Glee — Four Auditions and a Funeral

Don’t let the picture above fool you. It’s kind of hard for me to be jolly and bring the snark to an episode titled “Funeral.” Especially considering whose funeral it was…

Jean Sylvester, the only character that is universally liked by everyone. What a god damn bummer, right? Fuckin’ Glee writers, pandering to my deepest fears. How am I supposed to be lighthearted now? Everything seems so empty. Sigh.

Season 2, Episode 21: Funeral

What I Learned

• I AM NOT COMFORTABLE WITH DEATH IN MY LIGHTHEARTED TELEVISION ESCAPE. I can’t bear it. I just can’t bear Jean’s death. (I also had a migraine going into this episode and if you’ve ever had a migraine, you know that crying is just about the worst thing you can do when you have a migraine, except maybe going to a nightclub or watching Kanye West’s “All of the Lights” video.) Finn and Kurt, being total mensches, plan Jean’s funeral because Sue is just too torn up to do it. When asked why she allowed them to plan it even though she was still bitchy to them, she said, “I was afraid no one would come,” and I wept. Oh god, Sue. Anyway, Jean’s favorite movie is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and the Glee Club sings “Pure Imagination” at her funeral, giant candy and colorful mushrooms and lollipops decorating the area around her casket. It was, well, the sweetest. Sue even holds Will’s hand during their performance and a video showing Jean and Sue playing and doing stuff and laughing plays and god I just can’t bear it anymore. It smarts.
• Sue has a heart! Her desperation and inability to understand why her sister died instead of her is heartbreaking. Is she still a Grinch? Probably not, considering she wished the Glee Club luck and had Honey Badger fix up their flight to Nationals (which they had sabotaged earlier in the episode). Though on second thought, these Glee writers aren’t known for being terribly consistent so I’m sure she’ll be back to her old tricks next season.
• Jesse St. James is not cute. Seriously. This gif is complete 100% proof.
• Will ‘n Emma is a thing that we’re supposed to still care about. Huh. Well how ’bout that.
• Sue picks random Glee Club members to focus her hate on. Currently? “The Dancing Asian.” I chortled. (Gratuitous picture of Mike Chang’s sexy abs.)
• You can create a whole plotline (auditions to lead New Directions’ performance in Nationals!) just to have people sing songs and then end it with a little explanation (It’s tearing us apart! Original songs! All together now! Friends!). No one will notice how cheap and lazy that sort of writing is.

What I Haven’t Learned/Remaining Questions

• Why does the Glee club have a flyover in Chicago? They are flying from Ohio to New York. NO SENSE HAS BEEN MADE ON THIS MOMENTOUS NIGHT.
• Principal Figgins still uses AOL. I’m not sure if this handle is the funny part, or if it’s just that he still uses AOL.
• Why did Kurt wear that horrible, horrible outfit during his audition? Did you guys see that thing?! These were my notes:

Kurt’s hideous skull flower pants (?!) and tie-back zipper utility zest (WUT) oh god I am so distracted by the ugly what is this song even? From Gypsy? I hate this. Is this really what he chose to audition for lead in Nationals? I’m distracted by those clothes. Who even cares about the song anymore. Seriously that outfit is the ugliest. Just the ugliest ensemble I have ever seen in my life and I used to work at Juicy Couture.

• This meta reality show thing that Jesse is doing is not charming, Glee writers. Why are you doing this to me? We need to talk. (Read: I am going to set you guys on fire if this continues.) I can’t figure out if this was just some lazy comedy or if I was just too bummed out by Jean’s death to appreciate it. I did enjoy Jesse drawing a cat during Santana’s performance of “Back to Black,” though. One point for Jesse, one thousand and one points for anti-Jesse, whoever that may be.

Miscellaneous

• Puck should have auditioned for the male lead because I think Puck is the sexiest and also the seriously sexiest most talented dude in the Glee Club. (Seriously, have you guys seen this picture? I want to wallpaper it to the ceiling above my bed.)
• Jesse calling Mercedes’ bomb ass performance of “Try a Little Tenderness” (AKA my favorite song ever) “lazy” seems racist to me? Or am I over-thinking this? God, I hate Jesse. I don’t care for the overacting wide-mouth musical theater singing that Rachel and Kurt insist on doing every single time, so I feel that Jesse and I are obviously at cross purposes. Especially now that he’s all bloated because I hate being bloated. Also, did you notice that Jesse pulled that whole “That Song Is Supposed To Be Sung By A Lady” thing on Kurt, but did not pull that shit on Mercedes? INCONSISTENT DICKERY, JESSE ST. JERK.
• Rachel is still in love with Finn, Finn broke up with Quinn because he’s still in love with Rachel, Jesse kissed Rachel and pushed for her to win the lead in Nude Erections New Directions, Finn saw the kiss and was holding a single flower and he made a sad face and the flower looked droopy as though it too was sad and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
• There was not enough Brittany S. Pierce in this episode.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and cry a single tear and sing a Barbra Streisand song about how I love somebody too much, too much.