Friends. Who needs ’em? Well it turns out that we all need ’em. Without friends, who will bail us out of jail, run to CVS for the Morning After pill or send us those dirty text messages?
And you know who really needs friends? Craigslist People! In the Gathering of the Juggalos on Poppers-esque subterranean hellscape that is Craigslist, a “friend” is someone who is game for whatever random quasi-illegal fetish you’re into. It’s a beautiful thing, really.
Let’s get to this week’s fuckery!
Looking for Plastic surgery vacation friends – w4ww – 35 (smyrna)
I am a 35-year old African American female who has suffered some hair loss due to extensions and relaxers and am looking to go through hair restoration surgery in San Jose, Costa Rica some time in early to mid September of this year. I’m also looking to do some liposculpture on my tummy, inner and outer thighs. I’m looking for other female friends who are also looking to have some plastic surgery done but may not want to do it by themselves and/or don’t want their friends family to know. Would love to have support and provide support to someone who is going through the same things as me.
If interested in being my plastic surgery buddy, please email me.
A real friend always gets rhinoplasty and lipo when a friend is in the mood for some questionable Costa Rican medical standards! I love how this woman’s solution to years of relaxer-based hair abuse is to fly to a banana republic for plastic surgery. I hope none of Tyler Perry’s goddamn employees show him this or we’re pretty much guaranteed to get a shitty cookie-cutter Tyler Perry movie Tyler Perry movie on this exact subject.
Seeking Hug No Sex – m4w (Lawrenceville)
Seeking someone into hugging for long periods of time. No sex.
A real friend always hugs a friend for hours on end. Great. Nice job, Craigslist Pervs. You’ve managed to somehow make hugging sound lascivious. Nothing is sacred to these people.
Looking for BADDD Females to b friends! – w4w – 22 (Atlanta)
Hey ladies…well im looking for beautiful girls in the atlanta area to b friends with, im very beautiful myself and like gettin nails did, goin to the club, gym, i am 420 friendly and I drink, i hope you are too and single!!! please be cool, drama free, kno how to handle attention from men, and have ur own money…i like to travel and wud love a buddy in the future… please attach pics…lets link up today or tomorrow grab a few drinks or smoke and see if we click! ur pic gets mine…or send ur phone number n ill text u this mornin
A real friend is always there 2 go out to da club with. There is so much I like about this ad. Get your nails did, BADDD Females! I wonder if this ad came from Bubb Rubb’s friend Lil Sis. I’m pretty sure it did.
Party in Atlanta tonight!!!! – m4w – 28 (Atlanta on Forrest Hills Dr SW)
WAZ UP!!!! Myself and My Friend are having a party tonight and tomarrow night in our hotel room. We are staying at the Travel lodge….yeah I know…..on Forrest Hills Dr SW off Cleavland. I know not the greatest place but it is gated and hell I am wanting to have some fun!!!!!! We are looking for those that just wanna cut loose and have some fun. Do what you want without anyone giving a shit, on the out skirts of the city partying it up!!!! We will have some beer or whatever, and good music. If your interested give us a shout!!! To let you know about ourselves we like hard rock punk peeps!!! hit us up early so we know how many peeps to plan for. If you have a preference in alcohol let us know in response. bring your own food or pitch some money in for pizza or whatever. call us also at 404-768-7750 ext 232
A real friend invites you to a hotel party at the Travel Lodge in Southwest Atlanta. Seriously people, NOTHING good could ever happen at the Travel Lodge in Swats. I’m having a flashback to the scene when James Spader’s character brings Robert Downey Jr. to the hotel party to meet some new friends in Less Than Zero. RUN AWAY, JULIAN. HE’S ABOUT TO SELL YOUR INNOCENCE TO A JAPANESE SALARYMAN SEX TOURIST.
Nice home intown private yard and hottub looking for other guys who want to live in a comfortable enviroment. Heck you can even watch TV or grill out while having a few cold ones in just your underwear if you want.
A real friend shares his “hottub.” (Seriously Craigslisters, stop putting two different words together. Super Bowl, not Superbowl! It’s like #895 in the list of idiotic/annoying CL habits, but still.) The funny thing about Craigslist is that EVERY SINGLE AD has a bizarre sexual undertone. If I were more conversant in animated gif-fu, I would find a gif of some sassy lady giving the side-eye right about now.
NO MORE PANIC ATTACKS (Atlanta)
Panic attacks and anxiety attacks can affect you a lot in life. We are here to help you. We don’t use drugs. We will you the techniques to help you get rid of anxiety and panic attacks in your life. These techniques works!!
Call Carl at (404) 981-1728 if you are interested.
A real friend HELPS YOU GET RID OF PANIC ATTACKS. I feel more relaxed already. And yes, I would like to join your cult. Do I have to chop off my nuts now or once I pay my dues and move into the Family Compound?
Kick Nuts – Ballbusting – Kick Balls – m4w – 30 (Atlanta)
30 year old, fit, attractive, 155lb, blonde hair, blue eyed, submissive male. Looking to find a woman that would like to beat my balls. This could be to relieve stress or just for fun, and range anywhere from kicking to kneeing or punching.
A real friend is there to lend a helping…. Oh for fuck sakes Craigslisters. Really? All the anonymous random sex behind the Wal-Mart dumpsters wasn’t kinky enough for you? Now you need to have your scrotum treated like Manny Pacquiao’s speed bag, too? This is the final, disgusting straw. I’m never going on Craigslist again. Haha, no.
Punk Rock Sewing with Oscar’s Mom (Decatur)
Hello, my name is Oscar and my mom loves to sew. She has been sewing everything from baby clothes to Bible covers for over 20 years. She’s really good!
Come learn the essentials of hand and machine sewing in a fun, hands on class on Thursday July 6, in the Decatur area.
My mom will show you a few important stitches and techniques, and you will practice right there on a simple project in class. Bring a colorful old t-shirt you don’t mind cutting up. You’ll walk out with some new friends, new knowledge of how to work a sewing machine, and a fun project to take home and show your friends.
We did a class like this about a month ago, and everyone had a great time.
What to expect? :
punk rock tunes at a tasteful volume on my crappy cassette radio, cool people, sewing, fun, adventure, Oscar, and Oscar’s momWhat to Bring?:
a t-shirt you don’t mind cutting up in a fun color (plain white is boring!), twenty five US dollars, a friend, a happy attitudeFor more information, call Oscar at 702-301-3984 <- Yes! this a number from Las Vegas. I haven’t changed it since I moved. You probably have a cell phone and it’s free to call anyway so don’t worry!
We have space for 6- 8 people.
- Location: Decatur
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
And finally, there’s at least one last Craigslist ad that reaffirms my faith in the essential humanity of Craigslist users. Thank you, Oscar’s Mom. You sound lovely, just please don’t pummel my nuts.
