Despite my conservative leanings, I don’t hold out much hope at being impressed by the motley crew that makes up the current GOP Presidential candidates. Ever since my boy T-Paw left, I’ve been rather discouraged and I don’t think my mind will be changed tonight.
Here is tonight’s lineup:
Rick Perry – I hope this slick Texan has been doing squats as he is going to be the bottom of a big pile on. Can he maintain his Lone Star swagger?
Mitt Romney -Will the sparks muss up this man’s perfectly coiffed hair?
Michele Bachmann – Can’t we just throw her out of the party please?
Herman Cain – Stick to pizza my friend. However, I do find your speeches amusing.
Ron Paul – He isn’t going to win, but he will probably have some memorable, if not amusing, moments tonight. He has got a shot at sending a grenade over Rick Perry’s campaign.
Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum aren’t going to win the nomination, but they do influence a lot of Republican voters. Pay attention to what they say as they are really doing this to get some sort of role in the administration.
Jon Huntsman – Who?
Tonight would be far more interesting if my pal Chris Christie was in the mix. Say what you will about the guy, but he tells it like he sees it without any sugar coating. I also loved how he told those who thought it ill-advised to nominate a Muslim judge because of fears that NJ would be subject to Sharia law, that their fears were full of “crap” and “crazy.” Alas, he is not in THIS GOP debate. Stay tuned.
The backdrop of this debate is the Gipper’s Presidential Library. Damn, I miss you big guy! Apparently so does all of the GOP candidates as I suspect Reagan’s name will be invoked many a time. So, I’d like to propose the following drinking game: any mention of Reagan’s name is one sip of alcohol; any mention of Reaganomics should cause you to give three chugs of that white zin swill you are drinking; any bashing of Carter, and you must slam your cocktail, beer or wine down.
Ready? Let’s begin.
8:06: Shit! I missed the beginning because the principal cornered me. Fuck. What did I miss?
8:08: Santorum? Please. 0% Tax.
8:09 Love that line. If 10% is Good enough for God! It is good enough for the government
8:12: Reagan! Drink.
8:12 Bachman. Big hair. Dressing like a nun.
8:15. Ron Paul looks like he forgot to put in his dentures. I’m with him on some points, the Feds do nit pick. I like state’s rights. The drug companies without regulations and FDA? Pssht.
8:17 Perry looks like a goon when he smiled at Newt’s joke. Newt claiming he worked in a bipartisan manner in the past? Reagan! Drink
8:19 Romney is saying that Ma is so different because of cost-shifting. How the heck is that different than what happens in the rest of the US? BOO!
8:22 You-United States. I hate that.
8:24 Huntsman is fellating Romney and Perry. He is going for a spot on the administration
8:25 Newt. Good job. Not interested in getting Republicans fighting with each other. Well played Newty. This will be talked about tomorrow in the morning talk shows.
8:29 Santorum: The poor man’s champion? Even I am having trouble with this.
8:32 Perry invoking Kennedy. That’s rich.
8:33 I happen to agree with Romney about his energy policy here. Not developing our energy potential is not much different than NIMBY.
8:36 Ron Paul throwing down the doctoring! Quick switch to $2 gas. Inflation! Boy oh boy! He can switch topics fast!
8:40 Oooh! Reagan! Ron Paul dissing him? That requires a shot! I imagine there are some that will like what Paul said about him and the spending, increases in deficit.
8:44 Big Reagan dedication. Beer bongs!
8:56 And I’m back.
8:56 Santorum’s chest looks huge in comparison to his head. This crew really likes to talk about genital warts.
8:59 Abolish the TSA? I like getting felt up at O’hare!
9:01 Abolish FEMA? I happen to agree that FEMA does encourage some to build their houses, repeatedly, in areas that get smacked by flooding. Take the AC out of Afghanistan? huh?
9:05 Perry talking about the great education in Texas? He obviously has not met my cousins who live there.
9:07 Reagan! Drink.
9:08 Border control. Tread carefully boys. This could get racial. Oh, Perry calls Obama a liar.
9:11 Reagan. Drink. Reagan Drink.
9:12 Reagan. Drink.
9:12 Newt has a point. What do you do with those who have been here forever, illegally, and have kids? Cannot just throw them out.
9:15 Bachmann wants to go back to the 1950’s? Despite agreeing with some of what she is saying, this is the statement that will be sound bite. Not the part about not being a burden, having some money, etc..
9:16 Reagan. Drink.
9:18 Fence will keep US in? Cray-cray.
9:22 Tea Party Member, who me? Run away Romney!
9:23 I think Perry is simply unelectable because of his accent. He sounds too much like Bush.
9:24 Reagan. Drink. Bachmann must be screwing him in her dreams.
9:25 Huntsman. We don’t need no stinking pledges. Look at what we do, not what we say.
9:29 Perry: Keynesian economic theory sucks my big fat cock.
9:31 Bachmann on the House Committee for Intelligence? ARGLEBARGLE!
9:33 Reagan force for good around the world – Santorum. Drink.
9:35 Huntsman is sounding more reasonable than the rest of these yahoos.
9:38 Coal plants shutting down would lose a lot of jobs, sadly. Coal is an evil form of energy and will have to go.
9:40 Audit the FED! Bernacke does suck and his actions will lead to severe inflation going forward.
9:41 Romney, please define the middle class. $200k or less? That is a tough one to swallow.
9:44 I hate capital punishment. Perry, you cannot say that abortion is immoral in the same breath as saying capital punishment is ‘justice.’
9:45 Reagan and jobs. 12 million more. Drink.
Thanks guys this was fun, despite being stone cold sober. You guys must all be loaded with the number of times Reagan invoked.
