Hippopotamuses are adorably pudgy, strict herbivores and kill more humans than any other African animal.  You cannot outrun them; they’ve been clocked at 30-40km/h (19-25mph). You cannot outswim them; on average, hippos can swim 8 km/h (5 mph). And, you certainly cannot fend them off; the average weight of an adult female is 2,900–3,300 lbs., a male 3,300–4,000 lbs., and older males can reach 7,100—9,900 lbs. (Eltringham, 1999).  Yo hippo’s SO FAT not even Dora could explore her. Need I mention that the bite force of an adult female hippo is 1,821 lbsf (Barr, 2008)? 

                   

Despite their power, zoologists claim that nervousness in combination with territorial nature fuels their ferocious behaviour.  As with most animals, hippos fiercely protect their young, but, in addition to that, males ruthlessly guard their harems, which can contain  5-30 females. Apex predators such as crocodiles, hyenas, leopards and lions are no match to their strength and relentless determination to remove any threat.

Armed with only the few facts stated above, it’s hard to dispute that hippos are one of the deadliest animals in the world. To further demonstrate this point, the following reports are a just a few of many unfathomable tales of hippos attacking and killing humans:

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Spencer Tyron, a hunter, was killed while hunting near the shores of Lake Rukwa, Tanzania. A bull hippo turned over the dugout canoe from which Tyron was shooting, AND BIT OFF HIS HEAD AND SHOULDERS. 

A Cape Town groom is in counseling after watching helplessly as a hippopotamus killed his bride in the Okavango Delta while the couple were on honeymoon in Botswana.

Bruce Simpson, 30, and his wife, Janice, 32, were travelling with a guide in a canoe on Tuesday when the hippo overturned their boat.

After the hippo tipped the three out of the boat, Simpson watched helplessly as it closed its jaws on his wife’s chest, biting her through her heart and lung, killing her instantly. The Simpsons were married barely two weeks ago on November 29.

– Jordaan, Maranet, 2003

The mangled body of an Mpumalanga villager was recovered on Sunday after an adult hippopotamus near the holiday town of Hazyview attacked him.

Alfred Dube’s body, with deep bite marks to his torso, was found trampled in a thicket over 10m from the Sabie River by distraught friends and neighbours. The hippo seized him on Friday morning while swimming across the strongly flowing river with two friends.

“The men knew the river was home to crocodiles and hippo, but claim they had no other way of crossing. Dube was the second to swim across, and appears to have been seized almost exactly in the middle of the river,” said regional police spokesperson Captain Benjamin Bhembe on Monday.

“He screamed and struggled, but was apparently unable to free himself from the large animal’s jaws. When he was dragged underwater, his horrified friends ran for help in opposite directions.”

Hazyview police station almost immediately dispatched a rescue team, but was unable to trace the missing man. “All we found were some very large blood stains on the river bank near the scene,” said Captain Bhembe.

“We’re still uncertain whether Dube was dragged into the dense thicket and then trampled, or whether he was trying to escape. The most significant injuries were two deep bite wounds in the back, said Captain Bhembe.

– “Hippo kills Mpuma man,” 2004

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If those stories weren’t frightening (you may be a sociopath) then the following video should, at least, give you a healthy fear of hippos. For the good stuff, watch from 1:00 to 1:36.  (Spoiler: no one dies or is injured in this video).

HIPPOMAD

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On a lighter note, here are some interesting facts about hippos:

• Hippopotamus’s closest living relatives are whales and porpoises from which they diverged about 55 million years ago (Hedges & Sudhir, 2010).
• The earliest known hippopotamus fossils date to around 16 million years ago (Hippopotamus, 2011). (Maybe they attack because of “get off my lawn (river)” syndrome, as the human species is young by comparison).
• “Their skin secretes a natural sunscreen substance that is red-colored. The secretion is sometimes referred to as blood sweat, but is neither blood nor sweat. This secretion is initially colorless and turns red-orange within minutes, eventually becoming brown” (Hippopotamus, 2011).

 

References

• Barr, Brady. (2008, January). “Undercover Hippo.” Dangerous Encounters. National Geographical Channel.
• Eltringham, S.K. (1999). “The Hippos”. Poyser Natural History Series. London: Academic Press.
• Frame, G. & Herbison-Frame, L. (1974, November). “The Dangerous Hippo.” Science Digest, LXXVI. 80-86.
• Hedges, B., & Sudhir, K. (2010, March). “Cetacea/Hippopotamidae.” Time Tree. Retrieved from http://www.timetree.org/time_e_query.php?taxon_a=Cetacea&taxon_b=Hippopotamidae
• “Hippo kills Mpuma man.” (2004, February). African Eye. Retrieved from http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Hippo-kills-Mpuma-man-20040223
• “Hippopotamus.” (2011, August). Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Hippopotamus&oldid=447372298
• Jordaan, Maranet. (2003, December). “Groom watches hippo kill bride.” Die Burger. Retrieved from http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Groom-watches-hippo-kill-bride-20031211
• “Once upon a time” (2008,) Capucine http://vimeo.com/2113477