Dürer's Rhino

126 posts
Gregarious misanthrope. Optimistic cynic. I live by the code of 'Beer on! Pants off!'

Chuck Norris vs. the Gay Scouts of America

According to Chuck Norris, President Obama is “creating a pro-gay Boy Scouts of America” by supporting BSA national board member James Turley’s efforts to make the Boy Scouts a more inclusive organization. This move came after a Lesbian troop leader was recently removed because her sexual orientation “did not meet the high standards” of the organization. Her child was booted as well. Norris accuses President Obama of giving Turley “perks and favors” and condemns his failure to protect the BSA’s “First Amendment rights to stand against atheists, agnostics and homosexuals.”

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Sweden’s Twitter Shitshow

The government of Sweden has a Twitter account and every week they hand the keys over to a new citizen curator. On paper it sounds like a fantastic way to show the world the diversity of its society and to start conversations with people a government official wouldn’t appeal to. Unfortunately, this week’s ambassador has used Twitter to display a level of ignorance and anti-semitism that has shocked the international community and, in a much more difficult feat, the internet population at-large. Continue reading

Penguin Perversions Perplexed Polar Pioneers

Dr. George Murray Levick, a scientist attached to the 1910-1912 Scott Antarctic Expedition, observed an entire breeding cycle of the Adélie penguins at Cape Adare. He was shocked to witness males trying to have sex with dead, presumably frozen, females as well as other male penguins. He also noted that males would engage in sexual coercion of females and chicks, occasionally killing them.

These findings so disturbed Levick that he wrote his notes in Greek, so that only educated men could decipher them. Once back in Great Britain, he published a paper in English titled Natural History of the Adélie Penguin, but the penguin’s mating habits were deemed indecent and removed.

50 years later, Dr. Levick’s original notes were found among the artifacts of the Scott Expedition and the secrets of the Adélie penguins have been exposed.

Should Obama Tip His Hat to W?

Jeb Bush, of the Florida Bushes, believes that President Obama should thank George W. Bush for his foreign policy leadership.

I would argue in some ways, by reality seeping kind of into his life as the Commander-in-Chief, that a lot of it is modeled after [Bush] 43. And it would be nice, a little tip of the hat might be a nice thing. I think it would be helpful for him politically.

The only analogy I can come up with is thanking my dog for the baggie of poop I have to pick up. Can you do any better?

Name Bristol Palin’s New Puppy!

Hey y’all, America’s Baby Mama, Bristol Palin, has aquired* a Newfoundland** puppy for her fiancé, Gino***, and she needs your help in naming it. Go!

*Buying a purebred puppy stimulates the economy. It is The American Way.
**Newfoundland is in Canada, therefore this puppy is a Socialist.
***That sounds foreign. Has she run him past Joe Arpaio, The Donald, and Orly Taitz? I think she should.
Continue reading