Instead of fighting, just throw everything in a pan and sear with butter, we’ll do the rest, thanks; computers never know when you just want to play checkers or something; Kevin James should always be available for unfunny things; Sean Penn sulks in a corner; and people still host TV shows?
Today’s dish is covered in Cholesterol and we like it!
Battle of the Butter Brigade!: I can’t really think of anything better than sticking up for butter! HA! Yes, that was a pun. A butter pun. Sinful. Delightful. Anthony Bourdain, you are a supreme jackass. Why? Because you hate butter and its butter queen Paula Deen. In the latest insane celebrity feud we bring you “Bourdain Says Mean Things About Your Aunt Paula Deen.” I’m not sure that’s even legal. He launched into some sort of butter-deprived tirade in an interview for TV Guide wherein he said Paula Deen is, “the worst, most dangerous person in America…plus, her food sucks.” Um, legions of people who like their deep fried things, deep fried, disagree with you, you egregious food snob. How dare you sully the name of the masterful cook who roasts a whole chicken with a can of beer up its butt? This is somehow blasphemous. He doesn’t stop there. He also takes on Rachael Ray (“Does she even cook anymore?”), Sandra Lee (“I hate her works on this planet, but she is not someone to be dismissed, clearly.”), and Guy Fieri (“I look at Guy and I just think, ‘Jesus, I’m glad that’s not me'”). Well, we sort of agree about Rachel Ray (the Oprah sponsored 30 minute meal shill turned blabbering talk show host), Sandra Lee (She makes Chef Boyardee and cracker lasagna), and Guy Fieri (Dude is basically a meat-sandwich with spiked hair) but when it comes to our precious Paula…ARGLE-BARGLE! That just won’t stand. Deen took to Page Six in response, “My good friends Rachael, Guy and Sandra are the most generous charitable folks I know. They give so much of their time and money to help the food deprived, sick children and abandoned animals. I have no idea what Anthony has done to contribute besides being irritable.” She added, “You know, not everybody can afford to pay $58 for prime rib or $650 for a bottle of wine. My friends and I cook for regular families who worry about feeding their kids and paying the bills.” I would add, “and if that includes a little butter or a ton, so be it. Right, y’all?” [EW]
Shall We Play a Game?: Normally the reboot-a-palooza is full of movies that never should be remade because the original still holds up under the strain of time, or they’re so inane that to remake them would be akin to taking an already ridiculous outfit of say, jorts, a fanny pack, and a bolo tie, and adding big red clown shoes. Who needs this? But every once in awhile, like getting two yolks in one egg, there’s a reboot idea that could be interesting because of all the technological updates of the last twenty-five years and War Games is one of them. The original starred a pre-Ferris Bueller Matthew Broderick and a pre-Breakfast Club Ally Sheedy as computer prodigies, HA! when computers took up half a building, and they had that telephone doohickey that transmitted information. The hackers, because let’s be real, they were hackers…find a backdoor to a computer military program where they set about playing what they think is a game called, “Global Thermonuclear War” just to find out that, hey! it’s not really a game and they’re this close to starting WWIII if the computer launches nuclear missiles at Russia. Dumb kids! It’s been reported that MGM has hired Noah Oppenheim to write the reboot script, which we can just imagine will have some very interesting 21st century hacking elements, some pretty topical military/potential war elements, and probably an almost guaranteed appearance by one of our resident Hollywood nerds i.e. Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network, Zombieland), Anton Yelchin (Terminator Salvation, Fright Night) or Michael Cera (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Superbad). I totally see it. Don’t you? [Deadline]
Things That Happen While Kevin James is Busy: You know what we haven’t had in a while? A slapstick movie about boy scouts. Yep. That’s the next thing on the Hollywood agenda, smart-alleck boys and their handlers doing all kinds of silly things prone to mishaps and shenanigans while in the forest. We haven’t seen this kind of irreverent comedy in like ages! We miss it so, right? We can bet there will be rain! Someone may fall into a ravine! A tent won’t open! Maybe they’ll even have to catch a woodland critter, or perhaps raft down some rapids backwards! Of course all of this will happen. And in between takes Kevin James will eat burritos. Wait, what? Oh, really. Well, that’s a shock. This movie has signed on Johnny Knoxville and Patton Oswalt as squabbling brothers who will embark on this sure to be sensational adventure. What Kevin James and Brendan Fraser were doing while decisions like this were being made is anyone’s guess. Seriously, the stars of the Zookeeper and Furry Vengeance were too busy to make something potentially called Scout Master. That’s way too much to think about. [Deadline]
Sean Penn has a Bee in His Bonnet: Well, this isn’t exactly news, since when he’s not shagging Scarlett Johansson he’s usually upset about something or other. What the hell happened to our little stoned friend Jeff Spicoli? This aged, tight-sphincter version of Spicoli is a bit of a downer. He harshes our mellow. And seriously, Scarlett, what are you doing with this old codger and his old man gripes? I imagine they eat lots of frittatas on Sunday mornings and discuss paper cuts and genocide. Anyway, Penn tells French newspaper Le Figaro that he thought his character in Terrence Malick’s Tree of Life was unnecessary and that Malick never managed to explain his being there to him clearly. “I didn’t at all find on the screen the emotion of the script, which is the most magnificent one that I’ve ever read.” He adds, “Frankly, I’m still trying to figure out what I’m doing there and what I was supposed to add in that context!” he added. “What’s more, Terry himself never managed to explain it to me clearly.” So, um, awkward? This movie has gotten great reviews, may end up on the Oscar Best Picture list, and co-star Brad Pitt has remarked that the experience had a “lasting effect on his career.” So I guess, Penn is just kind of saying, “I don’t get it.” Maybe the answer is written on a Johansson boob. [THR]
NBC Decides Jimmy Fallon Can Be Justin Timberlake: Whoa! NBC is like crazy. There are only like three hosts of any real import on that extra-lean comedy skit show, SNL. There’s like Alec Baldwin, SNL host of 14 billion appearances, Jim Carrey who does that thing with his body where he falls, and Justin Timberlake who does some sort of Vaudeville act with a little hat and a pitchy falsetto. Now they’re trying to convince us that Jimmy Fallon can host an entire episode of this show. What, do they actually think he has some sort of comedic timing? It’s not like he already has a stand-up/nighttime gab show already. He does actually like speak on that nightly dance show he hosts. It is a dance show, right? Downtown Julie Brown from MTV’s geriatric film-reel appears on that Jimmy Fallon thing and says “Wubba-Wubba” while he tells jokes about the BeeGees, yes? This does happen? Regardless, NBC is going to give that guy a shot at hosting SNL on December 17. Hopefully he’ll do a good job since he’s never been on SNL before, right? Either he’s never been on the show or Seth Meyers is his evil twin named Rodrigo and we never really missed him. [Deadline]
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