Daily Archives: December 23, 2011

7 posts

The Easiest Recipe in the World

So it’s nearly Christmas, and you’ve just realized you didn’t get anything for  your annoying cousin Sally. If Sally is like most humans, she probably likes sweets– and these cookies are just the thing to get Sally to shut up. The entire process takes less than ten minutes from start to finish, and your recipients will be fooled into thinking you love them touched by the effort you put into their gift.

I don’t have anyone left to get gifts for, but after an overzealous almond bark-buying spree I did find myself needing to do something to get rid of my stockpile. My two choices were mint chocolate almond bark (which looks deceptively fancy) and almond bark cookies– I went with the almond bark cookies because they’re extremely messy, and if there’s one thing I love it’s making messes. Continue reading →

Your Friday COW!

Hathor, your new COW goddess has finally risen, after a good catnap and a scratch.

These were a very eventful few weeks. TOO BAD NO ONE SENT IN ANY SCREENSHOTS YOU LAZY MOFO’S!!!!!!!

That being said, if you don’t like my choices, suck it.

… and the categories for best COW are….

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Craigslost: All I Want For Christmas is a Midget Orgy Behind the Hardee’s Dumpster

One year when we were kids, my dad decided to mess with my brother and I in a way not unlike that Jimmy Kimmel video that has been making the rounds this week. He brought out a huge wrapped-up gift and stuck it under the tree. After every other gift had been opened, my brother and I tore the wrapping paper off and there it was — an entire pig’s head from a butcher shop. He thought this was hilarious… and YouTube hadn’t even been invented yet.

So Christmas brings out the crazy side in all of us and nowhere is that more evident than at the Shopping Mall of Perversion that is Craigslist. When Slim Pickens and I first kicked around the idea of a Christmas-themed Craigslost we honestly didn’t think we’d find nearly enough demented assholery and Freudian dysfunction for an entire post. Boy were we wrong. (Slim: Never before have I been so glad that I was wrong. I think.)

Let’s get to the fuckery! (Warning: Craigslost is NSFW.)

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Behold, The Hobbit Trailer

Three times I have gone to a movie specifically to see a trailer. In the dark times before the internet, I saw Saturn III, a horrific stinkfest with Harvey Keitel, Kirk Douglas, and Farah Fawcett solely for the previews. This was the worst movie ever to feature naked Harvey Keitel or Farah Fawcett. However, this crapulence was the first time eager fans got to see a full trailer for The Empire Strikes Back. I went to see “The Bounty” to see the trailer for Star Trek III. The last movie I saw just for the preview was the Cuban Missile Crisis movie Thirteen Days, directed by the same guy who made “The Bounty.” Thanks, Roger Donaldson, for creating vessels for two such fine trailers!  I sat through Kevin Costner’s terrible “Thirteen Days” Boston accent just to see the trailer for “Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring.” If the internet did not exist, I would have been in the theater today watching whatever crappy new Roger Donaldson movie was showing the trailer for “The Hobbit.” Thanks, internet, for sparing me “Thirteen Days II” or “Return to the Bounty”!  Here it is, the trailer for “The Hobbit.” Continue reading →