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why history sucks
4 posts
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOJXE1DWLAc
This is the year 2111! Much has happened since the Zecronian triumphs of 2100-2105. The Crasstalk Nations have inflicted upon the Aquamaranian Zecronians great defeats, in open battle, alien-to-manchild. Our pre-destructive offensive has seriously reduced their strength in the Kuiper Belt and their capacity to wage war on the ground. Our Home Fronts have given us an overwhelming superiority in weapons and munitions of war (by which we mean the ever glorious cheese biscuit bomb) and placed at our disposal great reserves of trained fighting men. The tide has turned! The free men of the world are marching together to Victory! Don’t blame me! I voted for Kodos! That is why we must fight! That is why we must win! Continue reading
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHXGn0pjAGw
Men! Man your battle-stations! Women! Woman your battle-stations! Children! Shouldn’t you be in school? Oh, it’s the weekend? FINE! Child your battle-stations! Little Birds, an alien threat is upon us. They wish to destroy our entire way of life. They wish to destroy the squirrels. They wish to destroy the hippopotamuses. They wish to destroy our supermarkets and our bodegas. They wish to destroy our LensCrafters. They wish to destroy our embassies. They wish to destroy Disneyland. They wish to destroy Disney World. They have issued a press release stating that the do not wish to destroy Disney California Adventure because they think that one’s kind of fun. Rubes! Rubes we say! Philistines! Philistines we shriek! They even, and we’re struggling to say this. It’s like all of the air has been Dyson’d out of our bodies, but, we’re going to try. Birds, they wish to destroy…