Books

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Thought For Food – Cookbooks Meant for Reading

Most cookbooks spend a life of solitude on a dusty shelf only pulled down to have sauces splashed on them for special occasions.  The following two cookbooks deserve to be enjoyed in front of a fireplace with a glass of wine just like your torrid romance novels.

The Physiology of Taste
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

As Henry Fielding was to the English novel, so was Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin to the literature of gastronomy. It was Brillat Savarin who first said, “Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you who you are.”

If you’re a serious cook, this unusual volume will be old toque to you. But I’m surprised again and again at how often Brillat-Savarin slips below the radar of so many readers, even some who, like your humble servant, read cookbooks just because!

The Physiology of Taste
Jean Anthelme Brillat Savarin's Frontispiece and Title Page

His peerless masterpiece (title translated from the original French) was The Physiology of Taste, or Transcendental Meditations on Gastronomy, theoretical work, history and agenda, dedicated to Parisian gastronomy, by a professor, a member of several scholarly literary societies.

Originally published in December 1825, two months before Brillat-Savarin died, it’s a wonderful mix of 19th century French gourmandise, Enlightenment curiosity, and high spirits – this is a man with whom one might dine every day for a year and he’d never run out of food lore and opinion … or aphorisms and wit.

According to Wikipedia, remarkably, The Physiology of Taste

“… has not been out of print since it first appeared, shortly before Brillat-Savarin’s death. Its most notable English translation was done by food writer and critic M. F. K. Fisher, who remarked “I hold myself blessed among translators.” Her translation was first published in 1949.” — (Wikipedia)

There are recipes, though they’re more like vivid descriptions of a dish than precise, detailed directions as we know them. There are stories such as one might have heard over port a few years after Waterloo, expansive and entertaining table talk, part fabliau, part restaurant review, and part philosophy, scientific and spiritual alike.

Let’s consider Chapter VI: On Food In General. After a brief essay on bouillon and boulli, the boiled meat whence bouillon comes, Brillat-Savarin moves on to poultry, with particular fascination for the North American wild turkey; this leads in turn to the tale of a 1794 American turkeyshoot in which he participated. Next he strides in seven-league boots through the categories of game, from thrushes, snipe, partridge, quail, and rabbit, to wild boar and roebuck. Finally he turns to the piscine world and explains why fish is less nourishing than meat but a far more potent aphrodisiac.

Then he pauses to recount the story of a crustacean-mad colleague  with whom he shared a dinner: both men consumed three dozen raw oysters apiece, at which point Brillat-Savarin called a halt while his dining companion feasted on, consuming no fewer than thirty-two dozen oysters before the two tucked into the main course. All of which leads to the following marvelous Philosophical Reflection:

“Fish, by which I indicate all species of it considered as a whole, is for a philosopher an endless source of meditation and of astonishment.

“The varied forms of these strange creatures, the senses which they lack and the restrictions of those they possess, their different means of existence, the influence upon this of the places in which they must live and breathe and move about: all these things extend the world of our ideas and the limitless modifications which spring from matter, from movement, from life itself.

“As for myself, I feel something like a real respect for fish, which comes from my profound persuasion that they are plainly antediluvian creature; for the great Flood, which drowned our grand-uncles toward the eighteenth century of the creation of the world, was for the fishes no more nor less than a period of joy, conquest, and festivity.”

The Physiology of Taste abounds in such passages, as well as stories, scientific speculation, ecclesiastical and military history, not to mention a thorough primer on dangerously stimulating foods like the highly erotic truffle, and coffee, widely regarded as the crystal meth of its day. Brillat-Savarin explains why apothecaries prescribed and concocted various mixtures of chocolate as medications, and offers expert advice on how to hang, age, and stuff a pheasant with a pair of woodcock to make a gamy but unforgettable hunters’ meal. Not merely a book about food, this surprising, wide-ranging work is a treatise on late 18th- and early 19th century European life and world view, gathering into its capacious apron everything from natural philosophy to Napoleon’s various appetites to a vignette of a pretty demoiselle gourmande feasting at a groaning board; it’s a truly delicious book, fascinating, irresistible, and shot through with the profoundest pleasure at nature’s bounty. Even if it doesn’t seduce you into full-blown foodie-hood it will give you a new understanding of why the people who are passionate about food and cooking are the way they are.

 

Modernist Cuisine: The Art and Science of Cooking

Nathan Myrhvold, Chris Young, and Maxime Bilet

At a list price of $625 (but knocked down at Amazon.com to a frugal $460 and change) the new cookbook from former Microsoft Chief Technology Officer Nathan Myrhvold is described by Tim Zagat as “The most important book in the culinary arts since Escoffier.”

Even to describe Modernist Cuisine as a “book,” while true, is nevertheless rather misleading, something like comparing the US Army Official History of World War II with Norman Mailer’s The Naked and the Dead. Myrhvold and his co-authors spent a substantial Microsoft-generated fortune to create a no-expenses-spared Cooking Lab where a staff of 20 have created entirely new and astonishing flavors and extraordinary textures using equipment more suited to a chem lab than to a kitchen: autoclaves, water baths, homogenizers, vacuum chambers and even centrifuges, to work postmillennial magic on scary-sounding ingredients like hydrocolloids, gels, emulsifiers, enzymes, and foams.

Modernist Cuisine
Futurist Food is Now

The package itself is military-industrial in scale: six oversized volumes totaling 2,400 pages and weighing 50 pounds, illustrated with thousands of photographs and diagrams. The authors, scientists all as well as accomplished chefs in their own rights, have followed the path blazed by such pioneers of ‘molecular gastronomy’ as the Adrìa brothers at the Catalonian restaurant elBulli, named five times since 2000 as the best in the world, or Heston Blumenthal, who has led the Fat Duck, 25 miles from London, to its own 2005 Best Restaurant title.

The exotic gizmos and the bizarre though wonderfully tasty foodstuffs they produce tend to get the lion’s share of the food-critical attention (and not a little skepticism from much of the high-end gourmet world) but Myrhvold, Young, and Bilet haven’t limited themselves to cool futurist cuisine; their ambition is nothing less than to provide an encyclopedic reference to cooking in all its myriad aspects. There’s an entire chapter devoted to water, and your trusty old wok gets the same respect and attention as the latest in sous-vide technology. If you’re not so sure about splots and splashes of Day-Glo sauce deployed with a casual yet utterly calculated flick over a frothy confection that might have started out as a scoop of bone marrow, you should know that one reviewer declared the Modernist Cuisine‘s version of Mac’n’Cheese the best ever created. The book examines and explains everything: you’ll get all the usual methods (and some all-but-unheard-of techniques too) but you’ll also get detailed explanations not only what will come out of any given beaker, Klein bottle, or cast-iron kettle but also what is happening at every stage of the cooking process, whether a time-honored roast or a day-after-tomorrow centrifuged smoothie.

Meats alone get more than 250 pages of comprehensive coverage, and over 300 more present recipes created by many of the world’s most accomplished chefs. And while some of the more recherché machines and elaborately futuristic processed creations are sure to daunt all but the truly stout of heart, this encyclopedic reference to the culinary arts and sciences is a book that gets about as close as it’s possible to get to being all things to all cooks.

We began this week’s reading with one of the earliest literary endeavors that could in some way be described as a cookbook — written by a bon vivant who was also, by the lights of his age, a scientist. It seems, then, entirely fitting to close with the admiring words of David Chang (of Momofuku fame ) who described Modernist Cuisine as “the cookbook to end all cookbooks.”

Dinner Conversation Starters- Fun with Bookshelves Contest!

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I’m sure you are all familiar with the advice of  “three things not to talk about at a dinner party: religion, politics and race.”  Well, I have something of a perverse sense of humor, I admit.  So, here is a current picture of my bookshelf, completely visible to any unsuspecting guest who may come to visit (I don’t really cook, so they wouldn’t be coming for dinner.  But, maybe drinks!):

 

From right to left, the titles are:

  • Words of Fire, An Anthology of African-American Feminist Thought
  • Women Filmmakers of the African and Asian Diaspora
  • When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost: A Hip-hop Feminist Breaks It Down
  • The Way Home: Beyond Feminism, Back to Reality
  • Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement
  • Child Abuse Industry
  • The Holy Bible
  • The Communist Manifesto
  • Marx and Engels on Religion

Are you like me?  Do you take perverse joy in placing provocative (or scandalous!) reading material in plain view?  Ever forgotten about them until poor Grandma came to visit?  If so, submit your photo (re-arranging for purposes of this contest is allowed) or, if you don’t have the books anymore, your best story about your inappropriate reading habits and the hilarity and/or awkward moments that ensued!  Best submission will win the honor of declaring yourself “Most Inappropriate Crasstalk Book Owner Of 2011” (trophy and certificate not included in award).

YA Lit: Putting the “Adult” in “Young Adult”

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I’m pretty officially an adult. I have a full-time job, a full-time husband, full-time bills, and a part-time metabolism—all signs that I’ve officially passed the point where I have to get nervous about being carded. And yet, when it comes to literature, my genre of choice is more appropriate for a high-school library than my own personal one, and as book sales have shown, I’m hardly alone.

So what is it about young adult literature that is so damn appealing to those of us who could just as easily be reading books for grown-ups? And, more importantly, why do we want to send ourselves back to high school when we spent four years barely managing to claw our way out of it?

In that latter question actually lies part of the answer—because it allows us to do it again as someone else. Weren’t in the popular clique? No problem—try again as Gossip Girl’s Blair Waldorf, Pretty Little Liars’ Hanna Marin, or Sweet Valley High’s Jessica Wakefield. Weren’t the smart standout who somehow manages to seduce an entire school no matter how much she stands out, blunders, or self-effaces? That’s OK–Private’s Reed Brennan and The It Girl’s Jenny Humphrey (yes, that Jenny Humphrey) have got you covered. Weren’t the princess of a totally made-up country? Princess Diaries’ Mia Thermopolous FTW! And let’s not get started on whether or not you had magical powers or fell into a love triangle with a vampire and a werewolf.

But of course, high school isn’t all about what we weren’t; it’s about what we were, and it’s those authors who so successfully encapsulate the enormous range of trials and tribulations of adolescence in their novels, from not having a date to not having a mother, that have turned YA lit into a must-read genre for all ages. High school is, in a manner of speaking, the last “shared American experience” before we all diverge in myriad ways; although we didn’t all go to college or vocational school or seminary, or become teachers or doctors or lawyers, we all spent the four years preceding those adventures in a fairly similar environment.

Because being a teenager isn’t like being an adult. The relationships between characters in your average contemporary young adult book don’t include the complications of marriage, divorce, and kids. The ways they choose to resolve the issues they face don’t have to take into account how they will affect their jobs or their children, or how they’ll continue to pay their bills. The young adult’s perspective is a selfish and narrow one in the most innocent meanings of those words, and one that I think all adults miss being able to have every now and again.

But make no mistake—there’s nothing lighthearted about today’s bestselling contemporary YA. The sci-fi/fantasy subgenres have proven that YA books can appeal to any age or gender, and in order to keep up, contemporary authors are now veering away from the old teen-centric topics like romance, social competition, and puberty, and replacing them with the types of subjects that possess the depth and universality to appeal to all ages in order to obtain a similar “crossover” appeal, creating a new sub-sub-genre which is all but officially referred to as “Edgy YA.” It’s a silly word choice—does anyone say “edgy” non-ironically anymore?—but the truth of the matter is that the boldness of authors covering major issues in the latest crop of books is nothing short of astonishing, and for teens who don’t even know how to begin discussing topics like rape, suicide, eating disorders, drugs, and school shootings, the value of having an author speak frankly on the subject in a book targeted to their age group is immeasurable.

For those interested in coming over to the dark side, a few recommendations for where to begin:

Leftovers and Such a Pretty Girl, both by Laura Wiess. The former is a unique look at the capability of average, relatable teens to do terrible things in response to abuse and abandonment; the latter, a book from the perspective of a teenage girl whose father is returning from prison early after being put away for sexually abusing her. I highly recommend both, but if you’ll only try one, make it Leftovers for its absolutely perfect final line.

 

Speak and Wintergirls, both by Laurie Halse Anderson. Anderson is pretty much the mistress of edgy YA, and each of these books alone could justify why. The woman is brutal when it comes to honesty and detail, and Speak has, for years now, been the young adult novel about date rape. (If you read nothing else by LHA, at least read this post from her blog in which she addresses a professor’s claim that Speak is soft pornography.) In 2009, Anderson added Wintergirls to her list of publications, a chilling and powerful depiction of eating disorders from the perspective of an anorexic whose bulimic frenemy has just passed away.

 

Th1rteen R3asons Why by Jay Asher. Rarely has a standalone YA novel generated this much attention and praise so quickly. Throw in the facts that this was Asher’s debut and that it was just acquired by Universal and you’re looking at a bonafide literary phenomenon. This novel about teen suicide, told from the perspective of the boy who loved the girl who killed herself and left behind thirteen tapes to explain the motivations behind her actions, is not only a heartbreaker but an insightful look into how seemingly meaningless words and gestures can snowball into dangerous consequences when paired with an adolescent mind.

 

If I Stay by Gayle Forman. (NB: Clicking either the book or the link will be the littlest bit spoilery.) A heartbreaking work from start to finish, If I Stay takes place almost entirely within the subconscious of its heroine Mia as she lies in a coma following a car accident that’s just claimed both of her parents. As its title suggests, the book is an examination of her life up to that point as she struggles to decide whether her new life will be worth living or whether it’s time to stop fighting.

 

The Hate List by Jennifer Brown. This incredibly dark novel about the aftereffects of a school shooting–particularly on those who loved the shooter–is impossible to read without reflecting on the similar tragic events in our nation’s recent history. Told from the perspective of the girlfriend of the now-deceased shooter, who is still struggling to understand her role in the mass-murder, this book feels like a must-read for anyone who’s ever wanted to think about school shootings in any way other than as they’re presented by the media.

 

I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention Before I Fall and Delirium, both by Lauren Oliver, although I have not yet read either one due to their not yet being available in paperback. They are both widely considered to be excellent, and I hope to confirm that as soon as possible.

 

Judy Blume, Patron Saint of Adolescence

Most importantly, however, I feel credit should be given where credit is due, and I don’t think any single person on Earth deserves credit for the propagation of frank literary dialogue with teens like Judy Blume. No author of books for teens has boldly faced down as much controversy as Ms. Blume for her books which address topics like puberty, masturbation, losing your virginity, and bullying. Judy Blume started the discussions no one was having, and if my word isn’t enough for you, perhaps the fact that a compilation with this title actually exists will do it.

 

Happy reading!

 

The best $250 book you’ll ever buy

This is the first installment of what I hope will become a regular feature about obscure (yet fascinating and useful) books that most people don’t really know much about.

ARCHITECTURAL GRAPHICS STANDARDS (John Wiley & Sons)

Okay, if you’re an architect, you know all about AGS and have a copy of one of the ten earlier editions of this book within reach of your desk. But based on my admittedly anecdotal surveys hardly anyone else seems to know anything about it: maybe it’s that the title is so dry. Plus, the latest edition will set you back $250, which — I can hear you thinking – better buy a whole lot of book.
Well, it does.

More realistically, you can get a used copy for as little as $50 if you’re willing to settle for a slightly dog-eared older edition,  but since the volume’s heart essentially took final shape many decades ago it would be worth it at twice the price IMHO. Architects, architectural firms, and other professionals who need to stay up to date with the most recent edition will write it off as a business expense. The result for the rest of us is a steady supply of slightly outdated editions — but “outdated” is in the eye of the beholder.

Even if you’re completely broke, do yourself a favor and at least find it in the big library downtown (there are more than 20 in the New York Public Library collection, not to mention every architectural-school library anywhere). I guarantee you’ll still be there flipping from page to page an hour later; it really is that cool.

Have you ever wondered what the standard height of a tabletop should be – and how about the chairs? How steep is too steep for a staircase? AGS not only has the answers but quite literally draws you a picture. If you ever wondered how to build a stone fence using repurposed slate flooring tiles, AGS will show you; if you’re looking for door or window styles, AGS takes a systematic approach to the subject. It’s so comprehensive it blows your mind.

If you’re the sort of person who loved browsing the encyclopedia as a child, you’ll find this a book you’ll return to again and again. If you’re thinking about buying or building a home, this book can answer just about any question as to the pros and cons of different materials, designs, and construction considerations. And if you’re an armchair architect however casual, you’ll find that this book rewards its price many times over in sheer daydreaming bliss.

Architectural Graphic Standards

There’s a companion volume for landscape architecture:

Read Wikipedia’s page on Edward Tufte, this guy is a modern-day Marshall McLuhan if you ask me. Better yet, visit his website and make up your mind for yourself.

To swipe almost wholesale the words of Graphics Press’s own catalog description (both because I am lazy and because it is true):

The classic on statistical graphics, charts, tables.

Theory and practice in the design of data graphics

  • 250 illustrations of the best (and a few of the worst) statistical graphics
  • Detailed analysis of how to display data for precise, effective, quick assimilation.
  • Techniques for editing and improving graphics.
  • A fundamental yardstick: the data-ink ratio.
  • How to identify deceptive graphical representations
  • Spotting sources and tell-tale signs of deception
  • Design variation vs. data variation
  • Aesthetics and effective graphical displays.

This is the second edition of The Visual Display of Quantitative Information. and provides excellent color reproductions of the many graphics of William Playfair, adds color to other images, and includes all the emendations accumulated during 17 printings of the first edition.

Tufte self-published this amazing book about thirty years ago, and advertised it in The New Yorker; I used to see the blurbs and yearn for it. Eventually when I was feeling flush I bought it and it was everything I hoped it would be. Scientific American calls The Visual Display … “original, beautifully presented, sharp and learned, this book is a work of art. The art here is cognitive art, the graphic display of relations and empirical data.” They’re spot on.

Like the AGS also discussed here for architectural professionals, this book won’t be a revelation to quants and graph-makers – it’s a foundation text in its field. Tufte’s formulation of “the data-ink ratio” has entered the professional lexicon as an encapsulation of graphic elegance and efficiency, with the goal of conveying the maximum meaning using the simplest of possible designs (the “least ink”).

But for ordinary readers with a taste for bushwhacking the wilderness of books out there, this is a wonderful side trip that will inform you as well as fascinate you with the many ways we’ve developed to acquire new perspectives and visualizations of what we know already, what we propose, and what we predict.

Top image Flickr.

Five Modern Authors You Should Read

Reading: it’s really a lost art. I’m not an old (although I’m about to sound like one), but kids these days just don’t read unless it’s the “Twilight” saga. Yes, I read that, but I also read everything I could get my hands on since I was four. My mother, thank God, didn’t think that stealing her Stephen Kings at age six was a good idea. So she’d take me to Crown Books (old!) and I was only allowed to pick books out from the “Classics” section.

I would read the back of the shampoo bottle. Much like with music, I have no shame or taste. I’ll read Dean Koontz while listening to Britney if I want. I’ll read “Vanity Fair” while listening to Chopin. I’ll read Chuck Palahniuk while listening to something intentionally “avant-garde.” So I think I have a pretty good range of reference when it comes to modern-day literature and non-fiction.

Everyone knows “The Great Gatsby” is a great book. Tom Wolfe’s great. But there are some great books that don’t have the reputation they have. So here’s a little list of authors you should get familiar with, if you haven’t. It’s by no means comprehensive, but these are some of the best writers of the last, we’ll say, fifteen years.

Mary Roach,”Stiff,” “Spook,” “Bonk,” “Packing for Mars”

Roach is a non-fiction writer that tackles subjects that she personally finds interesting, like cadavers, or sex. Aren’t we all a little interested in those things? Her books are very funny, and very nerdy-factual. I would marry her. There have been times that I
 have literally spit/choked/giggled while reading her books. Don’t bring one on an airplane. Your seatmate will be concerned about your mental health.

Jonathan Franzen, “The Twenty-Seventh City,” “Strong Motion,” “The Corrections,” “Freedom”

Franzen’s kind of a controversial guy, Oprah debacle aside. Some people love him; some people think he’s absolutely the epitome of navel-gazing, indulgent, latter-day ennui. I like his writing, perhaps because a lot of us are, in fact, experiencing some latter-day ennui ourselves. His books have a steep trajectory; each one is better than the next. He’s Tom Wolfe-esque. Only his slice of life is the upper-middle-class, over-educated and under-sane demographic.

Carolyn Parkhurst, “The Dogs of Babel,” “Lost and Found,” “The Nobodies Album”

In all honesty, “The Dogs of Babel” is one of my favorite books of all time. Her books address loss, grief, redemption and love (you know, all the little things in life) without veering into chick-lit territory. Her writing is vivid and practically poetic. I’d compare her to Margaret Atwood, but she’s not quite Atwood, either. Sometimes, her books are visceral and heartbreaking. Her voice is really unique, and if you only read one book from this list, read “Dogs.”

Jen Lancaster, “Bitter Is the New Black,” “Bright Lights, Big Ass,” “Such a Pretty Fat,” “Pretty in Plaid”

Lancaster is equal parts chick lit, sarcastic bitch, and pop-culture analyst. If you read her books, start at the beginning; they’re all memoirs…so reading in that sequence helps. As a bitchy pit bull owner from Chicago, they struck a certain chord with me. Her books are full of snark, and we do love the snark here, so again, be prepared for a decent amount of wine-spitting when you read her books.

Amy Hempel, “Reasons to Live,” “At the Gates of the Animal Kingdom,” “Tumble Home, “The Dog of the Marriage”

Hempel is, in many ways, the antithesis of Franzen. She’s a minimalist, and her words are chosen very carefully to elicit readers’ responses without saying very much at all. Her prose is stark and clean but still manages to reverberate in my head long after I’ve finished a story. She writes mostly short stories, and short leaves plenty of room for an echo chamber of feelings and thoughts after reading a piece by her. “The Collected Stories of Amy Hempel” is a great place to start.

So, those are my picks. You’ll definitely disagree (and maybe agree), but I tried to pick just five of the amazing authors out there. There are many honorable mentions, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t list just one:

Kurt Vonnegut, everything.

Vonnegut’s main body of work isn’t in the last fifteen years, but he’s easily one of the best, and most prolific, writers of the last fifty years. Satire is effortless for this man. As a nod to our mascot, the honey badger, he doesn’t give a shit. At all. His books lampoon everything from the end of the world to mental illness to modern politics. He makes sci-fi cool. He’s a shameless lefty and atheist. He is just fantastic, funny, and brilliant (yes, I clearly have a crush on a dead man). My introduction to Vonnegut was “The Sirens of Titan,” but you can start anywhere, as long as you keep picking up another Vonnegut book. The world is less amazing without Kurt Vonnegut in it.

 

So, please share your favorite authors in the comments, and I’ll ferociously defend my choices, as well.

 

Crasstalk book club, NASCAR romance novel edition

I don’t want to brag, but I’m a really great gift-giver.

As those Yoplait commercial idiots would say, like “Shoe shopping while eating chocolate good.” (Ad guy 1: “My ex-wife likes shoes a lot. Let’s add that in.” Ad guy 2: “I see a lot of girls eating candy bars when they have their periods. Gotta rep that too.” Ad guy 1: “Great, we’re done here. Time to bash stuff with football helmets.”)

For my birthday, my friend got me the novelization of “Snakes on a Plane,” which weighed in at a logic-defying 400 pages. Single spaced.

It was a direct nod—some might say a thanks—for a summer 2006 filled with my Snakes on a Plane song-and-dance routine. (“Song and dance” could be overstating it. It was more of a musical chant “Snakes on a Plane, Snakes on a Plane, I’m so excited to see Snakes on a Plane!” combined with a mix of the running man and The Carlton. I’m telling you, it did not get old.)

So my friend gave me 400 pages of snakey goodness. The only thing I had to worry about was finding a gift to match the brilliance.

Enter the NASCAR Harlequin romance book “In the Groove,” the heartwarming/sexy story of a simple kindergarten teacher who has an ex Photoshop her face onto a nude body and distribute them on the Internet. After she loses her job, she gets hit by a car driven by a NASCAR heartthrob, and well, you know the rest. Story old as time.

Please, please, if you do nothing else for yourself today, treat yourself to the description:

“She wouldn’t know a NASCAR star if he hit her with his car…and he just did. Sarah was a kindergarten teacher until a sleazy ex-boyfriend got her fired. Now the only job she can find is driving the motor coach for racing star Lance Cooper. She doesn’t know a thing about NASCAR – and she’s off to a rocky start when she doesn’t recognize her ultra-famous boss. Lance can’t help but notice Sarah’s sweet smile – and how seriously unimpressed she is with his fame. Her reaction piques his interest – and he’s convinced she’s a good-luck charm. But Sarah has no interest in Lance’s jet-setting life; she’d rather deal with spitballs than one supersexy race car driver. Too bad whenever he comes near her she turns hot as race fuel. Soon things begin to heat up on the track, and Sarah begins to wonder if she might be able to teach one famous race car driver a few lessons about love. ”

It’s not just the awkwardly shoe-horned in racing imagery, like “her checkered past might distract him from the checkered flag,” or the pandering moments like “she had a plain face but there was something pretty about her.” And “I think being a kindergarten teacher is a noble profession.” But just the puzzling sentences like “His stomach felt like he’d just eaten 12 monster tacos.” First of all, who would eat 12 not just tacos but monster tacos? And why would this be used to describe being nervous before The Big Race instead of being about to be sick?

This book should get a Pulitzer. It’s funnier than Dave Barry. But in the words of Reading Rainbow, you don’t have to take my word for it. Here are two actual reviews from Amazon: (all spellings are sic)

“In The Groove is a blast! It’s funny, sexy and romantic. My daddy has always been a huge NASCAR fan so all of the quips and explanations about sponsors, teams and fans had me smiling in remembrance. Lance is sexy and handsome and he’s a really sweet guy too. Sarah is the kind of girl you want to see happy. She is such a nice person and her kindness and positive attitude are infectious. In The Groove is a story that I just raced through. It’s so entertaining I couldn’t put it down. I finished the last page with a satisfied sigh. Read In The Groove. It will take you on a fast, fun and romantic ride!

I took ITG down with me on the loooong drive to the Daytona 500 this past Feb and it was the best thing I could have done! It got me psyched for the race, it made me laugh, made me cry…UNREAL!

The character of Sarah is so loveable as the every-girl you could totally see yourself in her. The driver Lance just oooozes the kind of swaggering sexuality that you would imagine your favorite driver to have. Pamela makes it EASY for you to tack the face of your Jeff Gordons, Carl Edwards or Kevin Harvicks out there onto Lance Cooper and that was more than enough for me!

The story was so hot that I must admit, at parts I found myself reading so fast I had to go back over it all and soak it in! LOL. Trust me, you will NOT be disappointed by this book in the least!!! I cant WAIT for Pam’s next book “On the Edge” to come out!! Thanks Pam for writing these deliciously wonderful books that tantalize the need for NASCAR and some goood lovin!” – Chrissy

Congrats “Chrissy,” you’re the first person who’s ever combined a NASCAR event and reading something that wasn’t printed on the back of the Cheetos bag. And really? It made you cry? I guess it makes sense, what with the shocking ending of them ending up happy and all. And don’t “LOL” yourself, makes you seem desperate.

Another take:

“The chemestry between them is great and real, but I’ll tell you this is a squeeky clean romance novel. There are NO sex scenes in this book. It completely skips over all the physical romance. Even the language is vague and tame. No dirty or highly suggestive words. There is a hot kiss or two, but that is it. I only mention it because I know I like my romance novels steamy, but besides that I still found this book great.”

Cause I like my NASCAR romances, but I’ll be damned if they’re gonna make me read between the lines (or lanes. Har.) But I’ll be double dammed if I’m not getting some car sex scenes for my $5.99.

LOTR reversed: The prespective from Morodr

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Crazy Russian scientist, Kirill Eskov posted up a free English translation of his LOTR re-work, this time from the perspective of Orcs living in Mordor. This retelling casts Gandalf as an overly-spiritualist war-monger, intent on destroying the scientific and industrial innovations Mordor and Sauron have established.

This isn’t some flash-in-the-pan slashfiction, this is serious stuff. Eskov is a HUGE fantasy author in Russian language fantasy circles. I’ve been hearing about this guy for the last couple of years, one of my ex-girlfriends tried to get me to read a fan translation but it had the prose and subtlety of, well, a Russian language fan translation of a Russian trying to write in the prose of Tolkien. (It takes balls of a distinct Soviet/Russian variety to re-tell LOTR with an emphasis on technology as opposed to magic.)

This is an authorized translation, and its pretty interesting (at least to LOTR fans.) Tolkien had a huge mythology made for the Middle-Earth series, one of which is the map of Middle-Earth. Its basically Europe, turned 90 degrees, with the Shire being England and the Soviet/Balkan states representing Mordor. I can’t help but think that Eskov is trying to turn the tables at this perceived slight.

You can find it here: http://ymarkov.livejournal.com/270570.html

Note: You’ll probably need to update to the latest version of Adobe reader to view it.

The #Crasstalk Interview: Matthew Inman of TheOatmeal.com

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If you’ve been on the Internet for more than five minutes, chances are you’ve received a link to or have been told about The Oatmeal from a friend or colleague. Created by Matthew Inman, The Oatmeal is a site that not only shows you how many Justin Biebers you could take on in a fight, but also serves as a place to see some of the funniest webcomics available on a variety of topics.

Inman and I chatted via non-Internet means (the phone) on February 22 about his popular webcomic, his creative process, his upcoming book tour, (bad) website redesigns, and what’s next for The Oatmeal.

When he started the site, Inman mentioned that he didn’t have a specific audience in mind, but “wanted to make comics I thought were funny…and things tech people would find funny.”

Inman noted that the stories he tells on his site are 100% true, but the names are changed and he may exaggerate the situations for comedic purposes. One of his recent blog articles gained attention in his hometown newspaper, the Spokesman-Review. Which story, you ask? Why, the one about riding the bus to school past a Neo-Nazi compound.

So, how do all of those hilarious comics and quizzes start? “I keep a notebook and will write down zany ideas whenever,” he said. He then reviews them from time to time. “All of my drawing is done on computer, never on paper,” he said. He uses Adobe Fireworks to create the vector artwork and from there, can slice up the graphics to post online in a matter of minutes.

Inman sees his webcomics in the same light as blogging in that it’s “informal and fast…there’s no editor, so things can go up quickly.”

On his site, Inman notes that he’s a “one-man business.” Well, sort of, he does have three employees who manage The Oatmeal’s merchandise and customer service needs, but beyond that, the rest of the site is maintained and managed by just one guy.

That said, he admitted that he isn’t managing his life too well at the moment. I don’t want to get him in trouble in case the issue hasn’t been resolved, but I’ll just say he mentioned the need to check his snail mail more often to ensure some key bills are paid.

Inman said some of the challenges is that he has to do the mundane tasks such as pay bills and taxes when he just wants to “draw and be funny.” He mentioned possibly hiring someone to help him manage that area of his life down the road. This is when I not-so-subtly dropped that I have a project management background.

Managing his own affairs may get a bit trickier as he embarks on his first-ever book tour in support of 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin (And Other Useful Guides). “Having a book was part of my plan from the start,” he said. When he started the site, Inman had a self-published book available as a way to have some merch to sell.

“Then a real publisher approached me about creating a new book,” he said. Thanks to his webcomics on an editor’s favorite topics — grammar and punctuation — he made a lot of waves in the publishing community.

When his publisher proposed the book tour, Inman admitted he was worried that he would be awkwardly sitting at a table with a bunch of books while people walked by wondering who he was. That is definitely not the case. Through the RSVPs received from Facebook so far, there are at least 200 people per event planning to attend the stops along the tour, which begins March 2 in Seattle.

And, he’s looking forward to meeting his readers face to face. “It’s a different experience than just seeing a tweet that says, ‘LOL’” he said.

Although, fans take heed on what not to do…

Inman mentioned that he recently had lunch with Farside creator Gary Larson, who recalled his first — and only — book tour. While some of Larson’s fans dressed up as cows, pigs, or chickens, one woman took it a step too, er, far, and dressed up in a bunny suit and launched a cream pie at the artist.

While it would be nice to receive gifts that don’t involve a cleaning crew, Inman is definitely worried that he’ll receive a lot of oatmeal. For those who don’t know, he actually hates oatmeal. Perhaps he could team up with a food pantry in each city on the tour and donate the oatmeal to those in need?

So, what’s next for The Oatmeal after the book tour? He’s already making plans for another book that will feature more comics not posted on the Web.

He’s also planning to start creating animated shorts that would be posted online. “This will be a tricky process [changing the comics to animation]…I have to be very careful because if the voice, narration, or timing are off, it can change the overall tone,” he said.

As for advice on those who are hoping for their own Oatmeal-like success? Inman said to pick a passion/hobby that you love. He spends 12-16 hours a day on his comics and loves what he does. He said that now is a great time to get into the game thanks to the “power of social media.” “What I’m doing now couldn’t have been done without sites like Digg, StumbleUpon, and Facebook,” he said. Most importantly, he said to “have fun!”

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For information on the upcoming book tour, be sure to visit “The Oatmeal” to see if and when he’s coming to your area and to RSVP.

Like yours truly, Inman has given a talk as part of the O’Reilly Ignite program. Check out his Ignite Seattle presentation on “How to get 5 million people to read your website.”