Sarah Palin Discusses the State of Chris Christie’s Panties

Do you think she just sits home and waits for the best time to emerge from an entombed sarcophagus like some sort of be-fouled, hair demon, so she can burble all her stupid mouth dribbles into the ear holes of the ridiculous Right while they sop up every harebrained comment and show it off to all their friends like the “Thanks for playing!” trophy all players get for their little league participation? Yes, yes, this is probably exactly what happens. Who knew she also watches Meet the Press?

Comical nobody-person, bus enthusiast, and GOP tease, Sarah Palin saw Chris Christie’s appearance on Meet the Press Sunday, and the hamster that operates the wheel in her brain came up with a great idea!

Hamster: You should totally go on Fox News and talk about how much of a rookie Chris Christie is.
Sarah: Really Mr. Hamster? But you know I’ve never really finished anything I’ve started, and I had the biggest hand in torpedoing a presidential campaign…what could I possibly add to this conversation?
Hamster: None of that matters, Sarah, baby. Fox News loves you. Millions of people who drool in jars across flyover country in Murrrrica love you too. They’d love to hear your opinion.
Sarah: You’re right! Besides my hair is pretty! Let’s call up the boys over at Fox!
Hamster: Wait! What are you gonna say?
Sarah: I dunno! I’ll figure it out. I’ll say something about “rookie mistakes” and “Panties!”
Hamster: Panties?
Sarah: Yep, Christie is so angry at uncle Newt it’s like his panties are bunched, or wadded, or sexy? HA! I dunno, something, something, burble, barble, plotz, whiz, bang, panties, grumble, grumble, and Twinkies! No Twinkies? Okay, just the panties then.
Hamster: Sigh. Sure, whatever, go for it.

So what started as a cacophony of brain poops and mind vomits turned into Palin chiding Christie on Monday for daring to truthfully call Newt Gingrich an “embarrassment to the party.” This is what Sarah and the hamster managed to squeeze out in response:

“Poor Chris. This was a rookie mistake. He played right into the media’s hands,” Palin said. “Here’s a host that asked Chris, ‘Does Newt embarrass the party.’ I think he asked him twice, and there Chris played right into it and spewed that about Newt embarrassing the party.”

“Sometimes if your candidate loses in just one step along this path, as was the case when Romney lost to Newt the other night and of course, Romney is Chris Christie’s guy, you kind of get your panties in a wad and you may say things that you regret later,” she continued.

So there you have it. Sarah Palin is the preeminent thinker who knows all about the state of Chris Christie’s panties. You need to know something about Chris Christie’s panties? Sarah Palin is the one to call. This would be the total takeaway from this Durr-Derp commentary that is traditional Sarah Palin until you look a little deeper to find that Palin has also been talking up and defending Gingrich over the past few weeks, even urging South Carolina voters to vote for him last week, yet she’s still not ready to endorse anyone so she says. However, given that she’s upped her presence and unleashed her goofy attack instincts, could all of that have something to do with a statement Newt gave last Wednesday on the subject of Ms. Palin?

I would ask her to consider taking a major role in the next administration if I’m president, but nothing has been discussed of any kind,” Gingrich said on CNN’s “The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer.”

Good Christ.

(Really, Sarah. You look like you’ve just finished the late shift at Denny’s or you’re working in Hotel Management at the Holiday Inn Express.)

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