Daily Archives: February 18, 2011

16 posts

Confessions Of An Idiot

Anyone who has spent any amount of time poking around the internet in the last decade will know that one of the internet’s gale force powers to be reckoned with is the power to make you famous for doing or saying something stupid. In dork-speak I think this malevolence would be referred to as chaotic-neutral. Doesn’t seem to matter what kind of stupid. Funny, dangerous, offensive, et al. If it was recorded, the world will see it and judge. The internet only facilitates.

I feel bad for many of these once and future memes. Haven’t we all said something dumb or had too much to drink and said “I can make that jump”? You’re a liar if you said “no”. That being said I thought I’d volunteer a couple of wickedly dumb things I’ve done in the past in hopes that you may too and we all may judge a little less harshly.

I was an art major in college. Specifically painting. As anyone who has gone to college knows you often enough end up with holes in your schedule that you can’t find anything degree-useful to fill with. After paying tuition the extra class fee seems kinda whatever so I would fill these holes with random classes. Anthropology, ancient Chinese history, whatever. I tried to do it with other art classes if I could which is how I ended up taking a marble carving class.

This class was awesome. I’m glad I took it. For one thing every other sculpture class I took firstly involved a long discussion of what equipment, fumes, radiation, glue, et cetera would kill you. This class started off with “Marble is calcium. You can eat it.”. Win! Maybe that’s what’s wrong with my teeth…

Most art carving is done with a pneumatic hammer these days. However to get the basic chunk of marble ready you need to cut it with a saw. We used handheld circular saws. The particular saws we had were equipped with safety switches whereas holding the button down it was on, slip your thumb off & it went off. I guess this prevents people from setting down saws that have watched too many Tom & Jerry cartoons that would then chase you and have a lunchbox would land on your head.

You know that rule about not wearing loose clothing around dangerous machinery? That’s a good one. Know the one about maybe not using a piece of dangerous machinery while by yourself out in a stoneyard? That one if it hasn’t been written should be.

I was cutting a block of marble by myself after hours with a loose sweatshirt on when said sweatshirt got caught up in the saw wrapped itself around my hand disallowing me from releasing the safety switch and thusly pulling the (running) saw closer and closer to my abdomen.

Fortunately I’m not much for panic. I walked over to where the two extension cords powering the saw went together, pulled them apart with my feet, put away my tools, walked downtown and proceeded to pummel my near death experience with Jack Daniels.

I’m a lot more trepidatious around power tools these days. Evisceration didn’t seem like it’d be much fun.

Oh and if you want to make fun of me for being a girl using power tools poorly I will pre-empt this urge of yours by informing you that I know how to weld. Not solder. Weld.

Ghost Stories Open Thread

Good evening, my friend. It has been a few days since I have posted a conspiracy/paranormal/creepy overnight thread so here we go.

Did you know that UFOs were actually created by Nikola Tesla and that the CIA and Yahoo are covering it up. The proof is right here on this great 90s looking website.

Speaking of bad website design, I would be remiss if I didn’t give you at least one Reptilians link. See, Crasstalk doesn’t look so bad now, does it? Protip: The worse the website, the more epic the conspiracy theory.

Did you know that Stephen King shot John Lennon, and that Richard Nixon helped him cover it up? Now you do. You’re welcome.

Want more? Here’s a whole YouTube channel of creepy videos:

Sleep tight and watch out for the visitors.

Photo Phriday: Road Trip!

Welcome to the second installment of Crasstalk Photo Phriday. Tonight we’re going on a road trip. Let’s see your pictures of:

  • Roadside attractions
  • Funny signs made by foreigners
  • Creepy Rob Zombie-esque desert hickvilles
  • Cars with hundreds of tchotchkes glued to the hood (not actually Tchotchke glued to the hood, hopefully)
  • Genuinely beautiful roadside landscapes
  • Those hitchikers that God told you to murder back in the cold, cold winter of 81

And since we usually do an alternate subject for those of you who don’t have ANY pictures from ANY road trip you EVER took (can you see me rolling my eyes, because I am), how about just post an interesting photo from any trip you took anywhere.

Here are instructions for how to post your pictures in the comments:

  • This is the magic computer code you use to make pictures appear: <img src=”PHOTO URL HERE“>
  • And it’s “photo URL“, not “photo file.” See, Crasstalk is a stubborn mistress, and she doesn’t accept gifts from your hard drive–only from the internet. Upload your photo to Facebook, Flickr, TinyPic, or any other online photo hosting site.
  • Or, if it’s something of which there’s more than one in the world, you might wanna just see if there’s a picture of your chosen knickknack online somewhere.
  • So for instance, let’s say I want to share with you all a photo of, oh, I dunno, my stepdad. But I don’t have any photos on my computer of him, and he’s out getting wasted again at the Applebee’s bar. Luckily, I find a picture of him online and insert it like so:

<img src=”http://www.stepdadsgettingitonwitheachother.com/passed-out/shirt_unbuttoned.jpg“ />

  • I go to the site in question, browse new pics for about a half hour (optional), subscribe to the site’s RSS feed (also optional), and then find the image of my dad. I right-click the picture (Ctrl-click, if I’m on a Mac) and select “View Image.” A new page appears, with just my photo on it! Oh boy.  Now all I do is copy-and-paste the URL and plug it into the img src html code. Voilà!

Recipes for People Who Can’t Cook Good

As a typical aimless twenty-something, my busy schedule of wasting my life on the Internet and staring meaningfully into the distance often makes it  hard to find the time to eat properly. Unfortunately, articles with titles like “20-minute Meals” or “One Pot Dishes” appear to be written for people who don’t know how to cook yet have a kitchen stocked with fresh sage leaves, something called “cumin,” and a whole bunch of other stuff that sounds totally made up, along with the standard spouse and 2.5 kids. They do not address themselves to the concerns and lifestyles of those whose tiny pantry is mostly taken up by their roommates’ pretzels and boxes of mac n’ cheese, and whose part-time blogging job does not allow them to purchase fancy ingredients most of which will inevitably spoil.

Clearly, what is needed is a series of recipes for people who are willing to cut up and/or mix some things and put them on the stove, but not much else. The idea is to keep it as simple and minimalist as possible while still turning out things that are hopefully a step above reheated pasta with a can of tuna dumped into it. No ingredients that you wouldn’t be able to find at the crappy Associated or Key Foods on your street, no long instructions for making your own sauce if you can buy something similar in a bottle, no perishable ingredients that only come in larger quantities than you can reasonably use by yourself, and no unnecessary garnishes or decorative crap.

With that in mind, I give you:

Creamy mushroom chicken and potatoes with spices and herbs and junk

If your final product doesn't look like this, you have completely and utterly failed.

Makes one serving. If you’ve got a problem with that, maybe you should ask your loving partner to help you with the multiplication. Jerk.


-1/4 can cream of mushroom soup
-1/2 boneless, skinless chicken breast, diced
-Marinade (lemon pepper, herb garlic, or Italian dressing)
-Some chopped fresh onion
-Some vinegar or white cooking wine

-2 red potatoes the size of small fists (if you’re a real cheapskate and insist on using regular brown potatoes, go ahead, but don’t say I didn’t warn you)
-Some salt, pepper, oregano and other random spices
-Some olive oil or vegetable oil or whatever
-Fresh garlic or garlic/onion powder

Cut up the potatoes into small pieces, like eighths or something, and put them in a bowl. Then pour some oil and whatever spices you have in your pantry on them. I don’t know how much, just go crazy. If you’ve got some real garlic, chop it up real small and toss some of that in too, otherwise just use garlic or onion powder. Then stir all that shit until the potatoes are coated. Put them on a baking tray lined with tin foil and put that in the oven at 550 degrees for like 25-30 minutes, depending on whether you remembered to preheat – I never do.

While those are baking, heat up some oil on a frying pan, and dump in the chicken that you should’ve had marinating for at least an hour. Sprinkle some salt and pepper on it. Toss the chopped onions in there too, what the hell. Fry it for like 5 minutes or until it looks fairly solid. Then add in the 1/4 can of mushroom soup and like half a tablespoon of vinegar or a dash of white wine, and stir that all together.  Sprinkle that with some garlic powder if you want, because there’s no such thing as too much garlic. Fry it for a couple more minutes, stirring occasionally, until you see the creamy sauce start to turn brown and sticky, then TURN OFF THE FLAME WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU DO YOU WANT THE WHOLE GODDAMN THING TO BURN?

If you have managed to get this far without hopelessly screwing everything up, dump the creamy chicken goop on top of the potatoes that you hopefully remembered to take out of the oven and OM NOM NOM NOM. But not right away, because it’s hot and stuff.

Found Footage Friday – The Movie that Scared a Generation (in one small Indiana town)

Hello and welcome to the first Found Footage Friday, where I present all sorts of video footage you may find surprising and entertaining. I’m going to start with something very close to home.

I grew up in Bloomington, Indiana in the 1980s. Home of Indiana University and its esteemed folklore department and a small but thriving public access cable channel. I don’t know if it was a student’s folklore project or something the department decided to do, but if you say “Haunted Indiana” to any Bloomington child of the ’80s, they will tell you how it totally scared the hell out of them when they were kids. We now look back on it with great fondness and, thanks to the internet, it is something I can share with all of you.

It’s a collection of short horror stories based on Indiana folklore, shot on a budget of two buttons and a shoelace with a soundtrack stolen from Hitchcock’s Psycho and narrated by local TV personality Mike White. Here it is in all its glory. There is not much for me to tell you about it, just watch it (it’s less than an hour long) and discover the frightening horror that is Haunted Indiana-

Haunted Indiana Part 1 – Intro

Haunted Indiana Part 2 – Haunted Woods

Haunted Indiana Part 3 – The Cable Line Monster

Haunted Indiana Part 4 – The Campers

Haunted Indiana Part 5 – Burnt (a.k.a. the boring one before the really scary one)

Haunted Indiana part 6 – Monster in the Bedroom

That last one gave hundreds of children nightmares about never waking up the next morning. I hope you enjoyed the movie that was the stuff of nightmares for one midwestern town with a population (at the time) of less than 50,000 people. The world may never known the horror of Haunted Indiana, but now you do. Welcome to our nightmare.

Stray Tracks of the Week (2/14-2/18/11)

I listen to music constantly, and I’m constantly acquiring new things. So much, in fact, that serious evaluation on an album-by-album basis is impossible. To ensure my musical hoarding doesn’t amount to too much waste, I’ve elected to begin picking out choice tracks from my catch and reviewing them, here. I’m hoping to make this a weekly thing, every Thursday or Friday night, mods willin’.

This week yielded a bumper crop of drone-folk and neoclassical records that I’m falling in love with, along with my usual assortment of House and club music oddities. We start out with Portland, the whitest town on Earth, and its lovely indie-folk.

Laura Gibson & Ethan Rose – Younger (from Bridge Carols on Holocene Music)

Hate to say it, but there’s only one thing remotely problematic with Laura Gibson & Ethan Rose’s Bridge Carols music, and that’s Gibson’s vocal similarity to a great many other indie darling folksters, particularly Joanna Newsom or Regina Spektor (it’s the heaviness of the “ah” and “aw” sounds, I think). It’s not a terrible detriment by any means – indeed, while it wears a bit thin over the entire album, it’s quite effective on a song-to-song basis, particularly in the LP’s first three tracks, the last of which is “Younger”. Ethan Rose’s bed of warm, swooning woodwinds, electro-acoustic trickery (chiming guitar and a bit of… jangling keys, sounds like) and sparingly applied brass evoke the dream-like feel of some of Grouper‘s more romantic tracks, but it only lasts for about half the song – the final 3 minutes are bog-standard, if pleasant, acoustic folk.

Gibson’s lyrics are nonsensical, all stars and fighting and dark places, but it’s fairly difficult to focus on them – the purpose of the song is the mood it creates, and every element of the song sheds definition in service to it. Not the strongest track on the album, but a beautiful and relaxing one all the same.

(“Bridge Carols” looks to be unavailable for purchase in the US on Boomkat, but it’s apparently available via 7digital.)

FaltyDL – Hip Love (from the Hip Love single on Ramp Recordings)

FaltyDL (ne Andrew Lustman) is one of the more prolific producers operating at the moment, releasing some new remix every few weeks and dropping an album or a clutch of EPs (or both) on a yearly basis, and perhaps as a result of that his sound hasn’t really grown in some time. Sure, he’s changed things up a time or two, but ever since he dropped the weirder, more melodic elements of his full-length debut Love is a Liability in favor of straightforward NY Garage revivalism, all his tracks have been either somewhat samey (most every single he’s released in the last year, plus the Phreqaflex EP) or nondescript (Endeavour, a slo-House experiment that should have been much more effective than it ended up being). One gets a sense there’s a definite “quantity over quality” problem occurring here.

While “Hip Love” has all the same elements that make up Lustman’s lackluster tracks (the shuffle in the rhythm and his signature snare / hi-hat sound)  it’s apparent that something is just a bit different this time around, and it doesn’t fully register until about the 1:45 mark, when he launches into a  jazzy drum machine solo that belies Lustman’s hidden love for jungle. It perfectly fits in with the smoky NYC soul aesthetic articulated through the chanteuse vox and horn brass samples that pepper the track. It’s easily the best thing Lustman’s done since All in the Place dropped almost a year ago.

(You can grab the “Hip Love” single, featuring a remix from Jamie xx of The xx fame, for download over at Boomkat)

Mountains – Map Table (from Choral on Thrill Jockey)

I like drone music of all kinds. Most people, I think, get apprehensive when they hear the term “drone” being thrown around, and not without good reason – the sort of dense, academic tone-music that someone like, say, Keith Fullerton Whitman routinely creates will only appeal to certain people. But there are many disparate and distinct schools of drone music, and perhaps the most accessible of these is folk-drone. Where synth-based drone is often alienating and esoteric, folk-drone tends towards the sort of uplift and sustained bliss that’s commonly associated with its stylistic cousins in post-rock and ambient music. The focus on acoustic instrumentation is a big part of it – there’s a certain vital element introduced in folk-drone that is often missing in more experimental variants of the form.

Mountains’ Choral is a good example. Many otherwise drone-averse listeners will be immediately struck by the sustained, undulating organ (is there a more beautiful sound?) upon which the title track slowly build into a vibrant wall of sound. An entire album of this sort of composition would end up rich but ultimately a little daunting, and Mountains subvert expectations to some extent with the launch of their next song, “Map Table”, which is built almost entirely around an evocatively played acoustic guitar. Comparisons to neo-folk artists like James Blackshaw are probably inevitable, but ultimately the track avoids the sort of showboating that virtuosos like Blackshaw sometimes fall prey to. A little after the 3 minute mark the melody is dropped and the guitar becomes a percussive instrument, creating a sound like bicycle spokes clicking erratically as lulling, murky piano comes to usher the song towards its end. The attention paid to the acoustic guitar is sustained over the next few tracks, holding the otherwise effervescent album together. A little bit of variety goes a long way.

(“Choral” is available digitally from the Fina store. I would strongly advise tracking down a vinyl copy, as it includes two excellent extra tracks)

Deaf Center – The Day I Never Would Have (from Owl Splinters on Type)

I have to credit Svarte Greiner (ne Erik K. Skodvin) and Otto Totland for, in large part, introducing me to “modern classical” fandom.  Greiner’s “doom folk” (his album covers are art in themselves) and Totland’s cinematic piano pieces (check out his Nest project’s Retold, you won’t regret it – my favorite record of 2010) helped me develop the patience that’s often required to digest the more deliberate compositions that I seek out in the present day. Their second collaborative LP as Deaf Center, Owl Splinters, is one I plan on reviewing in full at some point in the near future, but I thought I’d take a moment to focus on the album’s centerpiece, the grand epic “The Day I Would Never Have”.

At 11 minutes it seems daunting, but from the moment Totland’s grand piano first makes its appearance the song begins to slowly gain an undeniable momentum. Skodvin’s elegaic, quietly wailing strings surface and they build and build up in intensity, endlessly, upward until the song becomes a seething mass. Then it drops, like a continental shelf, leaving Totland to reintroduce his flitting, graceful piano in an open expanse. It’s a breathtaking piece, almost too effective for the album as a whole to hold, and it delivers fully on the promise of Skodvin and Totland’s collaboration.

(You can buy “Owl Splinters” at Boomkat)

Whew! That took longer than I expected. I might have to stick to 3 or so songs a week or at least work on my brevity problem. Hope you liked some of this stuff! I’ll be back next week, barring excessive school obligations, with more.

Friday Night Open Thread Chaos

WhoooHooo! It’s Friday night. Hopefully you will have a chance to relax and wind down from the week.  Today is national Drink Wine Day.  We all hate conforming, so screw that.

Here is how you make a Manhattan, which is my favorite cocktail.

What you need:
1 ounce rye whiskey
1 ounce sweet vermouth
1 ounce dry vermouth< Lemon twist for garnish What you do with it: Chill a martini glass in the freezer. Place ice in a cocktail pitcher or shaker. Pour whiskey and sweet and dry vermouths into the shaker or pitcher. Shake or stir to mix. Strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with a twist of lemon. (Note: The Grand Inquisitor prefers a maraschino cherry to lemon, and she pours just a little of the juice in with the vermouth. It makes it a grown up version of a Roy Rogers).

Don’t drink? Make one of these, they are tasty and easy.

What you need:
2 oz peach nectar
chilled sparkling cider
What you do with it: Pour the peach nectar into a Champagne flute. Slowly add the Cider. Smile knowing you won’t have a hangover tomorrow.

Have a wonderful evening.

Stop Crying, There Will Be an NFL Season (maybe)

Since labor troubles in 1987 cancelled one game and saw replacement players in NFL uniforms, labor issues have been minor compared to the other major American sports leagues. The NBA, NHL, and Major League Baseball have all seen seasons cut short (or cancelled altogether) as a result of labor strife. Now the NFL is facing a real possibility of losing games in 2011.

Cigars and brandy, NFL Owners' second biggest expense after player salaries

The main issue in labor talks is how to split up the reported $9 billion in revenue the league and its teams take in each year. Under the current Collective Bargaining Agreement (CBA), the first $1 billion off the top belongs to the team owners. Of the remaining revenue, 60% goes toward player salaries while the balance goes to the owners and team expenses. The owners claim that rising costs are directing most of the profits toward the players, and that they should receive a bigger portion of the $9 billion. Some of their proposals involve increasing their primary allocation from $1 billion to $2 billion and reducing the 60% of the excess revenue that goes to the players. Their position is that they no longer want to pay the players as much as they are.

There is a key bargaining difference between “not wanting to pay” and being “unable to pay”, and that’s a main sticking point for the NFL Players Association. If the owners came to the bargaining table and claimed they could not afford to pay the players, the NFLPA would have a legal to right to examine owners’ financials. NFL owners, however, have claimed that general economic difficulties are resulting in an overall strain on profits. Essentially, they’re saying “We can pay you that much, we just don’t want to.” Under established labor law, the NFLPA has no rights to see team financial statements if this is the case. Players do have audit rights, but owners are only obligated to show them team revenues and not expenses.

So what happens now?

Many expect that an agreement will not be reached before the current CBA expires on March 3rd, and the owners will lock out the players shortly thereafter. This will affect the off-season in a number of ways until a deal is reached:

Some owners have even sent their kids in to negotiate with players.
  • The NFL draft will still happen in late April, but teams will not be able to sign their draft picks, trade draft picks that involve a current NFL player, or sign undrafted rookies. The teams will essentially pick their guy and then wait until a new CBA is hashed out.
  • Free agents are out of luck. Players whose contracts have expired cannot sign with another NFL team while players are locked out. They could go play for a team in another league like the CFL or UFL.
  • Players under contract will not be paid, and (most likely) could not play for another league. Teams could not bar a player from working at all, but could possibly bring legal action if a player participated in another football league. During the NHL’s cancelled 2004-05 season, many players went to Europe and played professionally there, and owners had no issues. NFL owners have already stated they might.
  • Head coaches will most likely be paid during a lockout, but their assistants most likely will not be. Coaches’ contracts are written differently from those of players and assistants, and most will continue to receive full salaries even if no football is played.

The implications become much greater if a deal still hasn’t been reached in August, when teams are ramping up for the regular season. A shortened pre-season or regular season would be the most innocuous result. Replacement players have and can be used if the owners want to stage the games.

Players are preparing for the lockout. Tom Brady replaced his dog's bed of hundred dollar bills with twenties.

The worst possible scenario is one where a deal still hasn’t been reached well into the fall which results in a cancelled season and no Super Bowl.

In any labor negotiation, both sides want to feel like they stood up for their constituents and fought as hard as they could. This is the main reason why a deal most likely won’t be done before August. Any conclusion before then will make it look like one side gave in and let the other side win. I wouldn’t expect a deal before August or September with the most likely effect being a shortened season. In the end, I think the billionaires will win out over the millionaires, owners will get their concessions, and the game will go on.

In the meantime, most fans (yours truly included) will continue to freak out about the possiblity of no NFL in 2011. I don’t even want to think about all the time I spend watching NFL network in the summer hearing about how my favorite players have been arrested or showed up to camp overweight. The thought of having to work after 2pm on Fridays and Tuesdays, key times for fantasy football owners, frightens me more than birds do. (And I REALLY hate birds.) But most devastatingly, the thought of spending Sundays at home instead of at a bar watching the Vikings sends chills down my spine. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but COME ON.

Let’s all just hope that this gets worked out and such fears aren’t realized. If August is on our calendars and labor issues remain, we’ll circle back and figure out what the hell to do with our lives.

Dealing with Hangovers

So I’m hungover today because, well, fuck it, I get wasted on Thursdays. What’s it to you?

Unfortunately, everyone of us here has probably experienced the foul stench and unwelcome presence of a blinding hangover. It’s not pleasant and the longer your career in binge drinking goes on the worst they seem to be.
Gone are the days when we could leap out of bed after a night of reckless drinking with nary a problem an aspirin couldn’t solve.  You may experience extreme nausea, a head ache that feels like its crushing your eyeballs together and bouts of light-headedness that could lead to you falling down a flight of stairs and more lethargy than a college freshmen at 4:25 on a Tuesday afternoon.

That being said, these are perhaps small prices to pay for that rollicking good time you had down at Billy Bob’s Dollar Beer Dance Hall. No one is suggesting you stop drinking but its time to start taking hangover management seriously.

It being Friday and a long weekend I figure a lot of us are going to be hungover sometime within the next 2-3 days. Keeping in mind that there is no quick fix to a hangover, this article is intended to go over some of mine and the internet’s favorite ways to ease the pain of a drunk brain.  However, first let us look at just why you feel like shit:

image via bitsandpieces.us

Basically you feel like shit because you’re dehydrated like a motherfucker. Seriously. Ethanol creates a dehydrating effect by making you have to piss every five minutes or “increased urine production” for all the science nerds. Probably the most disturbing consequence of this process occurs in the brain and is the main reason for the dreadful headache you have. You see, as much as we all like to think that our brains are very special and should be cherished, the body doesn’t share this opinion. When you start becoming dehydrated your body diverts water from fluid rich parts of your body (i.e. your brain) to your vital organs to prevent organ failure and death. This process leads to a brain less saturated in fluids which causes your brain to shrink in size and pull on the ling that attaches it to the inside of your cranial vault. That’s right, your brain is literally ripping itself apart from its internal lining. Think about that the next time your on your fifth double-whiskey.

The rest of your hangover symptoms seem mostly related to the fact that drinking alcohol seriously impairs your organs’ ability to do their job. Your stomach lining becomes inflamed with causes, in part, the nausea, your liver can’t metabolize sugar which leads to low bl0od sugar which makes you lethargic and your pancreas kicks the production of digestive chemicals into overdrive causing stomach pain.

Given the significant role dehydration plays in your hangover its not surprising, then, that my first and absolutely essential treatment is:

1. Drink your ass some water: Do this before going to bed if you can. Just down as much water as possible. It tastes so good! Its so refreshing, mmm yes water, I love you.  If your too fucked up the night before to even consider managing anything other than making it to your bed then begin hydro therapy immediately waking.

2. Have an amazing breakfast: if you have time, whip up some bacon and eggs, with toast if you like or even just a bacon sandwich, nom nom nom .

3. Just get drunk again: also known as Hair of the Dog, a desire to immediately get drunk again may indicate that you’re an alcoholic but you always knew you’d end up like your father anyway, right?

Warning! Going to work completely shit faced will likely result in your immediate termination!

4. Get some exercise: I know you just feel like laying in bed right now but if you can get outside and go for a walk, or a run, you will feel better I promise you. Nothing cuts through a hangover like adrenaline.

5. Smoke Weed.

Attention! Smoking weed is illegal do not do it!

But, if you happen to have some lying around and your hungover, then if you happen to light it on fire and inhale the smoke that arises from it then there is a chance you will feel a lot better. This isn’t the best idea, again, if you have to go to work. It would not be a good thing for your boss to be like, “Hey! I thought I told you to bring those TVs from the warehouse onto the floor!” and your all like

Dude, what TVs?

The sweet, sweet Mary Jane will ease your nausea and headache and make you sleepy so you can go sleep of your hangover. I usually opt for a combination of all these. Upon waking up with a hangover, drink lots of water, have some food, smoke some weed and go back to bed for a while. When you finally properly get out of bed, get out of the house and go for a walk or a bike ride.


Have a nice weekend everyone!

 bacon sandwich via here, stoner pic via here.

It’s Almost Happy Hour Open Thread

Good afternoon. I know from our site stats that this is the time of day when most of you stop in to waste time at work. Welcome. Please open an excel spreadsheet that you can quickly switch to when your boss walks by. In honor of the President’s Day weekend here is some presidential trivia.

• George Washington was the only president who did not represent a political party.

• James Madison was the first president to wear trousers rather than knee breeches.

• John Quincy Adams regularly swam nude in the Potomac River. The first American professional journalist, Anne Royall, knew of Adams’ 5:00 a.m. swims. After being refused interviews with Adams many times, she went to the river, gathered his clothes and sat on them until she had her interview. Before this, no female had interviewed a president.

• Andrew Jackson was the first American president to experience and survive an assassination attempt. Jackson was at the Capitol when an unemployed house painter fired a pistol at him. The pistol misfired. The would-be assassin drew a second pistol, which also misfired.

•William Henry Harrison delivered the longest inaugural address, and was the first president to die in office, about 32 days after elected. On March 4, he gave a 105 minute speech and did not wear an overcoat or hat. He developed pneumonia and died in the White House exactly one month after giving his speech, on April 4.

• Chester A. Arthur was nicknamed “Elegant Arthur” because of his fashion sense.

Have a great weekend. I will be celebrating in Washington DC because I love America more than you and I don’t want the terrorists to win.