The queens enter the workroom chanting “Top five!” and then notice Willam’s ass-print on the mirror. “I showed my ass a lot so here’s one for the road.” Oh, Willam! You mooned those bitches from beyond! “Goodbye, shady bearded lady!” they shout as they throw glitter into the air. This must be what drag queens do instead of smudging with sage. Sharon says it’s punk rock that she got kicked off. Chad isn’t buying it. “No, bitch!” Hit the jump, and let’s get down to business.
You’ve Got She-Mail & Mini Challenge
Ru appears on screen to deliver their she-mail: “Attention all tea baggers, read my lips.” Politics much? Ru says they must pull themselves up by their bra straps.
The mini challenge is to decorate a pair of platform shoes. Their inspiration will be types of Absolut vodka blahblah, presented by Absolut bobblehead, Jeffrey Moran. The flavors are assigned thusly:
DiDa Ritz – Absolut Collins
Latrice Royale – Absolut Punch
Phi Phi O’Hara – Absolute Grape Vine
Sharon Needles – Absolut Berri Sour
Chad Michaels – Absolut Greyhound
DiDa went with Marie Antoinette for some reason. I don’t know what that has to do with a Tom Collins. Phi Phi’s looks much more tropical than grape vine. Sharon designed something about Navajos. Latrice’s decorations don’t seem to have much to do with punch, but out of them all, I like Latrice’s shoes the best. Phi Phi wins the mini challenge, and you can practically see her fat head swell even further.
Main Challenge
“It’s time to make some herstory,” Ru tells the queens. They will be “the first drag Presidents of the United States of America” and must compete in a political debate. They need to write an opening statement, a closing statement and of course come up with their political look.
As the queens work, Phi Phi is belching and singing and generally being a pain in the sack. Shades of Tyra Sanchez. As the rest of the queens struggle to write their material, Phi Phi brags that she’s done. Then there was this golden exchange:
Phi Phi: “I wanted to be a lawyer when I was younger.”
Latrice: “That’s why you’re so confrontational all the time.”
Phi Phi: “I just have to be right.”
Latrice: “Even when you’re wrong.”
Phi Phi: “Bitch, I’m never wrong.”
Latrice: “You’re wrong right now.”
Latrice is just the fucking best, isn’t she? Even if she doesn’t win this show, she needs to win something, she deserves a platform for all her wonderfulness.
Dan Savage joins Ru on her workroom visit. Dan is of course really there to silently pimp his new show Savage U, which premieres on Logo’s parent network, MTV, next week, but that’s okay because we love Dan anyway. Latrice and Phi Phi seem fairly sure about what they’re doing. DiDa is unsurprisingly having trouble, and Dan sort of zeros in on her weakness. Chad plans to take a humorous approach, yet it seems like Ru and Dan are expecting a level of seriousness.
At the debate, Chad really does go over the top with her pimp Michaels character, but it mostly works. DiDa is just horrible–she is paralyzed by stage fright and can barely string a sentence together. Then there’s Phi Phi, who goes so over the top that it just feels like she’s trying way too hard. Sharon comes off as a believable character. I think what made this whole thing feel so strange is that there was no consistency in how the queens approached the challenge.
Also, how can we not talk about the racially-charged joke Phi Phi made? She referred to both DiDa Ritz and Latrice Royale as “the help.” No one laughed. Not only did Phi Phi not get a laugh, it was clear she offended pretty much everyone in the room. As Sharon tells Phi Phi later, there’s a very fine line in deploying that type of humor, and as usual Phi Phi didn’t get it right. Phi Phi, you are not Lisa Lampanelli. Not that one has to be Lisa to make that sort of joke successfully, but it felt inconsistent with the character Phi Phi had created up to that point so for her to try to excuse it by saying it was her character is a cop out, a total falsehood.
It felt like an attempt to be outrageous, but it failed. Latrice of course managed to get a jab back at Phi Phi without sinking to that level or losing her composure. Asked to describe a situation where she made peace with an ugly situation between herself and someone else, Ms. Royale simply said she looked at Phi Phi, saw how ugly she was and made peace with that. High five, Latrice!
Main Stage
The judges are Michelle Visage, Santino Rice, Jeffrey Moran and Dan Savage.
Ru says the queens are dressed for their inaugural ball.
Phi Phi O’Hara: “Her ballot box is stuffed,” Ru says. Phi Phi says she’s serving fresh, young realness. I don’t see that. I see nasty over-the-hill makeup and ratty hair. Where is Billy B. to read this bitch?
DiDa Ritz: Her wig is a mess. Once again. She should not be here right now. “She’s courting the black vote,” Ru says. Her black dress is alright, I guess, but her wig looks like it went through the washing machine.
Chad Michaels: She looks amazing. “Gorge Bush,” Ru calls her. She really nailed the First Lady look. Damn, Chad!
Latrice Royale: The jeweled corset might be a bit much, but the dress is otherwise nice, and I like the necklace. Her hair and makeup are, as always, well done. “Now that’s what I call a war chest,” says Ru.
Sharon Needles: Her sheer dress is definitely a risk. I love the corset and gloves. I love her hair and makeup. It’s the same wig and same/similar makeup that she had for her intro video, and I’ve been waiting all season to see her rock it.
Sharon wins the challenge.
Lip Synch for your Life
DiDa and Latrice are the bottom two queens and must lip synch for their lives.
Latrice really comes alive and performs the song from the depths of her drag soul. As she says, it’s an old school tune, and you really need to feel where those words are coming from. DiDa is kind of thrashing around the stage, and I’m not really getting it. That seems to be what the queens do when they aren’t sure how to properly connect to the music. Shantay Latrice stays. DiDa sashays away. Though she may be rough around the edges, I love how positive DiDa remains right up to the end.
Oh shet. In a repeat of a stunt from last season, Ru says that Michelle and Santino will choose an eliminated queen to return to the competition. God, I hope it’s Willam.
Untucked
The queens have a drink in the Interior Illusions Lounge. We find out that Latrice confronted Santino and cleared the air about what happened a couple weeks ago in a calm and mature manner. Phi Phi, you should take notes.
Sharon didn’t think she was that great. I understand where she’s coming from: she’s been funnier in past challenges, but she still pulled off a convincing character better than anyone else, and it was difficult to understand what the criteria were for judging that main challenge.
Phi Phi’s racist joke comes up. Phi Phi swears they laughed. Cut to footage from the challenge, and we see no one actually laughed. They looked uncomfortable. Of course Phi Phi thinks she was amazing and wouldn’t change a thing. Shocking! If we could give an award for queen who experienced the smallest amount of personal growth, this award would go to Phi Phi who may have actually experienced negative personal growth. God, I hate this bitch so much. Why is she still here?
We see a montage of Chad thinking she’s in the bottom. Chad, have some confidence! The fact that Michelle thinks she hasn’t seen the real Chad has definitely contributed to some of Chad’s self-doubt. This is one of those times that I disagree with Michelle. I think we have definitely seen Chad for Chad, and there’s nothing wrong with her being a chameleon.
Ru appears on screen and sends them into the Gold Bar for a surprise in the pink box. It turns out to be a video message from DiDa’s mother, who she says she hasn’t talked to in a long time. It’s a touching moment, and I hope that after going home from the show DiDa was able to begin to repair her relationship with her parents.
Sharon opens up about the bullying she experienced in school, and it sounds like she had a pretty rough time. Chad as well. None of them had it easy, of course, but when Sharon tells the queens that she was essentially asked to leave her school, it’s clear she survived not only bullying from her classmates but also bullying from the bureaucracy of her school district. In an interview cutaway, Phi Phi says maybe she understands Sharon a bit more, and perhaps they have more in common than she originally thought. Fine, Phi Phi, but we still hate you.
C.U.N.T. and C U Next Tuesday
Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent: This goes to Latrice Royale again. Although she may have had a couple stumbles during the challenge and on the main stage, she continues to fully embody these characteristics. I so want this chunky yet funky wise drag mama to make it all the way to the top three.
C U Next Tuesday: Phi Phi. For all the usual reasons, but especially for making a racially charged joke in a cheap grab for laughs (which she didn’t get).
