A show so successful that it ran for over 10 years, and so derided that it has an average rating on IMDB of 4.8 out of 10. Perhaps best known for women in red swimsuits running in slow motion, it starred a lead actor with an inexplicable international singing career who has since had some infamous struggles with the bottle. And if that’s where he ended up, you may wonder- what became of all the lesser known lifeguards? Spoiler: terms like “rehab”, “Dr Drew”, “Celebrity Fit Club” and “militant vegan” are about to figure prominently. Continue reading
Where Are They Now
As a followup to our concise paean to the delightful Stephnie Weir back in 2011. You might wonder, what’s she up to in 2013?
Stephnie Carmel Weir (“Steph” to her friends and there is no “a”) is married to Robert Dassie, and has been since 2001. You recently saw Robert Dassie on “Community” as one of the AC Dudes. You do watch “Community,” don’t you? Of course you do.
Back to the subject at hand, she’s been a busy bee. For the past year, she has been a consulting producer on episodes of the Fox comedy “Raising Hope,” but that’s not all.
A few years ago I did some freelance transcription work while I was unemployed. One gig I had was someone’s college thesis from 1979. The topic was CORE, the Congress on Racial Equality, which was responsible for the Journey of Reconciliation in 1947 and the Freedom Rides in 1961, both important events in the civil rights movement. Continue reading
By DahlELama and The_Obvious
As you guys know, we generally write posts about what famous people are up to these days. However, our observations of our audience have led us to the realization that you guys like cats way more than you like people, and in honor of April Fool’s Day, we’re going to pretend that we do too! So grab your playbill and follow along as we look at what became of the stars of the musical Cats!
Bustopher Jones is not skin and bones, in fact he’s remarkably fat. Jones always had a healthy appetite for fame and food, living the high life on gaudy St. James Street and gorging on everything in sight. As time passed, Jones’s girth grew and his friends disappeared, and so did all traces of his fame. Desperate to remain in the spotlight, he fired his agent and appeared on Maury, MTV’s Fat Camp, and his own E! True Hollywood Story Bustopher Jones Fat Cat: From Highballs to Hairballs. He is currently in contract negotiations for his own show on TLC.
Mr. Mistoffelees (stage name) was a scrappy kitten, duping tourists into games of 3 Card Monte on the corner with his fast-talking, charming persona. Possessing a natural gift for sleight-of-hand card tricks, Mistoffelees made enough money to purchase his first magic kit. He worked his way up from magician’s assistant, to opening act, to being named his species’ David Copperfield. His future was bright until one fateful day when his assistant showed up to work drunk. A true professional, Mistoffelees knew the show must go on and climbed into the box to be sawed in half. The lights were dimmed, the music dramatic, and his assistant: pie-faced. The screams were deafening, the sight horrific, blood was everywhere! Mr. Mistoffelees was cut in half, unable to be put back together, Me-OUCH! Being able to eat with your front half and use the litter box with your back half at the same time? Now that’s magic!
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer continued to grow closer as the show went on, but some might say they got a little too close. When the dancing cat burglars’ trademark “double windmill” move turned into a mutual blowing of raspberries on each other’s genitalia, they were promptly fired from the show. Left without any source of income, the frisky felines used the skills they acquired on set to become moderately successful cat burglars. However, their renewed success was short-lived, thanks to their poor choice of a getaway driver known to the public only as “Toonces.” The threesome was last seen flying to party with Thelma and Louise.
Jennyanydots was a grade-A bitch with an inflated ego. She had a harem of suitors bringing her the finest dead pigeons the city had to offer and a gang of loyal subjects who laughed at her every joke and never dared to correct her. One day, her frienemy Fetchin’ Weiners (she went by her full name, because Jenny told her to “stop trying to make ‘Fetch’ happen”) noticed Jenny’s dots looked a little peculiar and recommended Jenny check it out with Dr. Ratsgotra but she refused. How could somebody so beautiful be sick? As time passed, Jenny’s health declined but she chalked it up to impure catnip and the bird flu. Unable to take it any longer, Weiners took her to the hospital and Jenny was diagnosed with bacterial meowengitis. Sadly, it was too late for medicine, and Jenny passed away due to her own hubris.
Bombalurina did her best to claw (pun!) her way back to the top after the demise of Cats by sleeping with every eligible tom in Hollywood, but a brutal rejection by Bob Barker that led her to have her spaying reversed in revenge proved to be her downfall. Bombalurina now lives in an alley behind Sears with four of her seven litters, and rumor has it that even Richard Gere won’t return her calls.
Grizabella, the former glamour puss, led a full life before her final role in Cats. Her sad story began when she was a beautiful young kitten, eager for the spotlight, and left home to head to New York after getting a ride from a shady country boy. Alone and scared, Griz almost gets hit by a cab (the yellow ones don’t stop) and is taken in by Molly, an exotic dancer who performs for a real bunch of dogs. Out of funds, Grizabella tags along with Molly and shakes all 8 of her nipples for money using the stage name “Fursace.” But dancing gets old fast, and Griz is tired of playing second fiddle to Molly… so she pushes her down the stairs, and although Molly naturally lands on her feet, Fursace is fur-fired. In a last-ditch effort to resurrect her career, she auditioned for Cats and was thrilled to get the part, but the fame proved to be too much for Grizabella, and she lost her part–and her career–when she got addicted to catnip. She currently turns tricks for nip-money and lives in a box living vicariously through her memory.
Old Deuteronomy was actually already pretty old when the show started in 1982 so, you can probably guess what happened there. Yup, freak Razor scooter accident.
DahlELama and The_Obvious are clearly not cat people, but they do enjoy Cat Cookies from Trader Joe’s. However, they do not condone any violence against cats and hope they did not trigger any painful memories. They would also like to recommend that you use “safe search” when looking for pictures of cats. There are some things that can not be unseen.
By DahlELama and The_Obvious
Debuting in 1988, The Wonder Years ran for six seasons; there would have been a 7th, but the actors walked out because you sang out of key. Way to go, buttheads. As it happens, The Wonder Years holds special meanings for the two of us, as Kevin and Winnie, who (spoiler alert!) ultimately ended up apart, were actually two of the first loves of our young lives. Find out what happened to them and the rest of the cast with a little help from your friends! (Your friendship was implied when you signed our yearbooks even though you just wrote “best wishes” and “have a neat summer.”) Continue reading
By DahlELama and The_Obvious
Who’s in charge of you? Well, if you were watching TV in the late 80s, it was probably Charles, the last-name-less caretaker of the Powell family on the hit TV show Charles in Charge.
But wait! Are you sitting down? Find a seat, we’ll wait. You are about to have your mind BLOWN. Charles was in charge of a different family before the Powells you know and love! That’s right–the original incarnation of Charles in Charge featured Scott Baio babysitting a whole different family…who presumably wasn’t attractive enough to stick it out on network TV. The “Pembrokes” were “displaced” to Seattle, leaving Charles in charge of a whole new household that now consisted the Powell family–Walter, Ellen, Jamie, Sarah, and Alex. And since we know that attractive people the Powells are the only ones who matter, we thought it worthy to check in and see how they were doing over 20 years later.
Scott Baio as Charles
Oh, Scott Baio. Charles. Chachi. You were such a wonderful teen idol, and then… well, actually, we’re still a little unclear on what’s happened to you since then. You certainly had a great start—playing the title character of Bugsy Malone in a cult children’s gangster musical which co-starred Jodie Foster when you were sixteen is so, so much better than anything we could possibly make up for you—but then, weird TV movies, including one based on a Danielle Steele novel? Co-hosting a VH1 show about other former teen idols with not careers? Getting into fights with The Ladyblog That Shall Not Be Named? A reality show based on your relationship failures in life? But oh, Scott Baio, we can’t stay mad at you. For Bob Loblaw, all is forgiven.
Willie Aames as Buddence “Buddy” Lembeck
Will.i.Aames was born Albert William Upton in Huntington, CA (sweet name change, brah!) and rapidly became a child star, originating the roles of Leonard Unger on The Odd Couple and Tommy Bradford on Eight is Enough. The only actor to accompany Scott Baio through both phases of the show, Aames took the news that Charles in Charge wouldn’t be trying again with a third, even more attractive family harder than anyone else in the group. He turned toward alcohol and cocaine and away from haircuts. Eventually, he found Jesus (turns out he’d been hiding behind the couch, Peek-a-boo!) and re-invented himself as Bibleman, a Christian superhero who starred in videos and toured the country for nine freaking years (God could have done it in a few days), while also becoming an ordained minister. Recent years hit him hard, and in 2008, he filed for both bankruptcy and divorce from his second wife and attempted to commit suicide. Classy and Aames don’t often go together, but a year later he hosted an estate sale to save his home from foreclosure, a much classier move than Dustin Diamond’s t-shirt and porn sale. Once he’d established himself as a financial mastermind, he became a licensed financial advisor just last year. (We recommend doing the exact opposite of whatever he tells you to do.) Today he now works as a—wait for it—member of the entertainment staff on Oceania Cruise Line, acting as “a social host for daytime and nighttime activities, introducing shows and interacting with guests throughout the day, and he’ll sit with passengers for dinner.”
James T. Callahan as Walter Powell
Sadly, the Powell patriarch passed away from esophageal cancer at the age of 76, but not before appearing in every single movie and TV show known to man, including: Dennis the Menace, Perry Mason, Route 66, Twilight Zone, My Favorite Martian, The Fugitive, MASH, The Rockford Files, Bosom Buddies, Lou Grant, Quincy, M.E., Remington Steele, Little House on the Prairie, The A-Team, Knight Rider, Newhart, Growing Pains, Doogie Howser, M.D., Golden Girls, Picket Fences, Caroline in the City, The Practice, ER, and a billion more.
Sandra Kerns as Ellen Powell
Poor Sandra Kerns, forever in the shadow of big sister Joanna Kerns, the Marsha to her Jan. Joanna had already landed her career-making role as Maggie Seaver, blond-haired mom to three (well, eventually four, but does anybody really count Chrissy?) hijinks-filled children, on Growing Pains leaving Sandra to sit in her dark bedroom, decorated the same way since she was a little girl, brushing her hair obsessively, repeating “one day it will be my turn, one day it will be my turn” over and over. Two years later, her time had finally come in the form of Ellen Powell, a blond-haired mom to three hijinks-filled children on Charles in Charge. D’oh. As soon as Charles in Charge ended, Sandra took the advice of her inner demons, and with hairbrush in hand, took off into the mountains, never to be heard from again.
All right, all right, fine. So none of this is true. She’s not even related to Joanna Kerns. The true story is she retired from acting and lives in California with her stuntman husband and two children. But how boring is that? She did lose the bangs and get veneers, though.
Nicole Eggert as Jamie Powell
A picture’s worth a thousand words, so enjoy our 3,000-word summary of Nicole Eggert. Just in case you’re not reading the right words in our pictures, we’ll elaborate: Nicole Eggert is hot. How hot? So hot that she was Miss Universe in the petite division. (Real thing! Not made up!) So hot that she and her boob job starred on Baywatch. So hot that she was briefly engaged to Corey Haim, may he rest in peace. OK, so maybe her weight gain and subsequent participation in Celebrity Fit Club aren’t hot in the traditional sense, but we admire any woman who can address body snark with a serious sense of humor. She is married and expecting her 2nd child to be delivered in slow motion this summer.
Josie Davis as Sarah Powell
No one really looked twice at bossy, brainy Sarah on Charles in Charge, but then again, no one really expected that she’d turn out to be super hot with a bangin’ body. Fortunately for America, the visionary Aaron Spelling looked past the metaphorical glasses-and-a-ponytail and cast Josie Davis as Camille, the very last foil on the way to David and Donna’s happily ever after in the last season of Beverly Hills, 90210. Ultimately, Davis was no match for being the daughter of the show’s creator the beautiful Donna, but Spelling did cast her in one more show called Titans before dying and leaving Davis to forge a career on her own. When trying to find out what she’s currently up to, we told Josie “Pics or it didn’t happen!” and boy, did she deliver. For a very detailed resume and something to keep you warm at night, head on over to her website and check out a pictorial of her current career.
Alexander Polinsky as Adam Powell
If there is one thing we know for certain about Alexander Polinsky, it’s that his leaning-on-chairs skills did not decline with age. Legend has it that on an unseasonably warm September night in an abandoned McDonald’s on the Lower East Side, he defeated AC Slater in a sit-off. (AC met his demise when Alex exploited his inability to properly sit in a forward-facing position.) Alex was young when he began his work on Charles in Charge so to keep him busy between takes, the director handed him some Elmer’s glue and popsicle sticks. Crew members were floored when he made a perfectly scaled replica of the Great Pyramids. Alex finessed his talents, studying with a masturbator master mold-maker and currently works at a design studio creating movie props while also lending his voice to many cartoons.
Ellen Travolta as Lillian
Ellen Travolta, of the Crazy Travoltas, essentially made a living playing Scott Baio’s/Chachi’s mom wherever possible, so when Baio’s career took a dive, that was the end for Lil. Ellen had a rough childhood, her dreams of having long hair constantly dashed as she was repeatedly forced to chop it off to make human-hair wigs for brother John. She currently performs with her husband, Jack Bannon, in a local theater near their vacation home in Idaho. Their most recent production of Cats beat out the all-Baldwin cast of The Sound of Music for the coveted Thea-ater Tot Award.
DahlELama and The_Obvious were once roadies for a band called Mouserat. Well, they mostly just hung around the van after gigs and bogarted everyone’s Doritos.