Yes, there are still more of these damn things. As American greatness slides into the dustbin of history, the GOP is here to fiddle us out with the crazy. Frost your beer glasses, kids, it is the only medicine you will be getting after they repeal Obama Care. Occupy Wall Street? Fuck it, let’s just cut to the chase and all try to occupy Canada before they build a Freedom Fence of their own to keep us out.
Tonight’s man to beat is Soul Pizza who is shooting up in the polls as quickly as Rick Perry is falling. Interestingly enough, it has been revealed that Cain has been padding the sales of his book by bulk purchasing copies with money from his campaign coffers. Anyone remember Jim Wright? Cain seems to be vying for the Republican grifter spot left open by Sarah Palin.
In news nobody cares about, Jon Huntsman is skipping the debate tonight to protest Nevada moving up it’s primary election for 2012. I am not sure anyone else will even notice. Pity, he is the only properly medicated one in the bunch.
Additionally, tonight may be the night to unleash a little wup ass on Mitt Romney. Both Bachman and Paul may unleash their crazy juices to go after the front runner. Paul in particular may deploy his little blimp of justice because Cain was a former chair of the Kansas City Federal Reserve. Look for lots of Cross of Gold type babbling from Grandpa.
At this point I could make some snark about gambling with America’s future since the debate is being held in Las Vegas, but looking at the odds I will be busy making sure my passport is up to date and seeing who we have extradition treaties with instead. Run America, run while you still can.
LET”S HIT IT! By the way, Loving Occupy Vegas hassling CNN.
Gawd, this intro is awful. Even by CNN standards.
Stand for the national anthem, you damn hippies!
Intros:
Santorum loves America more than his daughter.
Paul is the champion of liberty.
Cain solves problems for a living.
Mitt still working the Olympics. The ones that had all the scandals.
Perry is authentic. Just ask him.
Newt bitches about class warfare right off the bat.
Bachman is looking like a star trek officer.
Let’s get right to taxes. How is Bachman a fucking job creator?
Cain is on the defense! He wants taxes even a moron can understand. Moron=GOP voters.
Santorum does MATH! MATH!
You just have to take Cain’s word for it. He is a businessman with a website.
Perry just called Cain Brother (twice). Interesting.
Watching Ron Paul talking about economics is like watching a horse try to do algebra.
Mitt is not having this fruit analogy shit.
Please allow Newt a moment to patronize Herman Cain in a desperate attempt to capture a few of his voters.
Come on Rick, get it together. Nope, he is still incoherent.
ZZzzzzzzzz……… Huh? Oh yeah, Santorum is still running.
Obama Care, DRINK!
I really, really want to see Stephen Colbert do a Mittens impression.
FOUL!!!!!! The crowd is pissed.
And Mitt pulls it out!
Oh Newt, literally no one gives a shit about your opinion. Also, no one cares about the Heritage Foundation.
Michele will do anything to stay queen of the tea party. Gawd she is grating.
1st break, refresh your drink.
Ok, this should be good. Ron Paul will leave you to the wolves America. More competition in medicine? What the hell is he even talking about?
JESUS! Can we talk about something that people still find relevant? This is so 2009.
Oooooooo. Burn on illegal house keepers. SNAP!!!
YESSS!!!!!!!!!
Oh Rick blew it.
It’s the damn Browns. They ruin everything.
Jesus, an electric fence. Just Jesus (pronounced hey-soos).
+10000 he said “back door.”
Awesome, Perry wants troops and drones on US soil. I wonder if he knows what the Posse Comitatus act.
Bachman: Obama is a foreigner. A foreigner! Gawd, she is just awful. Seriously awful.
Perry vs. Bachman: the Superbowl of stupid.
It’s easy to secure the border. That’s why we have been so successful at it after 30 years of blowing tons of money.
The crowd is turning against Perry. Awesome.
Question from a brown: awkward.
Poor Grandpa. The debate left him an hour ago. However, he concedes the justice system is racist.
Unsubsidized gas? Market forces in the energy market? Socialism!
Magnets, how do they confuse Republicans.
My roommate suggests to be fair, Bachman should only kill male anchor babies.
Oooooo. Local politics question.
Ron Paul suggests the free market should apply to energy markets. What a fucking commie.
TARP. Zzzzzzzzzz……..
Wait, didn’t let markets work cause the housing bubble?
Michele Bachman feels America’s pain.
Blame yourself Poors!!!
Cain is so utterly full of shit that it hurts.
Paul understands OWS, it is a chance for his asshat followers to bother hippies.
End the FED! Drink x 2.
Cain wants OWS to be aimed at the people he doesn’t care for. Stupid poors aren’t helping Soul Pizza save America.
OK Mitt, I’m listening…
Still waiting…
Um, I believe Barry does have a jobs plan. Has Mitten not read the paper lately?
Jesus, I can not drink fast enough to make this palatable.
The religious question. This should be good.
The crowd is turning on Perry.
God, Newt really makes me wish I was an atheist. Apparently, you have to be religious to hold elected office.
Perry just blows. It’s actually getting a bit sad.
I am actually sort of liking Romney here. Sue me.
Let’s all take a moment to recognize the passing of Rick Perry’s candidacy.
America is being disrespected.
And now Bachman fumbles.What the hell was that?
Newt: Sophistication about national security=nostalgia for the Cold War.
Go Grandpa! Lay it in me.
Cain will not negotiate with terrorists, unless he would.
Santorum just proved South Americans did 9/11.
Oh GAWD, defunding the UN.
As an International Relations person I am just going to say I hate listening to politicians talk about foreign aid. Kill me.
BTW, foreign aid takes up like .5% of the US budget.
Anderson stops Ron Paul cold on aid to Israel. NICE!
We should make nations we invade pay us for the privilege of us killing them. Good Christ, woman.
Peace through Strength. War is Peace.
OOOOOHHHH! Ron Paul fucks them all UP! That was bad ass.
We’re back. Courage.
Foamy points out that he isn’t a loser because no one knows who he is.
Mittens doesn’t realize we all know he destroyed, not created, jobs.
Poor Perry, he’s just looking desperate.
How is working for a multi-national food conglomerate Main Street, Herman? Seriously, STFU.
Can’t they just send us a resume?
Michele will not be ignored, assholes!
Newt’s last word was pointless as always. And they go out bickering.
Well that was pretty horrific. Who wants to hold the Grand Inquisitor and whisper soothing words?
Thanks for playing our home game everyone. I am sorry about the America being doomed part. See you in the bread line.
