Three debates in fifteen days. That’s faster than the World Series gets played some seasons. And, if you got that joke, then it’s likely that you’re a Florida Republican primary voter.
Tonight’s debate brings many more questions than it will grant answers, as most political debates do.
Seriously, do these guys just not get to see enough of each other? Do you think they secretly miss each other when they aren’t on a stage verbally trashing each other? Aren’t a couple of these folks in Congress? Shouldn’t they be, you know, legislating?
Will Rick Perry be pelted with dentures until he admits that Social Security isn’t really a Ponzi scheme? Will Mitt Romney nervously fiddle with his gold cuff links while he reminds us how middle-class and just like the rest of us he is? Will someone, anyone, please pay attention to Jon Huntsman, even if for only a few minutes? Will Michelle Bachmann talk about how one of her foster kids got a flu shot and now has club feet?
The mind boggles at the possibilities. In the meantime, pour yourself a tall one, and let’s get ready to have so much fun that Rick Perry will have us executed. I’ll join y’all by 9PM or shortly there after to get things started.
8:58- Really? Nobody’s here yet? I’ve got the O’Reilly Factor on and nobody is here to comfort me? Damn.
8:59-Somebody asked me if there were rules for the drinking game tonight-so, here’s a few simple ones 1) Obviously, Reagan mentions merit at least a drink 2) If Bachmann brings up the HPV thing, finish whatever you’re having 3) If Santorum complains about how he’s being treated by the mean old Internet, pour your drink down the crack of your partner and finish it that way 4) If Rick Perry mentions Ponzi schemes, execute a Mexican and drink his/her blood.
9:01-I think if they’re going to introduce the participants in this matter, they should have an Applause-o-meter. Nothing technical, mind you, just a guy who’s arm moves across his body in a half circle.
9:02-Oh, Megyn KKKelly is there? Awesome! Prepare for Rick Perry to pull out the haystack and prop his bulge on it.
9:05-Rick Perry has no use for your ‘more extensive plans’. Folksy is what carries the day.
9:07-Poor Mittens can’t even get a working mic. Mitt’s had a job? Didn’t he get that from his dad? Nepotism is the solution to all of our problems folks! Energy secure? Jimmy Carter alert!
9:08-That fucking G-chat sound keeps making me bump back to my Gmail window.
9:09-Is Michelle Bachmann wearing fleece? What the fuck? People should keep every dollar they earn? Good-bye roads.
9:11-Yates Wilburn? Nice fucking flannel. Got the night off from the Frosty Frog, mate?
9:11-And the union bashing begins. Nice answer anal discharge, I mean, Rick.
9:12-Fine Newt, you want folks to take training classes while on unemployment? I have no problem with that. Wait, that costs money, right? Let me guess, people need to pay for that out of their meager benefits.
9:13-Newt doesn’t want people to get money for doing nothing-He’s looking at you, Mittens.
9:14-Huntsman’s campaign must be in trouble, because I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that tie before.
9:15-Herman Cain time! Bring me some soul! Flat taxes, flat-top haircuts, flat sodas with each pizza!
9:17-Restore the 10th Amendment? Did it get repealed? How long have I been asleep?
9:20-Gary Johnson gets his first opportunity to answer. Welcome to the party. He’s run for two offices in his life-but it was the same both times? Math is a mother-fucker. Consumption taxes? Because those aren’t regressive at all. Seriously, I want someone to dig up Ayn Rand’s body and light it on fire, and then stop the fire department from doing anything about it. Because, freedom.
9:21-Word clouds? some senior citizen just shot their television. Fuck, I need a drink.
9:25-People are actually applauding Rick Scott? They must have bussed these folks in from every corner of the state.
9:26-Good play Rick-remind the Floridians that they’re Social Security is safe because they’re all old. Nevermind that pulling state employees off of Social Security and putting them in a state retirement system doesn’t actually solve anything.
9:28-Seriously, is Mitt done talking, or do I have a G-chat message? Okay, Mitt, shut up, it was you.
9:30-We should just dispense with the other 7 candidates and let Romney and Perry have a ladder match. Clearly, that’s the Fox preference, and they’re picking the nominee, right?
9:31-What Mitt meant when he said ‘read my book’-‘Buy my book! These cufflinks don’t buy themselves.’
9:31-Did Mitt just take a cheapie at Clinton? Does he even know who he’s running against?
9:32-Christ, it took till now for the first Reagan reference? And it came from Huntsman?
9:34-If you were forced to eliminate one department, which would you choose? One of them has to say IRS, and just abolish taxes outright, correct?
9:35-The Chilean model? The one that caused this, indirectly? http://pubrecord.org/nation/9701/american-students-should-chilean/
9:36-Hotlanta in the hizzy! Gary Johnson plans on a federal budget that abolishes the Dept of Ed. Next, we’ll abolish what’s left of the literacy in this country.
9:37-Now kids are forced to go to school, Rick? Forced to learn? The horrors!
9:38-Blah, blah, blah, school choice, vouchers, for profit education factories? Yay! BTW-Rick-Race to the Top fucking works, dick.
9:42-Am I crazy, or does Michelle Bachmann change the number of kids she’s had on a regular basis? She’s going to lock the door to the Dept of Ed? The President gets ALL of the keys? Can she open my safe deposit box?
9:58-Yeah! Cut the Department of Ed! School sucks!
Catastrophic policies only, Jon? Yeah, that helps folks when they get chronic conditions. What is WRONG with these people?
