earth to the Sun, 15,000AU is roughly 1/4th of a light year). This orbit puts it well within the boundaries of the Oort Cloud — a cloud of debris orbiting our sun with a radius of one light year — where long-term comets (those with an orbit greater than 200 years) originate.
Matese and Whitmire first proposed the existence of Tyche in 1999 as a result of studying the origins of long-term comets. It was discovered that their orbits originated in a cluster that was roughly the same angle from the ecliptic, or the path of the Sun through space. An object at least the size of Jupiter in the Oort cloud could explain the disruption of debris along this plane, which could in turn account for the pattern of mass extinctions on Earth.
In 1984, paleontologists David Raup and Jack Sepkoski found a pattern of mass extinctions in the fossil record dating back 250 million years. They discovered that every 26 million years, a mass extinction occurred. The lack of any Earth-based evidence of any sort of change led the team to believe that the cause was extra-terrestrial. The existence of Tyche could explain this pattern due to the orbit of Tyche disrupting Oort Cloud objects and send them towards the inner Solar System, thereby increasing Earth’s chances of an impact like the one that is believed to have killed the dinosaurs.
NASA’s WISE Telescope (Wide-Field Infrared Survey Explorer) may have already discovered Tyche. In April, the first batch of data from the telescope is set to be released. Matese and Whitmire think that it will reveal the existence of Tyche within two years. The object they are looking for is believed to have cloud bands much like Jupiter, and have a temperature of -73C, or five times warmer than Pluto. The heat would be left over from its formation, and would take longer to cool off due to its size.
If Tyche is found to exist, though, it would not add to the number of planets in our Solar System, as it most likely formed around another star and then captured by the Sun’s gravitational field. The International Astronomical Union would most likely create a new category for this planet.
This is my first year teaching. For the last five years I’ve worked as a journalist and decided to change careers. The year has been a roller coaster. I teach ninth and tenth-graders in a suburban city, in Texas. Perhaps the most shocking things I’ve been exposed to involve the stupidity of not only the students, but also the parents and administrators. I will try to share stories with you on here when I can, using this as a column. I’m not a religious man, but now I spend every night praying for the future of this country.
Story 1: On the first day of school, during my forth class period, I had a bastard get into my lunch while I was greeting his classmates at the doorway. The bastard stole a Kashi Bar out of my lunch sack. I confronted the bastard, and sent him to the office with a referral. This is when I learned immediately about school politics. The bastard spent about 20 minutes in the office before being sent back to me. He was sent back because I didn’t follow the district’s discipline matrix, which goes as follows: 1) verbal warning 2) teacher detention 3) phone call home 4) referral. So, although this bastard stole something from me, I did not contact his parents, give him a warning, or assign him a detention (which I’d have to monitor in my room after school).
When the bastard came back to my classroom after his short office visit, he proceeded to walk in and told me I shouldn’t have sent him to the office and that he didn’t steal anything. When I told him other students saw him steal it, he told me, “Suck my dick.” Wonderful!
A few weeks after the incident, the bastard was arrested for breaking into a cellular phone store. Because he was here illegally, he was deported. I still have sweet dreams about this clown falling off a train trying sneak back into the country.
Story 2: I had a whale stay after school one Friday to serve a detention. She was there because she was disruptive when I was absent and a substitute was in class. After serving her detention, the whale left with another student and said she was her ride. The next morning I was doing Saturday tutorials at the school to help out struggling students when an angry whale mother burst into my room and asked me where her daughter was. I let her know that the baby whale left with another student and told her the story. Mama whale became irate saying that it was my responsibility to watch her leave and that baby didn’t come home that night. Granted, mama whale was told what time the detention was ending before her daughter served it and was given a week notice.
After leaving my room in a rage, mama whale went to the police department to file a missing persons report. I felt bad about the situation, so I began to call other teachers describing the student that baby whale left with, because she was not in any of my classes. After two hours of phone calls, I found a note in my trash can from the night before with baby whale’s name and another student’s first name. Using our dated technology, I was searched through our student database for a girl named “Hailey”. I spent about three hours calling various Hailey-parents before reaching a mother who said her daughter came home with some girl she’d never met before and that she’d spent the night. I placed mama whale in contact with the horrible parent and reunited the whales. This was about four hours of work searching for this girl and locating her; I headed home feeling good about myself.
Monday morning came, and I was called into the office and verbally reprimanded by my principal for allowing the girl to leave. Mama whale had complained to the principal after I spent my Saturday morning locating her daughter.
Story 3: I’ll keep this short. We were reading Julius Caesar a few weeks ago, when our sophomore class valedictorian asked me if they called him “Caesar” because he fainted and may have suffered from epilepsy.
Thank you for your time.
I know you missed my updates from the 50th (and 3rd-Awesomest) state.
I’m sorry! The holidays and whatnot. I’d like to say that you didn’t miss much on Hawaii 5-0, but you did. You missed so much!
But, we can’t go back in time, so we are just going to have to pick up with this week’s lessons about National Security, Fashion, and Shaved Ice. Don’t worry. You don’t have to have seen the episode. This is all about what we can learn about the world around us. 5-0 Style!
Fake pirates kidnap rich kids off of a boat and ask for ransom. 5-0 saves the day!
One of the main things I learned this week? Pirates are everywhere. (It was right there in the header.) Apparently, they are a huge problem in Hawaii. So huge, in fact, that if you want to kidnap somebody, you should totally just pretend to be a pirate. Because then you will just blend in with all the other pirates.
(Note: Apparently it helps if you dump a dead pirate on the deck. This is very convincing.)
Other things we learn later about real Hawaiian pirates:
(Note: These things may only apply to Hawaiian pirates. I make no promises that they will work on other pirates. If you are near Somalia, you are on your own.)
I hate love hate love! obvious examples of Chekhov’s gun. You know the old saying “If there is a Nick Lachey in the scene, somebody is going to get shot by the end of the episode.” Well, at the beginning of this episode:
The only person left on the boat when 5-0 shows up is a super-cute girl that hides in a closet on the main deck. Sorry, do I hear bells ringing in my head?
Her boyfriend who meets her at the dock is Nick Lachey, and they leave together “never to be seen again.” HOLY SHIT THOSE BELLS ARE LOUD!
(Note: If at this point you predict that she will be the one who has to bring the ransom to the head bad guy at the end, who turns out to be…Nick Lachey (WHAT?!), you have seen television before.)
5-0 has a Surface, or whatever those table computers are called that can take an excel spreadsheet and magically turn all the matching squares into neon green blocks with “MATCH!” written in comic sans. It’s like the world’s most powerful “My First Matching Game!” But that wasn’t the cool part.
They also take “biometric” mug shots of your eyeballs so they can match your face to people in ski masks that have eyes that look exactly like NICK LACHEY! But that is not the cool part either.
They also have a button on all police computers that you touch and it “Transfers call to 5-0.” I’m sorry. Did I say computer? I meant computer screen! That was even cooler, but still not the cool part.
McGuffin or McGarble or Tall Guy has an iPhone App that just shows every kind of gun to a witness for identification purposes. I call it “Gunphone.”
“This one? *swipe* This one? *swipe* This one? *swipe* THIS ONE?! IT WAS AN AK-47!”
(Note: She is in on it! Why is she correctly identifying the gun?! Also, why do bad guys always use the same gun? “We matched ballistics to 400 other crimes on that island over there.” Also, couldn’t they have just figured out the type of gun by those exact same ballistics? Also, what does it matter?!)
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At some point in the episode they needed information from a guy that runs a pawn shop. I don’t know why. I don’t care. Something to do with a single golden money clip that tied the entire case together. Here is what I do know. Pawn shops are always shady. Always. Is there a not shady pawn shop anywhere in the world? I think that if the guy at the pawn shop won’t help you out you should strap a grenade to the door of his office and then run out the front door. Fortunately for me, McGrudel agrees. BOOM! Maybe you’ll speak to 5-0 now Mr. Shady Pawn Shop Guy.
There is always some unnecessarily “sexy” element to 5-0. This week it was how all the young kidnap victims were being held in a hot cage all half-naked. They looked like a commercial for Skins or something. It was totally inappropriate. Also, hot. Later in the episode they are trapped in a sweaty school bus. That was just creepy.
Armed kidnapping in international waters! Forget the FBI! Fuck the Coast Guard! 5-0 Don’t Care! State Police Task Force in the HOUSE!
Paying ransom to kidnappers like everybody says you are supposed to? No fucking way! 5-0 Don’t Care! We are going in armed and strong. Paying them will just lead to disaster! One kid’s dad ignored 5-0 and paid their family’s share of the ransom anyway. When the kidnappers killed a hostage for only paying part of the ransom, guess who they killed? That’s right punk. Listen to 5-0 next time! Because 5-0 don’t care! Paying = disaster!
After the kid died, 5-0 decided to pay up after all. Changing plans for no reason!? 5-0 Don’t Care!
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According to the kidnappers, cute-girl-from-the-closet (remember her?) was the only one who could take the ransom to some dirty, sticky, warehouse or dock or whatever, filled with naked-kidnapped-teenagers, BECAUSE SHE IS IN ON IT! Who else knew that? That’s right 5-0 did! The money was just phone books! Thank goodness we don’t use phone books anymore, so they could just waste them all like that. “What are we going to fill the bags with?” “I don’t know. How about all those phone books over there?”
Anyway, BOOM! POW! Some disco lights go off or something. Nick Lachey runs and jumps into a trolley! McGrawhillber shoots him! Everybody lives except the kid of the punk-ass dude that did not listen to 5-0.
Listen to 5-0! If you don’t, your kid will die! 5-0 don’t care!
Not enough Scott Caan.
I moved to San Miguel de Allende six short months ago, and there’s a lot to love about this place. It’s a 500-year old Spanish colonial city that, despite growth and an enormous expat population, retains much of it’s old-world charm. There’s a thriving arts community, the rents are still relatively cheap, and the high-desert climate is just about perfect: cool nights, warm days, dry air and an abundance of sunshine. And while the growing violence in Mexico is quietly discussed at cocktail parties around town, San Miguel has been relatively sheltered from what’s been occurring in areas closer to the US border.
At least until now.
In the past three weeks, three American expats have been brutally murdered here.
On January 19th, Peter Mudge, a retired American who had been living in San Miguel for 20 years, was found dead in his home, the victim of an apparent robbery gone wrong. He was found with a plastic bag tied to his head, and he had been stabbed more than a dozen times.
On January 23rd, the body of a young American identified only as “Andrew” was recovered from the side of a local road, his body riddled with bullets. For some reason, the US Consulate’s office will offer no details, citing the need to protect the family’s privacy.
And on February 6th, Joseph Feuerborn, another expat who had been living in San Miguel for decades, was found beaten to death in his home, also the victim of an apparent robbery.
Stories of the three murders vary widely. Coroners are reported to have labeled Mudge’s death as asphyxiation, and Feuerborn’s as heart attack, even though local newspapers have reported the violence.
The local internet boards, which are populated almost exclusively by Americans, are full of rumor, speculation, fear and uncertainty. And the people that own property here don’t want this kind of bad news to spread, so there seems to be a push, particularly on the boards, to keep information from getting out there. It’s unfortunate, as the boards are the only source of information at times.
I love living here, but I’m beginning to feel as though I have a target on my back. I’m a gringo, a foreigner. A have in the land of have-nots. A large part of me wants to head back home. And a part of me wants to stay and just close my eyes to what’s obviously happening.