Television

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List-Mania XXM Pt. 2: The Reckoning

So last night I talked about my five favorite TV dramas of the year. Looking back on it, I kind of wished I didn’t include The Walking Dead because it was good for 2 episodes then sucked. So, with that in mind I’m going to throw it out and go with six comedies.

Ultimate Caveat Part 2: I did not watch Parks & Recreation, sorry Swifter.

6. Archer: For anyone who’s familiar with Adult Swim, Archer isn’t anything groundbreaking, nor is satire of James Bond something new to the comedy scene. But the banter between the voice actors and retro 60s feel gives Archer a unique twist. Creator Adam Reed has given the show a similar style of humor and animation comparable to his other works Frisky Dingo and Sealab 2021. The voice talent is impressive, headed by H. Jon Benjamin and other heavy hitters like Jessica Walter, who essentially reprises her role as Lucille Bluth. The show has a very hyper-aggressive wit to it, with the titular character attempting to get the last line on everything despite being a clueless idiot. Throwaway lines like “That girl was like the Pele of anal” and “This place smells like Indira Gandhi’s thong” are what set this show apart from other animated fare and the fact that it’s on FX allows it to be as raunchy and offensive as needed.

5. 30 Rock:

No, it can’t hold the claim as the smartest or

funniest show on television, but there aren’t many shows that try to cram as many jokes into 22 minutes of action like 30 Rock. Alec Baldwin has spent the last 4 years reminding anyone who may have missed his 40 appearances on Saturday Night Live that he has better comedic timing than you. Tina Fey at times seems to revel in making Liz Lemon the butt of jokes as a frumpy, socially awkward being when in reality most people would sacrifice a goat to sleep with her. But the show still works thanks to the great relationship between Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy. The supporting actors can be hit or miss but the show has succeeded in confusing everyone as to whether Tracy Morgan is actually crazy or just acting.

4. The League:

When I first heard the premise of this show I made considerable wanking motions at the screen.

A show about 6 dudes in a fantasy football league that spend the majority of time insulting each other and talking about sex? Color me unimpressed. But after actually watching the short first season last year I was hooked. The show returned with a much better feel for its characters (hint: They are all assholes) and the actors appeared to be much more comfortable riffing off one another. The style of the show is similar to Curb Your Enthusiasm with a story outline instead of a script and relies heavily on improvisation. If you like the Curb version of Larry David or have a fondness for “that guy” comic actors like Nick Kroll and Paul Scheer you will probably enjoy The League.

3. Modern Family: On the surface, there isn’t much reason for TV critics and audiences to lavish this show with so much praise. It’s a typical sitcom about the antics of a zany family, complete with sexy trophy wife, annoyingly wise child, bumbling husband and gay couple. But for one reason or another Modern Family just feels right, whereas Two and a Half Men feels like an ectopic pregnancy. Thankfully the writers dumped the schmaltzy ending “This is the moral of the story” segments and have let the the show ease into a nice rhythm, allowing us to feel like the Dunphy-Pritchett family could actually exist. The comedy is broad and nonsensical, what makes it work is the feeling that these characters love each other and actually enjoy being in the presence of one another.

2. Community:

Too many TV/movie parodies. Too much meta-commentary. Too many gimmick episodes. Too much fucking awesome is what I say. A story about a disbarred lawyer who goes back to community college and becomes part of a quirky study group has somehow turned into one of the most inventive television shows in recent memory. In two seasons, Community has taken a group of broad stereotypes and fleshed out some great characters. Off the top of my head, we’ve seen parodies of zombie films, Goodfellas, Charlie Kauffman, John Woo, Lethal Weapon, space movies, Mean Girls and The Breakfast Club. Yet none of it feels truly forced and the actors do such a good job there is a heartwarming feel as each episode brings the band of misfits closer together. Bonus points for the hotness that is Allison Brie and Gillian Jacobs.

1. Party Down: The final two shows on this list have a similar theme of how to react when the life you had comes

crashing to a halt. Whereas Community takes a decidedly sunnier view of things (You may not be a rich and successful lawyer but at least you understand the meaning of friendship!), Party Down spent two seasons showing us just what happens to a man who decides to give up on the American Dream, and it’s decidedly unpleasant. An incredible cast and some ridiculous guest spots (Kristen Bell, Steve Guttenberg, JK Simmons) had you either laughing or cringing, usually both at the same time. More bad things happened to Ron Donald (played by Ken Marino) over the course of a season then what happens to child molesters in prison. The season “not series” finale but ultimately last episode deliberately left things open-ended but it still felt like a satisfying conclusion. The last shot of Henry (Adam Scott) nervously waiting for an audition, tired of leading a shit life but terrified of failing again, summed the series up quite nicely.

List-Mania MMX: TV Edition

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Like our fearless leader I have a fondness for lists. They are awesome for the sense of finality and authority they provide, even if they are created by drunk kittens. They’re great conversation starters (Hey Johnson did you see that list of 10 greatest rim jobs?) and if you’re a professional troll like Armond White lists can generate huge traffic to your otherwise pathetic blog. So, I’ve decided to break down the 10 best TV shows of 2010. I’ll tackle drama today and comedy in the near future.

Ultimate Caveat: I do not watch Mad Men. And minor spoilers apply for all shows.

5. The Walking Dead: Aside from Boardwalk Empire, no other show premeired this year to such rave reviews and incredible ratings. The 90 minute pilot was grandiose and Frank Darabont created a distinct visual style that transferred the zombie movie to basic cable without sacrificing any of the gore or horror we come to expect from the genre. However, the show definitely lost steam after a strong start. Poor writing, shallow stereotypes masquerading as supporting characters and an uneventful finale left me kind of disappointed. Still, the show has potential and hopefully a new writing staff can inject some life into the remaining characters.

4. Lost: I was initially annoyed at the finale but the more I look back the writers had basically put themselves in a corner and that was the easiest way out. In the end, it was still an entertaining show regardless of plot direction and the finale was fantastic until the final 10 minutes. They still should have killed Kate with the polar bear, I hated Kate.

3. Boardwalk Empire: Out of all the new shows this year no other had as much hype and expectations as Boardwalk

Empire. You look at the impressive pedigree behind the scenes (Scorsese, Terrence Winter) and in front (Steve Buscemi, Omar Little, Michael Shannon), the subject matter and it’s kind of easy to see why people bust a nut over this show. Crosstalk favorite Brian Moylan trashed the show but he’s off his rocker. No, it’s not Goodfellas circa 1920 but there’s so much more going on. Personally, I loved all the political subplots. Where else are you going to find a major story arc involving Warren G. Harding’s long-forgotten mistress? A serious lack of Omar left me sad but I really liked the finale and all the set-ups for the next season. Bonus points for the Leonardo DiCaprio lookalike doing a bang-up job as Jimmy Darmody and Paz De La Huerta for showing her breasts.

2. Friday Night Lights:

Simply put, the best television drama no one talks about. Somehow a show about Texas high school football created by the guy who directed Hancock has turned into one of the most earnest, thoughtful portrayals of American life and the familial unit. There is no other show on TV that has given me goosebumps or made me tear up like FNL. The marriage of Eric and Tami Taylor just might be the most honest portrayal of a husband and wife I have ever seen on TV. In it’s final season and exiting on just a high of a note as when it started.

1. Breaking Bad: Heisenberg and Jesse Pinkman. I could write pages on the brilliance of these characters, the

absolute dominance by Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul over my mind grapes. This show made me say “Holy fucking shit” more times than I can recall. An episode where all the main characters did was chase a fly around a meth lab was filled with more drama and catharsis than the entire season of Dexter. The ending of “One Minute” had me screaming at the screen like a stereotype in a Wayans Brother movie. What started as a means to pay for chemotherapy and surgery has turned into a defining characteristic for Walter White. No matter how many times he tries to step away, the meth and money always come calling. Like The Sopranos, the show has no qualms about making their main character a terrible human being, one who with each season slips further into despair.

Boardwalk Empire Season Finale Tonight!

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Are the D’Alessio brothers done? Will Arnold Rothstein flee the country? Is Margaret ever coming back? What will Eli do now that he is no longer the Sheriff? What’s up with Nucky and Chalky? Will the Commodore take revenge on Gillian? What’s Jimmy going to do about Angela’s betrayal? How will Agent Van Alden deal with Sebso’s death? What will happen to Annabelle now that her “fella” is dead broke? What’s going on with Lucky? How will the elections turn out? What’s Capone going to do from Chicago? So many questions! Can’t wait for the season finale. Anyone else tuning in?

Updates on Crime in Our 50th State

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…or should that be our 5-0th state?

There really weren’t too many lessons to be learned from Hawaii Five-0 this week. I hope you aren’t disappointed. But I’ll still share what I learned from the episode where four very, very evil people used Triathlons as cover for their crimes.

1) Snow cone guys are a lot more important than I realized. Apparently they hang out with high-level law enforcement all the time. Even when they are just working around the house. (Either that or I’m just missing the cues that “our hero” has very, very broad tastes.)

2) If you are the highest ranking law enforcement official in the state, with complete immunity and a direct line to the governor, you can totally just give your phone away to other people, no problem. Like “Oh, you sat on my phone, that’s gross. You keep it.” levels of no problem.

3) Being a Rookie Cop sucks. And you should always wear your bathing suit instead of underwear in case you have to strip down and jump in the water all the time.

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Oh really, funny rabbits?

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I seriously hate this Travelers’ commercial. The one with the rattlesnake with the baby rattle instead of a real rattle. And the rabbits are no longer afraid and start laughing at it. And it curls up and cries.

Bullshit.

They need to show the next ten seconds of that ad, where the rattlesnake remembers “Oh, hey, I don’t kill rabbits with my rattle, I kill them with my speed and fangs and venom!” and then proceeds to strike at each in quick succession as they lay back with exposed bellies giggling to their deaths.

SPOILERS

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Made you look, didn’t I?

I think we’re all suckers for spoilers, whether we’ll admit it or not. Deep down, we all love to learn new gossip, see sneak peeks and when video of a highly anticipated movie gets leaked, some of us immediately perk up (What? Where?!?!) and clickity-clack-clack (That’s the sound my keyboard makes, what about yours?) our way through the interwebs in search of the said juicy information.

I will shamelessly admit that I love spoilers. Love them. Can’t get enough. I also live in a country that does not prohibit downloading, though it is frowned upon.

Entire length of the Wolverine movie, sans some special effects, leaked? Watched it.

First 13 chapters of the 4’th Twilight book, Breaking Dawn, appears online? Read it.

So when the first 36 minutes of the Part 1 of the culmination of a series that has defined my generation gets posted, I do not hesitate to go in search of this video. Being a member of an exclusive and highly reliable site that provides these very things makes such quests easier to accomplish. The internet has allowed us to blur the line between right and wrong and get away with it, under the guise of anonymity.

Why? I have always been of the thought that if I was going to download and watch a leaked video, or read a leaked book, then I would then pay for the real thing when it became available. I went to see Wolverine a few weeks later with my friends, and I was at the midnight release of the Stephenie Meyer book to pick up my pre-ordered copy (I know, for shame!)… Just as I will go next week with my best friend, and pay to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in theatres. The first half hour was poor quality, but did little to quell my excitement- in fact, it made that much more excited. It started out with Harry and Voldemort… well, if you really want to know, I guess you’ll have to do some clickity-clack-clacking of your own or wait to see it in theaters- I wouldn’t want to ruin it for you.

(Besides, any true HP fan would have already re-read the book in anticipation of the movie, and would have a general idea of how it begins.)

What is your stance on all things leaked?

Gawkward: Kim Kardashian Khredit Khard edition

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So I’m thinking we should create a new running feature called Gawkward. It’s where we find the most insane, trollish and unintentionally hilarious Gawker comments and re-post them here for everyone’s enjoyment.

Here’s a fine specimen posted on the article about Kim Kardashian’s shady pre-paid credit card:

http://gawker.com/comment/32743291/

Just so I understand: gal who partied with Paris Hilton asn is daughter of OK Simpson knife hiding accomplice Robert Kardahsian, who got his by the Fates, and used that to parlay herself to fame by fucking a, horror, black giu,on tape, and then went on to whoring hereslf out on :reality tv based on those accomplisments is now a credit card selling thing (I knew this), that parens would allow their daughtes to have????? My parents were not the greatest, but I never felt the desperate need ofr fame and momey that would make me do all tht. And parents think this is an acceptable enough role model to get a credit card for their future teen mom/pole dancing/porn star daughters who will be in debt in the six figures by age eightenn due to the rampant materialism forced down their throats not tempered by the wise financial lessons of common sense parents?

This is why America is fucked. The poar bears on the melting ice caps, and the dehydrated baby elephant of aAfrica looking for a sip don’t have a fucking chance. I blame the parents and believe one must get a license to get pregnant or keep it, and not just based on a test from some state goverment bullsjt/ This is awful,

First of all, OK Simpson is just perfect in every way. Also, there may or may not be some sort of eugenics-esque appeal for state-sponsored sterilization at the end there. It’s hard to tell with all the “bullsjt.”

gawkward

Thug Life

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My paean to the joys of Boardwalk Empire having been pushed off the main page, I feel compelled to keep the fire alive by acquainting you with four real-life inspirations of the show’s most colorful gangsters.

Charles “Lucky” Luciano

Okay, so this one isn’t as cute in real life as Vincent Piazza, the fine young actor who portrays him on the small screen. Such is life. Lucky was born in Sicily and emigrated to New York as a child, where he befriended fellow gangster Meyer Lansky and became a protégé of Arnold Rothstein. Early success as a drug trafficker and a bootlegger allowed him to rack up both millions of dollars and a 6-month prison sentence by his 20s. Luciano had a hand in organizing all the major Mafia families in the 1930s and setting up a common governing body, with himself at the top. After a successful life of crime that brought him millions and took him to the penitentiary, he was deported back to his native Sicily. Lucky slipped out of Italy and had a successful foray into pre-revolutionary Cuba, where he rejoined his pal Meyer Lansky and resumed his criminal activities. Lucky ultimately returned to Italy and died of a heart attack at age 64.

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International Security and Local Law Enforcement

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Occasionally, I’d like to touch on something a little more serious. Countless critics provide quality artistic and socio-political analysis of today’s high quality dramas: Mad Men, Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, Top Chef. But I’m afraid that this particular focus has led us to ignore the important lessons we can learn from America’s Top New Drama: Hawaii Five-O. Here are some important lessons from this week’s episode. Continue reading →

A Damn Good Show, If I May Say So

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I enjoy this show, maybe you’ve heard of it? Boardwalk Empire, on HBO. Not bad. Not mind-blowing either. Just right.

It’s got a lot going on, lots of characters. Mainly gangsters and such. Prohibition. Corrupt politicians. Atlantic City. A borderline psychotic government agent who looks just like James Cagney. Omar from The Wire shows up from time to time too, always dressed to the nines. Well, not Omar, but you know. The actor who played him. He’s really good.

Steve Buscemi plays the lead, Nucky Thompson, the “boss” of Atlantic City. He runs things. Michael Pitt’s in it too, he’s rather easy on the eyes, eh ladies (and gays)? But don’t worry! Paz de la Huerta is in this too, she’s pretty hot. See? Something for everyone!

Did you ever see A Serious Man? No? Great movie. Anyway, the lead actor there, Michael Stuhlbarg, remember him? He plays a Jewish gangster here, Arnold Rothstein. Great character. They’ve got a half-Jamaican actor from England playing a young Al Capone. He was in Snatch too. Anjelica Huston’s 20-something-year-old nephew does a star turn playing a disfigured WWI veteran. Lots of good acting here. Some of the characters have had a tendency to be a bit one sided, I must admit. But not all. This is my only gripe with the show. Not a lot of nuance sometimes. Still fun, though.

But what is it about, you say? What’s the story? It’s 1920, Prohibition’s in full force, gangsters are getting into the liquor business, politicians are gorging themselves on bribes. Atlantic City is becoming a major attraction, the Vegas of its day. You have your New York gangsters, your Chicago gangsters, your New Jersey gangsters, your Philly gangsters, all fighting with each other. So many! The show features many real-life criminal figures: Al Capone, Lucky Luciano, Arnold Rothstein, Meyer Lansky. Add a few interesting love triangles, casual mob violence, disfigured war veterans with mad sniping skills and you’ve got yourself a show. And Mark Wahlberg’s one of the producers, along with Martin Scorcese. Marky Mark!

You’ve got a wildly sprawling storyline here, okay? As of my last estimate, there are about two dozen major characters here. It’s all spread very thin. Many competing subplots, but it only serves to keep the show lively. You have a rather diverse cast here. Ethical gangsters, sadistic Christians, Blacks, Jews, Italians, Irish, Germans, WASPs, war veterans, dancing girls, naked ladies, pimps, gamblers, people getting shot in the head, the Women’s Temperance League, future President Warren Harding. Despite all the background noise, the show still manages to be somewhat engaging. They go to Chicago, they go to New York, but it’s mostly set in Jersey. Gorgeous cinematography, though. Lots of period detail. Beautiful costuming. All in all, a good looking show.

I only know two other people who watch this show regularly. What can I say, it’s an elite club. I urge you to give it a try. It’s not bad.