Daily Archives: February 15, 2011

17 posts

Did Shell just admit that we have hit peak oil?

Peak Oil has been hotly debated for many years. It is generally agreed (aside from a few on the fringe) that the Earth has a finite amount of oil. The question has always been at what point will it start to run out and that point is what is known as peak oil- the point where we are extracting as much as can be extracted. After that, wells dry up, slowly at first, and the price of oil steadily rises.

Many scientists and environmentalists have been warning that we have either hit peak oil already or that we are about to. The petroleum industry has, so far, been on the side of people claiming it’s a long way off.

Until now, that is. From The Seitch Blog:

Shell today published Signals and Signposts – a report into future energy scenarios which their look at global developments in the world’s energy supply, use and needs.

Frankly its kind of shocking, you don’t need to look too hard between the lines to see that they are scared. They more of less come right out and say that even with new discoveries and efficiency measure there simply wont be enough oil (energy) for everyone that wants it, and that a return to the “price boom,” that was interrupted when the economy fell apart, could (and probably will) return. They also say (in their special oil company speak) that global warming is going to be a big problem, and going to get bigger.

‘Kind of shocking’ is putting it mildly. When the even the oil companies are admitting that there is a problem, we are in serious trouble.

What are we doing about it? Very little. As Jon Stewart pointed out recently, the last seven presidents have promised us energy independence and haven’t delivered it and all energy independence means is we stop relying on foreign oil, not stop relying on oil completely. In his State of the Union Address this year, President Obama made the step of promising to reduce our greenhouse emissions by 80% (again, not directly related to oil, but close)… by 2050.

What to expect in the future? Gas prices are already on the increase and that looks unlikely to stop. We will pass that magical $5 a gallon and barely notice. Food prices will also go up due both to our dependence on trucks for food transport and because global food prices are already at record highs. The industrialize world will probably not feel any major effects for a while now. I’m not suggesting we all head for our fallout shelters* because the sky is falling, but I do believe that we are on a major decline the likes of which we have not seen in living memory. I wish I could be optimistic about this, but I just don’t think we’redoing enough to stop the snowball rolling down the hill.

Sorry to bring you all down on an already gloomy Monday, but this was too important not to share.

* The house I’m renting happens to have a really poorly-built fallout shelter. Article on that coming soon.

The Art of Erotic E-mail

(Photo by Aimee Ketsdever)

My name is LeftCoastLady and I’m a slut…on e-mail…and have no intention of stopping.

Sending someone – whether they’re a potential mate, your significant other, or just an “other” – a carefully crafted erotic e-mail takes practice. Not to be cliché, but it truly is a delicate balance. Just because you’re sending a note via e-mail doesn’t mean you should slack off on the creativity.

While you don’t want to be too vulgar, you also don’t want to be so subtle the inference goes flying over their cranium. Leave lots of clues, but also allow them to fill in the blanks using their imagination. This is key if you want the e-mail exchange to go beyond one round.

Get descriptive. Tell them how you smell, what you’re wearing/not wearing, or even what you’re eating. Describing the eating of an especially juicy piece of fruit in combination of how it tastes – and, oops, some just dribbled down your chin – can send some over the top. Once the correspondence has gone a couple of rounds, start to get into the specifics of what you like as well as what you want to do or to have done to you. Make sure your responses feed off one another. If they want to talk about kissing, then your response should tell them where you want to be kissed and how (soft, hard, lots of tongue, etc.).

It should go without saying, but accurate spelling and grammar is key. Don’t send a message so riddled with errors your object of affection spends more time deciphering your intention than actually enjoying the thought of you and all the naughty things they want to do.

Like a knowing wink or an inviting smile, an erotic e-mail message can provide both the sender and the recipient with pleasure and a sense of anticipation for what will happen later on when they meet in person and are able to act out what was written.

If successful, the message will make them cross or shift their legs, make their body temperature rise, and change their breathing patterns.

Now, if you excuse me, I have an e-mail to send…

High School “Glamour Gals” Are Not Doing What You Expect

On a so-called “Christian” blog, a commenter named Colleen commented that she was a teacher, and she thinks that teenage boys are “disgusting”.  If I was on the school board where she worked, I’d fire her bitchy ass so fast her dewlaps would flap.

Teenage girls are stereotyped as being screamy, vapid, obsessed with clothes and the attention of boys, which they don’t know what to do with when they get it.

In Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, the snooty maitre’d at Chez Quis regards young Ferris with disdain and says “I weep for the future.”

Negative stereotypes do apply to some teenagers.  But like any gross generalization, it’s false to a large degree.

Half Hollow Hills High School West is a public school on Long Island, located between the affluent towns of Huntington and Dix Hills, and serving the not-so-affluent South Huntington and Babylon areas.  Because it’s a large Long Island district, it’s ethnically and economically diverse.  It’s one of the top ranked public school districts in the US.

They have a club called “Glamour Gals*”.  What do they do?

Twice a week, these 15 girls go to Atria, an assisted living facility, and give manicures and spa treatments to the elderly residents.  Some boys don’t want to miss out on the fun, so they joined them on their most recent visit.  The boys and men discussed history, sports, and played trivia games.  “The people at Atria get to make new friends with us, and we get to hear their cool and interesting stories.”, said Ross Beloff.  Classmate Christina Napoi summed up the project by saying “People may say we’re doing community service, but it never feels that way.”  The name of the club is likely to change once more boys join. (*source – Newsday)

The next time someone goes all “Get off my lawn!” at a kid who isn’t doing anything wrong, Imma lay some smackdown on ’em.

I always talk to my beloved nieces as if they were adults, and their parents have observed “They never have an attitude when we come to visit you!”  Hmph.  Wonder why that is?

If you have a young’un in your life, raise your expectations and treat them with respect.  The results may surprise you.

What’s a Nice Open Post Doing in a Place Like This?

Good morning. Hopefully you are more chipper than I am today. A couple of housekeeping announcements. Please take a moment to read the new commenting guidelines and the writing rules posted by our Beloved Leader last night. Also, there will be a writers workshop thread starting about 8 pm EST tonight so we can all get together and talk about our “art.” I hope that we can all use this as an excuse to exercise our pretension muscles.  Actually, I am really hoping we can give each other support and develop our ideas. Continue reading

Life, Death and Violence: A Study of February 15

It’s New Music Tuesday so we here at LD&V are introducing a new feature: Flashback Tuesdays. Our first pick is the number one song the week of February 15,  1986: How Will I Know? by the one and only Whitney Houston.

LIFE! (Coperni’NO HE DIDN’T!)

Today is a popular day for popular people to be born.

  • 1564- Galileo Galilee: The famed astronomer who championed Copernicanism (Earth revolves around the Sun) and was placed under house arrest during the Inquisition because of it is also the star of a really fantastic play by Bertol Brecht*. He also continued the development of the telescope based on Dutch schematics, developed the microscope and was responsible for a number of technological and scientific advances. He would have been pardoned and been granted a life of freedom had he recanted his views at his hearing, but the man stuck to his guns, which is incredibly noble and brave.
  • 1710: King Louis XV of France: He’s basically the cause for the French Revolution.
  • 1820: Susan B. Anthony: Women can vote because of the efforts of this magnificent lady, but, tragically, she died 13 years before the passage of the 19th Amendment in 1919.
  • 1954: Matt Groening: Created the Simpsons and will always have a special place in our hearts, even if the show has been on for about ten seasons too long.
  • 1955: Janice Dickinson: Just look at her.

  • 1964: Chris Farley: Beloved American Comedian
  • 1980: Conor Oberst: Lead singer of Bright Eyes, lust object for every emo girl and gay boy from the ages of 14-21 (though we liked him better with the shorter hair)

DEATH! (It’s sad)

Today’s deathday is overshadowed by one huge name, Nat King Cole, one of the greatest vocalists of the jazz and big band eras. He was a three pack a day smoker which led to his early demise at the tender age of forty-five. We’ll let the music speak for itself.

VIOLENCE! (ZING! BANG! BOOM! POW! ZAP!)

  • 1898: SHOOT EM UP! BANG! BOOM! The USS Maine exploded off the coast of Havana, Cuba, causing the United States to declare war on Spain. The Americans would win, granting Cuban independence as well as effectively destroying the once mighty Spanish Empire. Yellow Journalism also played a heavy role in swaying public opinion during the war and shaping the American national identity. This is the war that brought the Americans to the forefront of interfering in global affairs as before, it was primarily a country in isolation, warring only with those that infringed upon its borders. With Cuban independence came great economic gains to American interests (at least until the Cuban Embargo) and, ironically, to Spain as well as Spanish companies in the Americas went back and invested in the Iberian Peninsula.
  • 2003: 600 cities worldwide united in peaceful protest against the Iraq War.

OTHER NEAT THINGS THAT HAPPENED! (They’re neat. Trust us)

  • 1758: Mustard is introduced paving the way for developments that would mark President Obama an elitist for preferring the far superior dijon variety.
  • 1897: The Oscilloscope was invented, making it far easier to tune our instruments. That is, if we played any. I mean, there was that brief stint with the violin a few years back, but that didn’t go nearly as well as we’d hoped so we just gave up. Honest though, we don’t give up on everything. Just instruments. And bad dates.
  • 1903: The best thing to happen to toys before Bakelite™.

  • 1955: Diamonds are a girls best friend, but cubic zirconia turned out to be a lot lighter on the wallet.
  • 1972: William Kolff patented the artificial heart, saving millions of future lives in the process. He would also develop the kidney dialysis machine making him a medical wizard in our eyes. Team Kolff! (we imagine ourselves saying later in life when we’re old and frail instead of young and spry)
  • 2005: YouTube was launched, killing the illusion that we could properly manage our time.

Thank you for joining us once again in this fantastic world of ours. Until next time, remember, diamonds last forever, but you can’t eat them or cubic zirconia (and you’re just cheap if you’re going to be buying us the fake stuff. Just go to the mall and get something low carat and cheap).

Besides, the way to our heart is with food. We’ll take a patty melt with a side of fries and a Faygo Rock N’ Rye**, please.

*Seriously though. Read Life of Galileo. It’s a great play.

**We are aware that that billboard advertises RedPop!, but it’s the same brand and Rock N’ Rye is just better, okay!? Foodie regionalism is fun.

Things to Consider for Next Year’s Grammys

So Sunday night’s Grammys were excruciating! Did the quality of the show equal the length? No! Did the performances meet the overall expectation of mediocre and mostly unmemorable? Yes!  If I could describe the whole show in a sentence I’d probably say…”It was like watching Gwyneth Paltrow sing with Muppets while Cee Lo Green possibly laid a rainbow colored egg in a technicolor HannaBarbera turkey costume.” But that really happened!

What were some of the things that we’ve seen before that they should never do again, but probably will?

Get Your Hair Swoops Prepared

By next year Justin Bieber will no longer be a bubble gum sensation; all the purple hoodies and singing in a boyishly girlish falsetto will be dunzo. So who will be the next crooner with a swoop thing on their heads made of rubber cement and owl feathers?

I think it’s safe to say that given the current trajectory of Jaden and Willow Smith’s career of nepotism and genetic privilege…they’ll be the next celebrity spawn to launch a music career fully funded and endorsed by their parents…and the world. I imagine the whole Smith clan will take the stage at next year’s Grammys . Perhaps there will be a light show and a Scientology Colonic given to audience members as they perform. I mean what else could there be when Scientologistic alien people-pods start hypnotizing the world with their lulling lifeforce sounds?  Music?

Gaga Gone Madonna, Egads!

Personally, I’m done with this gimmick princess. Don’t many of us, when watching la Gags, believe it’s still 2009, so the eventual appearance of Gaga in a gilded cage full of human hearts and peanut brittle, makes you sigh just a little, especially when she comes trotting out of an egg incubator ready to shock you…and she sings Madonna’s Express Yourself? Yes, because that’s what Gaga fans need…more access to a time capsule. Fantastic. 2009 becomes 1989. Be prepared, Gagaophiles, because 2010 will be mostly shit, but you don’t know that yet! So yes, I predict more Madonna bastardization from Gaga, and I certainly look forward to the Madge backlash…or frontlash, or vadgelash. I dunno. Whatever the Gaga portends nowadays.

Perhaps Gaga’s next dance single will be called Vacation, because the British interpretation of the same event, uh, Holiday was already taken by, uh, someone.

Katy Perry and Her Boobs Sing-A-Long

Grammys 2012? Well, what to do if the Perry Boobs aren’t on full display? Listen to her music and watch her stomp on stage crashing and sputtering about like a big-eyed sugar-high baby on Gymboree apparatus that’s what! Boobs aside, there could be sparks flying from her torso, candy dripping down her face, or a trapeze with a parasailing Russell Brand who’ll land and tell ten minute jokes about how tight his and Mick Jagger’s pants are! The entire audience will explode into a pop orgasm of cheese and empty calories because that is exactly what hearing a Katy Perry song will do to you…make you bloated and full of obese particles from all of the trans fats that seep into your ear holes and attach themselves to your thighs at the sight and sound of this continuing spectacle.

Basically, I don’t think the Perry and her chest lumps are going anywhere anytime soon.

100% More Old People

Mick Jagger! You couldn’t wait to see him perform and do that duck-lipped chicken strut, or hear the creaking vocals of someone who still thinks they can hit the high notes and gyrate effectively without looking like they’re flinching rhythmically during a prostate exam. And if that wasn’t enough, I know you practically seized with joy while Bob Dylan had a rambling embolism on stage to the tune of various vagabonds playing their corn cob pipes and washboards with spoons.

But, are one, maybe two, walking, singing, and strutting hip replacements satisfactory…well, not if you’re the Grammys! Streisand and a full orchestra just appeared out of nowhere to the quickening of Lea Michele’s cold dead heart, and made us all fall asleep to the nasal inflections of the world’s most companionable lullaby artist. Not sure how they can top that in 2012. Maybe with Rick Springfield, Ozzy Osbourne, and Carol Channing’s stirring rendition of Hello Dolly?

I assume they’re already working this out and the wonderful dichotomy that is the pairing of young stars with octogenarians will be ratcheted up next year. So plan for a bit more Metamucil in your Four Loko.

Hollywood Sings for Your Amusement

Gwyneth Paltrow!  She’s Country Strong….well, if that country is Hollywood and being raised by a famous producer and his actress wife. That’s just like dustbowl Kansas, right? The sterile queen of white-walled living got down and funky Sunday night. Not because it’s the current thing she’s doing to stave off boredom and motherhood. No, not at all. Perhaps this isn’t just a fad. Perhaps getting an Oscar all those years ago just really makes life anticlimactic at this point. It’s not nearly enough to make shrimp tacos, get paid millions of dollars to make us believe that you enjoy country music…no, not at all.  We just really need to see you in stiletto Louboutins singing with Cee Lo and Muppets because there’s a current void in our lives.  Looking forward to Alyssa Milano’s new CD full of fist-pumping club hits to make the rounds at Seaside Heights’ Club Karma next summer.

So there you have it. All the upcoming awesomeness for next year. What do you think? Did I miss anything? What are your predictions?

The End of Love: Your Overnight Open Thread

Good evening, or good morning to our European partners. Please take a moment to check out the new articles on commenting and writing guidelines. We have commenced herding cats and we are hoping that this will make Crasstalk more fun for everyone. Please feel free to give us feedback in those threads.

Usually for open threads I post a few news items, but since I am guessing we can all find the BBC I thought I would do something a little different. I am going to post a few of my favorite Wikipedia articles. I am picking them because they are fascinating, weird, or thought provoking. Post yours as well and maybe we can find out some interesting things to talk about.

Lysenkoism is the manipulation of scientific fact for political purposes. The term is named for a Soviet agronomist who was favored by Stalin for his loyalty. Lysenkoism is the worst outcome when science fuses with politics. This page illustrates the awful consequences of dogmatically driven politics.

Toynbee tiles are a set of weird, cryptic messages found embedded in asphalt in several US cities. The messages reference the movie 2001, but are named for Arnold Toynbee who is also frequently referenced.

Hedy Lamarr was an Austrian-born actress who emigrated to the United States. A classic beauty, she starred in Cecil B. Demille’s Samson and Delilah. However, there was much more to Hedy than looks. Along with a musician friend she developed a rough frequency-hopping idea which served as a basis for modern wi-fi.

Have a wonderful night Crasstalk.