So it’s nearly Christmas, and you’ve just realized you didn’t get anything for your annoying cousin Sally. If Sally is like most humans, she probably likes sweets– and these cookies are just the thing to get Sally to shut up. The entire process takes less than ten minutes from start to finish, and your recipients will be fooled into thinking you love them touched by the effort you put into their gift.
I don’t have anyone left to get gifts for, but after an overzealous almond bark-buying spree I did find myself needing to do something to get rid of my stockpile. My two choices were mint chocolate almond bark (which looks deceptively fancy) and almond bark cookies– I went with the almond bark cookies because they’re extremely messy, and if there’s one thing I love it’s making messes.
Almond bark cookies are the simplest treat to make in the world– the most advanced skill required is knowing how to punch in the time on the microwave, and stir crap around. They’re my favorite thing to give as holiday gifts because they always come out delicious, and people usually think you’ve worked some kind of kitchen devilry to whip them up. I highly recommend them, especially if you’re running low on funds but still want to give gifts.
To make your cookies, all you need is a box of Ritz crackers (be careful you don’t accidentally buy the revolting new ‘garden vegetable’ flavor), a thing of peanut butter, and a couple of packages of almond bark. One box of Ritz will usually yield around sixty cookies, depending on how many you eat or ‘accidentally’ break (and so have to eat) along the way. Also, anyone you live with is guaranteed to steal at least a couple.
Step one: Set out a piece of parchment paper on the counter; this is where you’ll be placing the cookies to dry. Next, place half a package of almond bark in a ceramic bowl and microwave for one minute. You can try microwaving the whole thing, but you’ll have to microwave it longer in order to melt it, and you’re much more likely to burn it (rendering it unusable… trust me, I know). If the first minute doesn’t melt it enough you can stick it back in the microwave in 15 second intervals, but I usually find that stirring the melted bark quickly will cause any lumps to dissipate. Once it’s melted, I like to stick the other half of the package in the bowl and microwave for 15-20 seconds– if you have too little almond bark, you won’t be able to cover the cookies and you’ll wind up with a peanut-buttery mess. Sadly, because I am lazy I only used a half a package this time, and wound up with ugly cookies.
Alert: do not eat the unmelted almond bark. Every time I open a new package, I am tempted to eat a block of it because it looks like candy, and I run almost exclusively on sugar. DO NOT DO THIS. If you don’t break your teeth off, you will probably make yourself sick. Let my mistakes be a lesson to you.
Step two: Open a package of Ritz and the peanut butter. Spread a small amount of peanut butter onto one of the crackers and then place another on top, giving you a ritz sandwich. Take care not to slather on too much peanut butter, or it will get in the almond bark and ruin everything. I recommend not using natural peanut butter, because it’s oily and gross and gets everywhere. If you’re responsible and efficient, you can just slap together a bunch of sandwiches before you start dipping them in the almond bark– or if you’re like me (irresponsible, a big fan of messes, wildly inefficient) you can just make them one at a time. My method guarantees everything will be coated in a fine layer of sticky peanut butter, almond bark, and Ritz cracker crumbs.
Step three: Take your sandwiches and dip them into the almond bark one at a time. I use a wooden spoon to completely cover the cookie with almond bark, and then fish it out with a fork. You’ll probably wind up with too much almond bark on the cookie (or not enough, or these weird little bubbles…), in which case you can gently hit the fork on the side of the bowl, ridding you of the excess bark. Once you’re satisfied with your level of coverage, slide the cookie off the fork and onto the parchment paper to dry. Repeat this process a zillion times, let the cookies sit out to dry overnight (or twenty minutes if you’re especially hungry), and place them in the holiday wrapping of your choice.
And there you have it! If you’re feeling extra fancy, you can always melt some dark chocolate chips and drizzle them over the cookies. They look messy while they’re drying, but once you remove them from the parchment paper and place them in a box, they look deceptively fancy. Either way, these cookies are delicious and should be a hit with whoever receives them.
reposted from a Game of Scones.
