Glee — What About Prom, Blaine?

Hey y’all! Have you missed me? I’m done with grad school so now I can devote all of my waking hours to Glee Glee Glee Gleeeeeeeeeeee. I mean, I won’t actually do that, but I guess I COULD, you know? Let’s not dawdle and recount what we have and have not learned from this week’s episode.

Season 2, Episode 20: Prom Queen

What I Learned

• Our main characters are all juniors. Think about that. Every single person in the Glee club is a junior. Totally believable. Also, Junior Prom is super important (but no word on those presumably lame seniors and their lame prom).

• Sue Sylvester has some kind of ESPN or something because she knew about the truly god awful “Run Joey Run” video and the vomit-inducing mash-up of “Crazy in Love” and “Hair.” How does she know? Sue’s tracksuits are made of pixie dust, polyester, and magic.

• Rachel Berry is super proud of “Run Joey Run.” This means that Rachel Berry is delusional. Well, actually, I guess no one is really surprised by that. I mean, every time someone runs out of the choir room all upset, Rachel makes Determined Sad Face™ and says, “No, let me” and runs after them for an inspirational talk. Vom.
• Karofsky in a letterman jacket or football jersey? GAY JERK. Karofsky in a jaunty red beret? STRAIGHT SAINT.
• Puck’s Love Dance is totally enticing. Meow.

• 

  Jesse St. James is the grossest. Seriously. His skinny scarf was gayer than Kurt’s camo bow tie. So anyway, Jesse St. Jerk comes back to Rachel bleating Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” like a pompous lamb after flunking out of college. Aside from the ridiculous skinny little scarf, he’s wearing a hideous N’SYNC-era “destroyed” denim jacket, looking 10 years older and a little bloated. Methinks Jesse is a drug addict! You heard it here first. (Either that or he’s just a relentless douche bloated with ego and song.)

• Sam and Mercedes make the most adorable couple. Seeing them dance together warmed my icy cold heart. Wuv, twue wuv.
• Finn has transitioned completely into a Nice Guy™. Nice Guys™ are the worst. They play the wounded animal and pretend that they’re just sensitive have all of these important and deep feeeeeeelings but really they just consistently value their own feelings above anyone else’s. Hence Finn getting all pissy in the hallway about Rachel taking Jesse to the prom. Dude, girlfriend, remember? REMEMBER? No, of course not. He only remembers when he’s alone with Plain, I mean, Ann, I mean, Quinn. He can’t even stop himself from having a 10-minute long shoving match with Jesse over Rachel right in front of Quinn. Quinn, have some fucking dignity, will you? God damn. Finn is clearly a fool that only wants something after he’s given it up. And Quinn should be grateful that Rachel can appreciate the drama in being slapped over some foolish dude shit in a public bathroom. Bless her silly heart.
• Principal Figgins is actually kind of sweet, which is evident in his handling of the Kurt fiasco (which we’ll talk about in a little bit, be patient my dolls).

What I Haven’t Learned/Remaining Questions

• Why Mercedes goes back and forth between HBIC and letting fools get her down. Hey Mercedes, remember when you were on the Cheerios and you sang “Beautiful” because you are beautiful in every single way? I DO. And now she’s all sad because she wants to be Cinderella but I think that maybe she needs to read Grimm’s version of Cinderella, you know? Do you want your sisters’ eyes to be plucked out by birds, Mercedes? DO YOU?? You’re so thoughtless sometimes.
• Rachel proposes an unsexy but totally cute three-way prom date between her, Mercedes, and cute little Trouty Lips (pictured above). Isn’t Trouty’s dad’s suit and bolo tie just about the cutest thing? Don’t you want to smush him with your love? Anyway, what I don’t understand about her proposal is that she says that they will walk to prom to save money. No need to torture yourselves, dudes. Get a damn ride from one of your parents. There’s, like, six parents between them! I’m sure one of them would be willing to drive you to your school gymnasium. I’d rather get a ride in a wood-paneled minivan than show up to prom with wilting curls and a sweaty upper lip. Damn fools.
• How can anyone hate on Kurt’s beautiful, beautiful kilt? Ugh, he’s so fucking cute.
• Why, why, WHY on god’s green earth would anyone allow Puck, Artie, and Sam to sing Rebecca Black’s “Friday” in front of people? It was not even cute or funny or charming. Here’s a word for word transcript of my notes on it because whatever, I hate myself and you guys for making me watch this horrible scene twice:

“Friday” is a FUCKING ABOMINATION MAKE IT STOP OH DEAR GOD JUST MAKE IT STOP WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME NOT EVEN PUCK CAN SAVE THIS MOMENT OF MY LIFE I’M GOING TO CUT MYSELF I AM REALLY GOING TO CUT MYSELF WHY IS THIS HAPPENING WHY WHY WHY WHY THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE AND OH GOD NOW ARTIE IS RAPPING HE IS RAPPING IT’S SO BAD AND THEY’RE EVEN DOING MOST OF THE SONG THIS IS WORSE THAN RUN JOEY RUN I just had to pour myself some wine for having lived through this a SECOND TIME. This was the worst idea ever, guys.

• Am I too old for this show? I am confused about so many songs.

Miscellaneous

• The balloons dropping down onto the dance floor at the end of the dance felt ominous to me, probably because it evoked the beginning-of-the-end dance scene in The Virgin Suicides. And I’ll just link to the song that plays when those balloons drop because it’s one of my favorites. Oh god, imagine if Glee did “I’m Not in Love”??? I’m not sure if I would love or hate that. Probably hate.
• Brittany is not only the funniest, sexiest, dancin’est lady in Glee Club, but she is also the sweetest. She coos at Santana’s heartbreak and still manages to remind Santana sweetly that they should be there for Kurt because he’ll be hurting more. Oh Brittany, I’d go through all of Santana’s crazy TV dramedy machinations to have you, too!

And now let’s talk about what we all want to talk about: Kurt. Oh Kurt. My darling, darling kilt-wearing Kurt! This is where I have to get a little bit serious. I am disappointed in the writers (which is much more reasoned feeling that my initial one, which was RAGE). I simply can’t believe they have played out this bullying/Karofsky storyline all season just for this. This must have been their end goal, right? I can’t see how it wasn’t. So clever, guys. Kurt as Prom Queen! Get it!? ‘Cuz he’s gay!

Karofsky and Santana’s little anti-bullying venture is a ploy to get themselves voted Prom King and Queen (and so that Santana doesn’t out Karofsky), but as they walk Kurt to and from classes, I can’t help but wonder who they are protecting him from. The only people that have teased or bullied Kurt were the football team (lead by Karofsky in the past season and a half) and Sue with her little insults and nicknames (and Porcelain is actually kind of a great nickname). While there may be others who are uncomfortable with Kurt’s sexuality, they don’t express it with words or violence. And because it isn’t shown or mentioned, we, as viewers, must assume that it doesn’t really exist. Karofsky has his little cry and apology and we’re supposed to forgive him because he’s redeemed himself by ceasing to threaten Kurt’s life. Why? Why should we forgive him? I pity him, but I don’t forgive him. He shouldn’t have done it in the first place.

The writers wants us to forgive the bully, but they themselves still pick on Kurt. Sure, Kurt was brave. That little Kate Middleton quip was kind of cute. But why put him through it? Who in the school would have the motivation to vote Kurt Prom Queen? There has never been any indication that there were other people picking on him. It was a cheap ploy and it was fucked up. This entire story arc ends with Kurt being needlessly humiliated and no bullies have suffered for their actions. Tolerance, right? Tolerance for invisible bullies.

I’m sorry Kurt, I wouldn’t have allowed it. You are the dancing queen of my heart (sorry, Dancing Queen, you’re the dancing queen of my Internet).